Title: No Advanced Warning
Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter
Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.
Rating: PG (language and a smidge of alcohol)
Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"
Archive: If anyone actually wants it, let me know first.
Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...
Author's Note: Thanks to CapriceAnn Hedican-Kocur, LiRA, Mishy-mo, Typically Head-Over-Heels, and Sci Fi Fan Gillian for their reviews! They always mean so much to me! I think CapriceAnn read my mind...I was thinking about them getting drunk. Based on that, there will be some alcohol and stuff. But I don't write sex scenes. I'm a good girl, but for this story I have to go against that...
Sam's POV
I was saved from having to finish the conversation by being paged over the P.A. system. I know I said I hate my life, but at least there's some chance of a distraction. Thank the Lord!
"Look, we'll finish this later. I have to go."
"But we need to finish this now..."
"If I don't leave now, someone might blow up the gate room or my lab. We don't want that, so I have to go. I'm sorry. Come find me later."
I felt bad for having to leave him like that, despite being extremely uncomfortable with the situation. Normally that would be him. It's funny how we switched roles like that.
I was needed in the control room. Simmons had decided to crash the dialing computer or something. Someone needs to teach that kid how to use the system. Oh, that'd be me, wouldn't it? Damn.
"Lieutenant, what'd you do this time?"
"I don't know, Ma'am. I was running a diagnostic, and the dialing computer just shut down."
Simmons was looking scared at that point. He probably thought I was going to kill him or something. I had considered it a minute ago, but only because it was my precious super-computer.
"It just...shut down? How does it just shut down?!"
"Uh...if I knew, I wouldn't be asking you here...Ma'am."
"Yes, I know. I'd like to just hack this damn thing to pieces since it always causes problems...but then we wouldn't have the dialing program or anything...anymore."
I think he found it quite odd that he was calling a teenager 'Ma'am'. I have to say that if it weren't me, I'd find it a bit strange too. But hello! It's Stargate Command! You have to expect weird things when you're working here. I think it might be in the job description.
I was looking around to see if anything had come unplugged. There wasn't anything I could see. Meaning if something were unplugged it'd be mighty hard to tell because of all the wires down by the floorboards.
I looked over at Simmons who was randomly pushing buttons on each of the computers. If he electrocutes himself one day, it won't be my fault. My defense will be: 'Curiosity killed the cat!' or in this case, 'Curiosity killed Lieutenant Simmons!' but that isn't the point.
"Stop doing that! You'll get yourself electrocuted." I said as I swatted his hand away.
He looked startled. Oh, no! It didn't already happen, did it?
"Did you already get electrocuted?!"
"No, Ma'am. When you touched my hand, you shocked me. Literally."
"Oh...heh...sorry. Do you remember pressing any buttons or anything?"
"I don't know. I was leaning on the desk by the keyboard and it all shut down."
Then it clicked.
"Were you by any chance leaning on that part over there?"
I pointed to the other side of him. He looked at it and looked back at me. I think his brain is too fried to realize what I was hinting at.
"Yes..."
"Lieutenant, do you see that big blue button over there where you were leaning?"
"Yes..."
"You still don't know what I'm talking about, do you?"
"You said I leaned on the button. But that wouldn't mean anything unless..."
"Unless it was the manual emergency shut down."
"Oh...whoops."
I tried not to laugh at the expression on his face. They need to get armrests on these chairs. Seriously.
"Yeah...press the white button under it."
"Yes, Ma'am."
He pressed the button and everything came back on. I love it when the problem has such a simple solution as pressing a button. Too bad we can't get rid of every Goa'uld at the same time like that.
Note to self: create device to kill all Goa'uld at once using big blue button. Automatic shut down.
"I think you can continue the diagnostic now. You might want to make sure nothing was damaged with the improper shut down."
"Yes, Ma'am. Sorry for the trouble."
"I'd rather it be something easy to fix like this instead of a foothold situation or something."
I decided to wait around and make sure nothing else happened. That and it would get me out of what was sure to be a very awkward conversation between Jack and myself. I leaned back in the chair and put my hands behind my head.
Oh, yes. Another hard day's work. I earned my paycheck today. Wait, am I even getting paid while I'm stuck like this? I better be. Ooh! Hazard pay! Well, extra hazard pay. We already get a little bit as it is.
I didn't notice that Simmons had left. I wonder where he went? I also didn't notice Jack coming up the stairs. Then all of a sudden, BAM! I hit the floor. I don't know how it happened. I guess it was because I leaned back too far and the chair just rolled out from under me.
I think I let out a small scream, but I'm not too sure. Jack saw what had happened and came over.
"Whoa, Carter. Are you alright?"
I don't know why, but I found this all very funny. I couldn't help it, I just started laughing. He must have thought I was insane. Well, more insane than any of the rest of them.
"I'm...fine...Sir..." I said in between laughs
"What happened?"
"I think I leaned back too far...I just fell over!"
I had started to calm down by that point. Jack reached out to help me up off the floor. Once up, I was hit with another bout of laughter.
"Carter, it isn't that funny."
"At least I can laugh at myself."
"Hmm...are you sure you're feeling okay? I could always take you down to Doc and make sure..."
"No, seriously, I'm fine."
"I think I'd like to make sure you didn't hit your head. Who else would laugh at hitting the ground so hard from falling out of a chair?"
"Anyone who thought it was funny? And it really isn't necessary. I'm fine."
He dragged me off anyway.
"But what about the diagnostic? No one's there to make sure it goes well!"
"Carter, you are such a workaholic. Stop it, you're giving me a migraine!"
It didn't take us long to get to the infirmary. You know, I've become quite sick of this place over the past few days. I should just bring my suitcase, I might as well move in.
I announced our arrival with, "We're baaaaaaaack!"
I saw some of the nurse's faces. They looked visibly disturbed by my return. Then I looked over at Daniel. He's still here? Seriously, just give the boy a Coke and he'll be fine. I swear.
"Hey, Daniel. You're still here?"
"Yes...you've only been gone for around an hour..."
"Really? Well you know, all they have to do is give you a Coke and you'll be fine."
I was being loud and obnoxious. We all knew it. Well, I'm not being as obnoxious as Jack can be, but give me a break. I'm new at this.
"What? Are you serious?"
"Yup."
Some of the nurses looked quite angry when I said this. Oops. Was I not supposed to say anything so that they could have him all to themselves? Sucks for them.
"They've been keeping me here because they said they wanted to keep an eye on me! They said they were worried! All I needed was a Coke?!"
I think Daniel really has gone insane. But that's okay. We like him better that way. Well, as long as he doesn't try to kill us all.
"Yes. I think they like you enough to keep you in here. They probably think you help add to the décor."
That was Jack. It was the first time he actually spoke since we got here.
"Where's Janet? Our beloved Colonel O'Neill over here seems to think I need to be checked out."
"She's in her office, I'll go get her." One of the not-so-angry nurses replied.
"So, Sam, have you and Jack decided to help me win the pool?"
I thought he was too frazzled to remember that prank. He looked insane enough when I told him about the Coke.
"Depends on what day you picked."
Hey! We never talked about this! What the hell do you think you're doing?!
"I heard that. And we never talked about this because you didn't want to. You ran off, remember?" Jack whispered
"Damn. I thought I was getting good at the blocking. And who says I didn't want to? And I ran off to do my job." I stuck my tongue out at him
"Fine. Whatever."
"So, Sam. What are you in here for, anyway?"
"I fell out of a chair and started laughing. The Colonel seems to think that means I've got a concussion."
"I just want to make sure you're okay! I think the base would fall apart without you and your brain."
"Sure. I think you're being a little too overprotective."
"Fine. I don't want the team to fall apart because you died or something."
I rolled my eyes.
'We all know you just wanted me to be okay so we could have that conversation.'
'Oh, damn. You figured me out.'
'I figured you out a long time ago. I just never let on until now.'
'Or, you didn't figure me out. Until just now, that is.'
"Guys! Hello! I'm still here!"
"Oh, sorry, Daniel."
I had to be the one to apologize, because I know Jack just loves to annoy him. This man and his ego. Gosh.
"You guys aren't going to keep doing that, are you?"
"No!"
"Of course not."
We both knew it was a lie. A very unbelievable lie. But that's what we're here for, isn't it?
"Hmm...right."
"Hi, Sam. Back so soon?"
"He," I pointed to Jack, "made me come here. I fell out of a chair and started laughing. He seems to think that indicates I'm insane."
"She fell over backwards and hit her head on the floor. I think the fact that she started laughing indicates a head injury."
"I've been in here more times than Daniel today. And it's only 0930!"
"Hey!"
I had forgotten Daniel was still there.
"Whoops, sorry."
"Okay, I'll check for a concussion. Will that make you happy?"
"Of course."
"It won't make me happy."
My grumbling didn't do me any good though. She took out that damn penlight to check my response. My only real response was the part where I turned my head as not to be blinded.
"Do you have to use it that close to my eyes? I think I just went blind!"
"Carter, be quiet. I'm the only one allowed to grouch about the penlight."
"I think we've had a personality switch then. Or I just can't keep my mouth shut. But based on the fact that I recognize the body I'm in, I'd say it's the latter."
"Well, since your cortical response is normal, I'd say you don't have a concussion. Just a problem with laughing at inappropriate times."
"See? What did I tell you? I'm fine. Apart from the obvious 'insane' tendencies."
"I just wanted to make sure! Don't have a heart attack!"
"Don't worry. After all the times you've done something stupid and come back alive, I think I can survive something like this without going into cardiac arrest."
I realized I had been talking to him like he was just some average guy, not my superior officer, so I had to add a little something to the end of that.
"Sir"
"Hey, what about Daniel! He's done stuff like this millions of times. Granted he usually does die. But he always come back in the end."
"I'm still here! Stop talking about me like I can't hear you!"
"Why do I do that? Sorry, Daniel."
"That's better. But a real apology would be getting me a soda."
"Sure, how about a nice Sprite?"
"No! Something with caffeine! Coke would be nice."
"Daniel, I'm not going to let you have something that you became so dependent on you landed yourself in here in the first place."
Poor Daniel. Janet is going to make this hell for him. But of course she loves him, so she'll make it up to him later. Ahh! I can't believe I just thought that! Ew! Oh, my gosh!
"Then I'm afraid you're going to have one cranky patient, Doctor."
"What do you mean? Colonel O'Neill isn't a patient here, so everything should be fine." I said with another innocent look
"Excuse me? I'm not cranky!"
"You are."
"Not."
"Are."
"Not!"
"A--"
"Children! Am I going to have to throw you out of here?"
"No. I'm going to my quarters. I'm tired. I'll see you guys later."
I left them all just standing there. It was sort of weird how I can just forget about the ranks now that Jack doesn't look superior to me anymore. To outside observers, we were equals. That'll get me into trouble soon.
I reached my quarters and went inside. It felt good to be in my own space. Last time I was on my way there, a not-so-happy Senator stabbed me. Doesn't he realize that I didn't electrocute him on purpose? When someone comes to take me away from some unexplained reason, duh I'm going to resist.
I didn't even take off my boots. I just fell on the bed and went to sleep, only to be rudely awakened a few hours later. I vaguely remember something about being pregnant. Odd.
"Rise and shine, Major!"
That line wasn't the bad part. The bad part was the person coming in the door and jumping on the bed. Only he missed most of the bed, and got most of me.
"Too early...five more minutes, Mark."
"Carter..."
"It hasn't been five minutes yet..."
With that, I pulled to covers farther up over my head.
"Carter!"
Jack started shaking my shoulders, then he started jumping on the bed. I don't care if it is in the afternoon. It's still too early for me!
"No..."
"Alright...I supposed I could always ask General Hammond to give McKay a call and..."
That got me going. I shot up and looked at him wide-eyed.
"No, wait! I'm up! I'm up! What is it?"
"Nothing, really. I just wanted to talk to you."
He bounced on the bed and sat back down.
"You woke me up for that? How can you live on so little sleep? Now I know what I've been missing out on!"
"Aw come on! We have to talk about it sometime."
"Only when I'm drunk and incoherent."
"I think we can arrange that..."
"You aren't serious? I would never..."
"Have some fun will ya? I at least got you to sleep more than three hours. I rubbing off on you more than you care to admit."
"Or, it's just me being my teenage self."
"You aren't really a teenager, you know."
"You can't get me drunk, anyway. They don't have alcohol on base and according to outsiders, we're underage."
"I'm sure I can make a deal with Daniel..."
"You wouldn't!"
"Oh, wouldn't I?"
"I still hate you."
He leaned over and kissed me.
"No, you don't. Otherwise you wouldn't have let me kiss you."
"Just because I hate you, doesn't mean I won't let you kiss me. I can get you back later if I want to."
"Why do you do this to me?"
"Because I can?"
"That's it. I'll force feed you the alcohol."
"Alcohol is a liquid, Sir."
"Oi...you know what I mean."
"Or do I?"
"Don't start."
"I didn't. You did."
"What is it with you and semantics these days? I thought it was my job to be picky."
"I'm a teenage girl. I grew out of it when I hit twenty. You apparently started when I stopped."
"Are you calling me a girl?"
"I would never say such a thing. Besides, you're way too handsome to be a girl. And your voice is way too deep."
"What?"
"I said...oh...damn."
"You think I'm handsome?"
"Wipe that smug look off your face. I hate it when you do that. Well, when it's directed at me, anyway."
"And I didn't even have to get you drunk."
"Which is why you're never going to get me drunk. Ever."
"I might..."
"No."
"I can find a way...you know I'm quite crafty when I try to be."
"I'm leaving. Wait a minute...these are my quarters. You leave."
"Fine. But I'm not staying away for long..."
"I figured."
He left the room. Thank God. Though he probably went to go spring Daniel from the infirmary with the promise of 100 Cokes if he took us to get alcohol. Although, it could be quite fun to see them drunk...and since Teal'c doesn't have his symbiote anymore, we could get him drunk too! Oh...that will be hilarious. A drunk Teal'c. Maybe I'll help Jack get that alcohol.
I was feeling tired again. So maybe I'll just go back to sleep.
"Hey, Carter! McKay's here to see you!"
"What?! Hell no! You're not serious?!"
"No, I'm not."
"Why do you torment me?!"
"Because it's fun? Or did I already use that?"
"I don't care. Why do you keep using McKay to wake me up?"
"Because I know you hate him and your reaction is priceless."
"Gee, thanks."
"You're quite welcome."
"I take it Daniel wouldn't help you get beer?"
"No...it's not right! I even offered to get him a soda machine for his office!"
"He refused that? Wow. And here I was looking forward to getting Teal'c and Daniel drunk...but like I said before, it wouldn't take much for Daniel."
"Yeah, I know."
"Oh, well. I guess you won't be asking me any questions tonight."
"No...I'll still ask them."
"But I don't have to answer!"
"You know, it's times like these that make me wonder why I ever liked you in the first place..."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"That was not nothing!"
"It was. I swear. I never said a word."
"You did!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Oh, so we're having one of these arguments again, Samantha?"
"Apparently we've sunk to the level of the teenagers we once were. Or more like the five year olds we once were. But yes, we are having another one of these arguments, Jonathon."
"I finally did it! I finally did it!"
"What did you finally do?"
"I finally got you to use my name! Granted, it was the name I hate...but it was still my name and not my rank. Or 'Sir'...I'm feeling proud of myself..."
"Don't feel too proud. I only did that because you called me 'Samantha'."
"It worked though, didn't it?"
"Now I really do wish we had beer. Although..."
"What?"
"I have something to do, I'll see you later. Oh, and get out of my quarters...Sir."
I can't believe I didn't think of this before. I'm thinking getting drunk now would be an excellent idea. Good thing I know where they keep the NyQuil stashed. Well, it's more like I know where Daniel's secret stash is.
I snuck into his office, found the NyQuil and left without being detected. It's a good thing he's still in the infirmary I guess.
I decided not to get myself totally hammered, but get Jack totally hammered instead. Then he can answer my questions. That, and I don't think I've ever actually seen him drunk. So I went to his quarters to tell him of my discovery....
I opened the door to his quarters. And decided to do what he did to me the first time. I jumped more on him than on the bed. I have to admit, it was quite fun.
"Hello...Jack."
"Hmm...what? Can't you see I was busy?"
"I found something..."
"What?"
I waved the bottle in front of his face.
"You brought me medicine? What was the point of that?"
"If you haven't read the label, it has alcohol in it."
"Uh huh...how much?"
"About...well, I don't know. But it's the first ingredient, so it must be a pretty high content."
He sat up, looking at me with this mischievous glint in his eye. That's never a good sign...
"Oh, really? Well then let's take a shot."
"I can guarantee you won't like what you taste."
"So? After all the spicy foods I've eaten, my taste buds are probably dead at this point anyway. Besides, once we have enough of this stuff...we won't notice it anymore."
"If we have that much, we're probably going to be taken in for substance abuse."
"So?"
With that said, he took a shot of it. I had to laugh at the expression on his face. I knew it was going to be severely nasty. But if he wants alcohol, that's the only way we'll get it.
"Your turn."
"What?"
"Take a shot. I took one, now it's your turn."
Oh, so this is how we're going to play it? So much for him being the only one getting drunk. Damn him.
"Alright..."
"Good."
He poured me a shot, and I drank it. Ugh. This stuff is utter crap. How can anyone ever take this? Of course, if you're sick, you'll do anything to get better. But still...
"Wow...it kind of burns on the way down..."
"Nah, you're imagining it."
We continued this for around an hour. We had already consumed several bottles of the stuff. I'm surprised I can stay this coherent.
"So...any other secrets you want to divulge?"
"Hmm...at the moment I'm not drunk enough to tell you..."
I said this all while giggling. Everything seems funny to me at this point...even the color of paint on the wall. Wait, are the walls even painted? Oh, well.
"Then we need more..."
"Yes...no...oh, hell. Why not? We've been pretty good since we got stuck like this..."
"You're absolutely right...now whose turn is it for another shot...?"
"Shots? I thought we were drinking...?"
"We are."
"Oh, yeah..."
Fifteen minutes and around 40 shots hammered.
"If the Goa'uld are self-healing, then how can their hosts have pierced ears? Essentially a piercing is a flesh wound...so how does the hole not heal?"
He shrugged, "I don't know...let's have more drinks!"
"I knew there was a reason I liked you..."
"Yeah...it's not just for my boyish good looks..."
"Of course not...although that helps..."
"Know why I like you?"
"Because I'm smarter than you?"
"Well maybe...but no."
"Then why?"
Being drunk obviously lets you say things you wouldn't normally say. I already knew that, but I guess it's more apparent now. Makes me sound kinda stupid, doesn't it? Hehehehehehe...
"Because..."
"Oh...so, out of every woman on this base, who would you pick to go out with?"
"I thought that was quite obvious..."
"Ooh! Who is it?"
I scooted closer, like a girl eagerly awaiting the story of my best friend's first date.
"Gee, I thought you were smarter than that..."
He started laughing at me. Well, I think he was laughing at me anyway.
"No?"
"Hahaha...YOU!"
"What?"
"I was answering your question..."
"What was my question again?"
"Of the female personnel, who would I date..."
"Oh yeah...hehehehehe...I forgot..."
"And my answer was you...silly."
I looked at him with wide eyes. Then I looked around the room. I didn't notice I had started to fall over. Whoops. I think somewhere along the line I grabbed at Jack's shirt, because he was lying on top of me the next minute.
"What...hehehe...are we...hehehe...doing down here?"
"You...fell over?"
"Oh...that's funny..."
Then I just grabbed him again and started kissing him. I don't know why...but I did.
"You know something? I really love..."
"Yes...?"
"I really...love...NyQuil!"
"Oh...well then..."
"I'm kidding...hehehe...the look on your face...YOU!"
"What?"
I looked at him wide-eyed again.
"I...love...you...!"
"Well...good...cause I do too!"
"I'm glad you love yourself..."
"Well, that too..."
So giddy...I'm going to kiss him again...hehehehe...then we started a very nice make-out session...I don't remember much of what happened after that...we were so drunk...
Migraine...ugh...horrible after-taste...the arm around me is nice...wait...arm around me?! Oh, no...what happened last night? Well, at least I have my bra and stuff on...that must mean nothing happened...right?
A/N: Sorry it took so long! I get distracted very easily sometimes. But this chapter is over 4,000 words, so I guess that'll help, right? Once term starts, I don't know how often I'll be able to update. If this story is able to last that long, I mean. But thank you guys so much for your reviews! They always make my day! Please read and review! Thanks!
Later,
Darkstarspanky aka Carter
Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter
Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.
Rating: PG (language and a smidge of alcohol)
Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"
Archive: If anyone actually wants it, let me know first.
Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...
Author's Note: Thanks to CapriceAnn Hedican-Kocur, LiRA, Mishy-mo, Typically Head-Over-Heels, and Sci Fi Fan Gillian for their reviews! They always mean so much to me! I think CapriceAnn read my mind...I was thinking about them getting drunk. Based on that, there will be some alcohol and stuff. But I don't write sex scenes. I'm a good girl, but for this story I have to go against that...
Sam's POV
I was saved from having to finish the conversation by being paged over the P.A. system. I know I said I hate my life, but at least there's some chance of a distraction. Thank the Lord!
"Look, we'll finish this later. I have to go."
"But we need to finish this now..."
"If I don't leave now, someone might blow up the gate room or my lab. We don't want that, so I have to go. I'm sorry. Come find me later."
I felt bad for having to leave him like that, despite being extremely uncomfortable with the situation. Normally that would be him. It's funny how we switched roles like that.
I was needed in the control room. Simmons had decided to crash the dialing computer or something. Someone needs to teach that kid how to use the system. Oh, that'd be me, wouldn't it? Damn.
"Lieutenant, what'd you do this time?"
"I don't know, Ma'am. I was running a diagnostic, and the dialing computer just shut down."
Simmons was looking scared at that point. He probably thought I was going to kill him or something. I had considered it a minute ago, but only because it was my precious super-computer.
"It just...shut down? How does it just shut down?!"
"Uh...if I knew, I wouldn't be asking you here...Ma'am."
"Yes, I know. I'd like to just hack this damn thing to pieces since it always causes problems...but then we wouldn't have the dialing program or anything...anymore."
I think he found it quite odd that he was calling a teenager 'Ma'am'. I have to say that if it weren't me, I'd find it a bit strange too. But hello! It's Stargate Command! You have to expect weird things when you're working here. I think it might be in the job description.
I was looking around to see if anything had come unplugged. There wasn't anything I could see. Meaning if something were unplugged it'd be mighty hard to tell because of all the wires down by the floorboards.
I looked over at Simmons who was randomly pushing buttons on each of the computers. If he electrocutes himself one day, it won't be my fault. My defense will be: 'Curiosity killed the cat!' or in this case, 'Curiosity killed Lieutenant Simmons!' but that isn't the point.
"Stop doing that! You'll get yourself electrocuted." I said as I swatted his hand away.
He looked startled. Oh, no! It didn't already happen, did it?
"Did you already get electrocuted?!"
"No, Ma'am. When you touched my hand, you shocked me. Literally."
"Oh...heh...sorry. Do you remember pressing any buttons or anything?"
"I don't know. I was leaning on the desk by the keyboard and it all shut down."
Then it clicked.
"Were you by any chance leaning on that part over there?"
I pointed to the other side of him. He looked at it and looked back at me. I think his brain is too fried to realize what I was hinting at.
"Yes..."
"Lieutenant, do you see that big blue button over there where you were leaning?"
"Yes..."
"You still don't know what I'm talking about, do you?"
"You said I leaned on the button. But that wouldn't mean anything unless..."
"Unless it was the manual emergency shut down."
"Oh...whoops."
I tried not to laugh at the expression on his face. They need to get armrests on these chairs. Seriously.
"Yeah...press the white button under it."
"Yes, Ma'am."
He pressed the button and everything came back on. I love it when the problem has such a simple solution as pressing a button. Too bad we can't get rid of every Goa'uld at the same time like that.
Note to self: create device to kill all Goa'uld at once using big blue button. Automatic shut down.
"I think you can continue the diagnostic now. You might want to make sure nothing was damaged with the improper shut down."
"Yes, Ma'am. Sorry for the trouble."
"I'd rather it be something easy to fix like this instead of a foothold situation or something."
I decided to wait around and make sure nothing else happened. That and it would get me out of what was sure to be a very awkward conversation between Jack and myself. I leaned back in the chair and put my hands behind my head.
Oh, yes. Another hard day's work. I earned my paycheck today. Wait, am I even getting paid while I'm stuck like this? I better be. Ooh! Hazard pay! Well, extra hazard pay. We already get a little bit as it is.
I didn't notice that Simmons had left. I wonder where he went? I also didn't notice Jack coming up the stairs. Then all of a sudden, BAM! I hit the floor. I don't know how it happened. I guess it was because I leaned back too far and the chair just rolled out from under me.
I think I let out a small scream, but I'm not too sure. Jack saw what had happened and came over.
"Whoa, Carter. Are you alright?"
I don't know why, but I found this all very funny. I couldn't help it, I just started laughing. He must have thought I was insane. Well, more insane than any of the rest of them.
"I'm...fine...Sir..." I said in between laughs
"What happened?"
"I think I leaned back too far...I just fell over!"
I had started to calm down by that point. Jack reached out to help me up off the floor. Once up, I was hit with another bout of laughter.
"Carter, it isn't that funny."
"At least I can laugh at myself."
"Hmm...are you sure you're feeling okay? I could always take you down to Doc and make sure..."
"No, seriously, I'm fine."
"I think I'd like to make sure you didn't hit your head. Who else would laugh at hitting the ground so hard from falling out of a chair?"
"Anyone who thought it was funny? And it really isn't necessary. I'm fine."
He dragged me off anyway.
"But what about the diagnostic? No one's there to make sure it goes well!"
"Carter, you are such a workaholic. Stop it, you're giving me a migraine!"
It didn't take us long to get to the infirmary. You know, I've become quite sick of this place over the past few days. I should just bring my suitcase, I might as well move in.
I announced our arrival with, "We're baaaaaaaack!"
I saw some of the nurse's faces. They looked visibly disturbed by my return. Then I looked over at Daniel. He's still here? Seriously, just give the boy a Coke and he'll be fine. I swear.
"Hey, Daniel. You're still here?"
"Yes...you've only been gone for around an hour..."
"Really? Well you know, all they have to do is give you a Coke and you'll be fine."
I was being loud and obnoxious. We all knew it. Well, I'm not being as obnoxious as Jack can be, but give me a break. I'm new at this.
"What? Are you serious?"
"Yup."
Some of the nurses looked quite angry when I said this. Oops. Was I not supposed to say anything so that they could have him all to themselves? Sucks for them.
"They've been keeping me here because they said they wanted to keep an eye on me! They said they were worried! All I needed was a Coke?!"
I think Daniel really has gone insane. But that's okay. We like him better that way. Well, as long as he doesn't try to kill us all.
"Yes. I think they like you enough to keep you in here. They probably think you help add to the décor."
That was Jack. It was the first time he actually spoke since we got here.
"Where's Janet? Our beloved Colonel O'Neill over here seems to think I need to be checked out."
"She's in her office, I'll go get her." One of the not-so-angry nurses replied.
"So, Sam, have you and Jack decided to help me win the pool?"
I thought he was too frazzled to remember that prank. He looked insane enough when I told him about the Coke.
"Depends on what day you picked."
Hey! We never talked about this! What the hell do you think you're doing?!
"I heard that. And we never talked about this because you didn't want to. You ran off, remember?" Jack whispered
"Damn. I thought I was getting good at the blocking. And who says I didn't want to? And I ran off to do my job." I stuck my tongue out at him
"Fine. Whatever."
"So, Sam. What are you in here for, anyway?"
"I fell out of a chair and started laughing. The Colonel seems to think that means I've got a concussion."
"I just want to make sure you're okay! I think the base would fall apart without you and your brain."
"Sure. I think you're being a little too overprotective."
"Fine. I don't want the team to fall apart because you died or something."
I rolled my eyes.
'We all know you just wanted me to be okay so we could have that conversation.'
'Oh, damn. You figured me out.'
'I figured you out a long time ago. I just never let on until now.'
'Or, you didn't figure me out. Until just now, that is.'
"Guys! Hello! I'm still here!"
"Oh, sorry, Daniel."
I had to be the one to apologize, because I know Jack just loves to annoy him. This man and his ego. Gosh.
"You guys aren't going to keep doing that, are you?"
"No!"
"Of course not."
We both knew it was a lie. A very unbelievable lie. But that's what we're here for, isn't it?
"Hmm...right."
"Hi, Sam. Back so soon?"
"He," I pointed to Jack, "made me come here. I fell out of a chair and started laughing. He seems to think that indicates I'm insane."
"She fell over backwards and hit her head on the floor. I think the fact that she started laughing indicates a head injury."
"I've been in here more times than Daniel today. And it's only 0930!"
"Hey!"
I had forgotten Daniel was still there.
"Whoops, sorry."
"Okay, I'll check for a concussion. Will that make you happy?"
"Of course."
"It won't make me happy."
My grumbling didn't do me any good though. She took out that damn penlight to check my response. My only real response was the part where I turned my head as not to be blinded.
"Do you have to use it that close to my eyes? I think I just went blind!"
"Carter, be quiet. I'm the only one allowed to grouch about the penlight."
"I think we've had a personality switch then. Or I just can't keep my mouth shut. But based on the fact that I recognize the body I'm in, I'd say it's the latter."
"Well, since your cortical response is normal, I'd say you don't have a concussion. Just a problem with laughing at inappropriate times."
"See? What did I tell you? I'm fine. Apart from the obvious 'insane' tendencies."
"I just wanted to make sure! Don't have a heart attack!"
"Don't worry. After all the times you've done something stupid and come back alive, I think I can survive something like this without going into cardiac arrest."
I realized I had been talking to him like he was just some average guy, not my superior officer, so I had to add a little something to the end of that.
"Sir"
"Hey, what about Daniel! He's done stuff like this millions of times. Granted he usually does die. But he always come back in the end."
"I'm still here! Stop talking about me like I can't hear you!"
"Why do I do that? Sorry, Daniel."
"That's better. But a real apology would be getting me a soda."
"Sure, how about a nice Sprite?"
"No! Something with caffeine! Coke would be nice."
"Daniel, I'm not going to let you have something that you became so dependent on you landed yourself in here in the first place."
Poor Daniel. Janet is going to make this hell for him. But of course she loves him, so she'll make it up to him later. Ahh! I can't believe I just thought that! Ew! Oh, my gosh!
"Then I'm afraid you're going to have one cranky patient, Doctor."
"What do you mean? Colonel O'Neill isn't a patient here, so everything should be fine." I said with another innocent look
"Excuse me? I'm not cranky!"
"You are."
"Not."
"Are."
"Not!"
"A--"
"Children! Am I going to have to throw you out of here?"
"No. I'm going to my quarters. I'm tired. I'll see you guys later."
I left them all just standing there. It was sort of weird how I can just forget about the ranks now that Jack doesn't look superior to me anymore. To outside observers, we were equals. That'll get me into trouble soon.
I reached my quarters and went inside. It felt good to be in my own space. Last time I was on my way there, a not-so-happy Senator stabbed me. Doesn't he realize that I didn't electrocute him on purpose? When someone comes to take me away from some unexplained reason, duh I'm going to resist.
I didn't even take off my boots. I just fell on the bed and went to sleep, only to be rudely awakened a few hours later. I vaguely remember something about being pregnant. Odd.
"Rise and shine, Major!"
That line wasn't the bad part. The bad part was the person coming in the door and jumping on the bed. Only he missed most of the bed, and got most of me.
"Too early...five more minutes, Mark."
"Carter..."
"It hasn't been five minutes yet..."
With that, I pulled to covers farther up over my head.
"Carter!"
Jack started shaking my shoulders, then he started jumping on the bed. I don't care if it is in the afternoon. It's still too early for me!
"No..."
"Alright...I supposed I could always ask General Hammond to give McKay a call and..."
That got me going. I shot up and looked at him wide-eyed.
"No, wait! I'm up! I'm up! What is it?"
"Nothing, really. I just wanted to talk to you."
He bounced on the bed and sat back down.
"You woke me up for that? How can you live on so little sleep? Now I know what I've been missing out on!"
"Aw come on! We have to talk about it sometime."
"Only when I'm drunk and incoherent."
"I think we can arrange that..."
"You aren't serious? I would never..."
"Have some fun will ya? I at least got you to sleep more than three hours. I rubbing off on you more than you care to admit."
"Or, it's just me being my teenage self."
"You aren't really a teenager, you know."
"You can't get me drunk, anyway. They don't have alcohol on base and according to outsiders, we're underage."
"I'm sure I can make a deal with Daniel..."
"You wouldn't!"
"Oh, wouldn't I?"
"I still hate you."
He leaned over and kissed me.
"No, you don't. Otherwise you wouldn't have let me kiss you."
"Just because I hate you, doesn't mean I won't let you kiss me. I can get you back later if I want to."
"Why do you do this to me?"
"Because I can?"
"That's it. I'll force feed you the alcohol."
"Alcohol is a liquid, Sir."
"Oi...you know what I mean."
"Or do I?"
"Don't start."
"I didn't. You did."
"What is it with you and semantics these days? I thought it was my job to be picky."
"I'm a teenage girl. I grew out of it when I hit twenty. You apparently started when I stopped."
"Are you calling me a girl?"
"I would never say such a thing. Besides, you're way too handsome to be a girl. And your voice is way too deep."
"What?"
"I said...oh...damn."
"You think I'm handsome?"
"Wipe that smug look off your face. I hate it when you do that. Well, when it's directed at me, anyway."
"And I didn't even have to get you drunk."
"Which is why you're never going to get me drunk. Ever."
"I might..."
"No."
"I can find a way...you know I'm quite crafty when I try to be."
"I'm leaving. Wait a minute...these are my quarters. You leave."
"Fine. But I'm not staying away for long..."
"I figured."
He left the room. Thank God. Though he probably went to go spring Daniel from the infirmary with the promise of 100 Cokes if he took us to get alcohol. Although, it could be quite fun to see them drunk...and since Teal'c doesn't have his symbiote anymore, we could get him drunk too! Oh...that will be hilarious. A drunk Teal'c. Maybe I'll help Jack get that alcohol.
I was feeling tired again. So maybe I'll just go back to sleep.
"Hey, Carter! McKay's here to see you!"
"What?! Hell no! You're not serious?!"
"No, I'm not."
"Why do you torment me?!"
"Because it's fun? Or did I already use that?"
"I don't care. Why do you keep using McKay to wake me up?"
"Because I know you hate him and your reaction is priceless."
"Gee, thanks."
"You're quite welcome."
"I take it Daniel wouldn't help you get beer?"
"No...it's not right! I even offered to get him a soda machine for his office!"
"He refused that? Wow. And here I was looking forward to getting Teal'c and Daniel drunk...but like I said before, it wouldn't take much for Daniel."
"Yeah, I know."
"Oh, well. I guess you won't be asking me any questions tonight."
"No...I'll still ask them."
"But I don't have to answer!"
"You know, it's times like these that make me wonder why I ever liked you in the first place..."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"That was not nothing!"
"It was. I swear. I never said a word."
"You did!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Oh, so we're having one of these arguments again, Samantha?"
"Apparently we've sunk to the level of the teenagers we once were. Or more like the five year olds we once were. But yes, we are having another one of these arguments, Jonathon."
"I finally did it! I finally did it!"
"What did you finally do?"
"I finally got you to use my name! Granted, it was the name I hate...but it was still my name and not my rank. Or 'Sir'...I'm feeling proud of myself..."
"Don't feel too proud. I only did that because you called me 'Samantha'."
"It worked though, didn't it?"
"Now I really do wish we had beer. Although..."
"What?"
"I have something to do, I'll see you later. Oh, and get out of my quarters...Sir."
I can't believe I didn't think of this before. I'm thinking getting drunk now would be an excellent idea. Good thing I know where they keep the NyQuil stashed. Well, it's more like I know where Daniel's secret stash is.
I snuck into his office, found the NyQuil and left without being detected. It's a good thing he's still in the infirmary I guess.
I decided not to get myself totally hammered, but get Jack totally hammered instead. Then he can answer my questions. That, and I don't think I've ever actually seen him drunk. So I went to his quarters to tell him of my discovery....
I opened the door to his quarters. And decided to do what he did to me the first time. I jumped more on him than on the bed. I have to admit, it was quite fun.
"Hello...Jack."
"Hmm...what? Can't you see I was busy?"
"I found something..."
"What?"
I waved the bottle in front of his face.
"You brought me medicine? What was the point of that?"
"If you haven't read the label, it has alcohol in it."
"Uh huh...how much?"
"About...well, I don't know. But it's the first ingredient, so it must be a pretty high content."
He sat up, looking at me with this mischievous glint in his eye. That's never a good sign...
"Oh, really? Well then let's take a shot."
"I can guarantee you won't like what you taste."
"So? After all the spicy foods I've eaten, my taste buds are probably dead at this point anyway. Besides, once we have enough of this stuff...we won't notice it anymore."
"If we have that much, we're probably going to be taken in for substance abuse."
"So?"
With that said, he took a shot of it. I had to laugh at the expression on his face. I knew it was going to be severely nasty. But if he wants alcohol, that's the only way we'll get it.
"Your turn."
"What?"
"Take a shot. I took one, now it's your turn."
Oh, so this is how we're going to play it? So much for him being the only one getting drunk. Damn him.
"Alright..."
"Good."
He poured me a shot, and I drank it. Ugh. This stuff is utter crap. How can anyone ever take this? Of course, if you're sick, you'll do anything to get better. But still...
"Wow...it kind of burns on the way down..."
"Nah, you're imagining it."
We continued this for around an hour. We had already consumed several bottles of the stuff. I'm surprised I can stay this coherent.
"So...any other secrets you want to divulge?"
"Hmm...at the moment I'm not drunk enough to tell you..."
I said this all while giggling. Everything seems funny to me at this point...even the color of paint on the wall. Wait, are the walls even painted? Oh, well.
"Then we need more..."
"Yes...no...oh, hell. Why not? We've been pretty good since we got stuck like this..."
"You're absolutely right...now whose turn is it for another shot...?"
"Shots? I thought we were drinking...?"
"We are."
"Oh, yeah..."
Fifteen minutes and around 40 shots hammered.
"If the Goa'uld are self-healing, then how can their hosts have pierced ears? Essentially a piercing is a flesh wound...so how does the hole not heal?"
He shrugged, "I don't know...let's have more drinks!"
"I knew there was a reason I liked you..."
"Yeah...it's not just for my boyish good looks..."
"Of course not...although that helps..."
"Know why I like you?"
"Because I'm smarter than you?"
"Well maybe...but no."
"Then why?"
Being drunk obviously lets you say things you wouldn't normally say. I already knew that, but I guess it's more apparent now. Makes me sound kinda stupid, doesn't it? Hehehehehehe...
"Because..."
"Oh...so, out of every woman on this base, who would you pick to go out with?"
"I thought that was quite obvious..."
"Ooh! Who is it?"
I scooted closer, like a girl eagerly awaiting the story of my best friend's first date.
"Gee, I thought you were smarter than that..."
He started laughing at me. Well, I think he was laughing at me anyway.
"No?"
"Hahaha...YOU!"
"What?"
"I was answering your question..."
"What was my question again?"
"Of the female personnel, who would I date..."
"Oh yeah...hehehehehe...I forgot..."
"And my answer was you...silly."
I looked at him with wide eyes. Then I looked around the room. I didn't notice I had started to fall over. Whoops. I think somewhere along the line I grabbed at Jack's shirt, because he was lying on top of me the next minute.
"What...hehehe...are we...hehehe...doing down here?"
"You...fell over?"
"Oh...that's funny..."
Then I just grabbed him again and started kissing him. I don't know why...but I did.
"You know something? I really love..."
"Yes...?"
"I really...love...NyQuil!"
"Oh...well then..."
"I'm kidding...hehehe...the look on your face...YOU!"
"What?"
I looked at him wide-eyed again.
"I...love...you...!"
"Well...good...cause I do too!"
"I'm glad you love yourself..."
"Well, that too..."
So giddy...I'm going to kiss him again...hehehehe...then we started a very nice make-out session...I don't remember much of what happened after that...we were so drunk...
Migraine...ugh...horrible after-taste...the arm around me is nice...wait...arm around me?! Oh, no...what happened last night? Well, at least I have my bra and stuff on...that must mean nothing happened...right?
A/N: Sorry it took so long! I get distracted very easily sometimes. But this chapter is over 4,000 words, so I guess that'll help, right? Once term starts, I don't know how often I'll be able to update. If this story is able to last that long, I mean. But thank you guys so much for your reviews! They always make my day! Please read and review! Thanks!
Later,
Darkstarspanky aka Carter
