I know, I know. I'm terrible about updating. It wasn't until I started listening to the song My Worst Fear, by Rascal Flatts, that I was FINALLY inspired. I've always loved this song, and it's a good one for EK. So I made this chapter a songfic of sorts. I didn't plan on it, but it just seemed to work so I went with it. Now there is a cliffhanger, so be warned. Enjoy, and please review!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

A week after Olivia's return to work, Elliot lay awake in his bed, his thoughts refusing to let him give in to sleep. Everyone was worried about Olivia coming back to work, and they made no attempt to hide their concerns. Cragen had tried to convince her to stay on desk duty, but that hadn't settled well with Olivia. She didn't want Elliot going out in the field without her watching his back, and a small part of him couldn't blame her. He would be the same way, if Olivia went into the field with someone who was not himself to watch her.

Kathy stirred beside him and rolled away, sighing in her sleep.

Elliot turned his head and looked at her, and another surge of guilt went through him. The past week had been strange for him. In a way, it was wonderful to be home. The twins were out a lot, enjoying the freedom that came with being seventeen. So he and Kathy were home alone a lot, when he wasn't at work. They were spending more time together, but something felt... different.

There was satisfaction in her touch, and a comforting familiarity in her kiss. But that was all. He looked up at the ceiling, then rolled onto his side and closed his eyes.

A little while later, the bed squeaked as Kathy rolled toward him and rested her hand on his side.

He didn't open his eyes as she ran her hand up and down his side. He just breathed deeply.

Kathy sighed quietly, pressing a light kiss to his shoulder.

"I know things have been rough lately, Elliot, but I do love you."

He almost sighed. He loved her, too, but he was starting to wonder if it was enough. He loved her because she gave him four healthy, beautiful children whom he adored and would happily give his life for. He had shared his entire adult life with this woman.

But was that enough?

Kathy pressed herself closer to Elliot. "You've made me so happy, ever since we were kids and I first saw you playing football."

He remembered that day, too. One of his teammates had pointed out the cheerleader with baby blue eyes and long blond hair watching them. She was beautiful, and he had had no reservations with asking her out.

"We have beautiful children, and they make me so proud." She ran her hand over his abdomen. "They have the best parts of you in them."

He felt tears gather in his eyes, because she was right, and because he was beginning to realize that this was the end. They could continue to pretend that the life they led was a happy one, and that their marriage was a good one. They could keep up appearances for their family and friends.

They could do all of those things, if only for their children. But when Elizabeth and Dickie graduated high school and left home... then what?

Last night you gave me a kiss

You didn't know it, but I was awake when you did

You were quiet, you were gonna let me sleep

So I just laid there pretending to be

You said some things you didn't know I could hear

And the words "I love you" never sounded so sincere

He couldn't do this anymore. It wasn't fair to the kids, and it wasn't fair to Kathy. He still loved her, but she deserved to be happy. They both did.

Maybe it was time to move on. She could find someone to love her, the way she deserved to be loved.

Like he used to be able to.

"You're a good man, Elliot. Don't forget that."

Kathy kissed his neck, hugging him close for a minute. Then she finally rolled away from him.

Elliot stayed awake long after he heard her breathing even out and deepen. But sleep was elusive for a long time that night.

It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving

Now that I know just how much you care

You finally gave me one good reason not to go

But staying here is my worst fear

The next morning, Elliot rolled over in his bed and gripped his pillow tightly. For a few moments, he simply lay there as he remembered all of the kind things Kathy had whispered to him in the depths of the night.

There had been so much love and honesty in her words, but he knew that it wasn't enough. Not to keep them together in this empty shell of a life for the rest of their lives.

His arm reached across the cold, empty expanse of bed. Kathy must have already gotten up. He slowly sat up, then got out of the bed and dressed. It was going to be hard, to look her in the face and tell her that it just wasn't going to work anymore. But in his heart, he felt that she knew it, too. Maybe it would be a relief, not having to pretend anymore.

Once he was dressed, he slipped out of the bedroom and down the hall. "Kathy?"

He walked down the stairs, expecting to see her on the couch or in the kitchen. "Kath? We need to talk."

There was no reply, and he frowned. "Where are you, Kathy?" He looked around, then went back up the stairs. Something wasn't right.

He finally went back into their bedroom and looked around, in case he had just missed her. But she was nowhere to be found. Then he saw the closet door was opened, and his heart skipped a beat.

Her clothes, which had been there last night, were gone. And so was her duffle bag and suitcase that normally resided in the corner of the closet.

His stomach sank, and he closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.

Then he reopened his eyes. The closet was still empty.

Kathy was gone.

This morning I rolled out of bed

Recalling all the sweet things you said

This was the day I was gonna hurt you bad

Called out your name, but you didn't answer back

I searched the house to find out what was wrong

Like a ton of bricks, it hit me you were gone

He was surprised by the wave of emotions that hit him. He had been planning to do this, to end their marriage and the life that he had once been so happy leading. But it seemed that she had beaten him to it.

He went into the bathroom, and on the mirror, he was surprised to see a small yellow note stuck to the glass. An explanation, maybe?

After a moment's hesitation, he extended a shaking hand and gently peeled the note off of the glass. It was Kathy's hand writing.

I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me.

He felt a surge of conflicting emotions at her words. Why couldn't she have just said something to him, if she was planning on leaving? Why did she have to steal away in the middle of the night?

He gripped the wall tightly with his free hand. Were all those sweet words she had spoken last night a lie?

Or had they been her goodbye?

It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving

Now that I know just how much you care

You finally gave me one good reason not to go

But staying here is my worst fear

The kids... He shoved the note into his pocket and hurried out of the bathroom, through the bedroom door and into the hall. First he pushed open Dickie's door. His games and clothes were gone, along with his backpack and school work.

His knees buckled as he eased across the hall and opened Elizabeth's door. Her clothes were also gone, along with her laptop and her favorite pictures.

He took a step backward, back into the hall. It was one thing for Kathy to leave, but to take his children and not allow them to tell him goodbye was just cruel.

She must have taken them to her sister's, like she did the first time she had left him. He was alone.

All along I knew that there was something missing

And only one thing left to do

I had to leave behind this life that we'd been living

But the only thing that left was you

He stumbled back into his bedroom and grabbed a bag, filling it with his clothes. He wasn't certain where he was going, but he couldn't be alone in that house. Not with all the memories and happiness that haunted him.

He would find a hotel, or maybe sleep in the cribs for a few nights, until he figured out what he was going to do. But he couldn't stay there. As far as he was concerned, Kathy could take the house.

It would never be the same to him again.

He finished packing his bag, then grabbed his keys and phone before he left the house.

As he got to his car, his cell phone began to vibrate in his front pocket. He didn't really want to talk to anyone, but it could have been a case, or one of his children. So he set his bag down, then pulled out the phone and studied the screen, scanning for the incoming number.

Kathy.

A lump formed in his throat, and he swallowed hard. There was no way that he could talk to her right then. Maybe later on, when he was more settled, he would call and work out visitation for the twins. But that was it.

She had left him in the most heartless fashion possible, and even though he had been planning to leave her, his heart still ached. Did twenty years not even merit a face-to-face goodbye? Did he not mean that much to her anymore?

Didn't he deserve to hear her say goodbye?

It's gonna make it hard to tell you that I'm leaving

Now that I know just how much you care

You finally gave me one good reason not to go

But being alone is my worst fear

He closed the phone and slipped it back into his pocket. Then he got into the car and sped out of the driveway. As he drove down the street, thunder growled ominously above him, and a raindrop hit his windshield.

He drove for a while, losing track of the time and not even certain where he was going. He had no tears to cry over their failed marriage, but he was still hurting over the way she had left. She couldn't even give him the courtesy of telling him she was leaving. She just... left.

Rain continued to fall, hard and heavy against the glass. He turned on the windshield wipers, but they did little to help.

Finally he decided to pull over and wait out the storm somewhere. But as he turned, the tires squealed, and he lost control of the car.

The car rolled across the median, flipping several times before finally landing upside down on the side of the road.

There was silence in the car, and the rain continued.

And staying here is my worst fear

TBC...

A/N: I know, EVIL. But I have a plan (of sorts). LOL. And cookies to anyone who gets the hidden reference about Kathy's goodbye. Thanks for reading, and please review!