HEART FIGHTS MIND
Two weeks had passed since that night when Vincent and Catherine talked for the very last time. Fourteen days of nightmare worse than everything that had happened to her before. She was trying to go on with her newly recovered life. She went to work every day absolutely happy of this new opportunity life had offered to her. However, her happiness faded as soon as she remembered Vincent. In fact, if it hadn't been for him, she wouldn't have had this second chance. Somehow he felt that something terrible was happening to her and he came to save her as he had always done since they first met. Her mind had lied to her telling that life would be a lot easier without him by her side, making her feel strong enough to cope with his absence, allowing her to feel that life would be another thing than feeling miserable for that fake freedom she had got. She was not free at all. She'd never be. She was in love with the most difficult man a woman can find in her way: a beautiful man inside and outside, someone who is so committed with doing things right and trying to make others have what they want that he would lose his own chances for happiness in the way.
Heather knew that something was wrong with her sister. She knew how brave she had been all her life and that's why she thought that there should be something else behind her sleepless nights watching TV in the living room, behind the brown shadows under her eyes and the total absence of her lovely smile. She was getting really worried now as her sister didn't want to eat and was losing weight. She didn't want to go out either and when she faced her with her actual state, she simply would go to her room.
Tess and Evan had also noticed the changes in her and they were concerned that it was because of her kidnapping and torturing. They didn't know anything else. Evan had tried to take her out on many occasions but she never accepted. She liked him a lot but she knew he was a player and not the kind of man she would fall in love with…And here she goes again…because her heart knew what her logical mind wanted to hide from her: That she would never ever love anyone else because she loved Vincent and once you find out what real, unselfish, true love is, you will never accept anything else.
That Sunday morning was the first one that Heather convinced Catherine to go out for a walk and feel the sun on her pale face.
-Please, sis. If you don't want to do it for yourself, just do it for me. I'm so worried about you. Whatever is keeping you in this state you have to move on. You have to take care of yourself. Let me help you, Cat.
Catherine knew she had no choice if she wanted to get rid of her sister today.
-Ok, Heath, but I don't promise I won't be back soon. I don't feel like being out.
Her sister clapped happily. It was a start. May be it was just going for a walk today, but who knows? Perhaps she could take her out for dinner some other day…
She was walking with her earphones on so she couldn't notice someone approaching her. When he finally touched her arm she almost fell to the floor.
-JT! – She screamed when she saw him – You scared me!
-Sorry I didn't mean to…
-What are you doing here? Is Vincent all right? – She surprised herself when the second question left her lips. She thought she would never be worried about him anymore.
-It depends.
-Depends on what? – She asked.
-On your notion of "being all right". If you mean if he is still breathing, well, he is.
She had to admit that she had missed that man a lot. He started walking by her side determined to say what he had come to say.
-Listen, Catherine. I'm not here to trying to convince you to do what you don't want to, but there are things I have to say.
-JT… it's over. I can't…
-Yes. He told me. You can't go on with whatever you were trying to be engaged in because you don't trust him. Now my question is: How many things did he do for you before that "horrible moment" when he broke your trust? Think about it.
JT simply went on walking by her side while she was thinking about Vincent saving her that night when her mum was killed, then in the tunnels, then in her car crash and the last time when he found her on the road after the Muirfield incident. She remembered the moment he saved Evan in the underground because she didn't use the tranq gun with him… and the high price he paid after that night when he put himself into that cage to protect the world from him. Images were flooding her mind when JT suddenly stopped:
-I'm not saying you have to forget everything but I'm living now with some kind of ghost who doesn't eat, speak or sleep anymore, who spends his time looking through a window for your car to turn around the corner.
-He hasn't come to me after we…
-You told him not to!
-And that's all it takes? – She asked looking at him in anger.
-Yes! You know him! He went with Alex because you didn't say he shouldn't…
-It was not my choice!
-A man who's been in hiding for almost ten years is not a good one to take these decisions. I'm not justifying what he did. You have the right to feel he cheated on you. But I swear I've shared with him the worst moments of his life and I hadn't seen him like this since he lost his brothers. He can't find a reason to do anything…he's letting himself die…Just…talk to him.
-I don't think I can, JT. I'm shattered.
-So is he. Do you even know how many times I've had to tell him that his dreams of becoming normal again had gone to hell? And I saw him fall into the deepest hole you can dig on the ground. And he always came back. I don't think he will this time unless you talk to him.
She would have said a lot more if JT hadn't simply turned around the corner and disappeared.
"Talk to him? What would I say? Ok, Vincent. I trust you again. Let's go on where we left it. I simply cannot." The truth was that JT had been the push she needed to at least start thinking about this possibility. Could they start again? Could she trust him again? How long would it take till he left her because of another girl? Would she be able to cope with this again? And the only thing she could answer to all these questions was that no one knew. It would be so simple if one just knew what would happen, what would be the next safe step…And she suddenly felt the need to do what she had wanted to through all these days, talk to him again.
When she left her car at a right distance from the warehouse, she started to walk to it. She didn't know what she was going to say or do, but one thing she knew, if it wasn't today, it would never be.
Vincent was looking through the window when he saw her tiny figure and looked again thinking he was dreaming. No, he wasn't. It was Catherine! He couldn't think of a reason for her to be here but seeing him. His heart began to beat to the rhythm of Catherine's, which almost stopped when she finally get into the room where Vincent was. He turned around not knowing what to say and she simply said:
-Hi. How are you? – Her eyes were stuck to the floor while she was waiting for an answer.
-I'm Ok. And you? – He came closer. His eyes were showing a mixture of surprise, fear and pain that made Catherine's heart race again and his with it. She looked at him and saw the effects of the long days of mourning what they had shared. He was thinner and looked sadder. He came towards her not being able to get too near.
-I thought I'd never see you again – He finally managed to say.
-Vincent… All I have gone through last month… it's been so painful and unknown that I don't know what to do or how to get rid of this weight I feel inside.
Her voice was trembling. For the first time in all these days she wasn't angry at him, she just didn't know how to feel. She didn't want to be taken by a fool but she had also reflected upon everything and thought that they could start again. But she didn't know how to say it.
-I'm sorry Catherine. Hurting you is the worst thing I've done in my life but there's something I know: I've paid for it. Feeling that I wasn't going to be with you, talk to you or feel your caresses anymore has been more than enough. I won't ask you to forgive me, I know I don't dese…
She cut him before he could finish what he was about to say:
-The truth is, Vincent, that I've already forgiven you.
He looked into her eyes and saw them bright full of tears. He didn't think about anything else but cleaning the first ones coming out cupping her face and caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. He was now crying too, his forehead against hers.
-I don't deserve it.
-I don't know who deserves what. I just know I had to see you again, to be with you and find out what is the wisest thing to do.
She was cleaning his tears with her fingers too.
-And…and what is it?
-I don't know. I…love you… and I will never know what would have happened if I don't let it happen.
-Did you just say…? – He couldn't believe his ears. That woman he had hurt so much had just said that she loved him. He thought his heart would never stop beating if it hadn't stopped by now.
-I love you, Vincent Keller, all of you. My mind tells me to protect myself from these feelings, to hide myself in a shell so that you can't hurt me anymore, but my heart says that you…we…can do things better if we finally accept what we are for each other.
This time she raised her head and stood on the tips of her feet to be close to his lips and finally kissed him with all her anger, pain and love, as if telling him: "Don't do that again". He lost himself in this kiss and in the feeling of her fingers on the back of his head. He surrounded her waist with his arms so that he won't lose her again. Then he looked up and said:
-I'm so in love with you.
P. S: Sorry, guys, but I wouldn't change those words for the world. Thank you for all your nice comments. I'm really enjoying the experience and I'm reading lots of your fanfics. Do you want one more chapter with my take on how they first made love or are you too in love with the one you watched on TV to allow me to try something different? Let me know. Thank you again.
