-{ 2 Months and Three weeks after Lola's Birth }-

It had been a quiet day. I had fed Lola, bathed her, changed her diaper, played with her and brought her to bed. It was now evening and if it wasn't for the tv then there would be an absolute quiet surrounding me. Lola didn't make a sound and this house felt too big at the moment. It made me feel anxious most of the times. My chest tightened and the air came in fewer portions through my throat. So I stood up, put off the TV and walked towards the kitchen to drink something. But that's when everything went downhill. I went towards the refrigerator door and that's where it stood. The date. The calendar. The date made me even more anxious than I was before. Just two days until it was the dead day of my aunt and uncle. Just two days. All this time I had tried to think as less as possible about it but if it was shoved right into my face I couldn't escape it. No there was no possible way that I could escape my feelings right now. The tears started to come and within a minute I was full on sobbing. I shrank down until I was practically lying on the kitchen tiles and life just became a big blurry thing. Next, I know I'm standing in the bathroom almost completely naked – only my panties and my bra protecting me from the cold – and I'm looking into the mirror. It didn't feel normal it was like was looking down at myself, as if I was watching a movie. This thought, this big thought just ran through my head over and over again 'I'm a shitty mother, I don't deserve to live!' it ran through my head over and over and it made me even more anxious than I was before. Out of nowhere I had a knife in my hand and it felt surreal, vaguely I heard the cries of Lola and I have no idea for how long I stood there in front of the mirror with that knife above my wrist but before I know it I hear someone walking upstairs, faint footsteps coming closer with every step. I hear him call but my body doesn't respond and then out of nowhere he kicks In the door, for a moment I'm shocked but it doesn't stay in my body long enough for me to feel.

''Lily…Lily…Lily, what fuck are doing? DROP THAT KNIFE! LILY DROP THE KNIFE!'' he screamed at one point. He took my wrists in his hands but I didn't know how hard I had that knife in my but when I opened my hand to let the knife drop on the ground the muscles of my hand hurt very much. When I finally dropped the knife Clint took me in his arms and tried to calm me down when I started crying as if my life depended on it.

''shhh Lily calm down what's going on everything went so good this morning.'' He said to me and I could still hear the faint cries in the background.

''I couldn't do it anymore… the guilt… the pain and knowing that I would never be a good mother… those thoughts were trying to choke me, trying to kill me from the inside out. I just couldn't take it anymore.'' I said through the tears and the hiccups.

''Lily you are a good mother and you've done nothing wrong, don't listen to your fear…'' he said and placed me on the toilet and put a towel around my shoulders for the cold. I saw him walk away only to come back with Lola in his arms who was still faintly crying, I could tell that she wasn't hungry nor had she peed or pooped her diaper, she was lonely, wanted people around her. Clint placed her in my arms and I started making those little but weird noises that calmed her down, within a few minutes she asleep again and I was yet again left with Clint.

''Don't you see? You're not a mother and those things that happened in the past, those are not your fault. They're not!'' he said. Clint stayed the night after that even stayed the next day. He put all the knifed behind some locks and made sure that I visited my shrink for my relapse. After that, It slowly started to get better and I didn't relapse the day after when it was the one year anniversary of my aunts and uncles dead.

-{ Present Day}-

I ran as quick up the stairs towards where my little girl was huddled in between some chairs. This shouldn't have happened. We shouldn't have been here. I wanted to hate him, more than everything because It was Starks fault that we were here. But I couldn't because even while it was his fault that we were here, he couldn't have predicted that this would've happened. When I squat down so I was on eye level with her – I could see the fear in her eye's – I took her in my arms and wanted to run away with her. Where to? I didn't have any idea yet but maybe it was best to run upstairs, put her somewhere safe and protect the room she was in. but when I turned around one of those slave robots stood in front of me. I kicked it and tried everything I could with my girl huddled in my arms and her face on my shoulder. It was going to murder us, I was very sure of that when out of nowhere Steve's shield flew towards the robot and destroyed it.

''Thanks,'' I screamed at him while I searched for an escaping route.

''Get her out of here.'' He answered. I ran as quick as I could towards my room at the Avengers Tower because it would be high enough and far enough away from this battle. I could still hear the battle but was distracted because I felt my shoulder get wet.

''Sweetie calm down, everything's going to be alright, calm down please do it for mommy,'' I said while I ran up the stairs. I took 3 steps a time so it wasn't long before I reached my room I didn't trust the elevator at the moment because if Ultron could control those too then I would be royally screwed if I was inside it. I opened the door and put her on the bed.

''Mommy what's going on?'' she asked me when we were a bit safer than before, but I couldn't let it by that. I went towards the closet where I put my reserve weapons and took them into my hands. Arrows on my back and bow in my hands. If one of those stupid robots decided to come here I would be ready for combat.

''Mommy,'' she said, she was scared I could hear it in her voice but this was something I was used to, well only she wouldn't be in the picture so it was a little more difficult than other times because she had never been present before when I needed to fight.

''Are we gonna die?'' she asked me far more serious than someone else of her age would've asked.

''Were not. Mommy will protect us. Just stay where you are and if someone enters this room who we don't know then you flee into the bathroom alright?'' I asked her and she nodded. Every bedroom had their own bathroom attached to it so everyone would have more privacy. But the worst about this situation was that when I was just with the other Avengers I could make my mind clear and do whatever I wanted to do but now my mind was full of worry about Lola. The two of us sat there for two hours not knowing what to do or if the battle was over. Two hours full of worry and a child that refused to go to sleep. So when the door opened I started to freak out in the beginning but when I saw Steve's head I relaxed and lowered my arrow.

''Oh my god Steve, what happened,'' I asked him when I hugged him out of joy.

''it's okay it's over. Are you alright?'' he asked me and Lola.

''We're fine but Lola's been very scared,'' I said to him while I tried to compose myself a bit. This couldn't happen anymore, we weren't together anymore.

''Is that so?'' He asked her when he sat down on the bed next to her and ruffled her growing red hair. She just nodded with her thumb in her mouth and hugged her Teddy bear a bit more. That Teddy bear had been something she couldn't live without, if I only asked her if she couldn't leave her teddy home for one night she would start to cry and if I asked her if she didn't want it anymore because she was a big girl now she would start to cry and complain that she would always live with her Teddy. Her teddy was her world.

''Well everything's fine now so why don't we go to sleep?'' he asked her with one of his special smiles. Those smiles that only he could give.

''Can you stay?'' She asked quietly, ever since Steve came into the picture she would go to Steve when she had a nightmare or went to Steve when she was scared. He had always tried to direct her to me but that would never happen, it was Steve with Lola or me, Steve and Lola. And It killed me inside that I wasn't enough for her. No, a kid would always want a daddy and for her, a daddy would always mean Steve.

''Of course.'' He said with his motherly tone and lay down on the double bed.

''Come on mommy you need to sleep too,'' Lola said when she and Steve lay next to each other on the bed. I looked at him with the question in my eyes and saw him nod as if he understood what I was asking. So I lay down next to them, Steve on one side, Lola in the middle and me on the other side and of course my weapons on the ground. She fell asleep pretty easily and before even a quarter was over her light snore could be heard.

''What happened?'' I whispered to him because I couldn't really talk normally when she was in between the two of us.

''He took Loki's scepter and killed Jarvis. But I've got some bad news.'' It wasn't like this would destroy me but I had to stay calm for Lola because she couldn't know how much trouble only these robots already were.

''As if this wasn't bad enough already,'' I said with a sigh.

''We've got to find Ultron and destroy him before it gets worse.'' He says and I could hear it coming.

''Another mission,'' I whispered to him.

''Yes, and I don't know how long this one's going to be and who will survive.'' He confessed while I looked at Lola and wiped some hairs away from her eyes.

''Alright give me some time tomorrow and I will be there,'' I say and I can slowly feel the adrenaline leave my body and my eyes start to close. Before I know it I'm asleep with the thought of leaving her alone – yet again – to try and save the world. But in the back of my mind, there was another thought, a thought about something I had yet to tell another living soul, something that would create havoc at the least.

When I woke up in the morning I didn't exactly feel nice but I pushed away my own feelings when I sat up and saw Lola curled up on Steve's chest, both very much asleep. So with a sad smile on my face, I leave the room to take a shower and get a little bit of alone time before the party starts again. I needed to call Ang again with the bad news. I'd promised her that I wouldn't do such a thing again. Such a thing is calling her on last resort to tell I needed her to watch Lola for an unknown amount of time. This was it, this was the thing I needed to do and maybe I should seek another nanny but Ang and Lola were really attached so I couldn't really do that to Lola.

''Hey Ang,'' I said when I finally had the guts to call her.

''Hey.'' She just said probably already knowing what was coming.

''Uhm… I need a favor of you.'' Not the best way to start a conversation but it had to be done.

''Let me guess, another mission?'' she asked me.

''Yup and uh-''

''You don't know how long you'll be gone. It's alright I know what you're going to say. I'll pack my stuff meet you at your house at 9 AM.'' She said before she hung up the phone. Well, that was a relief. When I walked back into the room I found Steve awake and rubbing his eyes. Probably not out of tiredness but more out of a habit.

''I'm sorry.'' I started but he waved me off.

''It's nothing.'' He said and kissed Lola on her forehead and walked out of the room. It was going to be more difficult to tell Lola than it was to tell Ang. She was going to be devastated.

''Steve?'' she asked with sleepy eyes when she finally woke up.

''It's mommy, Steve needed to go somewhere,'' I told her when she sat up and looked me in the eye.

''What happened mommy?'' she asked because it hadn't happened in a while that she woke up here.

''There's nothing wrong but mommy's going to take you home and you're going to be with Ang for a while.'' I tried to tell her calmly. After a while, she understood that I had to be gone so many times but that didn't make it easier for me because every time my heart broke a bit more. So still in our dresses, I drove us home – of course with a parking ticket – and found Ang already standing before the door.

''Thanks for doing this,'' I said when I met her at the door.

''That's what I'm paid for she sleepily said. Ang wasn't really a morning person so she would be sleepy until night.

''I just have to get changed and pack some stuff and then I'm gone,'' I told her and before Lola's breakfast was even done I drove away from home only so it could be replaced with wherever I needed to go.

When I finally found the others withdrawn in a room with many papers the first thing I said was.

''I'm late aren't I?'' I dropped my bag and went towards Bruce who sat behind a computer and I saw something about a brand.

Almost everyone just did like they hadn't heard me coming inside. Like I was the invisible man and it wouldn't be necessary for me to be here. But this was my job and I wouldn't give it up so I just joined the rest and listened even if it didn't make any sense to me.

''I thought your father said he got the last of it.'' I heard Steve say because I had really no idea what Tony just said to him.

''I don't follow, what comes out of Wakanda?'' Bruce said while he walked towards the rest of the guys.

''The strongest metal on earth.'' And of course, Steve's shield had to be made out of that stuff.

''Where is this guy now?'' Steve asked him with one of those determined looks of his.

''African coast, do you really want to go there now?'' Tony asked Steve with one of his disgusted face's.

''We haven't even had breakfast yet.'' He said when everyone just looked at him like he went mental.

''We go,'' Steve told the rest. And so plans were made for us to dig our own graves on the African coast. Everyone suited up and Tony quickly took some breakfast with him so he could eat some on the flight but no one was really ready. We didn't really know what to expect, the twins could do more than just fight and frankly, it made me a bit scared. So when we were finally there, landed our plane and went towards where Ultron was. It wasn't very difficult to find him because a trail of anxiety had been left behind. And there he stood. Ultron, like he owned the place.

''Aah Junior, you're gonna break your old man's heart,'' Tony said when he finally landed on the ground. Ultron looked around and finally found his enemy.

''If I have to,'' Ultron responded and he and the twins walked a bit closer towards us.

''We don't have to break anything,'' Thor answered.

''Clearly, you've never made an omelet,'' Ultron said he probably tried to be funny because how would he know how to make an omelet if he was a robot. Well, he was connected to the internet so maybe through that.

''He beat me by one second,'' Tony said

''Ah this is funny Mr. Stark it's what, comfortable? Like old times.'' The male Maximoff twin said.

''This was never my life,'' Tony responded.

''You can still walk away from this,'' Steve answered.

''Oh, we will.'' The female Maximoff answered.

''I know you've suffered,'' Steve told the twins.

''Ugh! Captain America, God's righteous man, pretending you could live without a war. I can't physically throw up in my mouth but…'' Ultron said and acted like he was a king or even worse the ruler of the world.

''If you believe in peace then let us keep it,'' Thor said trying to do the right thing.

''I think you're confusing peace with quiet,'' Ultron said.

''Yuh-huh. What's the Vibranium for?'' Tony asked him.

''I'm glad you asked that because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan!'' Ultron said. And so the fight began. We fought and we fought and I quickly found out that normal arrows didn't work so I switched to the bombing or electronic arrows but before I shot another arrow the Maximoff girl got me and my biggest fear came true. I watched it before my eyes it happened, it looked so real that I thought it was real. When my thoughts finally went black I was so glad to not see anything for a moment, but when I woke up Steve was dragging me towards the plane, not looking so happy himself and I could only guess what his dream had been about.

Please leave a review.

XXX FredAndGeorgeForever