Gorgeous Shade of Blue
Chapter 9: Splinter
That night, I had so many things going on in my head that I couldn't fall asleep. I was happy that the awful secret between Raphael and I had been exposed, I was nervous about what would happen when Sensei talked with him, and I had butterflies in my belly thinking about how Donatello was going to leave Raph. I didn't know if I felt more good or bad, and I never slept a wink the entire night. I heard Raph come in very early in the morning – I stayed in my room so I didn't have to see him. Apparently, though, Splinter had been waiting for him to come home because the second I heard the lair door creak open, I heard Sensei's voice. I pretended to sleep in case anyone came in, but I could hear everything that they proceeded to say.
"Raphael", Sensei said in his usual deep voice.
"Good morning, Master", Raph said in a pretty calm tone.
"Raphael, I must speak with you. Please follow me into the dojo".
There was silence after that, and it took all my strength to not be nosy and press my ear up against the doors of the dojo to find out what was being said. Whatever had to be said, Master Splinter apparently did not want us to hear it. I could hear some low voices through the walls, but I couldn't actually tell what was being said. I wanted to hear Sensei rip Raphael a new one, but I also wanted to respect that Sensei clearly wanted only Raphael to hear what he had to say. I crawled back into bed and tried to sleep, and then I heard a loud cry of pain and I bolted upright so fast my vision blurred; I was terrified that Raphael was hurting Sensei and the mere thought of it made me see red. At this point, I didn't want to butt out, especially if my father was being caused harm. Quietly as I could possibly be, I slinked out of my room and up to the doors of the dojo, which I could tell had been locked. Another cry emerged from behind the cream-colored doors, and as I listened more, I could hear that someone was quite clearly getting the living shit beat out of them. My heart pounded, thinking Raphael had snapped on our father, but the more I listened, the more I realized that those cries of pain were not coming from Splinter.
Was Splinter…hurting Raphael? He had never laid a finger on any of us, even when we did the most horrible things. And yet, I could hear on the other side of that door someone being beaten pretty mercilessly. Over and over again, I heard the sound of what sounded like a blunt object striking a body. At one point, I think I heard a whimper – a pitiful childlike whimper, or something like what you'd hear from a puppy after it had been kicked. The sound of labored breathing and grunts of pain followed that whimper, and mixed into those echoes of agony was the voice of my Master.
"It is not your place in this family to punish anyone, Raphael. I am extremely displeased with what you have done. Now get out of my sight", Splinter said in the most menacing and daunting voice I had ever heard. It sent a chill up my spine to hear him talk like that, but I decided to get the hell back in my room before he found out I was eavesdropping and gave me an earful too.
It was still very early and we weren't expected to be up for another couple of hours, so I decided to try and get in a few winks before heading off to training for the day. Alas, try as I might, I could not sleep. It was simply impenetrable to me that Splinter would actually beat Raphael for any reason, even if it was because he had violated me so profoundly. This was something that totally shocked the ever-loving fuck out of me because Master Splinter has never resorted to violence for any reason beyond self-defense and this is also what he taught us. So, I have to guess that either he chose to use corporal punishment since it might be the only thing that would actually affect Raph, or Splinter was just that mad at him for what he did that he went above and beyond to teach Raph that what he had done was seriously wrong.
After about an hour and a half of rolling around under my sheets trying to pass out, I finally gave up and went out into the kitchen to wait for everyone to wake up. When I got up, Sensei was watching his soaps yet again…I swear, he's worse than a woman. My brothers were all sitting quietly around the kitchen table, and I came in and tried to be normal.
"Morning, guys", I said as normally as possible.
I was greeted with "Hi, Leo" and "Mornin', Leo". But one brother refused to say anything to me. I don't think I need to go into detail as to which one. Raphael glared up at me with the most evil look I'd ever seen. Without saying anything, he left the table and went to his room and closed the door behind him. I sat down with Donny and Mikey and talked with them.
"What's up with Raph today?"
Mikey shrugged. "I think he got in a fight last night and he's mad about it, or somethin'".
I nodded…Mikey was too dumb to play dumb, so I figured he had no idea what had actually happened that morning to Raphael. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, and Raph was shooting me evil looks throughout training. That night, though, we were to go up to the surface to take care of some things, and we were to once again split up into teams to cover more ground. I was beginning to slowly fall back into my leadership position and being able to more effectively manage the team.
Once above ground, I turned to my brothers. "Okay guys, we haven't been out patrolling in a while, so I want us to break up into teams of two just to be safe. Who wants to go with who?" I figured Mikey would want to go with me, but I didn't want to dictate that much of our routine. Donny and Mikey looked at one another and then at me, and Raph piped up for the first time all day.
"I'm goin' with Leo".
His voice sounded very dark – I knew he was plenty pissed. Donny could effortlessly tell Raph was angry and he put his hand on Raph's shoulder. "Umm…you don't want to go with me, bro?"
Raphael yanked his arm out from under Donny's hand and looked at him evilly. "I said I'm goin' with Leo".
The way he said it sounded almost threatening, and it made Donny nervous. I was anxious as hell too – I can't remember the last time I saw Raph look that mad and part of me was worried about what he was going to do. But I agreed and made sure I was totally on guard the entire time. We broke into our teams and went on our own ways. Raph and I had walked a few blocks before I tried to at least talk to him.
"Raph, are you okay? You've been acting weird all day".
He snorted. "Pff…like you really need to fuckin' ask".
"What the hell are you talkin' about?", I asked with my hands on my hips.
Raphael stared up at me with demonic eyes and shoved me hard into a nearby alley. I was prepared to charge him, but he pinned me against the wall before I even had a chance to think. And I did my absolute damnedest to fight out of his grip, but he wasn't letting me go anywhere. He pinned my arms to the wall and looked at me with a blazing stare that slashed into my soul like a white-hot sword.
"You told Splinter"
I tried to wrench out of his grasp, but it was still proving to be futile in his steel grip. "No I didn't".
He wrapped his fingers around my throat and began to choke me. "Bullshit".
"I swear I didn't", I squeaked in a weak voice. Raph slammed my head against the wall and squeezed harder. I was gasping for dear life and clawing at the air, trying to get out of his grip. When I was starting to black out, he let me go and threw me hard against the ground. As I lay on the cold concrete coughing and gasping, he picked me up again and slammed me against that very same wall.
"I know you told him. He said this mornin' he wanted to talk to me. And you know what he did, Leo? Huh?"
I twisted around, trying to get away, but he was having none of it. He then grabbed my hands and pinned them to my sides, got within inches of my face and looked right at me. "He beat the fuckin' shit out of me, Leo. This black eye, these scars and cuts…all from him. An' he did it because of what I did to you."
"Did you really think raping me wouldn't have its consequences, Raph?"
He stared at me and didn't answer. At this point, I was going from scared to pissed very rapidly and I jerked my hands out of his. He backed away and this time it was me who impinged upon him. "This is the truth, Raphael. Donatello and Sensei both overheard us in the kitchen arguing last night. I didn't say a goddamn thing to anyone. And you fuckin' deserved what you got, Raph."
That apparently did not sit well with him and he punched me hard across the face. "Fuck you, Leo. You forced me into humiliation and Donny is afraid of me now because of this."
I wiped the blood from my mouth and kept on talking. I wasn't afraid of him anymore. "Oh, and you didn't force ME into humiliation, Raph? You took things from me I will never get back, all because you're pissed that I'm the leader and you aren't. YOU were wrong, Raph. You resorted to dirty tactics to defeat your own brother, just because of some stupid grudge. I hope it was worth losing my respect and Donny's love just to win, you asshole".
For the first time, Raph was speechless. Usually he has some half-witted angry retort waiting to spew at me, but this time…nothing; just a blank stare. He stood there, his expressions alternating between livid and stunned and maintaining some sort of emotionless medium. I gave him one more angry look before leaving the alley; I think he was expecting me to be scared and cower under his grip like the last time he challenged me, and me fighting back for the first time in a while surprised him. My confidence was coming back with a vengeance - I didn't quite know why, but it just was. Perhaps just because Sensei put Raphael in his place. I didn't see Raphael for the rest of the night after I left him in a daze in that alley, and to be honest, I didn't care.
That evening, I felt better than I had in a long damn time and I felt like I'd actually be able to sleep. That is, until, I heard a familiar knock on my door. And, sure enough, it was my dear little brother.
"Hey Mikey".
"Hi, bro", he seemed a little sad about something.
"You look down, bro. Need to talk?", I asked.
He came and sat down gently beside me on my bed. He looked up at me with those pretty blue eyes and said, "Donny told me what happened". I wasn't sure what to think about that, but he had more to say. "And I know Raph didn't get hurt in a fight". He crawled up next to me and looked me right in the eyes, looking himself like he was going to cry. "How come you didn't tell me, Leo?"
That face was so heartbreaking. I stroked his face and said in my most gentle voice, "Mikey…I didn't say anything because it was just…too complicated. I didn't want you to get thrown into the middle of things".
"Dammit Leo, I hate when you treat me like I'm a little kid! I know I'm not as smart as Donny, but that doesn't mean I don't want to know if one of my brothers has been hurt!"
"I'm….I'm sorry, brother. It's just…it was my problem, Mikey. I didn't want you to possibly get hurt".
"It wasn't just your problem, Leo. It was everyone's. I felt awful knowing one of my brothers was being hurt, one was doing the hurting and one was being threatened with harm. You have no idea how fuckin' worried and upset and scared I was."
I held Mikey close, and he seemed distant, and he refused to look at me. He continued talking. "I hear Donny is leaving Raph. I guess that means you won't need me anymore."
"Mikey, please don't do this. There are so many things happening in my head right now that it's making me nuts".
He began to get up – shit, he was really upset over everything. This is why I kind of wanted to keep him ignorant about what had happened – I didn't want him to get depressed like this. But, as always, things seemed to not work out in my favor. He began to leave the room and, taking one glance back at me, he said, "All that matters…is that…you're happy". His voice began to crack and I knew he wanted to run like hell from me before he began to cry. I knew he was hurting inside knowing I not only was hurt, but that I didn't tell him about it. Before I knew it, I'd bolted up from my bed and caught him before he left the room. I held him in front of me and lifted his chin so I could look him in the eyes. He fought my grip like a stubborn child, and refused to open his eyes.
"Mikey, c'mon…open your eyes", I felt like I was talking to a five-year-old.
Finally he opened them, and they were as big as saucers. I hated seeing him upset. Still looking at him, I said, "Mikey, I may have no idea what the hell I'm going to do…but don't you ever, EVER think I don't need you. Do you understand?" He tried to fight me, but I wasn't allowing him to leave that easily. I gently – but firmly – pressed him against the nearest wall and cocked his chin up so I could see his face. With a flick of my thumb, I swept his tears away and said as nicely as I could, "Do you understand?"
He nodded. "Yes."
I held him close. "You will always be a part of me and of my life, Mikey. Don't ever think otherwise, my brother".
Thankfully, he began to calm down. I abhorred the thought or the sight of my sweet younger brother being so upset. And, just like before, that evening, I let Mikey sleep beside me. He really needed a crying shoulder that night, and I just couldn't turn him away when he was feeling so emotionally vulnerable. But in my head, there were so many battles being fought all at once, and for the first time, I really had no goddamn clue what I wanted to do next.
Author's Note: Short, and...not so sweet. I seriously am deeply contemplating where the hell to take this story next. Will Leo pursue Donny? How will Raphael react to Leo not being a weakling anymore, and to Donny now being afraid of him? What's Leo gonna do about Mikey? This is a massive love quadrangle going on here! And thank you all again for your wonderful comments - I'm so happy so many people like this story.
