Chapter Nine
This wasn't supposed to happen.
Frankly, Gippal was surprised it hadn't happened earlier, what with Baralai sleeping with him every night, but it was still a shock.
He had hoped that he wouldn't be impulsive enough to kiss Baralai for the first time for a reason like this. Gippal would have far preferred to kiss the Praetor in a more romantic setting, with trees and flowers and other particularly girly things. Or even when they were cuddling in bed would have been better.
But no, he had to kiss him now. With the curtains closed and the room half-dark, the only sound being the buzz of the static from the still-running sphere -- and there they were with their lips locked.
At first, Baralai's eyes had flown wide, making Gippal's heart race. He had thought for sure that the Praetor was going to kill him. But then, Gippal had just decided to close his eyes and let it happen… of course, it helped that Baralai relaxed after a second and closed his eyes too.
Gippal knew. He had peeked. Baralai certainly seemed like he wasn't objecting… he even looked like he was enjoying it.
Of course, Gippal didn't want to push the limits. He was doing this just to get Baralai to shut up, after all.
Wasn't he?
It didn't matter. All that mattered was this kiss… this act that would make Baralai feel better. That was what Gippal was all about. He needed to make Baralai get over the misgivings he had about himself, needed to make him feel comfortable and loved and wanted, needed to make him feel like he wasn't a complete and utter failure.
Of course, Gippal hadn't gotten that far yet. He was still trying to make Baralai feel like a normal person again after being possessed by Shuyin… matters had been severely complicated by the introduction of Baralai's new family issues.
If there was one thing that Gippal knew, it was that Baralai wasn't dead.
Then again, he hadn't known that Auron was dead, and clearly he was. He hadn't even been able to tell that Nooj was dead when he walked into Baralai's apartment, fresh off the wrong end of a shotgun.
Gippal would have sighed had his mouth not been preoccupied with Baralai's tongue.
He hadn't slept with those people before, though. He hadn't stayed next to them through a whole night, shaking them awake when nightmares made their bodies shake. He hadn't seen their faces first thing in the morning, hadn't heard them grumble 'good morning' sleepily… with the exception of Nooj. But Nooj hadn't been dead yet when Gippal had experienced those things. Besides, sleeping in a military tent in separate sleeping bags in the middle of a desert was quite different from cuddling in a plush bed with white silk sheets in a luxury penthouse apartment.
Gippal just liked the sheets. At least, that was what he told himself. It wasn't the natural warmth that Baralai exuded or the way he breathed ever so softly in his sleep or the way Gippal's heartbeat slowed down peacefully whenever he felt Baralai's arms around him.
Yes, and he was just kissing Baralai to get him to shut up. Of course that required a three-minute kiss! Why wouldn't it?
Gippal had the terrible feeling that he was fooling himself, but he didn't know how, exactly. That was disturbing.
"Gippal?"
Ah, the kiss had ended. That meant he would have to explain himself. He wondered how, exactly, he was going to do that.
"Why did you just kiss me?"
Time to start pulling an explanation out of his ass. Right. "Umm," Gippal started, reflexively running his fingers through his hair. "Because, even though I know how much you'd like to have sex with me, I can't because I'm on my period?"
Baralai just stared at him. His pupils quivered like a scared lamb.
"Joking, Lai," Gippal said, trying to cover for himself as best as he could. "Um, I, uh, kissed you because… you deserve it?"
"I deserve to be kissed by my best friend?"
Yeah, Baralai wasn't exactly happy, it seemed. "I mean, because, you just kept saying all that cred about yourself and I wanted you to stop it," Gippal tried.
Baralai folded his arms and turned his face away from Gippal. "Couldn't you have done something else? Anything else?"
"What, would you rather I punch you next time?" Gippal tried to smile.
Baralai looked down, blinking his eyes excruciatingly slowly.
"Is that a yes?" Gippal asked, trying to lower his head to catch Baralai's gaze.
Baralai mumbled something that Gippal couldn't understand.
"What?" Gippal asked, putting his fingers under Baralai's jaw and lifting his head up. "I can't understand you if you're talking to the ground."
"I said," Baralai's eyes darted away, and then continued, "No, I wouldn't like it if you did that."
"So it was okay for me to kiss you?"
Baralai swallowed and nodded.
"Good," Gippal replied, finally removing his fingers from the Praetor's chin. "I was worried that you were going to kill me."
"I would never do that," Baralai said, a small smile finally forming on his lips. "You've been… so kind to me lately, the only one I can really trust and rely on, it seems."
"Hey," Gippal said, putting his fingers back under Baralai's chin. He just couldn't keep his hands off the other. "There're plenty of people you can trust. You've just gotta wait for them all to calm down from the whole sex-switching thing."
Baralai nodded. "And find out what happened to those spheres."
"Exactly."
"And," Baralai continued, turning to look out the window, "make Nooj hurry up with the opening of the Farplane. I'm not certain I can wait any longer."
"I'm giving him until the end of my… period," Gippal said, standing behind Baralai and putting his arms around the other's shoulders. "Because I don't think I can travel like this. Then I'm going after him."
There was a long, comfortable silence. Gippal felt very comfortable, standing behind Baralai the way he was, holding him, showing that he loved him.
"Let's put the spheres away," Baralai finally suggested.
Gippal was happy to hear that Baralai wanted to move on past that weirdness. Unfortunately, he wasn't happy to hear that Baralai wanted to move out of his arms. "One more kiss?" Gippal tried.
Baralai looked back over his shoulder at Gippal. "You know… I… only like women, right, Gippal?"
Gippal was half-shocked to hear that. He was only half-shocked because, he remembered, he was currently a woman. "What's the problem, then?"
"You're… not exactly a woman," Baralai tried.
"What more do I need to be a woman?" Gippal asked, laying his chin on Baralai's shoulder. "I have the required parts. I have an hourglass figure, breasts, a vagina, nice soft skin, and I actually smell good for probably the first time in my life."
Baralai chuckled lightly. "I mean… you're still Gippal. Inside of you, you're a man."
"Just like how you're a woman, in some part of yourself?"
Baralai's light chuckling stopped suddenly, his face freezing in shock and fear. "What makes you say that?"
Gippal nuzzled Baralai's cheek. "You think I didn't notice? You walk on your toes, you have always had this dainty feminine quality about you that I could never quite figure out. You take pleasure in your appearances, you hate being dirty, and you always like it when I hold you at night." Baralai was staring at Gippal like he was being insulted, but Gippal continued anyway. "You've always had that about you… it's what makes you so different and intriguing from everybody else. That's why, when you told me that your mother thought you were going to be a girl and treated you like one from the beginning, so many things made sense."
Baralai's eyes turned to the ground at that point. "Is it that obvious?"
"No," Gippal said, holding Baralai close to his body. "It's not obvious at all. To everybody, even to me until you told me that, you just seem like a guy who actually cares about things like smelling nice and not being a brash jackass all the time."
"So… but… you don't think it's strange?" Baralai didn't raise his eyes from the ground.
"Of course it's a little strange," Gippal said, nodding slightly. "But so is being a guy who was spontaneously turned into a woman. So is being a warrior with a half-machina body. So is being a half Al Bhed summoner. So is wearing nothing but a thong and a bra on a freezing cold mountain. Even the people who are supposed to be the ideal Spiran have little strange things about them." He sighed against Baralai's cheek. "That's what makes us all human."
"You… don't think any less of me for it?" Baralai lifted his head now, responding to Gippal's repeated nuzzling.
"Of course not," Gippal said softly. "I admire you for it. You're a great man – sorry, you're a great person -- even though you're dealing with this little strangeness. Many people would let that stop them from achieving anything."
Baralai remained silent, simply breathing. He let his head fall back against Gippal's, closing his eyes. "I never thought," he said with a voice barely above a whisper, "that you would be the one to know all of this."
"I'm a woman, too," Gippal teased. "We're observant."
"You still have a lot of work to do," Baralai replied.
"I think I'm kind of hoping you'll help me with that."
Baralai smiled and turned to face Gippal, kissing him as his answer.
