Connections


Chapter Nine


Trip had not expected to be able to enter the white space he had seen in his dreams while he was awake and mediating. It was an extremely disconcerting experience until searching through the blank white nothingness he espied T'Pol sitting cross legged, with her back to him. He had never initiated the link between before so Trip was unsure how to let her know he was there.

Wait a minute, I'm in her tranquil zone; she must know I'm here.

Then Trip got the message. He was being ignored again and he was getting this treatment because of Amanda. However he decided not to give up and walked over to stand right behind T'Pol where he stopped to consider his next move. He became aware that she was waiting to see what he would do as the calm serenity of the space was interrupted by ripples of shimmering tension which swirled and twisted around him.

Undeterred and determined to get through to her, he knelt down behind T'Pol, and reached his right hand through the strengthening electric currents. Vivid blue lighting crackled and sparked against the skin of his unprotected hand as he touched her right shoulder. However T'Pol did not yield under his pressure though she was no longer trying to ignore his presence. Instead Trip felt her start to push him away, trying to break their link. Then Trip moved his other hand to rest gently on her left shoulder. Without any warning a pulse of pure rage, an angry rant in a language he didn't understand, caught him by surprise; rocking him back on his knees, his head rolling in a crazy arc as if an opponent had landed a punch square on his jaw. Trip only just managed to hold on and then needed to concentrate hard to clear his dazed mind.

*T'Pol, I'm not going anywhere, I just want to talk to you.*

Still nothing, suddenly everything had become very still and silent although Trip knew T'Pol was present; he was holding on and keeping the link open.

*You're real good at ignoring me, but I'll just hang around, if that's okay with you.*

T'Pol lasted less than ten seconds; she lifted her hands to grasp his fingers and with a deliberate movement pushed them up and away from her. She turned round to face Trip but promptly resumed her mediation pose; cross legged, back straight and hands resting on her knees. She then made her intention clear by firmly closing her eyes. However Trip decided not to take the hint remaining exactly where he was, willing to patiently wait for T'Pol to make her next move. It did not take long for her to open her eyes and see that Trip was still sitting across from her. She announced in her most haughty manner, *I cannot mediate with you here, please go away.*

Trip wasn't buying her reasoning for a minute,*Last night you said my presence was a comfort to you. No, you're angry and that's why you can't mediate.*

*What makes you think I am angry with you?*

Trip was surprised; he had expected a retort along the lines that Vulcans don't experience anger. Trip knew this was too important to mess up so he choose his words very carefully, *I know you think I have feelings for Corporal Cole, but I can assure you that I don't.* He then dropped his voice to a whisper as he continued to plead his defence *She's just a friend, there's nothing going on between us.*

T'Pol could still feel that the irrational and painful emotions which she had been trying to control when Trip had interrupted her mediation were still very much present. They coloured her bitter response, *Perhaps you should consider the possibility; I know she has feelings for you.*

Trip picked up on the emotion in her voice and bizarrely it gave him hope *No, it wouldn't work, because I care deeply for someone else.*

*Are you referring to the fact you are attracted to me?*

Trip remembered that the first time they had attempted to have this conversation she had tricked him into admitting his attraction. This time instead of being plunged into confusion he was able to answer with simple and heartfelt honestly *Yes, I care for you; I am in love with you.*

*I do not know how to respond…what you expect from me. I have formed an attachment to you; I doubt our bond could have formed otherwise. However I can not give you something I do not understand, you must need me to return this emotion.*

*I like that you've formed an attachment to me. Why can't we try to make this work?*

*You would have to give up too much to form a relationship with me. I could not love you in the way you want me to and we could not have children.*

Momentarily Trip was stumped as her logical argument that they could not have a future seemed to be defeating his emotional one. Then he remembered that one night when T'Pol had offered herself to him.

*T'Pol I know you can experience and show emotion. I don't deny that I would love to be a father but you can't know for sure that isn't possible.*

T'Pol knew what she should say; that what Trip was suggesting was impossible. Soon after T'Pol had joined Enterprise she was forced to make a difficult choice between her culture and remaining on the ship. Trip had counselled her to think about what she wanted to do. Although that was an alien concept to someone brought up to acquiesce to the wishes of her family elders, it had influenced her decision to stay. Finding herself in a similar situation stopped T'Pol from dismissing his proposal out of hand.

*Trip I need time to think about this, can you wait until I am ready to discuss this further? Tonight we could leave our link open. You seem to sleep well when I am present in your mind. If we do not communicate, allowing only the connection to remain it can be extremely relaxing. When I was a young child my mother would do this to aid a restful sleep.*

*I would like that T'Pol, I'll give you all the time you need.*


"Computer encrypt file and mark for transmission on the seventh of August, twenty-one fifty-three, and designate it only for the eyes of then acting Captain of this ship."

Reed slumped back in his chair. His room was in darkness with only the light from the monitor flickering through the gloom which reflected the Armoury Officer's mood. Reed told himself he had done the right thing. There was no point to telling Captain Archer what he knew about Masaro. That would mean also having to reveal his entire sorry story; his membership of the secret organisation that had been the first to demand his loyalty. While in their service he had done many things that sat uncomfortably in his conscience including withholding data regarding an encounter with a supposedly un-identifiable alien vessel and watching and reporting back on the conduct of all of the crew, not just Ensign Masaro. He reasoned that it was much simpler to have his report passed to whoever was in command many years in the future when he was no longer around to answer any awkward questions.

Reed had expected to feel better after completing his account of what he had discovered about Masaro and his suspected involvement in stealing the DNA samples. However, the fact he'd found a way to salve his conscience while keeping his loyalty to another organisation hidden only managed to depress him. The whole time he imagined what Captain Archer's reaction to his report would be; watching the Captain register first disgust and then anger at Reed's cowardice.

Reed hesitated once, when he felt the urge to apologise for his actions. He paused the recording long enough to fight down the pleading for understanding and forgiveness that he longed to make following such a pointless apology. How could he expect anyone to understand and accept his actions if his silence still resulted in the betrayal of his friends?

After regaining his composure, Reed requested the computer replay his report. It was factual, detailing his investigation into Masaro and included his confrontation with the young man when he had warned him off. His final words were a simple assertion that although he would continue to monitor Masaro, Reed no longer considered him to be a threat.


When T'Pol woke she found that she was lying on the floor of her quarters having spent the night curled up on her meditation pillows. The stiffness she felt in her back and limbs as she stretched out her body had been worth the closeness she had felt to Trip while they had slept; physically separate yet bound to each another.

After T'Pol had dressed she stopped in front of her mirror to regard her reflection. Since resigning from the Vulcan High Command she had no longer felt the need to wear her hair in the regulation style. As her hair grew out it had become long enough to cover her ears, the most obvious symbol of her alien identity to the human crew of the Enterprise. T'Pol raised her hands and flicked the hair at either side of her face so that her ears were covered. Then she bared her teeth forcing her facial muscles to make her lips to curl upwards. T'Pol examined critically the effect of her attempt to smile. She considered that the facial expression was correct, what was lacking was the emotional signal from her eyes to indicate that she was happy. T'Pol relaxed her mouth and turned her head away from the mirror. She then quickly swivelled her head back attempting to achieve a more spontaneous effect. The smile looked as forced and un-natural as before. T'Pol contemplated the numerous times she had watched Trip smiling and laughing. The sound of his laughter had always been particularly pleasing to her. It seemed so easy for him to communicate this emotion of happiness to those around him.

T'Pol then remembered Trip's comment that he knew she could express her emotions. But Trip knew nothing about her use of Trillium D and T'Pol was not ready to face his reaction if he found out. She continued to stare intently at her reflection in the mirror as if she was trying to recognise the stranger in front of her. T'Pol realised that by her own hand she had blown away all the certainties of her life. As an only child she had held the responsibility to continue her family line but she had rejected her mother's wishes and gone against Vulcan culture. However as she could never return to her home, why was she so desperate to try to hang on to what was lost to her? T'Pol looked more intently at the face in the mirror, and recognised that it was fear, that most powerful of emotions, which was stopping her from accepting Trip's love.