Gosh, 17 reviews for last chapter? You're making me swoooooon! :) Now, this chapter is dedicated to Pichicha123, since she accidentally-on-purpose fed me some plot bunnies, and said bunnies demanded to be written.
Warnings: more stupidity and talking about human anatomy - as in, naked people.
Set in season 3
Summary: In which Morgana tries a new spell, Merlin is frustrated, Gwen is ridiculously handsome, and Arthur is generally confused.
If there's something Morgana absolutely despises (other than Uther Pendragon, that is. And a numerous amount of other people and things) it's failing.
In theory, Morgause's suggestion had been brilliant; after all, what are the downsides of learning a spell to change one's appearance? Especially if one happens to be the very well-known ward of the king, while trying to kill said king. It makes sneaking around very complicated – particularly with all the bloody fools falling head over heels in order to try to protect her and keep her out of harm's way. Idiots. Not only does she have magic (which, to be fair, none of the guards or knights or royals are aware of), but she could beat a large amount of them in a sword fight. Pompous bastards, the whole lot of them.
However, brilliant in theory or not, Morgause is not the best instructor to have when it comes to complicated spells. Her sister has a bad habit of saying things like "you must find your own path in this, Morgana" and "I cannot always be there to guide you, sister" and "bloody hell, Morgana, experience is the best teacher, is it not?", and yes, perhaps she has a point.
Morgana still doesn't know how experience is going to help her if she doesn't know the bloody spell. She tried the spell at night, somehow managed to knock herself out, and now…
She stands in front of her full-length mirror, staring at her own reflection in an odd mixture of smug pride and distinct horror.
To her own defence, the spell did work; it just… didn't go exactly according to plan. She had intended to turn herself into some unrecognizable serving girl, not… Well. She hadn't meant to turn herself into a man.
At least, she reasons, she's a very handsome man. She's still slim, but with wider shoulders and narrow hips, her face sharper but still clean-shaved, and a long cascade of black hair flooding down her (very handsome) back. If the man in the mirror wasn't her, she'd definitely like to invite him to her chambers.
She also happens to be stark naked, since her dresses are far too tight for this body.
Now, this would be a very useful disguise and she'd count this spell as a success, if it wasn't for the tiny detail that she can't change back into a woman. Handsome or not, she's rather fond of her own form and curves.
And speaking of things Morgana despises; another thing she really hates is unannounced servants barging into her room while she's standing fully naked in the middle of the room. She shrieks and grabs her red cloak in order to cover herself, instinctually shielding her bosom (even though she doesn't have one).
"What is the meaning of this?" she snaps at the poor serving girl, using the meanest voice at her disposal.
"I could ask you the same thing!" the girl snarls back, the blatant disrespect making Morgana pull up short. What servant would talk like that?
"I could have you flogged for disrespecting me," Morgana threatens, and fine, it's not like she'd have a girl flogged for speaking out of turn, but this is so not the time for small talk.
The serving girl snorts, obviously unimpressed with the threat. "Really? Do you think I'm the one getting flogged if I run to the king, telling him there's a stark naked ruffian in Lady Morgana's chambers? Think again."
Oh. Well. She does have a point – damn it, Morgana gets the feeling this is going to be a long day. "The Lady Morgana may choose a companion for the night is she so wishes," Morgana replies stiffly, straightening up and trying to imitate Arthur's snotty way of standing.
"Oh for pity's sake," the girl growls, "I know it's you, Morgana."
Morgana's world seems to momentarily freeze. "What are you –"
"I don't want to know why you're suddenly a man, you idiot, I want to know why I'm suddenly a woman!"
Morgana's world freezes again. Oh, please don't tell her that she accidentally switched gender for everyone in Camelot; she can't possibly hide that failure from her gleeful sister…
"No wait, bugger that," the serving girl continues, "I actually don't give a damn about why. Just change me back, before I run screaming straight to Uther and tell him there's a man threatening his ward's virginity, and you'll soon find yourself thrown into the dungeons," her threats would feel more threatening if she hadn't stalked closer to Morgana, and therefor gotten her legs tangled up in the dress. The girl falls flat on her face at Morgana's feet.
Morgana squints at her (him?), taking in the familiar face and the big ears and the bright blue eyes and the short black hair peeking out from underneath her headscarf –
"Merlin?" she exclaims in disbelief.
The girl glares up at her and climbs to her feet. "Yes, that'd be me, my lady."
"I – how?"
"I woke up with two lumps at my chest and the knowledge that going to the bathroom would be very strange," Merlin deadpans. "And never mind what I said again; I'd actually love to hear why you've suddenly started gender experimenting."
Since there's no way in hell Morgana will admit she made a mistake (least of all to Merlin of all people), she settles for smirking at him. "Oh, I'm sure you would love to know," she says silkily, "but why on earth would I tell you?"
Merlin narrows his eyes at her and opens his mouth (no doubt to say something insulting again), but he's interrupted by a timid knock at the door. He gives her a deathly glare and Morgana's eyes widen when she realizes what he's about to do.
"Merlin, no," she hisses furiously, rushing forward to stop him.
Too late. Merlin's already managed to open the door, revealing a handsome, dark-skinned young man shuffling his feet in the doorway. Shocked brown eyes meet Morgana's, and it's only then Morgana realizes she's a practically naked man trying to restrain a skinny little serving girl.
"Um," Morgana says, immediately letting go of Merlin and straightening the cloak covering her new private parts. "Whatever you're thinking, this is not what it looks like."
The man continues looking at Morgana with those big, heartfelt doe-eyes, long brown hair escaping his ponytail and framing his face. "I don't know what I'm thinking and I don't want to know what you think I think it looks like," he says in a small voice and Merlin rolls his eyes, dragging the taller man into the room.
"Stop looking like a kicked puppy, you're making Morgana fall in love with you," Merlin sighs, and it's only then Morgana realizes the handsome man is wearing one of Merlin's blue shirts, and the pants probably belonging to Arthur's servant as well. A pit of dread is forming in Morgana's stomach and she leans closer to stare into that angelic face.
"Oh, no," Morgana moans. "Gwen? Is that you?"
"Yes, my lady," the man replies shyly and the cloak slips from Morgana's fingers. Oh, Morgause is never going to let her live this down.
Gwen quickly averts her (his? Her?) eyes and stares up at the ceiling. "Morgana, while I've definitely seen you naked before, I'd rather not see you naked while you're a man. I've seen enough by going to the bathroom, and it was highly disturbing."
"Well where the hell am I supposed to find any clothes that fit me?"
Gwen's eyes (although still averted) light up. "I'm sure Merlin can lend you some!"
That… can't be good. "Can't you just steal something from Arthur?"
"Oh no," Merlin says, the false apologetic tone barely concealing the mirth in his voice. "I'm afraid Arthur's rather protective of his clothes these days. But don't worry; I'm sure I can find you something."
oOoOo
Merlin actually does bring her clothes (mostly to keep Gwen from disappointingly glaring at him) but that doesn't mean she's happy about it.
"Oh, stop glaring at Merlin," Gwen chides, "It's not his fault he doesn't own several wardrobes full of clothes like you do – you should be happy you're dressed at all!"
"Gwen," Morgana grits out. "I'm wearing one of Gaius's old robes."
"I think that rather suits you, actually," Merlin pipes up cheerily. "Maybe you should start wearing clothes like this more often."
"I admit it's a pity," Gwen says sympathetically. "You're very handsome as a man, and I would've loved to check you out some more – clad in decent clothing without those large robes."
"Gwen!" Merlin shrieks.
"What? I'm not blind, Merlin, I know a handsome man when I see one."
"Why is Merlin in a dress anyway?" Morgana interrupts. "Surely you realize you're able to wear pants even without your manhood?"
"Gwen didn't find my clothes appropriate," Merlin replies dryly.
Gwen pointedly pulls at the shirt she's wearing, showing the large neckline. "I didn't think it was proper for him to walk around showing his bosom to all of Camelot."
Morgana takes a closer look at the servant's clothing and narrows her eyes. "Gwen, is Merlin wearing my dress?"
"Technically," Gwen says patiently, "It's my dress. You gave it to me years ago. Plus, doesn't he look absolutely lovely in that dress? I'd say he pulls it off better than I ever did."
Merlin beams. "Thank you, Gwen. I'd also say you're way more handsome in my clothes than I am; the blue really suits you!"
"You think so? I've only worn light blue before, but this is a very lovely colour. Speaking of colours, green really suits you; we should get you a green shirt or neckerchief."
"Oh god," Morgana mutters and rubs a hand across her painfully handsome face. "Why the hell are the two of you in my chambers in the first place?"
oOoOo
As if being stuck with a ridiculously handsome Gwen and equally ridiculously adorable Merlin wasn't bad enough, Arthur decides to show up. Morgana concludes that the universe is out to get her, since Arthur usually never bothers to visit her chambers.
"Morgana," he calls out as he strides into her room, "Have you seen – who the hell are you?"
Gwen chuckles nervously. "Sire, could you please… put away your sword? We're mere servants, not… not any sort of abductors or thieves or assassins."
Arthur stubbornly keeps his sword pointed at them, all royal and noble and stupid. Morgana wants to fling him against the wall.
"Where's Morgana?" he asks lowly. "And don't tell me you're mere servants – you, for one, are wearing robes. What kind of servant wears robes?"
"Actually," Merlin points out, "there's not a dress code for servants, unless it's a feast."
The sword is suddenly pointed towards Merlin, but Morgana notes that it's nowhere near Merlin himself – stupid chivalrous Arthur wouldn't raise a hand against a woman. Moron.
"That dress, girl, belongs to someone I know," Arthur says, a dangerous glint in his eyes.
Merlin, as always, remains stonily (stupidly) unimpressed. "Really? I don't think I've ever seen her use this one – are you searching through her wardrobe, you creep? Because if you are, I'll have to punch you. Defend Gwen's honour, or something."
Arthur blinks slowly and then glances at Gwen. "You're wearing my servant's clothes," he deadpans, and then peers closer at Merlin. "…Merlin?" he asks incredulously, and of course he recognizes his servant, but not the woman he loves nor the woman he grew up with. How typically Arthur.
"Congratulations," Merlin tells him, "you've learned the skill of observation."
Arthur sighs, casually letting the sword drop to his side. "I'm not going to ask why you're wearing a dress, but I am going to ask why you're in Morgana's chambers with two bloody strangers."
"Arthur, I'm not wearing a dress for fun, I'm –"
"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't care what a man does during his spare time?" Arthur sighs, but to Morgana's surprise he sounds rather fond instead of irritated.
Gwen clears her throat. "Um, sire… Surely you notice something else?"
"Like the fact that I'm usually taller than you, and now I'm suddenly shorter?" Merlin suggests pointedly.
"Don't be ridiculous, you've never been taller than me."
"Are you delusional or just plain stupid?"
"You can't address me like that, you idiot."
"Arthur, there's sorcery at work here," Gwen says and Morgana grits her teeth. "As in, Merlin's an actual woman. I mean, he woke up as a woman, he –"
"Well, he's never been particularly manly, now has he?" Arthur remarks with a guffaw, and carelessly brushes off the warning regarding sorcery.
Merlin makes a face. "Gwen, just how socially unacceptable would it be for me to pull down my dress and flash the prince of Camelot? Just to prove a point?"
"Highly unacceptable, please don't do that."
"Wait," Arthur says, "Gwen?"
"It's me," Gwen says meekly, the curly hair bouncing up and down as she nods.
Arthur stares at her some more, clearly connecting the similarities between Gwen and the man in front of him. Morgana snorts as his eyes dip downwards to carefully look at her flat chest. "Right," he says faintly. "I just want you to know that if you're messing with me right now, you'll spend the rest of your days in the stocks."
"For the love of god, Arthur," Morgana snaps, "Merlin has a clearly visible cleavage, how the hell would he fake that? And what the hell happened to the Pendragon habit of lighting pyres as soon as anyone as much as mentions sorcery?"
"…Merlin, am I going insane, or is that a male version of Morgana in hideous robes?"
"Hey," Merlin objects, "those are Gaius's robes, don't insult them."
"Do you know anyone else with that kind of hair?" Gwen points out. "Of course it's Morgana."
"I don't know anyone else with that kind of death glare," Arthur replies as he stares at Morgana. "It's definitely Morgana. We have to tell the king."
"No!" both Morgana and Merlin exclaim at the same time.
"And why ever not?"
"You know how Uther is," Morgana says, wrecking her brain for excuses. "He'll… he'll probably accuse Gwen or Merlin for sorcery." Hey, that's actually not a bad idea – maybe she could get rid of Merlin once and for all. Damn it, she shouldn't have said anything.
"I'd rather not be accused of sorcery," Merlin adds.
Arthur looks pained, but agrees with a resigned nod of his head. "Then what do we do?"
"I don't know," Merlin says, voice overly loud and eyes pointedly directed at Morgana. "Perhaps it's a time limited spell, that'll wear off after a while. Maybe we should just wait a while."
"Yes," Morgana agrees easily, "We should just keep quiet about this, before anyone gets unfairly accused of being a sorcerer. I'm sure we'll be back to normal before the day ends." At least she hopes she'll be able to break the spell within a day.
"…Alright," Arthur agrees slowly. "We'll give it a day."
Why the hell did he agree with that? That's actually a very bad plan, but Morgana's not complaining; she'd love to be a man so she could spar with someone without Uther complaining, but it's not like she'll do any sparring dressed like this. Bloody hell.
"Right then," Arthur says and claps his hands together. "If this is how you want to do it, then by all means! Just don't think you, Merlin, are getting a day off just because you've turned into a woman."
"Wait, you… you want me to work? Like this?"
"Why, Merlin, are you saying women can't do their job? Careful; you're in the same room as two women who could easily beat you in just about everything."
"No, you dollophead, I'm saying I can't work in this dress!"
"Gwen works in dresses every day, she's not complaining."
"I've also been walking in dresses for years," Gwen points out, "Merlin can barely keep his balance without a dress to stumble over – no offence, Merlin."
"Arthur," Merlin hisses. "What happens if the… spell breaks when I'm working?"
Arthur grins like a hyena. "Well, then I suppose you'd simply lose your bosom and go back to being a peasant boy in an adorable dress."
"I'll probably be accused of sorcery, and then burned for being a shapeshifter."
"Don't be so dramatic," Arthur sighs and pulls Merlin towards the door. "We'll take our leave now, if the two of you don't mind."
"Oh, and don't work Merlin too hard!" Gwen calls out sweetly. "I'd hate for my dress to be ruined, sire."
"Of course, Gwen," Arthur replies warmly, and Merlin beams at Gwen over the prince's shoulder. Gwen winks at him, having effectually lessened his workload for the day (Arthur may act tough and rough if he wants to, they all know he's a pushover when it comes to Gwen).
They can hear Merlin yelp through the closed door as he once again overbalances and crashes to the floor, shortly followed by Arthur's voice.
"Don't be such a girl, Merlin, get up from the floor."
"I am a girl, you simpleminded, superficial, daft ignoramus." Their bickering voices slowly fade away as they walk down the corridor.
"Do you need my assistance with anything… my lady?" Gwen asks with a small smile.
"No thank you," Morgana sighs and sits down on her bed. "You just… go flirt with some maidservants and avoid marrying them, you charming young man, you."
Gwen laughs slightly and walks towards the door. "Am I getting the day off?" she asks, her smile not reaching her eyes as she's dismissed once more.
"Yes. Enjoy it whilst you can."
Morgana waits until she can't hear Gwen's footsteps anymore before she starts preparing her spell. She might not be able to get Merlin killed just yet, but she sure as hell can cause him some awkwardness by removing the spell whilst it's broad daylight and he's in a public space.
It's only later that she remember she sent poor Gwen out to socialize.
Yes, I wrote a genderbent!fic; blame Pichicha123. I'm quite sure this isn't what you had in mind (this is definitely not what I had in mind- it just sort of... happened) but it's still a fic!
Reviews equal big, virtual hugs! :)
