I changed this! Please read it again!
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"He said to schedule for another interview if you still need assistance with your case. And to leave Agent Gideon out of it this time if you want to get anything out of him."
The prison warden's message stayed constantly present on Reid's mind for the following three days.
He had been utterly surprised to receive Aaron Hotchner's message that night at JJ's house, so shocked even that he'd had to excuse himself early from their gathering. Morgan had driven him home with a concerned expression on his face, again asking if everything was alright before reluctantly letting him climb up to his apartment by himself.
He had been tempted to tell Morgan about the call, to tell anyone.
He had no idea what motive Aaron Hotchner might have for suddenly asking him back to the prison after practically kicking them out the last time. It made sense for him to not want to see any of the team there, especially Gideon –but Reid had been sure he wouldn't want to see him again either after feeling betrayed by him forgetting everything.
For three days and nights he fought with himself.
Fact was they needed all the information they could get. Fact was also that he'd rather not come within ten feet of that man ever again. The mere thought of going back there and being subjected to that stare again sent cold shivers down his spine every time.
It wasn't until their UnSub killed his next victim and they flew out to gather the pieces of a mother of two, not until he and Emily were forced to inform her husband and little children of her murder and of their incapability to catch the killer that he made his decision.
He had to go back. It might be uncomfortable, but Hotchner would be behind bars after all. He could take being stared or yelled at for an hour if it helped save the next innocent person.
He didn't tell anyone, merely made use of half a day off to drive up to the prison once more. The warden eyed him almost pitifully this time.
"How did you make him change his mind?" he asked.
All Reid could do was shrug, "I have no idea."
"Is Agent Gideon or your unit chief informed about this?" the older man asked as he escorted him to the cells once more, looking slightly troubled.
"Of course," Reid lied, trying to look confident, "There's no need for you to report back to Agent Gideon anymore either. Just call me from now on."
He didn't know why he said that. Maybe because he had the certain feeling that if Gideon knew about this he would make Morgan pull him off the case for good this time, no matter the resistance he got. Maybe because he wanted to finally accomplish something by himself, to finally feel like an asset to the team again, to prove he wasn't just a nervous kid with PTSD that needed to be supervised.
He entered the long, sparsely lit hallway with the cells on the left with a growing feeling of unease, clutching the case file tightly to him with nervous fingers. Before Hotchner's cell came in sight he forced himself to take a deep breath and straighten up.
He could do this. Get the information he needed with whatever tactic might work, then get out of here as quickly as possible.
Aaron Hotchner was facing the hallway when he came to a halt in front of his cell. He looked much like the last time he'd been here, though he seemed considerably calmer.
Reid eyed him warily for a couple of seconds, looking for any sign that Hotchner might lose his temper again at his sight -or that another flashback was about to hit him. Neither happened though.
The convict met his gaze for a long moment, brown eyes assessing him, taking in his face and frame. Reid swallowed nervously. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting to happen, but now Hotchner somehow seemed too quiet...so different from last time. He was, however, still staring at him in the same creepy, disturbing way. Moments passed in which Reid went over his decision to come back about five times -then Hotchner spoke up.
"I was beginning to think you were too busy to come back." It was hard to tell whether his tone was spiteful or plain casual, whether he was pleased or not with the situation.
His eyes were much the same, seemingly neutral, but clearly covering deeper underlying emotions as they fixated him. It was unnverving but Reid tried his best not to let it bother him. As long as there was hope that this might be a useful visit he wouldn't just walk away.
"We were in Nevada," he replied shortly.
It seemed like a good lead in if they were going to talk about the case. If...
Luckily, Hotchner seemed to bite, foregoing any mentions of last time to react to his words.
"More bodies?" The question sounded indifferent, casual. Reid nodded.
It looked like Hotchner frowned at that but Reid couldn't help the thought that it was more due to his silence than to the mention of dead people.
Great, one more point on the creepy psycho scale...
God, he just wanted to get out of here. That scrutinizing stare on him was making him want to run from the room. 'Get a grip. He's talking, that's good.'
"So have you made any progress on your profile yet? Any new leads?"
Reid did his best to cover up his excitement that apparently Hotchner actually wanted to talk about the case. Still he hesitated as he considered his possible answers. He couldn't give away detailed information but he wanted to keep Hotchner talking.
"We have witnesses," he replied vaguely.
Hotchner smirked at that, "In other words you have nothing. You won't remember this, Spencer, but I used to be a very proficient profiler. There is no gain in trying to lie to me."
He leaned forward, his forearms resting on the bars of his cell and Reid couldn't help but tense at the sound of his given name coming from the man's mouth. He didn't think Hotchner had called him Spencer before Foyet. Gideon's warning about him becoming fixated on him briefly crossed his mind again, especially considering the look he was giving him right now, but he pushed it away forcibly by making himself picture their last victim.
It didn't matter unless he let it, he told himself. It didn't even matter why Hotchner had decided to ask him back and talk to him. No matter how wrong or disturbing the reason...People were getting hurt out there and he was going to let it continue because he was too creeped out by a guy who was locked up and unable to do aynthing to him? No, of course not. 'Get over it, name's just a name...'
"You're right," he made himself play along, "We're far from solving this case. The UnSub is always three steps ahead of us. He is a master at flying under the radar, otherwise he wouldn't have gone undetected for so long. The kills are gruesome but he can control his urges and won't leave unnecessary traces."
So far so good, a pretty decent lead-in. Hotchner looked at him with what he hoped was waking interest in the case, nodding knowingly.
"And that's why your only hope are the letters," he mused before one of the corners of his mouth pulled upwards, "In other words, me." He smiled darkly, his eyes gleaming, "Don't you think that's wonderfully ironic? That I am the one person able to help the BAU now?"
Reid didn't return his smile. This turn in the conversation...he didn't want to be discouraged but it reminded him that it was very well possible that Hotchner wasn't actually going to answer his questions but that he had just called him here to taunt him and the team.
"If you detest them so much then why did you decide to help them after all?" he asked, hands clenched to fists by his sides to hide his anxiety.
Hotchner raised an eyebrow at his question, tilting his head to the side slightly. Then he shook it.
"I never said I wanted to help them."
Reid felt his heart sink, disappointment overcoming him. It looked like he had been too hopeful after all.
"Why did you ask me here then?" he asked.
Hotchner didn't answer at first; another long minute of silent staring passed before he reacted at all.
"What do you remember about me, Spencer?" he then asked out of context.
Reid blinked in surprise, then again in irritation.
He didnt know why he even answered, why he didn't just walk away then, knowing he should. Something in those eyes...
"I—you were my boss, unit chief of the BAU. You had a wife and a four year old son. We worked together until George Foyet started stalking you. One night he attacked you and your family and I fell into a coma after trying to help."
"Not what you read in the reports," Hotchner shook his head, interrupting him, "What do you remember?"
His tone was as sharp as his eyes, and Reid swallowed, nervously looking away. Nothing, he remembered nothing. Why did that even matter? He didn't want to-
"Memory fragments, I assume," Hotchner's voice came through to him, and Reid flinched, failing to stay unaffected by the images creeping up on him, "Sounds? Voices? What you felt during the attack maybe...do you remember my son, his dead eyes looking up at you as he was on top of you, twisting the knife-"
"Stop-" Reid shook his head, blinking harshly, trying to not focus on the faint echo of screams from his dreams, fighting to stay focused. He stumbled back, horrified at what the other man was saying. He didn't remember...but it felt like his body did...- his breath stuttered...no, not again-
"Spencer." Deep voice, intent, breaking through his chaotic thoughts and emotions, getting him back into focus. His eyes snapped up, finding Hotchner's pinned to him again, still with that burning intensity but not...gleeful. Pained, maybe, under all that steel...
"Why are you doing this?" he balled his shaking hands to fists, not knowing what he should feel. Fear, anger, pity...? "What do you want?"
Hotchner just kept looking at him, for a sheer eternity. Then, eventually, "It's not your fault."
Now completely thrown off track, Reid could only blink in confusion. How did this conversation keep getting...?
"What?"
"Foyet. Jack. Hayley."
How were they suddenly talking about the Foyet case? What was Hotchner saying?
"It's not. Maybe if you start believing that you will stop being so effected by it."
"I don't think it's my-"
"You might not know it but I...I know you," Hotchner murmured as though to himself. Then he touched his face, actually chuckling. it didnt sound right though. It sounded fractured, tainted. "I do...I should never have doubted that for a second. I was just...when Gideon brought you here and you didn't, I thought- but it's you. After everything you did for Jack, and Hayley, for us...you would never..."
His expression turned stromy and borderline homicidal so quickly that Reid felt his stomach turn. "Everybody else has abandoned me, betrayed me. In the worst hours of my life they turned me, locked me in here to rot. But not you. No."
The idea of a smile flashed over Hotchner's lips before it was replaced by more darkness.
"You don't remember," he shook his head somberly, "I knew it last time, by the way you reacted, looked at me...there was nothing in your eyes. You don't remember me at all."
Reid didn't reply. He was sure he saw pain there in those black depths, pain invoked by the reality of his words... he didn't know what to say or do at this point. His insides were coiled formt he memories Hotchner was invoking in him, his hands sweaty, his ehad spinning from what the man was saying...
"That's why I can't even be angry, you know?" Hotchner smiled bitterly, and edge still to his expression. Reid blinked, tense and mute. "I was. Very angry." Reid swallowed hard. "But now I understand. You're only here for the case, but it's not your fault either. It's who you are. You need to help the victims in your case. You lost your memory but you're still the same deep down."
"That's why I let you come back, Spencer. You're still the same."
Reid couldn't say anything, feeling his guts twist up even further. Hotchner sounded crazy, but not really...he could follow his train of thought -and that scared him even more. The man thought Reid was his friend, his ally. His only one after the betrayal of the others. That was why he had wanted to see him again.
Guilt and fear were warring inside him by now. Fear because this man was insane and much too focussed on him, guilt because he was actually considering Gideon's idea of letting him think he was his ally in order to get information. If it was the only way...
"I know you don't think so now, Spencer," Hotchner was actually smiling now, much too calm and certain, "But I know. It's you and me. It always has been."
Reid shook, unable to com pletely hide his reaction. It was getting too much, he couldn't do this, take this...this wasn't right...it was scaring him, the way Hotchner was looking at him, talking about him...He couldnt do it. He needed to go, get out of here...
He stepped back, pulled towards the door by instinct...
"You helped me, so I will help you." Hotchner's voice, completely sober now, made him stop dead in his tracks.
"Stay and I will tell you what was in those letters. I'll help you build a profile. I'll help you catch him."
I'm sure that last bit was a little messed up. Sorry if Hotch is OOC but that was to be expected, right? Right. I hope you liked this and are lookign forward to the enxt installment. I don't know when I'll start on it yet -to be honest, it kinda depends on the reception. So, review, please :) Lemme know your thoughts, criticisms, and suggestions! Thanks!
