~Chapter 8: I go on the TV shows of death~

"Oh boy!" Mettaton cried, colourful stuff falling from the roof. "I can already tell it's gonna be a great show! Everyone give a big hand for our wonderful contestant!" Colourful stuff fell on my head. I waved, 'cause I was on TV and all. "Never played before, gorgeous? No problem! It's simple! There's only one rule. Answer correctly…" Things got spooky. "Or you die!" Battle went up, yo.

What'd I do? I thought. Well, my… real mom's been on TV a lot. So… I fake-cried. You wouldn't hit a soppy kid, would you? Mettaton said 'screaming' was 'against the rules'. Whatever.

"Let's start with an easy one!" Mettaton said. "What's the prize for answering correctly?" There were four answer thingos: A, B, C, D. Alphys was hanging on the side, giving me the, what's it called, answer: D - more questions. Cheese balls, I thought, giving that answer. Mettaton was cool beans. "Right! Sounds like you get it!" It was my turn, so I played the mercy game. "Here's your terrific prize! What's the king's full name?" Alphys showed me it was C, Asgore Dremurr. I flowed with her river.

"Correct!" Mettaton cried. "What a terrific answer!" Mercy from me. "Enough about you! Let's talk about me! What are robots made of?" 'Cause of human smartness and seeing Robots, I knew the answer was B, metal and magic. Love me, Rodney! "Too easy for you, huh?" Mercy. "Here's another easy one for you!" This bacon balls maths one showed up. I was like, ehhh, I can't do maths! Thank cheese balls Alphys was there. She was, like, being my new pal. She gave me the answer.

"Wonderful!" Mettaton cried. "I'm astounded, folks!" Y'know what I did. "Don't 'count' on your victory. How many flies are in this jar?" Maths again? I thought. Hey, is it maths or math? Or mass? Alphys gave me the answer (thank cheese balls). "Correct! You're so lucky today!" So… vanilla or chocolate ice-cream? If you see me talking here, you'll know I played the mercy game. "Let's play memory game!" A pic of a… froggit, I think, was on screen. Alphys was saying it was Mettaton, so I went with her. She was spot on. "I'm so flattered you remembered!"

Dudes, I just can't choose, what's the word, between those two cheese balls flavours. Mettaton asked, "But can you get this one? Would you smooch a ghost?" The answers were all heck yeah! Alphys was all heck no! I was all heck whatever! So I just picked A. "Great answer! I love it!" They're just fabo ice-creams! "Here's a simple one. How many letters in the name Mettaton nnnnnn…." And lots more ns to come. Alphys said the answer was C, so yeah. "Of course that was easy for you!" They're, like, cheese balls popular, y'know? "Time to break out the big guns! In the dating simulation game Mew Mew Kissy Cutie, what is Mew Mew's favorite food?"

"OH! OH!" Alphys cried. "I KNOW THIS ONE! IT'S SNAIL ICE-CREAM!" What?! I thought. An ice-cream I've never heard of? My life's bacon balls! "IN THE FOURTH CHAPTER, EVERYONE GOES TO THE BEACH! AND SHE BUYS ICE-CREAM FOR ALL HER FRIENDS BUT IT'S SNAIL FLAVOR AND SHE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTS IT IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS OF THE GAME BECAUSE IT'S ACTUALLY A VERY POWERFUL message about friendship and…" Alphys frowned. I'd have that ice-cream! I thought. Ice-cream's life!

"Alphys, Alphys, Alphys." Mettaton said. "You aren't helping our contestant, are you?" Alphys was all like, nah, 'course not! "OOOHHH! You should have told me! I'll ask a question… You'll be sure to know the answer to! Who does Dr. Alphys have a crush on?" Alphys was freaking out. I looked at the answers: Undyne, Asgore, the human (aka me) and don't know. I don't know who don't know is, so they were outta the question. Me too… for now. That left Undyne and Asgore. Undyne was fluffing a lot 'bout Alphys, I thought. So… I choose that answer.

"See, Alphys?" Mettaton asked. Alphys looked all bacon balls. "I told you it was obvious. Even the human figured it out. Yes, she scrawls her name in the margins of her notes. She names programming variables after her. She even writes stories of them together… sharing a domestic life. Probability of crush: 101 percent. Margin of error: one percent."

"Holy, Alphys," I said. "You're caught in a bad romance!" Alphys gave me this bacon balls look. I shrugged it off.

"Well well well," Mettaton said. "With Dr. Alphys helping you, the show has no dramatic tension! We can't go on like this! But…! This was just the pilot episode. Next up: more drama! More romance! More bloodshed! Until next time, darlings!" Mettaton turned into this… jetpack thingo and left.

"You cool beans, Alphys?" I asked, looking at the monster.

"...I'm fine," Alphys said. "That was certainly something." She frowned. "Th-that last question… he wasn't s-supposed to ask that one…" She looked away.

"Bacon balls, man," I said. Like me. "Well… guess I'd better get going."

"Wait, wait!" Alphys said. She walked over to me. "Let me give you my p-phone number! T-then… maybe… if you need help, I could…"

"Sounds awesome-sauce," I said. I gave Alphys my phone. "Here you go."

Alphys freaked. "Wh… where'd you get this phone?! It's ANCIENT! It doesn't even have texting. W-wait a second, please!" She ran off and came back. "Here, I upgraded it for you! It can do texting, items, it's got a key chain… I even signed you up for the No. 1 social network!"

"Awesome-sauce!" I said. "Hey, can I do my internet nickname thing?" Alphys said yeah, so I did that. I called myself IceCreamIsLife. "Cheese balls! And we're friends, too. I'm gonna post so much stuff!" If anyone's into that, I thought. Who would be?

"Yeah," Alphys said. "Ehehehehehe… heh heh… heh…" She looked 'round awkwardly. "I'm going to the bathroom." She went to the loo, though she was really just hanging out behind the door. 'Cause monsters don't use the loo (I asked). That's a human thing. Anyway. There was one of those moving stair thingies you see at malls… what are they called? Escalators, yeah. I went up one and came to this new joint. There was some cheese balls stuff, like 'human history' books, which weren't really true.

There was a work desk, tools, this weird goop machine, anime posters, Mettaton posters, letters from monsters… other jazz. Then I left and found this fridge. I took some Instant Noodles and left the lab. I decided to post something on my social media thingo.

I took a pic outside Alphys' place. sussing out hotland! it's hotttttttt :p better be ice-cream here XD. I walked for a bit. Alphys posted something: just realized i didn't watch undyne fight the human v. v. She posted a bit later. well i know she's unbeatable i'll ask her abt it later ^. ^. A bit more. for now i gotta call up the human and guide them =^. ^=.

the human says ty, I said on the status. oh, good, Alphys said back. wait… I ran into Vulkin. I spared it by telling it it was awesome-sauce, 'cause that's what I do. I posted on the UnderNet, just spared Vulkin :D maybe I should've flirted with it XD. I went on this… conveyor belt thing. hotland has… these conveyor belt things. I posted. like the airport lol. do u monsters even know what that is XD

Alphys posted, gonna call them in a minute! =^. ^=. I went up a few more conveyor belts, coming to this determination joint. filled with determination! I posted, taking a selfie. Alphys posted, I HATE USING THE PHONE I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS LMAO ^. ^. I came to these vents. vents lol, I posted. hotland's crazy XD. I ran into Tsunderplane, who got in my way, 'totally not on purpose'.

"Hey, Tsunderplane," I said, being all cheesy- and flirty. "I like what movies and books you're into."

"Huh?!" Tsunderplane cried. "Y-you sicko!" It chucked a bunch of bombs on me, then 'accidentally' hit me with its wing. (What does accidentally mean again?) I got a bit closer to it.

"So baby, pull me closer." I sung. Tsunderplane looked all ehh! Planes flew at me. They were green, so I touched 'em. Tsunderplane blushed. Then I spared it.

lol, I posted. tsunderplane is totes in luv with me XD bout time I find someone down here who's like dat XD. I went back to the vents and flew over some. It was kinda cheese balls. Alphys posted, omg ive had my claw over the last digit for 5 minutes. omg im just gonna do it omg im just gonna call! I laughed and went over some more vents. Then I got another scary daydream... in midair. Bacon balls me was… holding up a knife and saying, THE WORLD WILL BE RE-MADE.

HOLY CRAP, I posted. I JUST HAD THIS CREEPY BACON BALLS DAYDREAM LOL. i'mma call my pals and see what theyre up to XD. I called Papyrus and Undyne.

"'Sup, guys?" I said. "I've got… what's it called, social media. So hook me up. My name's IceCreamIsLife."

"Just added you, punk!" Undyne said. "I'm StrongFish91. Papyrus is CoolSkeleton95. Oh, you're at the steam vents? I think Alphys told me about those. The Core cools off by releasing steam through those… and at the same time, it doubles as transport! Pretty cool, if you aren't wearing a dress!" She hung up. I went over more vents. Someone tried to ring me, but they hung up.

lol, I posted. someone tried to ring me, but they hung up. bacon balls i'm still not cheese balls with my ringtone :P. I came to this joint full of lasers. bacon balls, I posted. lasers and jazz ahead. theyre not red lol that's my soul's colour XD wait brb someone's ringing. I sussed the phone.

"Uhh!" Alphys said awkwardly. "H-hi, so, the blue lasers… uhh! I mean, Alphys here! Hi! The blue lasers won't hurt you if you don't move! O-orange lasers, you h-have to be moving, and they… um, they won't, um… move through those ones! ...uh, bye!" She hung up.

it's cool beans, I posted. Alphys told me how 2 pass the lasers. Alphys posted, OMG I DID IT! claws haven't shook like that since undyne called me to ask about the weather… v. v. I passed the lasers. still cool beans, I posted. why was I scared I'm super strong lol. Alphys posted, WAIT THERE'S NO WEATHER DOWN HERE WHY DID SHE CALL ME.

just found a switch to turn off those bacon ball lasers, I posted. wait how did I know that… oh well. I did a lil' more walking. Alphys posted, Oh My God i Forgot to Tell THem Where To Go. Then she posted a pic of… a trash can, with all these… filters, I think they're called, over it. I shrugged and came to more vents. Alphys rang.

"A-A-Alphys here!" she said. "Th… the northern door will stay locked until you… s-solve the puzzles on the right and left! I… I think you sh-should g-g-go to the right first!" She hung up. I posted, i've gotta do more puzzles XD i've done more puzzles on 1 day here than all my time on the surface lol #puzzlefreak. I went to these doors and came to these puzzles. bacon balls idk how to do these, I posted. but I don't wanna ask 4 help. risk it for a chocolate biscuit XD.

The puzzle was about… something to do with destroying a bacon balls ship. It took a lil' work, but I made it. cheese balls, I posted. just did the puzzle XD lol i'm hungry but I don't wanna eat my food #hungercrap. I did another puzzle (Alphys helped moved some laser), then went past that northern door. i feel like i'm missing jazz, I posted. whatever i just wanna get outta here XD.

I found some more vents when Alphys called me.

"Uh…" she said. "I think… uhm… Hey! About the puzzles on the left and right, they're a bit difficult to explain, but-"

"Been there, done those." I said.

"You've already solved them?" Alphys asked. "Awesome!" She hung up. Cool beans, I thought. I jumped over a few more vents. I came to this kitchen-like place. I posted, i'm at a kitchen or something now lol XD. I took a pic and posted that too. am i gonna be cooking? holy crap i'm bacon balls and cheese balls at cooking XD. I went into the joint. It was dark in there. Very dark. Someone rung me.

"H-hey," Alphys said. "It's kind of dark in there, isn't it? Don't worry! I'll hack into the light system and brighten it up!" The lights turned on. It was a kitchen (whoopie-doo, right peeps?). "Oh no." Alphys said, freaked. Mettaton showed up.

"Ohhh yes!" he said. "Welcome, beauties, to the underground's premier cooking show!" Cooking With a Killer Robot was on screen, looking all fancy. I took a quick selfie and posted, on a cooking show lol its gonna be fabo XD. Mettaton said, "Pre-heat your ovens, because we've got a very special recipe for you today! We're going to be making… a cake!"

"Aw, bacon balls," I said. "I wanted to make ice-cream. Oh well. Cake's cool beans."

"My lovely assistant here will gather the ingredients," Mettaton went on. "Everyone give them a big hand!" I waved as colourful stuff fell from the roof. "We'll need sugar, milk and eggs. Go for it, sweetheart!" I got all the ingredient thingies. "Perfect! Great job, beautiful! We've got all of the ingredients we need to bake the cake! Milk… sugar… eggs… Oh my! Wait a magnificent moment! How could I forget! We're missing the most important ingredient!" Mettan pulled out this chain-saw. Holy crap! I thought. "A human SOUL!" He moved near me.

"Why is it always in kitchens?!" I yelled. Alphys rung.

"Hello…?" Mettaton asked angrily. "I'm kind of in the middle of something here!"

"W-wait a second!" Alphys said. "Couldn't you make a… couldn't you use a… couldn't you make a substitution in the recipe?!" Why're you helping me, Alphys? I thought. I… don't deserve this. I deserve nothing.

"... a substitution?" Mettaton asked. "You mean, use a different, non-human ingredient? ...Why?"

"Uh…" Alphys said, all ehh. "What if someone's… vegan?"

"...Vegan." Mettaton said.

Be useful, dumbo, my thoughts said. "She's got a cheese balls point, Mettaton," I said. "Like-"

"That's a brilliant idea!" Mettaton cried. "Actually, I happen to have an option right here! MTT-brand-Always-Convenient-Human-Soul-Flavor-Substitute!" Meat Tornado Tag sure makes alotta stuff, I thought. Who're they anyway? "A can of which… is just over on that counter!" He was spot on the mark: that jazz was on a counter. "Well, darling? Why don't you go get it?"

"Alrighty dite, cool beans," I said. If I can. I went over to the counter. It flew into the air like a ladder. The crap? I thought.

"By the way, our show runs on a strict schedule," Mettaton said. "If you can't get the can in the next one minute… we'll just have to go back to the original plan! So… better start climbing, beautiful!"

"Alrighty dite, cool beans." I said. I'm dead, I thought. Adios, peeps. Alphys rung me.

"Oh no!" she said. "There's not enough time to climb up!" She paused. "F-f-fortunately, I might have a plan! When I was upgrading your phone, I added a few… features. You see that huge button that says… 'JETPACK'? Watch this!" My phone turned into a jetpack.

"Dude…!" I said. You're just like me, the scary voice said. I jumped. What the crap!?

Alphys went on. "You should have just enough fuel to… are you okay?"

"Cool beans, go on." I said. Anything but that.

Alphys said, "Okay… you should have just enough fuel to reach the top! Now, get up there!" I took off. I'd never used a jetpack before, so I was all like holy bacon balls! And Mettaton was chucking stuff at me. I flew all over the joint, tryna dodge the stuff. I was freaking out, though I didn't show it. A lil' while later, I got to the can thingo.

"My my," Mettaton said. "It seems you've bested me." Somehow, holy, I thought. "But only because you had the help of the brilliant Dr. Alphys! I loathe to think of what would have happened to you without her! Well, toodles!" He left. And came back. "Oh yes! About the substitution... Haven't you ever seen a cooking show before? I already baked the cake ahead of time! So forget it!" Then he left. I went back to the ground.

Alphys rung me. "Wow… we did it!" You did it, I thought. I'm, what's the word, useless. "We… really did it! Great job out there, team! W-well, uh, anyway, let's keep heading forward!" She hung up. I posted, soz 4 the break. just went on a whoopie-doo cooking show XD. I went ahead and saw this big engine-looking thing. Alphys called and told me it was the CORE. So I took a selfie nearby it. at the Core thing, I posted. on my way home :D. I looked again. So close, holy, I thought. The surface's not that far. I paused. I'mma tell my friends 'bout this. So I called Papyrus and Undyne.

"'Sup peeps!" I said. "I'm at the COREEEEEE! Gettin' closer, huh?! Isn't this awesome-sauce?" I dunno.

"THAT CLOSE, HUH….?" Papyrus said. He sounded a little aw, man.

"Yeah! Wait, what?!" Undyne said. She sounded soppy too. "We just became friends!"

"Oh, bacon balls," I said. I wanna be cheese balls, but… "Well, uh, I gotta get home and all, so… uh, cake! Bye bye adios bye!" What the fluff was that?! I thought. Bacon balls phones… bacon balls me… I frowned. I've gotta be cheese balls. This is the surface. Look what I am- human. I don't care 'bout down here. Gotta go there. I frowned. But… bacon balls… I… My world will be so much better than the surface. Why won't you listen? I ran off.

I went into a lift. I got to level R2. I said 'sup to Heats Flamesman (remember his name!) and found Sans selling hotdogs.

"Sans!" I said. "'Sup, dude?"

"hey buddy," Sans said. "what's up? wanna buy a hot dog? it's only 30G."

"Alrighty dite." I said. Sans gave me a hot dog.

"thanks, kid," he said. "here's your 'dog. Yeah. 'dog. apostrophe-dog. it's short for hot-dog."

"Cool beans." I said. I sussed my bag (not including family jazz): two Nice Creams, a Cinnamon Bunny, space-dude food, Instant Noodles, a Bisicle, and the hot dog. 'Cause I was hungry, I bought another. Sans put it on my head, 'cause there was no room in my bag.

"it's on the house," he said. "well, no. it's on you."

"Cool beans," I said. "Dude, put another one on me. I wanna take a selfie." Like, 28 or whatevsies hot dogs later, Sans drew the Great Wall of China. I mean, the line. Sans drew the line. Wait, he didn't draw anything. Anyway, he stopped with the hot dog jazz. I took a selfie, made it my profile pic, and posted, I have lots of fluffing luv for hot dogs rn lol. I went ahead and ran into Pyrope. I turned up the heat and got really hot. It wasn't cheese balls for my hair, 'cause it was getting all yuck on my face. But I played the mercy game and did my jazz. I went down this path and found an apron.

NAPSTABLOOK22 has sent you a friend request, social media said. It kinda got rid of itself before I could say yah. Aw, dude, I thought. I took a pic of the apron. someone left an apron here, I posted. looks pretty human i'm gonna suss it out. I sussed it out. Determination said- yeah, determination chatted me up- that it was called a Stained Apron and healed 1 HP every other turn. Cool beans, I thought. I put it on and took a selfie, holding out my stick. fabo XD, I posted. I walked for a bit. I came to some puzzle with those belts you see at airports. Oh yeah, conveyor belts. Alphys rung.

"H… hi…!" she said. "It's Dr. Alphys. This p-puzzle is kinda… um… timing-based. Y-you see those switches over there?"

"On the mark." I said. "That means yeah."

"Y-you'll have to press all three of them within three seconds," Alphys went on. "I'll t-try to help you with the rhythm!" She hung up. I looked at the switches. Alrighty dite, let's do this jazz, I thought. I went on the belt thingos and poked 2 switches, 'cause I didn't need to press anymore. I called Alphys and told her 'bout the two switches and not three. She was all like, oh, bacon balls, what?

I came to this joint full of vents. I posted a selfie with the vents, so many fluffing vents lol #heatingup. Alphys posted, dinner with the girlfriend :) and a pic of a catgirl next to some instant noodles. CoolSkeleton95 (aka Papyrus) posted ARE WE POSTING HOT "PICS"? HERE IS ME AND MY COOL FRIEND. It was a pic of Papyrus with… biceps… and wearing sunglasses.

Alphys posted, LOL, CoolSkeleton95! ...that's a joke, right? Papyrus posted, THE ONLY JOKE HERE, IS HOW STRONG MY MUSCLES ARE. I posted, i wonder what taco ice-cream tastes like. when i get to the surface i've gotta make it XD tbh i kinda wanna call my pals but i'm fluffing awkward on phones lol. I went up to the first vent when Alphys rang.

"Uh, h-h-hey!" she said. "I'm going to the bathroom, so I'll be MIA for a bit. I'm… sure you can handle this puzzle yourself!" She hung up, and posted, that's the last time i try to help with a puzzle lmao. I looked at the vents. I posted, who's MTT? is this Meat Tornado Tag guy famous? While I was jumping over vents, someone said, who's Meat Tornado Tag? I said, MTT, dude. I know what it stands for but idk who they are tho lol. The someone said, MTT is Mettaton.

Mettaton? I thought. MTT… Holy, that makes alotta sense! Bacon balls I'm dumb. I always am. I posted, bacon balls XD XD i'm dumb as bacon balls MTT is Mettaton and I know him XD. I did the puzzle and ran into Tsunderplane and Vulkin. I told Vulkin it was awesome-sauce and got near Tsunderplane, then did my determination near this safe and a box. Alphys posted, OMG? ppl think Mew Mew 2 is better than Mew Mew 1? LOLLLLL that's a joke right… I walked a bit. Alphys posted, omg… DONT THEY GET IT IT RUINS Mew Mew's ENTIRE CHARACTER ARC.

Alphys posted, My Mew Mew 2 review: Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2 Is Neither Kissy Nor Cutie. Its Trash. 0 stars. I posted, wish I had some music and stuff here. I feel like making a song joke XD. I walked a bit more, when someone yelled, "Hey, you! Stop!" These two royal guards- wearing armor and all- came over.

"We've, like, received an anonymous tip about a human wearing a striped shirt," RG 01 said. "They told us they were wandering around Hotland right now… I know, sounds scary, huh?"

"Yeah, man," I said. "Humans give me the freaks." I am the freak.

"Well, just stay chill," RG 01 said. "We'll bring you someplace safe, okay?" I walked after them. RG 01 looked at RG O2. "... Huh? What is it, bro? The shirt they're wearing? ...Like, what about it?" RG 01 looked at me. "Bro… are you thinkin'... what I'm thinkin'?" Getting bacon balls feelings from this, I thought. "Bummer. This is, like… mega embarrassing. We, like, actually totally have to kill you and stuff."

We got into battle. I cleaned RG 02's armour. He took his armour off. RG 01 looked all ehh. I'm dumb, but I know love when it's in the air. Even though you can't see it (I flirted with peeps- I know love). RG 01 was totes in love with me. Nah. He was in love with RG 02. I told RG 01 to tell his feelings and stuff.

"D-dude…" RG 01 said to RG 02, all ehh. "I can't… I can't take this anymore! Not like this! Like, 02! I like… I like, LIKE you, bro! The way you fight… The way you talk… I love doing team attacks with you. I love standing here with you, bouncing and waving our weapons in sync… 02… I, like, want to stay like this forever…" RG 02 looked awkward. "Uh… I mean, uh… Psyche! Gotcha, bro! Ha ha!"

"... 01." RG O2 said.

"Y-yeah bro?" RG O1 asked. This is going cheese balls, I thought.

"... do you want to…" RG 02 said. "... get some ice-cream… after this?"

"Sure, dude! Ha ha!" RG 01 said.

"You dudes are going out for ice-cream?" I asked. "Can I come with? I live for ice-cream." The guards looked awkward. "Nah, it's cool beans. You dudes go do your jazz. But save some for me." I spared 'em and moved on. I posted, just got RG 01 and 02 together! so cheesy :*. Alphys posted, oopswait how's the human doing. She then posted, Top Ten Shows That Make You Forget To Do Your Frickin Job. I walked some more and came to a dark place.

bacon balls, I posted. i'm at a dark joint lol Mettaton's gonna kill me i guess 0_0 #holycrap

Alphys rung. "Okay, I'm back! A-another dark room, huh? Don't worry! M-my hacking's got things covered!" Lights turned on. Mettaton really was there. It looked like the news. I was on this big screen, so I waved. "Are you serious?"

"Ohhh yesss!" Mettaton said. "Good evening, beauties and gentle beauties! This is Mettaton, reporting live from MTT News! An interesting situation has arisen in Eastern Hotland! Fortunately, our correspondent is out there, reporting live! Brave correspondent! Please find something newsworthy to report! Our ten wonderful viewers are waiting for you!"

"Alrighty dite, then." I said. I sussed out the joint, and found the dog that took that artifact and Papyrus' bones. I call that dog 'Ebay Money' now. I posted, on MTT News rn reporting Ebay Money. it took my pal's bones and some artifact I could've put on Ebay #fluffydog. "This dog." Mettaton said some jazz about the dog that I can't remember for some reason. Then he said something else: "Oh my! Looks like this is not a dog, but a bomb! And it's about to blast you to bits!"

"Bacon balls." I said. Scary voice time! "The souls of- ...Uh, g-go on! Keep talking this up!" I hate myself.

"...But don't get too excited!" Mettaton said. "You haven't even seen the rest of the room yet!" The room came outta the blue. There was some random stuff 'round me, all bombs. And Hotland jazz… 'cause I was still there. "Oh my! It seems everything in this area is actually a bomb! That script's a bomb! That basketball's a bomb! Even my words are…!" Mettaton's words went KA-BOOM! "Brave correspondent… If you don't defuse all of the bombs…" He flew up to this big pink bomb. Holy bacon balls, I thought. "This big bomb will blow you to smithereens in two minutes! Then you won't be reporting 'live' any longer!"

"Bacon balls pun, holy-moley challenge." I said. I'm dead. Very bacon balls and dead.

"How terrible!" Mettaton said. "How disturbing! Our nine viewers are going to love watching this! Good luck, darling!"

Alphys rung. "D-don't worry!" she said. "I installed a bomb-defusing program on your phone! Use the 'defuse' option when the bomb is in the DEFUSE ZONE! N-now, go get 'em!"

"Alrighty dite, let's spot that mark." I said. I went up to Ebay Money. I defused it. It woke up. Ebay Money, you rock! Kinda.

"Great job!" Alphys said. "Keep heading around the room! Try to go for the one in the bottom-left next!" So I went there. I defused this weird game bomb. Alphys said bottom-right next, so yah. Then I chased after this glass of water, which could MOVE. Really. Then it was this basketball and some present. It was kinda ugh to defuse some of those bombs, 'cause I have no skills, but hey.

"Well done, darling!" Mettaton said. "You deactivated all of the bombs! If you didn't deactivate them, the big bomb would have exploded in two minutes. Now it won't explode in two minutes! Instead it'll explode in two seconds! Goodbye, darling!"

"What the crappy bacon balls?!" I yelled. Aw, holy! But the bomb wasn't exploding.

"Ah," Mettaton said. "It seems the bomb isn't going off."

Alphys said, all ehh, "That's b-because! While you were monologuing… I…! I f… fix… um… I ch-change…"

"Oh no," Mettaton said. "You deactivated the bomb with your hacking skills."

"Yeah!" Alphys said. "That's what I did!"

"Curses!" Mettaton cried. "It seems I've been foiled again! Curse you, human! Curse you, Dr. Alphys, for helping so much! But I don't curse my eight wonderful viewers for tuning in! Until next time, darling!" He left.

"W-wow…" Alphys said. "W-we really showed him, huh?" She paused. "H-hey, I know I was kind of weird at first… but I really think I'm getting more… uh, more… m-more confident about guiding you!"

"Yeah, dude," I said happily. "You're doing awesome-sauce with this guiding jazz. I'd be bacon balls if you weren't there." I already am.

"Th-thanks…" Alphys said. "Heh… s-so don't worry about that b-big d-dumb robot… I-I'll protect you from him! A-and if it really came down to it, we could just t-turn… um, never mind. Later!" She hung up. Aw, holy, dude, I thought. I posted, lol just beat MTT again XD wouldnt have been able to do it w/o Alphys tho. rn i just wanna crash but snowdin's so far :P maybe there's somewhere in Hotland.

I went past the Core. Alphys rung. "Um… I noticed you've been… kind of… um… s-strange… are you worried about meeting Asgore...? W-well, don't worry, okay? Th-the king is a really nice guy…"

"Everyone's been saying that." I said. "Guess I'm a little ehh." I'm gonna wet myself I'm so ehh...

Alphys went on, "I'm sure you can talk to him, and… w-with your human soul, you can pass through the barrier!" Cheese balls…? I thought. "S-so no worrying, okay? J-just forget about it and smile." I try to, I thought. I posted, holy so tired rn. i'll just take the boat back to snowdin and crash there :D. I thought, I'm gonna have another bacon balls dream… but who cares. I always do. So, 'course, that's what I did.