Jan 10, 2008
The New Year is upon us. I just realized that it is going to be Dean's birthday soon. He is going to be 29 this year. I really want to be able to wish him a happy birthday, but he will probably shoot me. I know that Dean doesn't trust me. Sam tells me all the time. He really wants me to meet Dean so Dean will stop hassling him about me. I told him that I would reveal myself to his brother when the time is right. I can tell that Sam feels guilty talking to me. He probably gets enough grief from Dean for talking to me and trusting me. I have to admit that Sam is getting better. He is starting to realize that we are at war. He is no longer a hunter, but a soldier.
Sam has been trying to get me to tell him what Hell was like. I know why he wants to know. He wants to know what Dean is going to have to live through. I keep telling him that I will not tell him because it won't help him any. I did make the mistake of asking Sam what he was going to do for Dean's birthday. He wanted to know how I knew when his birthday was. He then remembered that I was a demon and took back the question. He said that he didn't have any plans for his birthday because they never did anything. I told him he should do something because Dean is his older brother and would do anything for him. Sam wanted to know what I had in mind. I told him I didn't know Dean that well, but he should do something fun. They should do something to get their minds off of things for a while. He said he would think about it.
Jan 28, 2008
I was bad and got something for Dean for his birthday. I didn't tell him it was from me, but he was confused as to where it came from. It wasn't anything too special. I just bought him a cherry pie and put on there that it is to only be eaten by Dean. Sam told me about it later and asked me if I knew where it came from. I told him that I honestly didn't know. Dean didn't really care. He ate it anyways.
Feb 4, 2008
So I've finally introduced myself to Dean. His reaction to me was exactly what I expected. I had no choice but to show up with him there. I needed to warn them both about the demon they were hunting. She was working with Lillith and wanted nothing but to kill Sam. If she killed Sam she would be extremely famous in the demon world. Sam and Dean both had to leave town.
As soon as Sam said my name Dean became suspicious. He did exactly what I thought he would do. He immediately grabbed the Colt and threatened me with it. I knew he wouldn't shoot right away, but there was nothing stopping him from pulling the trigger. However Sam came to my defense. The entire time Dean was pointing the gun at me I could see in Sam's eyes that he didn't want Dean to do it. Dean was pissing me off the entire time. I was trying to be nice and give them a warning and he just kept interrupting me. I was trying to tell them both about the demon that the witches served. Sam was talking to me and making the connections, but Dean just kept telling him not to believe me. As if I didn't remember what I was Dean kept reminding Sam. The entire time Dean just kept calling me names. He drew the line when he called me a bitch. I have done nothing but helped them and he calls me the bitch. I have saved them several times and that was the thanks I got. Sam kept trying to get Dean to calm down, but he wouldn't lower the gun. Dean and I really started getting into an argument and I said some things that needed to be said. I guess I had drawn the line because before I knew it Dean wasn't just threatening me with the gun anymore. Dean held the Colt up again and was about to pull the trigger when Sam stepped in front of Dean and pushed his arm up so he couldn't shoot me. I knew that was my cue to exit, but I couldn't really just leave.
I decided to watch the witches to find out what their next move was. I knew which one was the real demon amongst them. I had served her before. While I was in Hell I did some things for her. I worked for her while I was working for Alistair. She is the main reason that I am a demon today. The things I did for her are unforgivable. I was her favorite until I got my conscience back. I worked for her for about fifty years. She was much more powerful than Dean and Sam could handle.
Her coven had started their little ritual for the night. I started listening to what they were saying when I realized what they were doing. They were killing Dean. The spell they were using was the darkest magic imaginable. It didn't need a hex bag. There was only one way to stop it and I knew how. There was this special well that was blessed, or cursed depending on how you looked at it. The water in the well is supposed to stop any sort of spell from working on you. It didn't matter how dark the magic was. I grabbed a canteen to put the water into. I went straight to their room and kicked down the door. Dean thought that I was there to kill him, but I knew I had to be forceful with him if I wanted to save his life. I threw him onto the bed and sprayed the water into his mouth. He tried to put up a fight, but I wasn't going to give in. He was going to drink that water no matter what. I just kept spraying until I knew he swallowed it. I knew that saving him would help get me points, but I didn't do it for his trust. I saved him because I don't want to see Dean die. I still love him very much and can't let him die yet. After I finished saving him I knew he wanted to thank me, but I stopped him because I knew he would never get the words out. I told him to stop calling me a bitch and then left shortly after.
I went to the house the witches were at and found Sam pinned to the wall. I had to think of a plan to get her to let go of him. I was about to walk in when Dean beat me to it. He kicked down the door and ran into the house. It didn't take long for him to get pinned to the wall too. That was when I decided to just wing it. It didn't really work the way I was hoping. I decided to pretend that I wanted to join her again. I wanted to serve under her and that I brought her the Winchesters as proof. I wasn't sure if she was buying it, but it looked like she was taking the bait. I pulled the knife out of its holster quickly and was about to stab her when she grabbed it out of my hands and started beating me up. She threw me across the room and hit me with a fire poker. It was more pain than I thought I could feel as a demon. She then revealed to Sam and Dean that I worked for her, but she decided to throw a bit of a lie in there. She told them that I was a witch while I was human. I'm not sure what the point of that was, but it got Sam and Dean curious. She then started to exorcise me, but she didn't get to finish because one of her witches started using a spell on her. It didn't last very long before she ended up killing the witch, but it was long enough for Dean to run over, grab my knife, and stab the demon back to Hell.
After Dean stabbed her he gave me this look. I'm not really sure how to explain it, but it looked sort of like he wanted to make sure I was okay. It sort of looked like he cared about me for a moment. I thought maybe he didn't hate me so much. He helped Sam up and they picked up the Colt. They stopped by me and I could tell that Sam wanted to talk and make sure I was okay, but I told them they needed to leave. I didn't like that they found out what I had done in Hell. Sam kept turning around because he didn't want to leave me to clean up by myself. I hated what I did, but I showed him my black eyes again. I had to remind him that I was a demon and I would heal just fine. Dean finally pushed him out of the house.
Cleaning up the mess wasn't all that easy. There were three dead bodies in the house. I had to make sure that Sam and Dean didn't get in trouble for any of it. I cleaned off the fingerprints from everything and made it look like someone broke into the house and murdered the women. The entire time I was cleaning up I was thinking that I had to talk to Dean. Now that we were formally introduced to one another I had to get him to help with Sam. If anyone can get through to Sam it is Dean.
As soon as I was done cleaning up I went to their motel. Lucky for me I caught Dean just as he was getting a snack from the vending machine. I gave him a talk about how I was human once. When he asked me when I was human I made up a time period. For some reason my first response was when the plague was around. I knew he wanted to ask me if he was going to become a demon, but he just wouldn't spit the words out. I told him he could count on becoming a demon sooner or later. He then finally asked me if there was any way of saving him from going to Hell. I couldn't lie to him. I couldn't tell him that I could save him. I told him the truth that there was no way of saving him and that I just told Sam so he would talk to me. I finally told him that I needed his help with getting Sam ready for life without him. I was about to leave when Dean asked me why I cared if they won. I admitted to him that I remembered what it felt like to be human. I knew he was going to ask me some more questions, but I had to leave. I had already shared too much with him. If I had stayed much longer who knows what I might have told him. I was already letting my guard down around him. I could see him trying to read me the entire time I was talking to him. He was trying to figure me out. As I was responding to his question I realized that I answered the question pretty close to how I would answer it. He was starting to look at me very closely and I knew it was time to leave. I waited until he was looking away to go. I wanted to just tell him it was me, but after what he was told about me I am truly ashamed to tell him the truth. I can't be around Dean for very long. I might just shout it at him that I'm Sophie. I need to keep my distance from him.
Feb 16, 2008
My father is in the hospital. The doctors say he just went to sleep and didn't wake up. I had been keeping an eye on him for a few days because I knew he was working a job. I left for maybe an hour when I came back and there was an ambulance outside of his motel room. I saw them carry him out and put him in the ambulance. I followed them to the hospital where I found out the diagnosis from the doctor. I was in the middle of talking to the doctor when I heard Sam and Dean coming down the hall. I had to get out of there because they would be curious as to why I'm hanging around Bobby. I pretended like my cell went off and told the doctor I had to go. I know it has something to do with the case he's been working on, but I'm not sure what it is. Hopefully Sam and Dean can figure it out. I can't help them on this case because my emotions will get in the way. I already let my guard down once with Dean I can't do it again. They will be questioning why I care so much about Bobby when they think I only met him once. I have to keep my distance from them until my father is saved.
Feb 20, 2008
No worries. Sam and Dean brought my father back. I was so worried the entire time my father was in the hospital. I stayed by his side whenever the Winchesters weren't around. The case wasn't solved though so my father stuck around to help Sam and Dean. Annabelle was also there helping for some reason. I didn't trust her as far as I could throw her. My father felt the same way, but Sam and Dean said she was there to help. I tried to ask Annabelle what her deal was, but she just told me that she didn't need to explain herself to me. She seemed very anxious the entire time she was there, but she was being helpful. I'm still not sure what her true intentions were. She claims that she owed my father for saving her life once in Flagstaff. My father has no clue what she is talking about. He has never saved her life. I'll have to keep a close eye on her.
Feb 27, 2008
I absolutely hate myself for what I did to Sam, but it was to teach him a lesson. I just hope he got the point. I've realized lately that all Sam seems to focus on is saving Dean. He doesn't seem to care about anything else. I had overheard some demons talking about how Dean is Sam's weakness and once Dean is gone Sam will be an easy target. I had to make him realize that he and Dean need to stop sacrificing themselves for one another. I knew it couldn't be me to give them a message. I've already tried to give Sam the message, but he just doesn't listen. I remembered my father telling me about when they hunted a trickster. After some research I found one nearby. Little did I know this was the same trickster that Sam and Dean dealt with before.
I met up with him and asked him for his help. He wanted to know what he got out of it. I told him that I wouldn't kill him for starters. He told me that there was no way I could kill him. I then showed him my true self and he decided to help me. I told him to do anything he could to teach the lesson to Sam. I didn't think he would go this far. He basically had Sam reliving Dean's death, but in different ways each time. At first I thought he would just kill Dean a few times, but I think he was starting to have too much fun. He kept thinking of funnier ways for Dean to die.
After living through one hundred of Dean's deaths Sam finally figured out what was causing all this. He threatened to take the trickster's life, but the trickster wasn't going to go without a fight and decided to mess with Sam one more time. This time he dragged out how long Dean was dead for. He dragged out Dean's death for months. Sam was going crazy trying to find the trickster to get Dean back. I kept pleading with the trickster to bring him back. I told him that this lesson was going too far and innocent people might end up dead. He wasn't giving in very easily. I finally had to use my demon abilities to get the point across to him. I haven't had to use them since I became one, but I still taught myself how to use them. I pinned him against the wall with my mind and pulled out my knife. He laughed when he saw it because he didn't realize what knife I was threatening him with. I went over to him and told him to stop it now. I brought the knife to his eye and told him that if he doesn't bring Dean back right now I would do it. He finally got the point and went to talk to Sam. He revealed to Sam that this was all a lesson and that he and Dean need to stop sacrificing themselves for each other. Sam didn't really seem to get the message he just kept looking at the trickster with his puppy dog eyes. It is so hard to say no to Sam when he uses his puppy dog eyes. Eventually the trickster brought Dean back.
I hope that after all this Sam finally gets the point. I hope I didn't have to put Sam through all that for no reason. We'll have to wait and see.
Mar 3, 2008
Today is Deana's birthday. I had to see her on her birthday. I've been good these past few months, but I couldn't stay away for her birthday. I decided to change bodies very quickly so she wouldn't recognize me. Her parents threw her a good size party with the local kids and their parents. There was a tower of presents on a table and a huge cake with pink frosting. I swear Deana still knew it was I in a different body because when she saw me she smiled really big like she knew me. Maybe she can tell it is I because I am her mother. I could just be imagining things. I wanted to get her something, but I was good and didn't get anything. She was so happy at her party. I couldn't be happier with who ended up as her parents. Annabelle stuck to her word of putting her in a good home.
It would have been my birthday soon too. I would have been 23 years old. I feel so much older than that now because of all the time I spent in Hell. I wonder what I would have been doing now if I were human. Would I have come back to Dean since Azazel was dead? Would Deana be as happy as she is now if I were her mother? Would I be happy? I'll never know the answers to these questions. I don't know if I would have gone back to be with Dean. Dean might not have taken me back because he only had one year left to live. I might have had to fight Sam for the title of queen. I would never be able to kill Sam. That might have been a good thing. Sam might not have died and Dean might not have had to sell his soul for Sam. There are so many different things that could have happened as a result of me being a live still. I suppose I could have avoided death by having an abortion, but then Deana would never have been born.
Mar 10, 2008
I cannot believe the Winchesters right now. First off Annabelle stole the Colt from them. Then they don't go through with my foolproof plan to save them. I was even willing to risk my own life for them, but they shot it down and now innocent people are dead because of them. Their plan could have worked if one of Lillith's soldiers hadn't escaped and told her the news. The Winchesters were idiots and thought they had killed Lillith. Did they really think it was going to be that easy? Did they really think Lillith would be that stupid? They underestimate how powerful Lillith can be. Sam needs to be smarter than that if he wants to survive without Dean.
I'm so scared about what is going to happen to Sam after Dean dies. This time it was completely his fault that he hesitated on my plan. It was Dean who wouldn't go through with it. Sam was ready to cooperate, but Dean told him it was not going to happen.
I was able to keep my composure around Dean for most of the time. If I felt myself slipping I would leave the room. He also wasn't as bad this time with me. He might have called me a name once or twice, but nothing like he did before. He was a little less hostile towards me. I almost had a normal conversation with him, well normal for a demon and a human.
There was one time that I really had to leave because I was very close to letting my guard down. When I had walked into the room Dean was looking at something. It looked like a picture. He looked so sad while looking at it. I thought maybe it was a picture of his father or mother. Either way I decided to be nosey and asked what he was looking at. He was a little hesitant at first, but after some thought he decided to show me. Once I saw the picture I had to collect myself. It was a picture of the two of us when we were together. I couldn't believe he still had a picture of us. I took a deep breath and asked who was in the picture with him. He told me it was his ex-girlfriend. Before I could ask any follow up questions he started telling me all about his relationship with me, Sophie. He was telling me about how he really cared about her and missed her. I thought I was doing fine, but when he started tearing up I knew I had to leave. Luckily Sam came in to talk to Dean.
I need to focus on Lillith for a while. She is starting to go after Sam harder than before. I also need to get Sam ready for the war. I keep thinking he is ready and then he does stuff like he did tonight. I still can't believe they let Annabelle take the Colt from them. They're first mistake was having her in the room while they opened the safe with the Colt. I'm also going to have to track her down to get it back from her. I need to be careful though because she could easily just shoot me with it. I have a feeling Lillith is behind her stealing it.
Mar 29, 2008
I was right. Lillith was behind Annabelle stealing the Colt. I tracked down Annabelle and waited until she was without the gun. I came in furious and pinned her against the wall with my abilities. I asked her where the Colt was. She told me it was somewhere that I could never get to it. I asked her if she knew what she was getting herself into. She doesn't want the Winchesters on her bad side. She told me she didn't care because she was dead in a month anyways. I was confused because I thought she stole the Colt so she was out of her deal. It came as no surprise to me that Lillith changed her mind. I could have told Annabelle that the deal was no good. Stealing the Colt was amateur work for Annabelle. I asked her what Lillith wanted her to do instead. She said she didn't know because Lillith hasn't told her yet. I couldn't believe Annabelle. I just wanted to smack her for being an idiot. I finally let her go and told her to make this last month a live worth while.
April 19, 2008
Annabelle has only a few weeks left to live unless Lillith gets her out of the deal. It could happen, but Dean is going to die no matter what. He has only a month left to live. I know I haven't been around him much, but I'm still going to miss him. Knowing that he is going to have to spend all that time down in Hell doesn't make things easier. It makes things that much harder for me. I know what he is going to have to live through every day while he is down there. One day he is going to come back as a demon like I did. Hopefully he will be able to hold on to his humanity, but that seems doubtful because I haven't met another demon that has. I'm the only one I know of. At times I wish I didn't remember what it meant to be human. Life would be so much easier for me. I wouldn't feel like such an outcast, but I guess I've sort of been one my entire life.
I've been staying away from Sam for the past few weeks. I decided to give him some time with Dean alone. The last thing he wants is some demon reminding him that there is a war coming. I've popped in here and there to make sure he doesn't forget, but otherwise I've stayed away. Instead of hanging around him all the time I have been using my time wisely by keeping a close eye on Lillith. It is hard to get close enough to know what she is planning because she can sense me when I am near. I can just tell it is something big. She is recruiting more and more demons to her side. There were some willing to fight under Sam, but since he won't step up they have changed sides.
May 3, 2008
Sam just had his 25th birthday, but wasn't really up for celebrating. He is focusing on getting Dean out of his deal. Dean doesn't even have a month left until he bites the bullet. Sam keeps asking me when I am going to get Dean out of his deal because it is getting very close. I finally admitted to him that I couldn't help his brother. Sam became furious with me and asked me how I could lie to him. I reminded him that I was a demon and that it is part of our M.O. He asked me what else I lied to him about. I told him that was none of his business. Then I told him to enjoy the last few weeks with his brother.
May 10, 2008
Annabelle is officially dead. She died last night. I really was rooting for her to get out of her deal, but she didn't. She almost got out of it, but the Winchesters caught on to her plan. Lillith wanted her to kill them, but Dean found out about Annabelle's deal and booked it out of there before she could do anything. I of course observed from the sidelines. Before she died Annabelle told Dean who holds his contract. I knew that was a bad move. Now all he wants to do is kill Lillith to get himself out of the deal. I hope I can get my dad to talk some sense into the two idjits. They can't go in there with no plan. They don't even know how Lillith works. She is no idiot and does not go unprotected. She has a handful of demon soldiers surrounding the area to make sure someone like me doesn't try anything on her.
Dean only has about a week or so left to live. I haven't talked to Sam or Dean in about a week because I know that right now will be a difficult time. Maybe I should step in because I know what they are up to. I wasn't born yesterday. I know how the Winchester mind works. I can picture it now. Dean running in guns blazing, but by the time he reaches Lillith he's dead, along with Sam.
There is one way that Sam could save Dean. He would never consider the option. If he learned how to use his abilities he could kill Lillith or scare her enough to let Dean out of his contract. Sam would never go for the option unless he was truly desperate which he might be soon. Dean wouldn't be too happy if I taught Sam how to use his abilities, but if it saves him he shouldn't care. Knowing Dean he will care no matter what.
June 19, 2008
Goddamn Lillith! She is such a bitch. Because of her I was sent back to Hell. Obviously I got back out, but not after I did a few more things that I regret. I'm not really sure where to start there are so many things to talk about. I could start with the events prior to my trip back down to Hell.
I didn't plan on seeing Dean the day that he was supposed to die. I was just going to avoid him and try to move past it, but Sam summoned me to the basement of some abandoned house. He wanted my knife so he could go after Lillith. I knew that going in with one knife was not going to help the Winchesters win this fight. If Sam really wanted to save his brother he would learn how to use his abilities to kill Lillith. Lillith is scared of Sam and what he might be able to do to her. I almost had Sam convinced until Dean showed up.
Dean really knows how to get my blood boiling sometimes. He and I started fighting about me being a demon and untrustworthy. I couldn't believe what I was saying and before I knew it he and I got into a huge fight. When I say a fight I don't just mean shouting back and forth I mean we were throwing punches. I even punched Sam a few times. I don't really know why I did it, but I blame the demon side of me. My demon instinct took over and I just fought them. I would have won if Dean hadn't drawn a devil's trap on the ceiling. Little did I know Dean had stolen the knife out of its holster. He left me down in the basement to rot.
Lucky for me my father happened to come downstairs in search of Sam and Dean. He spotted me down there and asked me what happened. I told him the cliff notes version of how Dean beat me up. At first he was very angry with Dean, but then I reminded him that I was a demon and it was bound to happen eventually. He broke the devil's trap so I could leave. I told him to go with Sam and Dean. I planned on meeting up with them later.
I arrived at the house Lillith was at way before them, but scoped out the place to find out who in the town was possessed. Every single person on the block was possessed besides the family. I had to lie low until the Winchesters arrived because I had no weapon any more since Dean stole my knife.
When I finally found the Winchesters I pinned Dean to the fence and told him to give me my knife back. I didn't like not having it and I knew he would be stupid with it. Did he really think he would get Lillith with a knife? Little to my knowledge Sam really had the knife and threatened me with it. I knew he wouldn't really try anything. He did call me a bitch for the first time. While we were in the middle of saying hello to each other Lillith's soldiers tracked us down and were heading for us. We bolted for the house Lillith was in. We barely made it, but thanks to my dad and his brilliant mind the sprinklers stopped them.
We went into the house to find Lillith. The father of the little girl Lillith was possessing came out of the closet and told us where to find her. He started getting frantic so Dean knocked him out. Sam and I split up from Dean to find Lillith. When we got to the top of the stairs we each went into different rooms. Once I split up from Sam, Lillith sent me straight to Hell and took over my body.
Right away I knew I had to come back to help Sam. Dean wasn't getting saved and Sam needed someone to help him grieve. My father will be there, but my father isn't very good at comforting people. I went to Lillith and begged her to bring me back to Earth. I told her I would join her army if it meant getting out of Hell. She wanted me to prove it. The things she had me do to prove that I was loyal to her are unforgivable. The worst thing of all was I had to torture Dean. I was only in Hell for about a week in Earth's time and I tortured Dean almost every day that I was down there. Luckily in Hell he couldn't recognize me. I was so afraid that I would look like Sophie again and he would recognize me, but he didn't. Lillith finally told me that I had proven myself so far, but had one more task to do. She wanted me to track down Sam and kill him. Once Sam was dead I could officially join her army. I told her I would do it.
Right now I have one other demon with me to help me kill Sam. The minute I find him I plan on killing the demon with me. I'm going to be on the run after this. Lillith is going to want me dead more than anything else. As long as I have Sam by my side Lillith won't touch me. She will be too scared. Apparently after Dean was killed Lillith tried to go after Sam, but for some reason her abilities wouldn't work on him. He was able to block them. This really has her scared because now she has to have actual skills if she plans on killing Sam.
June 22, 2008
Sam is a complete mess. All he does is drink to keep from dealing with Dean's death. I would understand if he did this the first week or two since his death, but it has been over a month since Dean died. I can't believe it myself that Dean is dead, but he is and there is nothing we can do about it. Sam is willing to do anything to get him back. He had Dean buried incase he finds a way. I want to be positive and support Sam's ideas, but I need to be realistic. There is no way to bring Dean back. I would do anything if it meant bringing Dean back, but there is nothing I really can do.
I need to get Sam to stop drinking. I need him to focus on killing Lillith. He is the only one who can stop her because he is immune to her demon abilities. I keep asking him if he wants to talk about it, but he keeps saying I won't understand because I'm a demon. I cringe every time he tells me that. I tried to take the bottle away from him, but he just shoved me and took it back. He is just so angry all the time.
I killed the other demon that was with me when I tracked down Sam. I knew right at that moment that there was no turning back. I officially became a target for Lillith again, but as long as I am near Sam she won't come after me.
Sam reeked of alcohol when I found him. After I revealed I was Ruby he eased up, but he made me get out of the body I inhabited. I was totally fine with that because I didn't like being in a body that was conscious of what was going on. I could hear the human inside of me fighting me. She was begging me to get out of her body. I didn't like it one bit, but I knew I had to get to Sam so I found the closest body. I ended up finding a Jane Doe who was about to get the plug pulled on her so I went into her body. I even brought the papers to Sam to prove that the body was a vegetable with no family. Sam relaxed once he saw the papers.
Sam says he wants to learn how to use his abilities, but he won't stop drinking. I told him that he needed to have a clear head. He just won't listen to me when I tell him this. He can be so stubborn sometimes.
July 2, 2008
I swear I am going to kill Lillith the next time I see her. You will not believe what she did. She killed Deana. I should have known she would do something like that since I betrayed her, but she didn't have to go after my daughter. I don't even know how she found out about her. I hadn't seen her since March. Maybe she had been watching me from a distance and figured out that Deana meant something to me.
I found out through another demon that Sam had been working on. Sam had finally agreed to focus on using his abilities and wanted to know what to do. He hasn't stopped drinking all together, but he isn't drinking as much. I told Sam what he could do and how to work on it. He is still very rusty, but he will only get better with practice. He can only take so much in a day because he gets headaches and nose bleeds. I remember what the headaches feel like and I don't want to put him through that for too long.
Anyways, Sam was in the middle of working on the demon when he turned to me and told me that Lillith knows about Deana. Sam looked confused and wanted to know who Deana was. I ignored him and told the demon I didn't really care if she knew about her. He told me I should care because Lillith killed her. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The rage in me took over and I stabbed the guy to kill the demon. Sam was about to ask me what that was about when I told him I had to go.
I had to make sure the demon wasn't lying to me. I went straight to her parents' house and found them crying in the living room. I still didn't believe that she was dead. They could have been crying for some other reason. I checked the obituaries in the newspaper and found one about Deana. It listed where and when her funeral was going to be held. The funeral was just one day away. I decided to stay the night there so I could go to the funeral. I tried to stay hidden during the funeral, but her mother spotted me and asked how I knew Deana. I decided to be honest with her and told her I was her biological mother. She was surprised to see me there, but invited me over to talk afterwards. I told her I couldn't and left. I knew what she wanted to talk about. She was going to tell me all about Deana and probably share pictures with me. I wouldn't be able to take it.
I left the funeral and went back to Sam. Sam wanted to know where I had been and who this Deana person was. I told him I didn't feel like talking about her, but that I would tell him about her when the time I right. He didn't understand why I couldn't tell him now. I yelled at him to leave it alone and then stormed off to the other room. He came in about an hour later to apologize for pushing me for information.
July 16, 2008
Sam is improving on his abilities, but he can't quite get the demon fully out of the body yet. He is always so close, but then he stops. I really want him to get this ability down. We could save a lot of lives. I wouldn't need to use my knife as much. I think if Sam stopped drinking all together and kept his head clear he could nail this. I also feel like part of him is hearing Dean's voice in the back of his head. He knows that if Dean were alive he would be ashamed of Sam for using his demon abilities.
July 26, 2008
You will not believe what Sam and I did last night. We were having another practice for Sam. He was so close this time to getting the demon out of the body, but right at the last moment the demon reentered the body. I ended up stabbing the demon back to Hell. Sam was so depressed because he had failed. He went straight for the liquor to help with the pain. I tried once again to comfort Sam. I told him to give it time to deal with Dean's death, but yet again he wouldn't hear it. He still didn't understand how I could identify with what he was feeling.
I couldn't stand seeing him like that. I just wanted to comfort him some how. I wanted to hold Sam in my arms and tell him everything was going to get better, but he pushed my hand away when I tried to caress his face. I could see all the emotions he was holding inside. His eyes were full of so much sadness and anger. I thought about how I would comfort Dean in this situation. I mean before I became a demon and left him. I would have given him a kiss that showed him how much I loved and cared about him. I decided to try that on Sam. I had a feeling he would turn me down, but it was a long shot. I went in for the kiss and thought everything was going smoothly until Sam pushed me away.
He started saying that it was wrong because I was a demon. I was tired of hearing him say that. I wanted to prove to him that I was much more than just a demon. I went over to where he was sitting and knelt down so that we were face to face. I made him touch my body to show him that it was all me inside of the body. I kept telling him how wrong it was while almost kissing him. I could see him trying to give in, but restraining at the same time. He finally grabbed my face and kissed me with so much force. I climbed into his lap while continuing to kiss him. He was so rough with me; it was kind of a turn on. We ended up having sex right there on the cold cement floor. It was so different from when we had sex when I was human. When I was human he was so gentle with me, but this time he didn't really care how gentle he was. I think part of the reason he acted that way was because of all the anger stored up inside. I definitely think this technique helped a little with making Sam feel better. We didn't cuddle or anything afterwards, but I know Sam recognizes that I care a lot about him.
Aug 3, 2008
Sam almost got himself killed. If it weren't for me coming in and saving his ass Lillith would have been celebrating. Sam got a lead on where Lillith could possibly be. He took my knife from me and said he was going to go after Lillith. I told him he wasn't ready and needed a better plan or he was going to end up dead. I could tell by his face that that was his plan all along. He wanted to die. He was going to have himself killed by Lillith. I knew I couldn't let him do this. Since Dean is no longer around to protect Sam I knew I had to do it. I had to think of what Dean would say. I had to get through to Sam. He pinned me against the wall and put the knife up to my throat. He challenged me to try to stop him. I let him go, but I followed him from a distance. I knew that Lillith wasn't stupid enough to be so close.
I watched from the window to make sure Sam was okay. As soon as I saw the demons attacking him I ran into the house to save him. The demon holding him against the wall was really doing a number on Sam. I came in and stabbed the guy not beating up Sam with the knife. I then pulled the demon off of Sam and told him to take the little girl that was being held hostage outside. Sam did as he was told, but I stayed inside to take care of the other demon. At first I was winning, but then he got the upper hand. He was telling me all about the things Lillith had planned for me downstairs. I was afraid that I was about to get killed again when the demon started coughing all of a sudden. I looked past him and saw Sam with his hand outstretched pulling the demon out of the body. He had finally succeeded in pulling out the demon. I could tell he was in a lot of pain though.
I'm so proud of Sam for learning how to use his new ability. Now we don't have to always kill the person inside the body being possessed. I know Dean wouldn't approve of Sam using his abilities, but it needs to be done. I want nothing more than to see Lillith rot in Hell for all eternity. I wish it could be me who kills her, but I won't be able to get very close to her before she sends me back to Hell. Sam still isn't ready to take on Lillith, but with some more practice he could definitely be a match against her.
Aug 14, 2008
Sam found out my secret. He knows who I truly am. I blame myself. I slipped up and said something only I would know. Here's what happened.
Sam and I had just finished having sex again when I decided to make a joke. The joke is what gave me away. We were lying there catching our breath when I leaned over to him and said, "Luckily I can't get pregnant this time." Sam looked at me confused and asked me to repeat myself. I caught what I had said and told him he should have listened the first time.
He didn't say anything right away, but he watched me much more carefully for the next few days. My dad called me and told me that he thinks Sam figured me out. Apparently Sam started making the connection in his head and asked my father what he thought of his theory. My father told him it could be possible. I was so nervous.
Sam finally confronted me. He did it similar to how my father did it. This time he caught me a little off guard. I was in the middle of putting my bag together when Sam said, "So who are exorcising today, Sophie?" I wasn't really paying attention and started responding to his question when I stopped part way through and asked him what he called me. He came towards me and told me he had me figured out. I played dumb, but Sam wasn't going to let it go until I told him the truth. He was scaring me with how forceful he was being. I asked him why it mattered who I truly was. That was when he backed off me and told me it changed everything. I finally gave in and told him it was I. He then asked me why I kept it a secret from him for so long. He believes things would have been easier if I had told him the truth. I told him I couldn't live with what I had become and didn't want them knowing what I had become. Sam reassured me that it could have been worse.
Sam finally asked me if that was why I stayed away from Dean all the time. I told him about how I couldn't face Dean because of how I left things with him. I also knew that Dean would figure me out pretty quickly if I stuck around. Sam wanted to know why I left Dean in the first place. I told him the truth about Azazel and the nightmare. Sam was completely taken aback by this. It didn't make sense that I was one of the special children. I was two years younger than Sam. I told him that I didn't know why I was chosen, but I was.
Sam asked me one more question before I cut him off. He wanted to know who Deana was. I had a feeling he already knew who she was. The name sort of gives it away. I decided that since I was coming clean about everything else I might as well explain this one to him. I told him about Deana and what she meant to me. He became furious. Not at me, but at Lillith for killing her. Deana was a part of his family. I told him that she looked like me, but with Dean's eyes. She was the most beautiful girl in the world. Then I finally cried for the first time since I became a demon. Sam just put his arm around me for comfort and let me cry it out.
Aug 28, 2008
Things have been different with Sam and I since he found out who I really am. He is nicer to me and more open to what I have to tell him. He trusts me more with his life than he ever has. One thing that bothers me about him now is he asks me about my time in Hell. He thinks that since he knows the truth about me I am going to spill all my secrets. I will never tell Sam what Hell is like because I know it will kill him to find out.
At first Sam was a little hesitant to sleep together because he felt like he was betraying his brother. I had to remind him that Dean was dead. I didn't like reminding him of this fact, but it was true. The truth is I'm falling for Sam again. Just looking into those eyes gets me. I still love Dean more than anything, but the fact that he is dead and never coming back sort of puts a stop to anything ever happening between us. I really feel bad for leading Sam on like this when I think about Dean most of the time. Even if there was a chance of Dean coming back I really doubt there is any chance of us getting back together. I am a demon and I will always be a demon in his eyes even if he found out the truth. None of that matters because Dean isn't coming back. He is stuck in the pits of Hell for all eternity. It would have to be some incredible force to let him out.
Everyday I think about what Dean is going through in Hell. In a way I think it is worse for me because I know what goes on down there. Sam doesn't have anything to base it off of besides movies. No movie could illustrate the pain and suffering of Hell. As strong as Dean is I doubt he will be able to stand getting tortured forever. Eventually he will give in to the different offers just like I did. The only soul strong enough to survive that long of torture was his father. John is much more stubborn than Dean. Dean has been dead now for almost four months that is about the equivalence of forty years in Hell. That is longer than his time on Earth. I wish there was something I could do to get him out of there.
Sept 20, 2008
Holy crap, Dean is alive! I couldn't believe it when I opened the door and saw him standing there. He picked the best time to arrive. Sam and I were just getting ready for the day when he knocked on the door. Sam was still in the bathroom when Dean arrived. I was so shocked when I saw him. When I saw his reaction to me I remembered that he had no clue who I was because I was wearing a different suit than before. My dad was standing with him so I trusted that it was truly Dean. I played it cool and asked them where the pizza was. Dean was about to leave when Sam stepped out of the bathroom. Sam was just as shocked as I was to see Dean standing there. Dean pushed me a side so he could hug his brother, but instead Sam charged him. This even freaked me out. Sam didn't trust that it was his brother back from the dead. He was concerned that Lillith sent some thing that looked like Dean to kill him. My father stopped him in time and told him that he already checked to see if it was Dean. I already knew it was him.
Once Sam believed my father he gave Dean a big, long hug. I felt awkward just standing there as the outsider. I had to pretend like Sam and my father didn't really know me all too well. As Sam and Dean were hugging I realized how gay they would look from an outsider's point of view. When they broke from their hug I decided to ask them if they were together. I knew Dean would get a kick out of that one later. The reaction I got from him was exactly what I was expecting. I decided that was my moment to exit. As much as I wanted to stick around and exchange stories about Hell with Dean I knew they had to talk.
I went to the bathroom to get the rest of my clothes on when Sam came in after me. He asked me if I knew how Dean came back to life. I didn't really understand why he was asking me. Why would I know the answer? I told him I would see what I could find out, but in the mean time I wanted him to keep my identity a secret. I told him I would call him later to let him know what I found out.
I searched around as much as I could, but couldn't find anything. Sam got in contact with me about some demons hanging out at a diner. He thought they might have some knowledge on how Dean came back or where Lillith was. I decided to meet him there. I knew he could take care of the demons on his own, but I decided we needed to talk about what was going to happen now that Dean was back.
When I got there Sam was already taking care of the demons. Apparently whatever had saved Dean took the eyes of several people who tried to lay eyes on it. I knew that what ever it was it had to be powerful. Sam and I took a seat in one of the booths to talk. I wanted to know if he was going to tell Dean about using his abilities. Sam of course wanted to keep it a secret, but I thought it would be better to tell Dean now before it was too late. I offered to take a leave of absence for a while so Sam could catch up with Dean, but Sam wouldn't hear of it. He wants to keep going without telling Dean. I'm not going to tell Sam what to do, but I just know this is going to blow up in his face. Before we parted ways I told Sam not to tell Dean about who I really am. I told him to continue calling me Ruby. He said that my secret was safe with him.
Sept 26, 2008
An angel brought Dean back to life. This is not a good sign. Something really is cooking up and angels are getting involved. If an angel brought Dean back then that means that I need to stay away from the Winchesters. I'm a demon and they won't care if I have been helpful. Angels should be feared just as much as a demon. I think people should fear them even more than a demon. At least as a demon I have emotions and can care about humanity. Although my case is rare it could still happen. Also demons can be held back with holy water and a devil's trap. Angels are immune to practically everything. Dean tried stabbing his angel friend with my knife and it barely fazed him. He also had every symbol known drawn on the barn, but nothing stopped him. If an angel is sent to kill you then you must have done something wrong, but if a demon kills you then you were innocent.
I told Sam that I had to go away for a while because I wanted nothing to do with the angels. Sam didn't understand, but let me leave anyways. I'll be back soon enough to help him some more with his abilities, but I really think he should be with Dean right now. Sam still isn't ready to tell Dean about using his abilities or telling him about me. I keep telling him that it should be sooner than later. I hate doing things behind Dean's back. I know exactly how he is going to react when he finds out. I hope Sam is ready for the guilt he is going to go through once Dean finds out.
I'm so happy that Dean is out of Hell, but I can't imagine what he is going through. He and I are sort of similar now because we both know what the pits of Hell are like. Unlike me he is still human. My father says that Dean doesn't remember Hell, but I don't buy it. I've been watching him while he sleeps at night and I see him tossing and turning. He wakes up in a cold sweat almost every night. Sam doesn't notice because he is usually asleep when this happens. Dean remembers every moment, but is living in denial. There is no way you forget something like Hell. No matter how hard I try to forget it I can never put those memories away. Once Dean admits to remembering Hell and shares it with someone he will never be able to move on. I hate seeing him like this. I'm not sure what exactly he did in Hell, but I know he is probably ashamed of it.
Oct 8, 2008
I warned Sam. I told him to come clean to Dean, but of course he didn't listen. Dean found out all right about Sam. Castiel, Dean's angel friend, told Dean where to find Sam and he happened to find us exorcising a demon. Dean reacted exactly like I thought he would. He wouldn't let Sam explain anything and I don't blame him. His own brother betrayed him. Dean wants nothing more than for Sam to be his geeky sidekick, but Sam has been working to be his own superhero without Dean.
Along with Dean finding out about Sam using his abilities he also knows about me. He was pretty quick at guessing who I was. Not too soon after he figured out who I really was he charged me with my own knife. I'm really getting tired of being threatened with my own weapon. Sam came to my rescue and grabbed the knife out of Dean's hands, but not before Dean shoved him across the room. I went into defense mode and pinned Dean up against the fence. Sam hurried up and told me to stop before I could do anymore damage. I forget sometimes how strong I really am. When Dean called me an obedient little bitch I just wanted to shout at him. I wanted to tell him all about what I did to help his brother. If it weren't for me Sam would probably be dead right now. Dean has no clue what the past four months have been like. He has no clue how hard it was to get Sam away from the alcohol. And he calls me the obedient little bitch? I really didn't want to hurt him I just don't like being threatened. I brought the injured human to the ER and then left.
I don't know when I'm going to talk to Sam again because he told me that he promised Dean that he is done using his abilities. He really wants to stick to his promise because he doesn't believe what he is doing is good anymore. Apparently the angels don't want him using his abilities so that automatically makes them evil. I understand that they are demon abilities, but Sam and Dean need to understand that angels only see black and white. They don't see shades of gray. You are either good or you're bad. Take me for instance, the angels automatically assume that I am up to no good when I have done nothing, but try to help them win the fight against Lillith. Sam is the only thing that can kill Lillith, besides my knife and the Colt. Sure you can exorcise her all you want, but she will always find a way back on Earth. However, the angels see me as a threat and that I should be smited.
Oct 28, 2008
The seals are slowly being broken to bring Lucifer back to Earth. Sam and Dean really need to get on top of things. It's like they don't understand the seriousness of what will happen once the seals are broken. It will be Hell on Earth. However I am being good and staying away from Sam and Dean. The angels can step in now if they want to solve this. I'll let Sam and Dean figure out their mistake of working with the angels on their own. Once they figure out how unmerciful the angels are they'll realize I'm not the bad guy after all.
I haven't really been doing much with my time away from Sam. I've mainly been keeping a watchful eye on Lillith. Occasionally I check on Sam and Dean to make sure they are still alive. My father has helped them a few times, but they have mainly been working on their own. So far they have been keeping themselves safe.
Lillith has something cooking I just know it. Rumor has it that there is a girl who can hear the angels talking. Lillith wants her and she wants her badly. If Lillith gets her hands on this girl than the entire world is going to Hell, literally. I'm not sure who the girl is, but I need to track her down before the other demons do. I could care less about what the angels are saying. I just don't want Lillith knowing what the angels are planning.
Nov 10, 2008
The angels have gotten word about their little eavesdropper. They want her dead. They don't care that she is human. The only thing they care about is getting rid of her because she can hear everything they are talking about. This is what I was talking about when I said they don't have any true emotions. They don't care that they are about to kill some poor innocent girl who has no clue what is happening to her. I still don't know where I can find her, but when I do find her I plan on helping her get away from the angels and demons.
Nov 14, 2008
I have tracked her down. Her name is Anna and she is staying at some psych ward. I don't think she has any clue what is coming for her. I'm still not sure how she is hearing the angels, but she is and that is enough for me. I just need to find a way to get her out of the hospital without causing a scene. I can't have anyone know where I hide her. I could always hide her at my father's house. He has a demon-proof room in the basement that could keep her safe. I find the room rather racist, but it serves its purpose. He tested the room on me to see if I could get in, but I couldn't get past the doorway.
Nov 14, 2008
Not only have I tracked down Anna, but also so has Lillith. She sent one of her demons to get Anna, but she escaped. Lillith wasn't too happy with this and has sent several demons to find her and bring her alive. I've decided to tell Sam and Dean about my find because I feel that they should know. I just need to track them down. That shouldn't take too long. I can convince Sam just fine, but Dean is going to be a little tougher. He sees me as the enemy.
Sometimes I think it would be easier to tell Dean who I really am, but at the same time I don't think he will believe me. He would probably think that I am just saying that so he will let his guard down. He would call Sam and my father idiots for believing my lie. The only way Dean would figure it out is if I truly let my guard down around him and showed my true colors. Dean would have to put the pieces together on his own like my father and Sam did.
Nov 16, 2008
Lillith really knows how to make life difficult. Not only was she after Anna, but she also brought Alistair back from Hell. I couldn't believe it when I saw him. I knew it couldn't be a good sign if he was out of Hell. Alistair hates Earth and only comes up when it is truly important. Even if Lucifer were to walk free on Earth, Alistair would stay in Hell.
Here's what has been happening so far. I convinced Sam and Dean to track down Anna and help her get away from the demons on her tail. Dean of course still didn't trust me, but I got over that. However he did trust me enough to take Anna while he and Sam hid in their motel room. Anyways, I had the boys figure out what Anna was on their own. They figured out where she was and Sam called me to tell me the news. As I was on my way to the church I spotted Alistair coming up behind me. I had to get to the church before him. I took him on a few detours to throw him off. It worked for a little while. It gave me enough time to warn Sam and Dean. I told Sam there was no time to be wasted he had to pull the demon out of the body ASAP. Dean automatically said that was not an option. I told him it was either that or we die. Sam understood and got himself ready. However Sam was much too weak to pull Alistair. If he had continued to practice all this time he would have been able to pull him no problem. After that things got out of hand.
I decided to let the boys handle Alistair while I got Anna to safety. I knew they would be able to get away from Alistair. I had faith in the boys and I was right. They got out with some minor cuts and bruises, but they got away nonetheless. Anna and I found an abandoned cabin to stay in for some time. She asked me all about why I was helping her. I told her the truth about who I was. I don't know why I told her, but I did. There is just something about her that makes me feel a little better about myself. I told her not to say a thing to Dean and she promised to keep it between us. I then realized that a few hours had passed and it was time to get Sam and Dean to the cabin to talk. I gave them the news about where we were and to stay hidden.
It didn't take them very long to show up after I gave them our location. Sam and Dean must have had a little story time of their own while we were split up because Dean was looking at me differently. I was afraid that Sam had told him who I truly was, but I figured pretty quickly that Sam told him about what I did for him. Dean was straining himself to thank me for saving his brother, but I stopped him before he could get the words out. We could have been standing there for hours before he got out the words thank you.
Sam and Dean were in the middle of telling Anna about her parents when she freaked out and told us they were coming. She didn't really specify who they were and we assumed she meant Alistair and his companions. As we were getting ready to fight them I asked for my knife from the boys only to find out that Sam gave it to Alistair. I was so concerned about what we were going to do when in walked Castiel and Uriel, another angel. I didn't feel very safe with them in the room. They wanted Anna so they could kill her. I knew that was their intentions, but to hear it come out of their mouths put it into reality. Sam and Dean obviously weren't going to just give an innocent girl to the angels to have her killed. As scared as I was I stood my ground against the angels. I knew the difference between what was right and wrong. What they had planned for her was wrong.
Sam and Dean stood there not letting the angels get past them. Uriel became impatient and grabbed me. He was about to smite me, but Dean surprisingly came to my rescue. As soon as Dean attacked Uriel the tables were turned and Dean was getting the crap beat out of him by Uriel. Sam was trying to get Castiel to stop, but Castiel used his little sleep thing on him. I had very little energy to help Dean. Getting beat up by an angel really hurts a demon. Castiel was making his way for the door to where Anna was, but then all of a sudden he was gone along with Uriel. I was just as confused as Dean as to where they went. Dean unexpectedly helped me up and made sure I was okay before we checked on Anna. Anna was so bloody when we went to check on her. Apparently some spell came to her that would make the angels go far away.
We decided it would be best to take Anna to my father's house. She could hide out in the racist panic-room. We are headed there right now. Dean is curious as to what I am writing down. I was afraid that he had made the connection when he mentioned how an ex-girlfriend of his kept a journal also. Sam and Anna just smiled because of how close Dean was without even knowing it.
Nov 23, 2008
The war has begun between Heaven and Hell. Soon after we got back to my father's house Sam and Dean called up their friend Pamela to help Anna remember her past. It worked, but what we found out wasn't very comforting. It made the situation much worse. Turns out Anna is a fallen angel. I knew this wasn't good because Heaven wanted her dead for betraying them and Hell wanted her as their pet. As soon as I found out she was an angel things became very uncomfortable for me. She tried reassuring me that she wasn't like the others, but I still kept myself prepared to fight around her. All she wanted to do was find her grace to end this mess. At least she knew what trouble she was. Sam set out to do what he does best, research.
It took him some time to find the possible location of Anna's grace. It was some where in Kentucky. I apologized to Sam for getting him in this mess. If I had known that Anna was a fallen angel I never would have gotten him involved. He has no idea what the battle between Heaven and Hell is going to be like. Sam thought that I was scared because of the angels being on our tail, but I could really care less about them. I was mainly concerned with Alistair and what he has planned for us. Sam doesn't understand who Alistair is and how powerful he is. I gave him a hint as to how what Alistair is all about, but he still didn't understand. Dean knows all about Alistair's motives and is just as scared as me.
As soon as Sam and I figured out where to possibly find the grace we went out to Dean and Anna. I wasn't too happy with what I saw when I walked out there. I could tell that Dean was falling for Anna and what she stood for. The entire time I have been on Earth I haven't seen Dean with anyone besides the occasional hook-up. This really struck a chord with me because I want nothing more than for Dean to accept me for who I am. I have to admit he is being nicer to me, but who knows how long that is going to last. He is only being nice to me because I am being helpful and cooperative. As soon as I go off of what he wants he is going to hate me again. He will never truly trust me and I don't blame him. If our roles were reversed I would be the same way.
When we got to where the grace could be we found out someone or something got there before us. Her grace was gone. I knew this couldn't be good because we needed that grace to make her an angel again. We had to think of another plan. Dean suggested we go back to my dad's house, but I knew we couldn't hide forever. As Dean and I were in the middle of arguing again Anna interrupted us by telling us the angels wanted her by midnight or else they were going to put Dean back in Hell. I knew that couldn't happen. I could see what being in Hell for that short period of time did to Dean. I wasn't going to let that happen again.
Sam and I split up from Dean and Anna so we could think of a plan to save Dean. After a lot of failed ideas Sam finally asked me if I could get Alistair to come to the cabin and have the angels deal with him. At first I was going to tell him to forget it, but I thought it through and figured it might actually work. The angels could definitely send Alistair back to Hell. I told Sam I would think about it.
Soon after Sam fell asleep I went to summon Alistair. As I walked outside I noticed the Impala windows were all fogged up. I knew what that meant. I know I'm selfish for wanting Dean to be single and not to fully move on after me, but it killed me a little to know that he was moving on. I soon remembered that Anna only has a few more hours to live. This made me feel even worse knowing that Dean was finally moving on after me with someone who was leaving.
I summoned Alistair to a crossroads away from the Winchesters. At first he thought I was there to fight him and threatened me with my knife, but I told him I had an offer for him. I promised to give him Anna if he promised to let me and the Winchesters walk unharmed. I thought he was taking the bait until two demons grabbed me. Alistair had a different idea of how to find Anna. First he wanted to torture me a little with my own knife. The pain of the blade on my skin was worse than anything I'd ever felt. It is what it would feel like if I were human times ten. He kept going on and on about how much he hates being here on Earth. After about an hour of torture he finally took the gag off my mouth and asked me where to find Anna. I knew that was my time to shine.
I brought Alistair to the barn just in time. Castiel and Uriel were all ready there getting ready to take her, but Alistair and his gang stepped in dragging me with them. I was in so much pain that I couldn't do much during the battle. I just lay on a pile of hay watching from the sidelines. I really thought Castiel or Uriel would be able to take care of Alistair, but it took Anna getting her grace back to send him away. I waited until Castiel and Uriel left to get up. I wasn't going to take my chances with them. I was already weak they could easily have sent me away. Sam made sure that I was okay, but I knew I would survive.
We all stayed the night at the cabin to get energy back. I left early in the morning to get out of their hair. Even though Dean was being nicer to me I knew I couldn't stay around. He was only nice to me because I wasn't "brainwashing" Sam into using his demon abilities. I did get my knife back from them before I left. If they want to use it they can ask me for it.
Dec 29, 2008
Not much to report except that Lillith has really been working on breaking the seals. She is almost halfway through. Sam and Dean aren't doing a single thing about it. I thought the angels sent Dean back to stop the seals from being broken. They are doing a great job so far. If they don't do something soon I'm going to have to step in and get Sam trained again. He just needs to go after Lillith and all of this is over. He was so close to being a match for her, but Dean had to step in and ruin it.
My father and I had a dinner together on Christmas. We didn't exchange any gifts again, but it was nice to see him again. He told me that Sam knows all about Dean's time in Hell. He tried to convince me to go talk to Sam as Sophie, but I didn't want to. I know that Sam needs someone to talk to, but I don't want him to get too comfortable with who I really am. Once I act like Sophie again he might accidentally tell Dean whom I really am. That could be a good thing or a bad thing.
