Season 1 Episode 9

The Tale of the Golden Doctor's Note

One day at the Norrisville High gymnasium, Rachelle Cunningham and her best friend, Harley Weinerman, were both changed into their gym uniforms: consisting of a white T-shirt with blue sleeve ends and a blue N on the side of their chests and blue shorts. Of course, their gym teacher was Coach Green, who apparently disliked teaching his students with normal exercises, since there was a tall, skinny goth girl with trembling legs.

"Is it me, or is Coach Green completely insane?" Harley asked somewhat rhetorically.

"Well, I think he's just trying to keep gym class interesting." Rachelle said unsurely as she rubbed the back of her neck.

Then, out of nowhere, the gym teacher fired a flamethrower when it spewed fire right in front of the students, making them all jump in surprise while he laughed loudly.

"This baby has a light trigger!" Green said with a British accent as he patted his flamethrower before he was suddenly jetted away when he accidentally pressed the button.

"Nope, he's totally insane." Rachelle corrected herself.

Green suddenly appeared behind her and Harley, startling them with shrieks of surprise. "So, who's ready to play hopscotch?" Then his phone rang before he answered it. "Uh-huh, uh-huh...okay, cheers." He hung up before he turned to his students while he tossed his flamethrower aside, and it exploded on the bleachers. "Apparently, your 'fire marshal' has some safety concerns, so hopscotch is off." Rachelle and Harley began their little fist-bump routine, but stopped when their coach continued. "I know, I'm bummed, too. Guess I'll just have to go with my back-up plan: climbing a rope!"

Green pointed at a harmless rope in the center of the gym.

"See, that is refreshingly rational." Rachelle admitted.

"But to ensure a spirited romp, I've enlisted a few of your classmates yo assault you with balls as you ascend!"

The school's most meanest bully, Ash Johnson, suddenly kicked the door off its hinges as she and a few of her friends held onto some dodgeballs, with mischievous smirks (minus the girl that looked like a monstrous bodyguard).

"Aw, we just got greened!" Rachelle exclaimed in distraught.

"Greened hard." Harley added as she lowered her eyebrows.

The monstrous girl then bit on her dodgeball and inflated it. "Maddi! Now we got one less crushing ball!" Ash exclaimed to her friend.

Coach Green blew on his whistle and the bullies got into position. "Ready to give it a go...Stevens?" He said to the absolutely silent boy with the sunglasses and always played the 'sad trombone'.

"Ha! You're gonna eat it, Stevens!" Harley retorted as the trombone player walked up to the gym teacher and handed him a note.

"According to his family physician, young Stevens here has some sort of 'medical condition' that forbids him from climbing a rope." Stevens played his trombone at the girls' faces as he walked by them before they frowned at him. "Well, then, Ms. Weinerman, you're first to shimmy the wipple."

Harley muttered to herself before she glanced up at the top of the rope. She growled softly before she inhaled and grabbed onto the rope. Luckily, before she could even climb up the rope before the bullies assulted her, the school bell rung.

"Ooh! Oh, man! Outta time." Harley said before she chuckled as Ash pounded her dodgeball on the floor in disappointment. "And I was just about to get my shimmy on."

"Chin up, Weinerman, you'll be first on the rope tomorrow." Green said cheerfully before he walked away.

Harley glared at her chaotic gym teacher while Rachelle stood next to her and narrowed her eyes with her hands on her hips. "Stupid wipple!" Harley punched on the rope, but then it smacked her on her stomach hard, making Rachelle flinch as her best friend collapsed on the gym floor and pounded her fist.

After gym class, Rachelle and Harley both went into the girl's locker room, where Rachelle has already changed back in her normal attire while Harley had a towel wrapped around her chest as she rubbed some deodorant on her arm pit.

"I do not want to climb that rope." Harley grumbled while Rachelle leaned against the lockers, waiting patiently for her friend to finish getting ready.

A dodgeball suddenly whooshed past the two friends when it dented a bin and Ash caught. The other girls quickly ran out of the locker room while Harley and Rachelle stayed behind. "We're gonna crush you tomorrow! Crush you like the thing that crushes…" Ash exclaimed until she faltered and tried to think of something to say. "Other things! YEAH!" Ash then pulled a piece of hair out of Harley's hair, making her shriek in pain before she fell onto the floor. Ash and her friends laughed until Maddi bit on her dodgeball, much to Ash's frustration. "Maddi, sis, you're killing me." And then they all left the locker room.

"What would you say if I said you don't have to climb that rope?" Rachelle said to her best friend as she sat down on the bench.

"I would say great! And then I might asked how?" Harley said before she sat next to her friend.

"I don't know, but I bet the answer lies within...the Nomicon!" Rachelle pulled her math book out of her backpack instead.

"That's your math book."

Rachelle stuffed it back into her backpack and pulled out her trusty NinjaNomicon. "I meant the Nomicon!" She quickly made her way into the locker room's bathroom, where she sat inside a stall. "Listen, Nomicon, you and I both know Harley can't climb that rope. We have to help her, whatta ya' got?"

Rachelle opened her ninja book of wisdom before her mind was sucked inside. She landed inside some kind of dojo, where she found the Nomicon's advice that read:

The best way to avoid an attack is to avoid an attack

Rachelle cocked an eyebrow. "What the juice? Fine, you know what? Forget it, Nomicon. If you didn't want to help, all you had to do was not suck me in here." The room began to tremble until the floor below her began to crack. "Okay, the floor is splitting!" She then shouted as she plummeted just before her mind returned to her body, when she jumped with the Nomicon landing on her head.

Harley (back in her clothes) moaned as she stared nervously at the dodgeballs in a rack. Rachelle returned into the locker room. "So, you got it?" She asked as she stood to her feet.

Rachelle glanced down at her book. "Book was a dead-end, and kinda jerky about it." The Nomcion suddenly flashed red as it growled, making her flinch in surprise a little before she stowed it back into her backpack.

Stevens then appeared in the entrance when he played on his trombone before he waved his doctor's note in triumph as he disappeared. Harley and Rachelle both frowned at the silent trombone band geek.

"Stevens...thinks he's so cool because he's got that fancy doctor's note." Harley groaned in jealousy before she sighed. "Wish I had IBS."

Rachelle then smiled with an idea. "Ah, that's it, Harley! We need a doctor's note, we need a golden doctor's note." She said while her friend sat back down on the bench.

"Cunningham, everyone and their brother's gone looking for that notepad. It doesn't exist, it's a myth, a fairytale seventh graders tell each other at sleepovers."

"Right now, it's our only hope. We just have to find a way into...the old gym." Rachelle began to open and close the lockers for any clues.

"This is a terrible plan, just want you to know that."

Rachelle ignored her as she continued peeking into the lockers. "No. No. No." The last locker she opened had a goth girl hanging upside down inside, who made Rachelle jump and yelp in surprise.

The goth girl had long blue hair with bangs that looked a little like whiskers with a tiny crooked hat that had a skull, blue eyes with heavy mascara, and fake fangs in her mouth. She wore a dark purple blouse with a purple ribbon neck tie, a darker purple undershirt with puffy shoulder style, sleeves that had light and dark purples, a purple double-folded skirt, dark and light purple-striped leggings, and purple boots with heels.

"Greetings, normals. If you seek the entrance to the old gym, it lies not in this tin tomb." The goth girl said dramatically before she giggled and accidentally fell from her hanger. "Ouch."

"Juliette?" Rachelle said.

"Weirdo." Harley said in a singsong voice.

"I haunt this locker room every day, yet the entrance eludes me, and I even possess a map." Juliette said in her creepy voice as she pulled out an old pizza box from her locker before she opened it, revealing a map with words inside. "But I've never been able to decipher the riddle. Solve it, and you can join me on a quest into the deep, cavernous void."

Rachelle flicked the pizza box out of Juliette's hands. "I'm awesome at riddles!" She said before she began to examine the riddle. "'In this room, amid the sweat stink and such, the entrance lies where no janitor would ever touch'. Where's the one place in a locker room no janitor has ever touched?" She then heard the toilet flush where she peeked into the bathroom and found out that Sunny, the school janitor, has not even used the dispenser next to the sink (since it was covered in webs). "Soap dispenser!"

Rachelle pressed on the dispenser, but all that came out was dust.

"What'd I tell you? It's a myth." Harley repeated.

However, Rachelle pressed it again, and this time, the floor suddenly opened underneath them as they shouted in surprise and fell into the hole. Purple smoke billowed from the hole as it made its way into the vents into the prison of the Sorceress, where she smelt it and smiled wickedly.

"Mmm, now there's a scent I haven't smelled in some time. Someone's searching for the golden doctor's note, eh?" The evil Sorceress said to her rat companion before it squeaked. "I don't know what I'm going to do! I just found out!" She crossed her arms and frowned.

Rachelle, Harley, and Juliette all shouted as they slid down a vent-like slide until they crashed through a duct and tumbled onto a dusty wooden floor. The girls looked around and gasped at the cavernous-like gym with wooden platforms and exercise equipment everywhere, and there was even a small office at the end of the underground cave.

"The old gym." Juliette said with a anticipating smile. "Just as I imagined. So dark, so creepy, so marvelous!"

"You're a freak. You know that, right?" Harley said sarcastically, but the goth girl only giggled sheepishly.

"'Never stray from the course, follow the path across the horse.'" Rachelle read from the pizza box before she made a perplexed look. "Horse?" She glanced down and saw a field of pommel horses scattered everywhere. "Pommel horses! Awesome at riddles me!"

"So, to get out of doing gym stuff, we gotta do gym stuff?" Rachelle and Juliette ignored Harley's sarcastic remark when they climbed down and began to jump from one pommel horse to another.

While they seemed to have no trouble at all, Harley was haven't a lot of trouble keeping her balance as she stumbled her way across the pommel horse field. The obese girl grumbled as Rachelle gestured her friend to hurry up while Juliette looked around eagerly. Harley took one last step while Rachelle tapped her foot impatiently. However, the wooden floor began to crack until it broke apart and Harley lost her balance, but she managed to grab hold of a dangling pommel horse.

"Harley!" Rachelle exclaimed. Harley screamed before her friend quickly reached down and dragged her up to safety. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine…" Harley said genuinely, until she frowned and shouted angrily at her face. "No, I'm not okay! I almost died!" She then turned away and crossed her arms.

"How I envy thee." Juliette said from the very top of giant treadmills in rows. "Death is so cool. Look, I found an adorable instrument of torture. Isn't it delightful?" However, the treadmills started up, surprising Juliette when she yelped tripped and quickly placed her hat back on her head. "MY HAT!" Then weight balls then rolled from a cave opening and began to threaten to trip her as she jumped over them.

"Hang on, Juliette!" Rachelle said before she and Harley began catch up to her by climbing up the treadmills.

A ball suddenly whacked the goth girl in her guts, sending her tumbling over Rachelle and Harley (who have managed to make it to the top). Then a giant spiky rolly appeared at the end of the treadmill and threatened to kill her.

"I don't want to die! Death isn't cool!" Juliette exclaimed in fear.

"I knew Lady Creepy was a fraud!" Harley said.

Rachelle then kicked a ball up to a stalactite as it broke off and landed in front of the purple-haired girl. She hopped on top of it as she grabbed Harley by the back of her outer shirt, making her yelp before she pulled harder. She quickly grabbed the goth girl by her wrist and pulled her away from the roller as it demolished the stalactite into pieces.

"Come on, Harley! Pull, big girl!" Rachelle encouraged her friend.

"What do you think I'm doing?!" Harley exclaimed rhetorically before she managed to grab onto the ladder. Rachelle quickly hoisted herself onto the ladder (by stepping on Harley's cheek) with Juliette in her arm and climbed up before Harley followed suit. "Any other must-see sights on out Tour de Terror, Juliette?"

They glanced at the goth girl, who was in a fetal position and sucked her thumb in her mouth from her traumatizing treadmill experience. "Juliette?"

"Juliette want a wittle snackie." She whimpered in paralyzing fear before Harley waved her hand in front of the goth girl's face, but got no response.

"I think Juliette's gone bye-bye."

"This is getting a little too real." Rachelle muttered with a frown. "I'll get the notes, you stay with Juliette." And with that, she ran off for the end of the old gym.

Harley grumbled in disappointment until Juliette suddenly hugged her. "Hold me!" She pleaded.

Harley cringed in embarrassment. "Yeah, I don't think so." She said as she shoved her off and ran after her best friend, leaving Juliette alone as she whimpered in fear. "Rachel, wait up!"

Back in the Sorceress' prison, she sniffed before she smiled. "Finally, sheer terror." She said before she began to produce her purple stank. "Go, go, foul funk, and destroy the notes! Be gone!" She waved her stank smoke through the vents as it made its way into Juliette's hat. Her hat glowed before her bangs covered her eyes and she began to transform into a stanked monster.

Rachelle examined the pizza box map until they finally approached the small office that was suspended off the ground by several ropes. It had bright light shining from the busted windows and a humongous hole at the bottom.

"There it is, that must be where the golden doctor's notes are." Rachelle said before she noticed a rope dangling from the hole of the box office. "All we gotta do to get out of climbing Green's rope is...climb a rope. How's that for irony?" Rachelle grinned as she stowed the pizza box away and pulled out her Ninja Mask. "I'll just ninja out, grab the notepad, we get Juliette and we bounce."

She slipped the mask over her face before ribbons appeared and began to change her into her Ninja Suit. Harley stood there impatiently in silence until her friend's suit was finally done. She punched the air, kicked it, and then dropped down in a pose with grunts before she prepared herself to climb the rope.

However, Harley was slowly backing away from something. "You all dressed? Good, 'cause THAT!" The obese girl exclaimed as she pointed at a giant bat monster.

Its eyes were completely covered by bangs, humongous tattered bat wings, and bent legs: it was undoubtedly Stanked Juliette. She roared as she spun around a couple of cable-like elastic tools (whatever they're called) and thrusted them straight at Rachelle, who jumped around to avoid her blows.

"Probably shouldn't have left Juliette behind!" Rachelle said between jumps before she got smacked on her chest, but she luckily managed to flip across the two bars until she landed safely on the ground. "Boom, stuck it!" Juliette then threw a steel weight ball at the ninja girl, but she managed to smash it to pieces with a wooden stick, crushing it as well. But it was apparently pretty heavy since Rachelle cringed as she flexed her aching hand. "Oh, sweet ninja, that hurt!"

"Hey, watch it!" Harley exclaimed when she dodged a steel weight ball as she began to climb the rope to the office.

Rachelle looked a little surprised by this. "Harley, you can climb a rope?"

"Of course I can climb a rope."

"But we're down here risking our lives because I thought you couldn't climb a rope." As Rachelle spoke, she drew her sword out, jumped to the air, and sliced a couple of ropes to send a basketball hoop swinging at Juliette, sending her crashing straight through the wall.

"Well, that's dumb, you should have asked me. Why wouldn't I be able to climb a rope?" Harley then gasped like she just realized something that just clicked in her head before she frowned at her ninja friend offendedly. "It's because you think…"

Juliette threw a weight bar as she slid across the floor, with wide eyes. "No! No, no, no, no, it's not that. You're perfect...exactly the way you are." She lifted the weight bar with a strain, but Juliette roared at her face until Rachelle double-kicked the bat monster in the face.

"Don't patronize me, Ninja. Go on, say it, go ahead."

Rachelle stood to her feet as she rolled her eyes. "You have tiny hands, alright!"

"I knew it! And I prefer delicate." Juliette threw another steel ball at Harley, who just narrowly dodged it. "Yo, that almost hit me!" She then cringed from a dumbell.

Rachelle studied Stanked Juliette's face and realized that she was only relying on her hearing (since her eyes were completely covered), and then glanced between the bat monster and her best friend climbing the rope. "'The best way to avoid an attack is to avoid an attack'!" She then ran towards the rope. "Ninja avoid the attack!" She began to swing around while she avoided Juliette's attacks while she helped Harley climb up faster. "Climb, climb, climb!"

"Stop yelling at me!" Harley avoided weight bars and dumbells before she managed to regain her grip and climbed towards the office. She finally made it inside, where she found the pad of the forgotten golden doctor's notes. "Jackpot."

While Harley began to collect the notes, Rachelle began to face off against Stanked Juliette, who gurgled as she raised a weight bar with her bat wings' claws. Rachelle smirked underneath her mask before she inhaled and shrieked to the top of her lungs. The bat monster immediately dropped the bar and used her wings to cover her ears, because of her small arms that couldn't reach it. Ninja then flipped to the weight chairs and thrusted herself over Juliette's head, just before she recovered and tried to reach for her. Rachelle then grabbed a jump rope from the wall and spun it while she kicked a bathtub towards Stanked Juliette and lassoed the rope. She caught the monstrous goth girl by her leg and forced her to trip just as the bathtub slammed right into her.

Harley then climbed down the rope with the golden doctor's notes. "I got the notes!" She exclaimed until the office suddenly snapped from the air and threatened to crush the obese girl. She yelped and braced herself just before the office landed on top of her.

"Oh, boy!" Rachelle said in startled as the office broke apart, and luckily the huge hole on the floor saved Harley's life.

Harley smiled sheepishly. "And...I broke the office."

Before Harley could run to her friend, Juliette suddenly tackled her and then slammed her on the floor, leaving her in a daze. The stanked goth girl then lifted Harley into the air and they began to fight for the notes, until Juliette got them and she threw the obese girl next to her ninja friend.

"Hey! I climbed up a rope to get those!" Harley exclaimed at the stanked goth girl. Juliette then began to swallow up the note one by one before Harley shook Ninja madly. "Stop her, Ninja."

"Okay." Rachelle said.

Harley then shook her even harder. "STOP HER!"

Rachelle slapped Harley's grips off. "I said OKAY!" She then rose to her feet and stared at Juliette. "I gotta de-stank her, there must be something she holds dear." As the bat monster continued to swallow up the notes, she noticed that Juliette's hat was glowing pink. "The hat! Totally figured it out!"

Rachelle the sprinted towards Stanked Juliette and slid between her legs. When the mutated goth girl crouched to look under her legs, the ninja girl suddenly kicked her right in the face, making her yelp. Rachelle then grabbed the hat and kicked Juliette towards one of the rotating elastic equipment stands. The machine began to shake the bat monster as she ripped up most of the other notes while Harley managed to recover only one.

"One note left, don't mind if I do." Harley said.

"Ninja hat punch!" Rachelle exclaimed before she punched her fist through the small hat, forcing the stank out of the hat as it billowed its way back into the Sorceress' prison.

"No, no, no!" She exclaimed in frustration. "My chaos, where's the misery? Where's the suffering?!" Her rat companion merely squeaked a reply.


The next day at the Norrisville gym, Coach Green blew on his whistle as he checked on his clipboard. Ash and her friends were all stocked up with their dodgeballs to throw at their classmates.

"Ms. Weinerman, the wipple beckons." He said.

Harley chuckled as she nudged on her best friend. "I don't think so, Coach G. I have a…" She said as she reached into her pocket.

"Wait!" Rachelle interrupted. "There's something I need to tell you."

Harley frowned like she thought she knew what Rachelle was going to tell her. "I know...you're sorry you almost got me killed and completely insulted me by assuming I couldn't climb a rope."

However, Rachelle rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. "Well, yeah, that. But also…" Harley suddenly covered her mouth with her finger.

"Shhh! We're good." She creeped up to her gym teacher. "All that matters is that I'm not going up that rope."

"About that…"

Harley then handed Green a note. "Read it and weep, Green."

Green examined the note, but he frowned in disapproving confusion. "Ten percent off a Charlie Cluckers Chicken Bucket? Is this a bribe?" He asked.

Harley's eyes went wide. "What?! Gimme that!" She then examined it and realized it was her coupon. She then glared angrily at her best friend as she ripped up her coupon. "What...have...you done?"

"Well, Juliette shared her map, and she really fell apart down there." She gestured to the goth girl, who was the last golden doctor's note and a busted up hat. "So, I figured since you can climb a rope-"

"Stop talking! We're not good anymore!"

Rachelle then grinned as she crossed her arms while Harley slumped her way to the rope. "Don't worry, I have a new plan. The best way to avoid an attack is to avoid an attack." Harley began to climb up the rope while Ash and her friends began their assault with their dodgeballs. "Follow my lead!" Rachelle and the rest of her classmates began to swing the rope around while they helped her avoid the balls. "Swing, guys, swing! Climb, Harley, climb!"

"New strategy, pound the nerds!" Ash exclaimed before they began to throw their balls at Rachelle and everyone else.

"Run!" They all began to run away from the bullies while Harley grinned a little. "Climbing ropes ain't so bad." She said to herself before she made her way to the top.

Juliette giggled a little until someone threw a dodgeball at her face and she groaned. "But I have the note!" She protested before Stevens played the sad trombone.