"You, out drink us? You're crazy; you are but an itty bitty piece of shortcake, shortcake."

"Does that mean you'll take the bet?"

"You're on, un!"

"Kisame?"

"Sure why not, just don't expect me to carry your drunk ass up to bed when you lose."

"Oh it'll be me doing the carrying I assure you." She laughed as Kisame's face took on what she had begun to call the "challenge face". There were two of them that she had seen so far, the "good natured, you're on" face and the much darker "I'm going to kick your ass around until you're dead" face. Luckily only the good natured one had ever been directed towards herself.

"Those are fighting words!"

"Itachi?"

He just looked at her, a small smirk on his lips, and shook his head. He probably knew what she was up to. At least he didn't say anything, she did have a reputation to keep. Little did the others know what was in store for them.

"Zetsu?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Would you make up your mind?"

"I am merely going to observe."

"Spoilsport."

She just chuckled, she was starting to get used to his split personality but sometimes she was unsure whether that was it at all. Both halves of him didn't always seem to be complete opposites, they seemed a lot of the time to merely be two different people in the same body, two halves of a whole. It was rather perplexing and when she thought about it she got a headache so she let it be most of the time. But what disturbed her more than his personality issues was the looks he gave her sometimes, like now, like he wanted to hold her, biteher. Those golden eyes seeming to shimmer with a strange heated intensity, sometimes she couldn't look away, it made her sick sometimes, and then he would say something and be the same affable, stilted Zetsu as before. She couldn't explain it any other way than that at those times he appeared... hungry when he looked at her with that hard, unwavering stare, but that was ridiculous wasn't it? She pushed the thought from her head, she was here to drink, to have a modicum of fun and most importantly, to forget her worries for a while.

"Is Tobi anywhere?"

"Nah, I haven't seen him."

"Well too bad for him, un. Let's get started, yeah."

Hmm, where could he be? Should she find him? No, this wasn't the time for finding anyone, she had a profit to make. "So what are we going to wager here?"

"Simple, money. I bet you 500 ryo that I can drink your ass to kingdom come."

That was a lot of money, he was taking himself rather seriously. She didn't have that kind of money, she never carried more than 200 ryo on her when she was on missions and part of that she had already spent on the mission that landed her in this trial in the first place. But she wouldn't lose, she smirked to herself, she never did.

"That's too easy, yeah. Make it a 1000 ryo!"

Oh boy! Easy money here I come! Time to put the plan into action. "I don't have that much." Carefully formed pout inserted here, not too much though, she didn't want to be unbelievable. "What can I wager instead?"

Kisame looked at her for a moment before an owlish smile formed on his lips and he ducked his head down to whisper into Deidara's ear. She was mildly alarmed especially when Deidara smiled the biggest smile and a devious light came to his eyes. Should I be worried?

"If you lose then the winner gets as many full body massages as he wants, tingly chakra and everything!" The look on her face most have been pretty amusing because they all laughed at her and Kisame just looked smug. If she had been drinking anything when he had said it she would have choked, guess he really liked it last time. Great, good thing she never lost.

Insert hesitant pause here and then girlish resolve, "You're on! Last one conscious wins!"

So they proceeded to drink, well, everyone but Zetsu, maybe alcohol just didn't agree with him. But everyone else drank, Kisame gulping away happily while she and Deidara paced themselves a bit more and Itachi only sipped his glass from time to time.

They talked and then they began to talk more freely as the liquor started to loosen their tongues. They talked about just about everything. It was weird being as open as they were, even though she knew they must have dreams and aspirations it was an entirely different thing to actually hear about them. Well she didn't learn too much about Itachi and Zetsu they were sober enough to keep their mouths shut, Kisame on the other hand had told her that someday he wanted his own place to just fish quietly for the rest of his days. This had surprised her, until she realized how old he really was, he was nearing the halfway mark in his life he was becoming serious. Deidara on the other hand didn't surprise her as much, to him his life was merely for the expression of his art, it bothered her that he didn't take his life more seriously or see it for the wonder it really was. But there was a reason he was like that, there was always a reason, she would find out sooner or later, and she would help him if she could.

So the night progressed in the most pleasant way she could imagine possible. They talked about art, the human condition, current politics, and any number of things. Kisame told the dirtiest jokes she had ever heard, she found herself blushing on more than one occasion which only seemed to encourage him to tell a dirtier one than the last. After a particularly dirty joke about a redhead and some peanuts Zetsu got up and lumbered away; one half laughing hysterically while the other muttered in disgust to "shut up". Itachi left a little while after that rubbing his temples and wishing them a good night. Through her slight inebriation she realized it was his eyes, it they were anything like Kakashi's he was probably half blind by now, that irked her for some reason. But she was getting drunk enough though that she couldn't think of a good reason for feeling that way and so instead she said "goo' nigh. hehe" and poured herself another glass.

"You're a girly, yeah, you shouldna las this long. *hick*"

"Yeah, you cheatin?"

"Hehehe, wha would give you's that idea?"

"Because you've... you're *yawn* you..." And with that Deidara laid his head down on the table and fell asleep.

"Pfft, lightweight. Loos ta be jus you and me shortcake."

"I'm gonna win, hehe. I never lose."

"We'll see about that."

They were right though, she didn't lose because she didcheat; before any drinking contest she always started her liver and kidneys into overdrive, increased metabolism was everything, that and good acting skills. What could she say, ninja. Her boys were usually in on it too and played up her act of little, naive, hot-tempered woman, and she even shared her winnings with them. It was always fun to see how many people they could sucker into losing there money, in fact her team usually placed bets among themselves over how many people she could fool in a sitting. That's why Kisame was going to lose and have his ass carried up to bed as her victory dance. And if she was any judge of people's endurance he didn't have much longer before he joined his blond friend who was drooling out all three mouths onto the table.

"Hehehe, I'm going to carry you to bed, jus you wait."

He just gave her a drunken glare and tried to pour himself another glass, she almost laughed again, only half actually made it into his cup. Oh he was so close. She was beginning to feel a bit lonely though, the only bad thing about winning all drinking contests was that you were the only one left conscious with all your drunken incoherent thoughts. She angrily downed another glass.

"Hey, what the hell is going on here?"

"I agree do you realize just how much money you've drunk? A small fortune that's what!!"

"Hehehe too late Kakushoo. Hehehe."

"Yeah, I'm gonna win if ish the las thing I do."

"Nu-uh, I'm a gonna win. Hehe. Tha two-thousansh mine."

"I jus wanna massaj." He looked sad, aww. Hehehe.

Kakuzu sat down at the table in disgust and took Itachi's abandoned glass and filled it back to the top, probably figuring it was best to just get some before it was all gone. What a cheapskate. Hidan on the other hand was giving them both strange looks, especially her.

"Bloody heathens." He sat down at the table more resignedly.

"Wash your languash Hidan."

"Or what?"

Kisame looked at him with bleary, narrowed eyes, "I don like the way you treashes her. I don like smellin you oner."

Hidan's eyes widened at that and he opened his mouth to reply but it was too late, Kisame's head dropped to the table with a thunk and he began to snore rather loudly. "Fuck!"

"Tolj him I woul carry him ta bed hehehe."

Kakuzu looked at her, "Just how long have you been drinking anyway?" She saw him eye the impressive pool of drool around Deidara; three slobbery mouths equaled a lake apparently, anymore and she worried he might drown.

"Hehehe, jus four hoursh."

He narrowed his eyes at her, "There is no way in hell you could drink against Kisame for four straight hours and still be conscious."

She leaned in conspiratorially, giggling over the top of her glass, "I cheached. He didna believe me bu thas ok. I's rish!"

He snorted, "Of course, little miss medic has some tricks up her sleeve."

"Thas why Itashi didn drin with us."

"Why the fuck would you be drinking like this anyway?"

She glanced at Hidan, he looked upset for some reason, "Becaush it's fun. Ya makesh friens an I ges money."

"Hmph."

"Anyway I *hick* hehehe... I haveta carry him to bed." She indicated Kisame with her glass, half the liquid sloshing out onto the table. Kakuzu glared at the spill as it mingled with Deidara's drool.

"Why the fuck would you do that?"

"Becaush he didn think I could win." She frowned, girls could hold their liquor too, sometimes they just needed some help, hehehe.

"So it's just fuckin pride?"

She drew herself up as tall as she could without falling out of her chair, "Yesh. I haveta proof myself to yous. I'm notta slouch."

He laughed, it sounded sour and forced, "I guess not."

She smiled and downed the rest of her sake and reached again for the bottle. Hidan pulled it out of her flax grip.

"I don't fucking think so."

She pouted at him, what did he care anyway? Kakuzu just looked amused and hid his smile in the rim of Kisame's now discarded glass.

"Fine, I knew you didn liksh me in the firs place."

"Is that really what you think?"

She stabbed at her right temple with a finger, "Than wha the fucsh this?!"

He had the decency to look away embarrassed, and she took that as assent and wobbled her way to her feet. Very slowly, because she didn't want to fall in front of Kakuzu or Hidan, she clumsily pulled Kisame as far up her shoulder as she could. He was really heavy and almost too big for her to handle but she would do it damnit, and tuck him in too. So as slowly as a snail she creeped away from the kitchen and into the darkened hallway dragging most of the unconscious Kisame behind her.

She paused for a moment and adjusted Kisame on her back, "Couldja make sure Dei..Deida... he gesh to bed?" Then she continued on her way missing the looks from both the men she left behind.

~O~

She woke up face down and instantly rolled over and sat up with a start. She looked around frantically momentarily disregarding the pain in her head, where was she? This was not her room, she looked down and it all came back to her. There was Kisame, still lightly snoring, arms wrapped around her waist and his head slowly sliding into her lap. She smiled, she had won, the proof was the fact that she had dragged his sorry blue ass up to his room before passing out herself. Ah, sweet, sweet victory. The only problem was that even though her chakra had burned away most of the alcohol she still had a hangover and her eyelids felt like they were being weighed down by rocks and her head was pounding. Definitely the worst part of drinking contests, but 2000 ryo was more than decent compensation. So she decided not to get up, it was too much of a bother; in fact, she wiggled her way back down into Kisame's grasp and complete her victory by having him wake up to see her and realize that she had won, cheating or not.

Besides she was too tired to make it down the hall to her own room and it was warm right where she was. She giggled to herself, would she be awake to see the look on his face? She hoped so; damn alcohol messing with her brain. He looked kind of sweet laying there sleeping though, his blue skin didn't matter at all anymore, he was Kisame, her friend. She brushed her fingers across the gill tattoos on his cheeks almost tenderly and then snuggled even further into his chest relishing the feel of human contact and thinking hazily to herself that she probably would be pretty freaked out in the morning. But she shrugged the feeling, easily falling back asleep.

~O~

"Ugg, my aching head!" He reached up his hand to rub his head, but was stopped. He stared confusedly at the ceiling a moment before looking down at his right arm, he couldn't see it. There was a pink haired girl laying on it. What? Why would a girl be laying on his arm? Where did she come from?

Oh... oh fuck! Sakura! This probably meant he had lost, damn! He sluggishly pulled his arm out from under her and rubbed his poor head. He had to hand it to her, there was more to her than met the eye. She was still asleep, smiling and murmuring to herself. She looked so sweet and innocent lying there. He slowly leaned over and sniffed her hair, besides the stale smell of old alcohol she smelled like flowers. It wasn't an overpowering flower smell either, it was delicate not a clinging odor at all, sweet peas he realized, how funny was that? He wondered where she had gotten it, probably off of Deidara, that man was always going on about proper hair care; and his art he thought sarcastically. Well if he lost he was going to make the most of what he had right now, and so he curled up around her and laid his head into the crook of her neck; she had such a nice smell, it didn't aggravate his hangover at all.

Then his hazy alcohol-fogged mind wandered to more serious subjects than how nice she smelled. For instance why was she still here, shouldn't she have been made use of or killed off by now? He was mildly curious as to why they hadn't heard any orders from leader as to what to do with her yet. True, leader usually didn't meet with them face to face, opting instead for his telepathy jutsu, but still! Someone just wanders into their lair and he doesn't address it, even weeks later? Too weird, unless he had some ulterior motive, that was probably it, perhaps they were already doing what he wanted them to in the first place, but what exactly was that? His head was too muddled to think any further into it. So he settled for sleeping off the rest of his hangover, he would think about it more later.

~O~

She couldn't kid herself any longer; the conviction of her half-dead delusions now completely worn away by time and her hangover. It didn't matter if she liked them or not, it didn't matter if her perceptions of them had been changed, they were still going to try and kill Naruto. They were still going to try and destroy whatever was left of what she held near and dear to her heart. But there was nothing she could do.

She ground her teeth in frustration, even if she did somehow manage to break her feline curse there was no really plausible way to extract herself from their grip. She still didn't know enough, even though she considered them friends they had never dropped any information that might be useful or that she hadn't been aware of already. They were all of them clever and hardened by years of exile and threats to their lives. Even though she was strong she had never been hunted, had never had the world out for her blood. It was a serious lack of experience on her part and too much on their's. Could they ever come to a middle ground where the life of her friend wasn't at stake? She really couldn't convince herself that it could happen. There was just too much against it, too much had precluded it.

If it was inevitable then what could she do to at least ease it in a less destructive direction? How could she influence them to change the world in a way that didn't probably involve a war or, more definitely, the life of her friend, of her entire lifestyle for that matter? She didn't know, couldn't know, she had far more questions than answers.

One, for instance, was how she would break this goddamned curse and rid herself of Orochimaru's taint once and for all, because it didn't matter that she hadn't been a cat for weeks thanks to Kisame's jutsu, it was the principle of the thing. Another was finding the truth about Itachi's past, because even though he hadn't denied her accusation he hadn't confirmed it either, which was a more telling exclusion of fact to her mind. What was he hiding? Would it shake her beliefs even more than she had shaken them herself? Probably. Would she be ready for the truth? She fervently hoped so. She really did, for all their sakes.

~O~

"So... are you going to tell her you love her?"

He stared at Kakuzu incredulously, where the fuck had that come from?!

"Fuck you."

Kakuzu arched an eyebrow at him, how could he tell through that mask? He just could, everything that bastard did irritated him anyway so why shouldn't almost unperceivable body language be any different?

He sighed, "I don't love her."

"Than why, might I ask, did you only "cleanse" her as you put it, instead of slaughtering her like you do to everyone else?"

"Me? Slaughter? That's pretty damn rich coming from you don't you think?"

"I kill for a reason."

"Money is not a reason."

Kakuzu crossed his arms over his chest, he was getting annoyed; good. "So you say your "god" is?"

"Damn straight, I have a purpose unlike you, you bloody heathen."

Kakuzu's hands clenched into fists, now he was getting angry; even better. "Why should I believe that? Money is the only thing that's constant."

"Hel~lo you dumb shit, I'm immortal what more proof do you want? And money is only pieces of paper and chunks of metal, so how "constant" is that?" And to prove his point and tip Kakuzu's delicate psyche, ha, he took out a bill from an inner pocket of his cloak and tore it in two, watching the paper flutter to the tabletop.

Now Kakuzu's face was distorted with rage; the best. "You dirty little shit."

"I'm very clean, thank you very much." Double entendres, so wonderful. That also seemed to do it for Kakuzu, who grasped the implied meaning very clearly, and the next thing he knew his arm was in his lap, literally.

"Ah, did I hurt your fucking feelings? Poor Kakuzu."

He laughed harshly and raggedly as his other arm joined the first. Then Kakuzu left, hefting Diedara under his arm like a sack of rice and slamming the door shut behind him; but he would be back to sew him together again, he always did. It always happened that way, it almost seemed like routine at this point, they never seemed to be able to tolerate each other for very long. He could try harder he supposed but where was the fun in that?

He laughed again to himself in the empty room, lost in the excruciating pain and watching as his blood stained him as it flowed down his body to swirl slowly in a dark pool at his feet.