warnings: slash. mental illness. use of controlled substances (and the irresponsible detoxification thereof). Earth-339 (the Waking Man universe). language: pg-13 (primetime tv plus s*** and f***).
pairing: Daken/Lester (Daken/Bullseye).
timeline: 2014 (a year after The Sitter).
disclaimer: the characters belong to Marvel; the AU is mine.
notes: 1) olanzapine = zyprexa, mostly for the treatment of chronic manic schizophrenia. aripiprazole = abilify, mostly for the treatment of aggressive symptoms and autism. methylin/methylphenidate = ritalin, mostly for the treatment of focus problems and autism. you should always consult your doctor before stopping a prescription medication, as the result is generally a detoxification period that can have dangerous side-effects. in the case of methylin/ritalin, quitting cold-turkey can lead to fever, arrhythmia, heart attack, and stroke. 2) "the San Francisco thing" is explained in Distil. 3) most of the withdrawal symptoms here would only show up for someone who'd been taking methylin and antipsychotics in fairly high doses regularly for several months to a year (abusing any of the drugs would make the symptoms show up when quitting after a much shorter use period).
The Experiment
Bullseye has been a masochist for nearly as long as he's been a sadist, albeit to a much lesser degree.
But even though he knows how to enjoy pain, this is something too persistent and intense for him to tolerate. This is beyond simple pain and into that unpleasant realm that mixes pain and discomfort to create misery.
Of all his meds, he has never run out of methylin. He was warned by Osborn's gaggle of flapping little white-coated doctors that coming down from it would be dangerous and extremely unpleasant, especially cold turkey. When he has trouble getting it, he rations what he has left; but the worst he's had to put up with was a week of half-doses (it gives him insomnia and the shakes).
At the start of this little experiment, Akihiro unconcernedly announced that he thought it was an act of either extreme petulance or extreme stupidity.
At least keep taking the methylin.
But that would defeat the purpose of the experiment.
The idea is to test himself, to see how well he could get by if he bolted with nothing but the clothes on his back. The idea is to see if he could do without Akihiro. Just to see. Just in case Aki gets tired of him, turns on him, abandons him somewhere for shits and giggles (because he refuses to admit even to himself how much the San Francisco thing scared him, but he'll be damned if he's gonna just sit there and cry like a fucking pansy-ass bitch if it happens again).
At this point, the answer is conclusively 'not if it means leaving the pills behind.'
It's only the second day of the experiment, and Bullseye is fairly certain that this is Hell. (He thinks it's the second day, but he hasn't been able to sleep, so it could actually be the third.)
He feels cold, but he's sweating. His scalp is clammy with the clinging dampness of his hair, and he wishes for the millionth time that he had never let Aki talk him into growing it out again (he could cut it, but Aki likes it…the damn hair will be the first thing to go if he ever does get dumped on the side of the road). His hands keep shaking. His heart refuses to keep a steady beat. His head aches fiercely. His stomach is empty and churning. With every tiny movement he makes, the world throbs and tips crazily. His skin feels ill-fitting and itchy, like ants are crawling just beneath it. All his limbs are leaden.
It's like being drunk and hungover and heavily concussed at the same time, and he has never been so goddamn grateful for an overpriced bed and blackout curtains.
He knows his other meds are starting to wear off when he sees eyes watching him from the shadows. Groaning, he drags a pillow over his head.
"I told you not to," Aki says brightly from the kitchen.
He wishes someone would come and annoy the fuck out of Aki the way the little fairy bitch is doing to him.
All around, in the darkness, over his shoulder, in his head, people—things—are snickering at him. And suddenly he's beyond angry, beyond pissed, he's fucking livid. He hates the pillow, and he hates the laughing voices, and he hates the shadows, and he hates the curtains, and he hates, hates,hateshateshatesHATES—
The world is suddenly blindingly bright, with painful shards of color here and there, but the laughing things in the shadows have vanished.
There's warmth at his back, and he can't move his arms.
"Calm down," Aki whispers to him. "It's all right."
Just like that, the anger's gone again, leaving him numb and breathless.
"And now you know what it's like to stop taking your pills. Tomorrow will be worse; the aripiprazole will start wearing off, if it hasn't already. There are much easier ways to kill yourself, Lester—ways that don't involve taking the apartment with you. Are you done with this little game of yours?"
He wishes he had a clever retort. He settles for puking on Akihiro's side of the bed.
"Yes, I thought you might feel that way. Shall I get your evening dose for you, darling?"
"What the fuck d'you think?" Bullseye grumbles. He looks at the window and the evil, too-bright daylight. "What happened to the curtains?"
And Aki—beautiful, insufferable, oh-so-superior Aki—just laughs and leaves the room. The smug bastard comes back with a handful of pills and a glass of water.
Struggling, Bullseye manages to sit up. The world quakes, and his ears ring. He gulps drugs and water and tries to ignore the thick feeling in his ears.
"There," says Aki, kissing his cheek (he'd flinch away if he didn't feel like his head might fall off). "No one will ever take care of you as well as I do. You're the luckiest pet in the world."
He wishes he had the energy to punch out a few of Akihiro's teeth.
.End.
