A/N: I really don't know what to say, except sorry!! I've been feeling awful lately and real life is kicking me in the rear end, but I'm back and hopefully all will be better from here on out! Enjoy!!
Chapter 9: plans
The time of Brennan's appointment drew near. Angela had stayed in her office the whole time, holding her hand and comforting her when need be. She had really hoped that her friend would have second thoughts and decide not to go through with it. She could see that Brennan was torn up about the whole thing.
Angela checked the clock for about the hundredth time.
"Sweetie, it's time to go. Are you sure about this?"
Brennan stood up and took a deep breath, but it came out shaky.
"No, I'm not sure about this." She walked to the door of her office and stepped out. Angela followed.
They headed for the front doors, keeping their eyes straight ahead, and ignoring the looks they knew they were getting from the people they passed. They made it to Angela's car, and made what Angela thought was the longest drive of her entire life.
They didn't talk. Brennan stared out the window, and Angela simply drove. When they arrived, they checked in at the front desk and sat in the waiting room.
"You don't have to do this," Angela said. "There are so many other options. If you really didn't want to keep it, you could put it up for…" She trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished.
Brennan placed her head on Angela's shoulder and began sobbing softly. At that moment, a nurse came into the room.
"Temperance Brennan?" she asked, looking around the room.
"I can't do it, Ange. I don't think I want it, but I can't…" Angela locked eyes with her friend.
"It's ok. You're doing the right thing." She looked at the nurse and shook her head. She helped Brennan up and they made their way back to the parking lot. Once outside, Brennan leaned against the car door and slid down to the ground. Angela sat beside her and held her.
"I don't think I can do this," Brennan said.
"Yes, you can. You are the strongest person I know. You can do anything. And you won't have to do it alone. Your family's right here for you." She took Brennan's face in her hands so she could look her in the eye.
"You have to tell Booth. Then he can be there for you too."
"Angela, I can't tell him. Not now. Not with this whole mess going on with Rebecca. Maybe if everything was all right and Parker was here, I could, but I just can't."
"Sweetie, you can't avoid him forever. He's gonna know something's up."
"I know. What if he doesn't want it? He already has Parker."
"You know he'll want it, Bren. He loves kids. He wants more. He'll be beyond thrilled."
Brennan just looked at her sadly. "I don't know that for sure. I mean, it's highly convenient isn't it? Just as he loses one child, he gains another? It…just seems strange."
She thought for a moment, the scientist in her coming through.
"I need to know for sure that he'll want it, I need to do something to prove that."
"Bren…" Angela wasn't sure she liked where this was going.
Brennan was deep in thought. "You don't know how much you want something until you think it's gone," she muttered to herself. Angela heard her though.
"Brennan, I think I know what you're going to do, and I really don't believe that's a good way to go about it." She knew it was pointless. Once Brennan had an idea cemented firmly in her head,
there was almost no turning her from it. She hadn't been sure about her clinic appointment, so there had always been a chance at her changing her mind. This, on the other hand, she was certain about.
Brennan climbed back in Angela's car. "Take me to Booth's." She shut the car door.
Angela climbed up off the ground and made her way to the other side of the car. "Why do I have the feeling this is going to get a lot worse before it gets better?"
She pulled up in front of the building, and before Brennan could get out, she locked the doors and put on the child safety locks.
"Angela, let me out."
"Not until you think some more about this. I think it's a big mistake. You're essentially lying to him. How do you think he's going to react when you tell him that you terminated the pregnancy?"
"I don't know. That's why I'm doing it. If he reacts negatively to the news, I'll know he wants it, and I can tell him the truth. If not, then, I guess I'm on my own."
"You don't need to do this. I can tell you what will happen. He'll go ballistic. He will want it, believe me."
"Conjecture."
"No, it's not! I'm basing this on what evidence I have; what I know about Booth coupled with how he is with Parker and how he feels about you indicates that he will want this baby!"
Her scientific approach fell on deaf ears. "I have to do this Angela. I have to know, without a doubt."
Angela rubbed her temples vigorously and then leaned her head on the steering wheel, snapping it back up when the horn honked. She shook her head slowly. "It's not a good idea."
"It is. It's perfectly logical and scientific."
"But it isn't either of those things! You're messing with emotions here, and, no offense, but emotions are not your strong point. You're not taking into account the intensity of his reaction, and it will be intense."
Brennan looked away from her friend. Angela was arguing with her, and she didn't like it one bit. She needed Angela to support her.
"Angela, whose side are you on here?" Brennan turned toward her and met her eyes. They looked sad.
"The baby's." Angela paused, tears in the corners of her eyes. "This baby deserves to have two parents right there when's it's born; two parents who love each other. And if you do this…I don't know."
"I don't love Booth," Brennan said immediately.
"But you care about him, right?"
"Of course I do."
"Then stop and consider what you're about to do to him. And the consequences it could hold." Angela reached over and squeezed Brennan's hand.
"I understand that the outcome may be less than desirable, but I have to find out. If I just tell him I'm pregnant, then he could…"
"Act."
"Exactly."
Angela sighed. She wasn't getting anywhere with Brennan. They were going around in circles. She gave up. She let up on the locks and resigned herself to the inevitable.
It was twilight as Brennan knocked on his door. She knew he'd be here and not at her place. Over the last couple days, he'd been spending more and more time in his own apartment. He had assured her it wasn't because he didn't want to be with her, but because he knew she needed her space from time to time. She had appreciated the gesture immensely, although it had been nice having him around all the time.
Now, though, she was nervous about what she was going to do. He opened the door, and looked at her.
"You just getting done now? Wow, you were busy." He kissed her cheek, and stepped aside to let her in, closing the door behind her.
He turned to her, noticing that she wasn't coming in, sitting on the couch like she usually did. Instead, she stayed rooted in front of the door.
"Bones, are you ok?" He looked worried, and his expression tore at her heart. She had to remain strong. She had to do this. Had to lie.
"We need to talk," she said, still not moving.
"All right. Sit down." He motioned to the couch, and she sat down, but didn't relax. He sat by her, not looking at her.
"I know what you're going to say."
Brennan was taken aback. How could he possibly know? "You do?"
"Well, yea. I mean, I was hoping it wouldn't happen, and it did take awhile, which I'm grateful for, but somehow, I knew it was coming. You want out."
Brennan was confused. "Excuse me?"
"Hey, I get it. You can't be in a relationship with me and that's…that's fine. I want you to know that I'm completely cool with it, and you'll always be my friend and my partner. Nothing's gonna change with us."
"Booth…that's not what I was going to say."
"Really?" A smile appeared on his face. "That's a relief, cause you know, I thought…"
She cut him off. "I was pregnant." She stood up and looked away from him.
Booth jumped on the last word. "Pregnant?" His mouth hung open for a moment, then he grinned. "You and me? Pregnant?" Then the beginning of her sentence hit him. "Was? I don't…what do you mean was?"
She didn't say anything for a moment, still facing away from him. She had done a lot of difficult things in her life, but this was swiftly climbing to the top of the list.
He was behind her in half a second, his hand on her shoulder, turning her to face him. Her eyes were glassy. "Talk to me, what do you mean?" He looked panicky.
"I terminated it. Today." She met his eyes as she said this. The second the words came out of her mouth, shock, disbelief, and hurt collided in his eyes, followed by a touch of anger. Anger at her, for what he thought she'd done.
"You had no right to do that without even telling me. We could have talked this over, decided what to do together! Plus, the fact that's it's wrong." He pulled his hand away from her as though she were on fire, and stumbled backward until he crashed on the couch.
"You…you…killed it. Killed my baby, our baby, Temperance." He looked at her, the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. "How could you do that?"
Brennan had her answer. She looked at him, crumpled up on the couch and decided to tell him that she was, in fact, still pregnant, and would be having their baby.
"I…" She never got to finish the sentence.
"Get out." He said it so quietly she almost didn't hear him.
"What?" She said it almost as quietly.
His head was buried in his hands, and he lifted it up, not looking at her, but at the wall. She could see that he was crying now, and she began to think that Angela had been right.
"I said, get out. I can't even look at you right now." He returned his head to his hands, leaving Brennan standing there in complete shock.
"Booth…"
"Out! Now!"
Brennan backed away from him, toward the door, not taking her eyes off him. Her hand found the doorknob and she wrenched it open, stumbled through it, and hurried back out to Angela's car.
She slammed the car door, her eyes wide, her breath coming out fast and shaky, her tears on the verge of falling.
Angela looked over at her, deducing immediately what had happened. She had known all along that this wouldn't end well. She said nothing but leaned over, wrapping her arms around her friend and holding her as the tears came spilling out.
A/N: Ok, that was kinda long, but I figure since I haven't updated in forever, that would be ok with y'all. As always, drop me a line and let me know what you thought, as long as it's nice, of course. Thank you!!
