I didn't move all night.

No-one came to see me either...I was glad too - I wouldn't have been able to face them.

I cannot describe how horrible I felt...for Wayne, and even for God.

So easily I had blamed him and shut him out. How could I blame him for something the devil did? He was comforting the whole town, how could I ask him to save me and not them? How did I ignore the fact he did comfort me, in an incredible way, when my mother died? How could I have spoken so ill of him to Andrew and Monica? He was their literal father and I had hurt them too, and they did not deserve it. How could I have picked that rock up? What did I think it was going to do against the devil? How could I have allowed anger to take hold when God himself had directly warned me not to? Such blatant disobedience had led to all of this. Even listening to satan to begin with...I didn't need to listen to him, I just needed to go in to the church and I would have been safe...

God had not left me at all - I knew he loved me more than I could describe, and it must have broke his heart to see me suffering so badly and hearing me reject him and even blame him so harshly.

How could I?

Utterly and completely devastated and in agony, I cried bitterly again - this time, even my soul weeped with me.

Unbelievable waves of guilt and shame overwhelmed me to join my trauma.

I was simply a wreck and probably close to a breakdown.

Horrified and disgusted by myself, I spotted a broken piece of metal under the bed.

Siezing my chance, I violently rubbed my arm over it, soothed by the blood treakling from the new wound.

I knew God could redeem me if he wanted to - but I simply didn't deserve it.

I was the biggest scum of the Earth for what I had said and done.

I had even ended an innocent life by directly disobeying him!

There was no escape...I deserved to die and I deserve to burn in hell! I deserved to be raped by the devil every day - at least he'd be with me and not hurting other people!

Whimpering, I cut even deeper, wildly trying to find my artery.

A bright light all at once distracted me.

But instead of anger, this time I felt completey dread.

"Rachael, please don't do this..." Andrew begged, croaching down next to the bed and looking under at me.

I whimpered again, refusing to look at him.

How could I?

"You don't understand..." I choked, sniffing.

"Oh I do. I understand the horrifying pain you have went through, and now the most unimaginable guilt is coarsing through you. For you to actually believe you deserve to burn in hell and be raped repeatedly is appaling and a testiment to the sheer level of horror you feel within yourself. But it is NOT true - you do not deserve it!" Andrew argued back, sounding like he was close to tears.

Bravely, I turned to look at him, my lip quivering.

"Do you have any idea what I have done?" I whispered, my voice thick with grief.

He watched me, waiting for me to speak.

"I...I blamed God - literally blamed him for the devil raping me. I said he cared more about the devil's rights than my own. I said that he didn't leave the church because he cared for about being worshipped than helping me. I said he only saved people in the church and screws them over if they aren't...I uh...I literally told God to "shove it" when he reached out to me. I rejected him completely! I hurt him with my words. I directly disobeyed him and let anger win...I let the devil win AGAIN and because of that, Joey died! It was all my fault!" I cried, breaking down again.

"Is that all true?" a voice asked.

Sniffing, I looked and realised Wayne was standing at the door with some food.

Andrew sighed, relieved a human was present.

"It is true." he confirmed, "but she is at far less at fault than she feels. But the pain she has suffered and is suffering right now is unimaginable."

Wayne sighed out, emotional, and came in the cell.

He too crouched next to the bed.

"Sheriff's orders, come out." he ordered, voice careful.

Sniffing, all I could do was listen.

Slowly, I crawled out from under the bed, my stomach killing again. I must have torn it again through the night as I curled up.

I groaned, holding it.

"What happened?" Wayne asked me.

Sniffing, I told him in detail everything that happened since the day of my mother's death.

I knew it was ok to speak of Zach being God, because when I approached that bit, I had looked at Andrew, who nodded back to let me know it was allowed.

At the end, Wayne and Andrew were both in tears, shamelessly.

"You have been through so much in the last 48 hours!" Wayne exclaimed, gently holding my shoulder.

"If this is all true, then what can you do but turn yourself over to God? Seems to me, He really does care about you and has blessed you above measure. I don't blame you for Joey's death, and I'm sorry I did! Look...I get how you feel like you're the worst person on Earth now, but I seriously, seriously think God will forgive you. He let you find the Arc of the convenant! He let you know he was here in person when he wouldn't even tell an angel! He loves you, Rachael, and although you doubted it and were angry, it's because satan got his hooks into you, and pushed you over the edge. I can't even imagine the horror you have been through. I wouldn't want to...because no human could ever handle that mantle of pain. But trust God and turn it over to him, because he can handle it, and he is willing to!"

Heaving with sobs, I burrowed my face into his chest.

He wrapped his arms around me and simply held me, knowing no more words were needed.

As I was there, finally feeling some small level of comfort, I was reminded of when God comforted me in the cave...and I realised I wanted him. I wanted him more than anything else in the universe!

But...I was so terrified, and so ashamed, I didn't know what to do.

Wayne held me for several minutes.

Knowing I would not kill myself now, Andrew gently stroked my head and left me to do other work.

Wayne slowly let me go and gently stroked my face.

"You NEED God." he informed me, standing up.

I bit my lip, sighing and finally nodding.

He was right.

I DID need God - it was pointless denying it anymore.

Breathing out with emotion, Wayne told me it was important I ate, and gently left me.

Of course, I couldn't eat.

I simply couldn't face it.

Groaning, I sat on the bed and leant forward with my head in my hands.