A/N:…You know the drill. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Don't own Pirates. If I did, Jack would be with one of my OCs.
Chapter 9
(Audience claps as Angel's Star walks out onto the stage. She smiles and sits down and waits for the audience to stop clapping)
Angel's Star: Hello again, everybody! You know, even after all these episodes, I just noticed some idiot keeps calling these episodes "chapters." Chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, and so on. Lets get this fixed, shall we?
(someone mumbles an apology from off-camera)
Angel's Star: That's ok. I'll expect you to do better next time. It'll be our tenth episode! Anyway, please welcome Jack, Will, Liz, and Tia Dalma!
(Audience claps and cheers for everybody. They all take their seat. Tia Dalma's is the farthest from Will. Much to his relief)
Will: After last episode I got to wondering if you would actually make her sit that far away, so I thank you for that.
Angel's Star: Oh, no problem. Tia, how're you doing aaaalllllllll the way over there?
Tia: I'm fine.
(cast looks down to see her words appear in yellow)
Jack: I'm finally beginning to wonder if I had too much rum…
Angel's Star: No, those are subtitles. Since some people may have trouble understanding what she says, I've ordered subtitles for her. That's also why she'll sound like a normal person this episode instead of the crazy witch doctor person she is!
Elizabeth: I think you've finally outdone yourself, Angel's Star.
Angel's Star: I try. Tia, I know you know how these shows work because you watch it whenever your crystal ball picks up this channel.
Will: It's confirmed…she's stalking me.
Angel's Star: Yes, that's why she's over there. Anyway-
(a sudden surge of girls appear on stage including XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx, Red VanE, redandblack 4eva, ohmygod, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints, and DxS Phreak)
All of them at once: I LOVE YOU, WILL!!!!! (glomps Will)
(Jack laughs hysterically as Angel's Star calls for security and Elizabeth desperately tries to pry the fangirls off Will, but to no avail. Finally the security guards appear and take all the screaming Will-fangirls away)
Will: How'd that happen?! I thought you increased security after Jack's fangirls made it in here!
Angel's Star: I felt sorry for them…standing out there without any Will Turners to glomp…Plus they bribed me with chocolate and pictures of Jack.
Will: Why do you want pictures of him when you can stare at the real thing right there? (points at Jack)
Jack: Aye.
Angel's Star: I like to stare at pictures of him before I go to sleep since I don't have him right beside me then. Anyway, Tia, the first question of the night goes to you and it's from Primarch Azrael the Jackdaw. They ask: Can you raise the dead? Just curious.
Tia: Only when the conditions are right. I can't raise more than one person at a time either and it takes a lot of energy, so I don't do it often.
Angel's Star: Ok, then, the next question is also for you from slightly crazyy x3. They say: Define toothpaste and toothbrush.
Tia: What are those?
Angel's Star: Figures. Tia, An Unknown Writer asks: Why are you so creepy? Do you ever bathe? When did you decide to become a voodoo person?
Tia: I'm creepy? I'm the normal one on my island…
Everybody: 0.0
Tia: And, uh, what's bathing?
Angel's Star: (huge sweat drop) Never mind…
Tia: Alright. I always wanted to be a witch doctor.
Angel's Star: Interesting…Most kids want to be doctors or firefighters…Liz, ChibiPirate asks: Why don't you just admit you like Jack? It's so obvious (and so cute). (pause) It's disgusting!
Elizabeth: I'm glad you at least agree with me! I don't like Jack. I don't understand why anyone could love him…
Angel's Star: Ahem!
Elizabeth: Well…you're delusional.
Angel's Star: Am not! Jack, ChibiPirate asks: How are you so dang hot?!?! I've never seen anyone so amazing in all my life!
Jack: Thank you! I don't really have any secrets about it, though.
Angel's Star: Secrets or not, I agree with ChibiPirate. Will, ChibiPirate says: Admit you're a eunuch. We all know it really.
Will: I'm not a eunuch! You all have been listening to Jack for too long.
Angel's Star: You're a bad sport, you know that right? Tia, ChibiPirate asks: You're one of my favorite characters!! (apart from Jack) Can I have a jar of dirt please?
Tia: Sure, but you know I don't give things away for free.
Angel's Star: Oh! Lookie! She gave us cookies! And Jack, she gave you rum as well. I'm sure Tia will give you that jar of dirt now.
Jack: I like fangirls. They give me lots of rum.
Angel's Star: Yeah, they do. Anyway! Oh boy…Another one from my brother. Tia, Adam asks: What do you see in the eunuch Will?
Tia: I don't think he's a eunuch, though.
Jack: How can he not be? Just look at him! (points dramatically at Will)
(Will slumps slightly in his chair)
Tia: But he's very handsome.
Elizabeth: Back off! He's mine!
Angel's Star: Now you know how I feel about Jack. Anywho, Adam's next statement is for everybody. He says: And you, too, could be a eunuch just like Will Turner for 15 easy payments of $19.95!!!!!!
(everybody sweat drops)
Elizabeth: I'm beginning to be thankful that he hasn't asked me anything.
Angel's Star: I'll see if I can get a question out of him for you next time. Anyway, Jack, Will, Liz, this question is from K.D. Sparrow: What is your ideal vacation?
Elizabeth: Hmm…somewhere with a slightly cooler climate than the Caribbean and where I'd be waited on hand-and-foot.
Angel's Star: Aren't you already?
Will: I'd prefer just exploring the world and seeing what's out there. I guess you could count that as a vacation.
Jack: I've never really thought about it. I just go wherever I want to anyway, so I don't think a vacation is in order.
Angel's Star: Ok, then, Tia Dalma, Almenel-Miriel asks: What's with the markings on your face/body? (pause) She also says she likes your accent and you've got the whole witch/voodoo-priestess thing down.
Tia: Thank you! I have the markings because…well…I never really thought about it. I guess I have them because I thought they looked cool and went along well with my "job."
Angel's Star: Alright, Jack, Almenel-Miriel says: If you were to marry me, I would still let you...erm...go around with the other women. So would you? Marry me that is.
Jack: I might actually have to consider that…
Angel's Star: (smacks the back of his head) You'd better just be kidding. Jack, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx, who was Rebecca Hennessey, says: I apologize for the things I said, though, I'll still stick up for Will, so I hope you will forgive me. I won't ask you a question 'cause I'm too scared.
Jack: (shrugs) Suit yerself for sticking up for a eunuch. I suppose I'll forgive you.
Angel's Star: Of course he will! Will, (chuckles) I said "will" twice…Anyway. Will! XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx asks: Just thought I'd tell you I wish you were my friend. Are you and Elizabeth planning a big wedding or moderately small?
Will: Thank you. I'm sure I'd want to be your friend too. Elizabeth wanted a large wedding and I wanted a smaller one, so we compromised. Our wedding won't be too large or too small.
Angel's Star: I'd better get an invite. Liz, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx asks: I think you should get insult and threat protection because you get teased the most. I love your Asian outfit too and your hair in a plait it suits you. Do you wish you had had brothers or sisters? If so which would you prefer?
Elizabeth: Thank you! I thought I looked good too.
Angel's Star: (mutters sarcastically) Don't be any more modest, Liz!
Liz: (ignores her) I think I need insult protection as well! Jack certainly doesn't need any more… Anyway, about your question. Yes, I've always wanted a sister so I could dress up with her and play with her hair and stuff. I wouldn't really care if she was older or younger.
Angel's Star: But there's no way you're getting insult protection! It's too much fun insulting you. Anyway, Tia, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx asks: Do you have any siblings and have you ever tried chocolate?
Tia: I had a younger brother, but he died at a young age. And no, I've never tried chocolate. What is that?
Angel's Star: (eyes bug out) I can't believe you're serious! Good thing she gave us all chocolate! (passes it out to everybody) Now, Will, read me my comment!
Will: Huh? (has the cards with Angel's Star's questions on them shoved at him) Um, ok, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx says: Love your show, think you're great, keep going with this. It's fascinating and if you're going to bring dangerous people on the show, make sure you don't go near them so we don't risk losing the presenter of our favorite show. And by the way, get insult and threat protection, you too, Will.
Angel's Star: Awwww! Thank you!! I feel loved now. And yes, I got insult and threat protection after last show. Will's got threat protection too.
Will: I do? Thanks!
Angel's Star: Yup! Liz, Midnight Emerald says: It is possible to be a pirate and a lady at the same time, just look at me. I'm a lady. I was brought up just like you, but I wear pirate clothes and to be honest they are so much better that wearing those stupid dresses that you wear.
Elizabeth: They aren't stupid dresses!
Angel's Star: But pants are soooooooooooooooo much better! Lookie! (points to her blue jeans) I'm much more comfortable than you are right now all because I'm wearing pants. Ah, Will! Good news for you from Midnight Emerald: I have decided not to torture you, mainly because my best friend would kill me if I did.(mumbles about insane fan girls) And my friends Robyn, Sophie, and Emma say hi because they are like in love with you. Can't understand why though.
Will: Hi, Robyn, Sophie, and Emma! It's nice knowing I'm loved too after all the proposals Jack gets.
Jack: Can't help it if all the women love me.
Angel's Star: No, suppose you can't. Tia, Midnight Emerald asks: Are you the girl that broke Davy Jones's heart?
Tia: Um, Angel's Star told me that the third movie would be coming out soon and that I shouldn't say anything to spoil the surprises for you, so I won't say anything about it.
Angel's Star: Good girl, Tia! Jack, Midnight Emerald says: Thank you for accepting me into your crew and if you need help fighting off and mad fan girls or fan boys o.0 just let me know. And now if you will excuse me I have to go buy a new sword because my last one got eaten by a sea monster...again (sighs) Stupid sea monsters when will they learn?
Jack: At least it was just your sword! I got eaten! You're welcome about being accepted into me crew, though. I haven't encountered any fan boys…yet (shudders) but I'll let you know about the fan girls.
Angel's Star: I especially won't let any freaky guys get near you. Jack, iamanundeadmonkey asks: Why does Jack the monkey annoy you so much? Just out of curiosity. And please tell me you aren't going to be captain of the Flying Dutchman in the 3rd movie. I saw pics of you all crusty-ish. It was creepy.
Jack: It's a bloody undead monkey! And he takes all my important things like my compass and the drawing of Davy Jones's key! And no worries, I'm only captain of the Pearl.
Angel's Star: Yay for the Black Pearl! Tia, iamanundeadmoneky asks: How did you know Jack before the movies? And how exactly did he come to be on your little island thingy? Another question: Why did you bring Barbossa back? Just sort'a on a whim? Because that was kind'a random. But it's still good.
Tia: Jack had visited me before, but it had been a long while ago. I brought Barbossa back because he knew the waters at World's End.
Angel's Star: Alrighty, Will, iamanundeadmonkey asks: What were you thinking when you first saw your dad?
Will: I was so shocked and I was thinking "What is he doing in a place like this?!"
Angel's Star: Yeah, when I first saw him I was like "Omg! It's Will's dad! He's kind of crusty…"
Will: (sarcastically) You've got such a sensitive way of putting things.
Angel's Star: Yeah, I know. Liz, iamanundeadmonkey asks: Which nickname do you prefer: Lizzy or The Lizard?
Elizabeth: LIZZY!!!
Jack: (laughing) I'll have to start calling you The Lizard!
Angel's Star: Me too! It's even more annoying that Liz! Anyway, Jack-
Will: Oh! Sorry! You've got a question, Angel's Star. DxS Phreak says: You RAWK, girl! What's it like to be in contact with fictional characters? I hear it's tingly. O.o
Angel's Star: Heehee. It's not really tingly. It kind of was at first, but the longer you're around them, the less tingly it gets. Now I'm not tingly at all!
Will: Actually, that's how it was for me when I was first around you.
Elizabeth: Me too.
Jack: Aye.
Angel's Star: Cool! Jack, DxS Phreak says: Okay, okay, I'll stop asking you to marry me...for now. 8D But, really, how does it feel to know you have billions of women drooling at your feet? I mean, I don't even know why I'm so totally in love with you, but there's this picture, and you're just smiling so sweetly...oh gosh. My heart rate skyrockets when I see it. XD Also, why do you love rum?
Jack: It's great knowing I can control most of the female population at will! As for the rum, I love it because it is the best drink I have ever had. It takes my mind off things like Davy Jones and the Kraken too.
Angel's Star: Oh, hey, I want that picture of Jack too! Anyway, Will, DxS Phreak says: I have something to admit. I kind'a...have a crush on you too. And...I highly doubt you're a eunuch. Anyways, remember when you threatened to kill yourself in the first movie, mentioning, 'or I'll pull this trigger and be lost to Davy Jones' locker'? What was it like when you found out master DJ was real?
Will: Thanks! I was just glad-
Angel's Star: HOLY CRUD!!!
(Jack, Will, and Elizabeth all jump up and run over to her and ask her what's wrong)
Angel's Star: My kitten's name is DJ! Now I'm gonna think of Davy Jones when I say his name! (sobs)
Elizabeth: Is that all?! (returns to her seat)
Jack: You had me worried, love!
Angel's Star: (sniffs) I'll be ok.
Will: Um, ok, uh, as I was saying, I was just glad that I hadn't pulled that trigger or else I would've found out about Davy Jones sooner.
Angel's Star: (sniffs again) Ok, Liz, DxS Phreak says she has nothing to say to you. Everybody, she asks: What was your reaction when you found out Alec Baldwin had left his daughter a crude voicemail? If I was her, I'd curse his (beep) right back out! (pauses) I agree! I mean, what kind of father does that?!
Jack: Obviously that one.
Elizabeth: I agree! She should have done something back.
Will: Yeah, she should have. Oh, Angel's Star, mrspatrickdempsey asks: Why does Will have insult protection?! I mean, it's so easy to think of insults for him! Oh, and you're doing a very good job, by the way.
Angel's Star: Thanks! Will only has partial insult protection and if you make the insult funny, I might include it. Will, you're a very good card reader!
Will: It's not that hard, really.
Angel's Star: Tia, mrspatrickdempsey asks: Why do you live all by your onesies? Oh, and I think your really cool and your accent rocks, but I think you need subtitles for when we watch AWE because it's hard to understand you unless you have watched the movie like 500 billion times and know all the words.
Tia: I've never had any need of living with another person. I prefer to live alone, anyway.
Angel's Star: Jack, mrspatrickdempsey asks: Why do you carry weird trinket things on your belt? Like the chicken foot thing. Oh, and your hotter then Will. (laughs) Who couldn't be? Hehe (I'm sorry I'm still on a mean "I hate Will" streak... it will pass don't worry...:P)
Jack: They aren't weird! Well, they might be to you. Each trinket represents something in my life that I want to remember.
Angel's Star: Okie dokie, Will, mrspatrickdempsey asks: (glares evilly) I'm allowed to glare right? If only you didn't have insult protection... (laughs like a maniac) Choose one woman that you would like to be with form the following list: Tia Dalma, Scarlett, Anna Maria or Giselle? And if you say " I don't like any of them because I have my beloved Elizabeth," so help me I will hurt you.
Will: (gulps) I think this one's out to hurt me!
Jack: Probably.
Will: (glares at him) Anyway, um, out of those girls listed, I would prefer…oh, I don't know…Scarlett maybe?
Jack: Eh, you could do better. Trust me.
Angel's Star: Oh, let him choose! Liz, mrspatrickdempsey asks: What was going through your head when you saw Barossa (Barbie) hehe walking down the stairs in Tia's house hut thing?
Elizabeth: I was remembering what all he had put me through and I was thinking "What is this witch woman trying to do? Kill us?!"
Tia: Hey!
Angel's Star: Oh! Cat fight! (laughs) Everybody, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints asks: What is freedom to you? And don't get all stupid on me, really. That deep, deep urge in you all...What does it mean to you?
Jack: Piracy in general and knowing that I'm not restrained by any rules that normal people are.
Will: After I broke away from being a blacksmith and engaged in piracy with Jack, I felt the most freedom I had ever felt. It was as if I had been held back before.
Elizabeth: Freedom to me is being able to do the right things, even if they happen to break rules.
Tia: I've never thought about it actually, since I live on an almost secluded island and there aren't that many rules anyway.
Angel's Star: Alrighty, Jack, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints asks: What did the compass point to? You know, when you were rowing away from your death, and then you paused with this sad look on your face, took out the compass...and then it was back on the Pearl. What (or who) did it point to to make you want to come back to your almost certain death?
Jack: It pointed to the Pearl. I knew I couldn't just leave her and me crew when they needed me the most.
Angel's Star: It was very noble of you. Tia, RubyVulpix asks: What kind of magic do you practice, white or black magic?
Tia: I work with a bit of both, actually.
Angel's Star: And also, Tia, RubyVulpix typed Edna's question: Do you need a fashion designer? I can make better outfits for you, dahling!
Tia: (laughs) No, sorry, I wouldn't have much use for a fashion designer. Thank you, though.
Angel's Star: It was a very nice offer, though. Everybody, RubyVulpix asks: The third POTC movie comes out it in less that a month! Are you excited or nervous about it?
Elizabeth: I'm excited!
Jack: Aye, me too. Then people won't be asking questions we can't answer with out spoiling the movie.
Will: Yes, that will be nice.
Angel's Star: Ok, Will, Liz, and Jack, RubyVulpix typed Edna's question: Do you like the outfits that I made for you?
Jack: Aye! It's already saved me after Davy Jones was on the show! You're a genius!
Will: Yes, I love mine as well. I can't imagine how I got along with out it.
Elizabeth: Oh yes, it's so helpful! Thank you.
Angel's Star: Alrighty, Tia, MTVbabe11 asks: What did you mean about the whole "you have a touch of destiny" thing?
Tia: I could since something drastic was going to happen to him. Something that would affect his destiny.
Angel's Star: And how right you were! Jack, MTVbabe11 ask: Did you ever date Tia or Anna Maria?
Jack: Nope. Haven't really wanted to either.
Angel's Star: That's 'cause he's with me! Ok, everybody, Mrs.Sparrow asks: If you all had one wish from a genie, what would it be? Jack cannot say everlasting rum and the "don't wish for a thousand wishes" rule applies. (pauses) I would wish Jack would hurry up and ask me to marry him already!
Will: Do you even know if he will?
(Angel's Star shrugs)
Jack: Um, I'm right HERE!
Elizabeth: I would wish that you people would stop insulting me so much!
Angel's Star: But it's fun!
Will: I would wish for people to stop thinking Jack and Elizabeth are supposed to be together…especially since I'm marrying her!
Jack: I'd wish Angel's Star wouldn't kill me for not asking her to marry me.
Angel's Star: I suppose I can wait. (sighs)
Will: Angel's Star, Mrs.Sparrow asks: How far have you actually gone with Jack? I mean, is he your boyfriend? Cause if he is, maybe we should go on a triple date? You rock! And thanks a million for putting my question last, it made me feel special!! (pauses) Why does some one have to ask this?! I don't want to know what you've done with Jack!
Angel's Star: Well cover up your ears, 'cause I've got to answer! I haven't gone all the way with Jack, 'cause, you know, I'd rather wait 'til I'm married. Yes! He's my boyfriend! (grins) As for the triple date… (chuckles) We'll see, ok?
Will: She also wants to know if you'll put my dad on the show.
Angel's Star: Yes, I'll get him on the show, but not next episode. Ok, um, JackSparrowIsMyLover has directed a comment at XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx and since I don't want to get those two to fighting, I'll summarize. She wants to know why you insulted Jack twice and that the only one who should be insulted is Will 'cause he's used to it. But XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx apologized to Jack, so it's all good, right?
Will: Hopefully.
Angel's Star: And Jack, JackSparrowIsMyLover gives you roses, a hug, and a lifetime supply of rum! It's all waiting backstage. But for now, that's the end of this episode. If you want to see Jack, Will, and Liz (but not Tia) back for another episode, be sure to ask lots of questions!
Jack: And I'm sure Angel's Star wouldn't mind getting more questions.
Angel's Star: Nope! I wouldn't.
Will: Yeah, she's been giddy ever since she found out she had questions for her.
Angel's Star: Yeah, I was. But anyway, that's it! See you all next time and goodnight!
(screen fades to black)
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A/N: And that's it! You guys know what to do by now, so go to it!
