Note: None of these are my characters except for the unknown ones! Rated R for violence and deals with a suicide attempt. Elvish speech is in ''. Language warning! This chapter is also in Legolas's POV!
Acceptance
Part 9
When I finally was able to regain control of my weak body, I looked around and saw Aragorn sitting in the chair beside me. I flinched a little when I got a good look at him.
He had a grim look on his face, with his arms crossed, as he sat there. His eyes were closed, and he appeared to be sleeping.
I sat up slowly and saw the bandages on his hands, from where he'd taken the dagger from me. I weakly moved myself down to the floor, where I took his wrapped hands in mine.
I gently kissed both, feeling a single tear on my face, as I pressed my lips against the cloth bandages. He'd gotten hurt because of me.
A voice broke into my thoughts.
'Do you seek to submit yourself?' Aragorn quietly asked in Elvish, as he opened his eyes and saw me kneeling on the ground.
I felt unworthy to look at him, as I released his hands. 'I don't know,' I replied. I didn't know what to say to the one I loved.
His face was still pale, as he motioned for me to return to the bed. 'Éomer would be most unhappy to see you kneeling on the cold floor, Legolas.'
I returned to the bed silently. 'Everyone knows, don't they?'
Aragorn nodded. 'I am certain they do.'
I let out a suffering sigh.
What do you say to your lover after he saves your life when you try to kill yourself?
'Frodo told you, didn't he?' I questioned.
'Yes, he did.' Aragorn's voice was neutral, and I was not sure if he was angry or not.
I looked away. 'I need to apologize to him. I should never have…'
'No, you shouldn't have. Frodo was very worried about you,' Aragorn told me.
I flinched again. My lover sounded so disapproving. I was sure that he would never forgive me.
'Where you?' I blurted out without thinking.
'Was I what?' Aragorn inquired.
I met his gaze. 'Where you worried about me?'
Aragorn snapped, 'Of course I was worried! How do you think I felt when I saw you?'
I immediately stiffened and turned away from him. 'Why are you even here, Aragorn? Go find someone who isn't as messed up as I am!'
Aragorn reached out and took my shoulders in his hand. He turned me back towards him, wincing as he did so. Fresh blood appeared on his bandages, but he did not relinquish the grip.
'I don't love 'someone', Legolas. I love you.' His voice was softer now.
'How can you when I don't even love myself?' I flung at him.
That had surprised the one I loved. But I was not prepared for his reaction.
Aragorn forced me to look into the mirror that hung on the wall beside the bed.
'What do you see when you look in the mirror?' he asked.
'Myself,' I snapped. 'A weak, pathetic elf who can't even save himself. And who keeps failing at suicide and hurting those around him.'
Aragorn frowned at me. 'You must not see what I see when I look at you. I see the one I love, who has been through more hardships in his life than anyone should go through. But he managed to control his pain to live again.'
'Your mirror must be broken,' I muttered, before Aragorn continued, his grip harder than ever.
'His greatest weakness was his breaking point, for the one I love does not seek help he needs it. But I do not fault him for it. I merely accept it, for I love him, despite everything. Just as he once told me that in spite of the pain he believed that I'd caused him, he still loved me,' Aragorn said firmly. 'And I will not let him fight this battle alone.'
'Aragorn…' I whispered, shaken slightly.
God, he still loved me after I'd tried to kill myself.
Aragorn kissed me softly, and I felt his warmth and love. My lips melted against his, as did my pain.
I'd been so afraid of losing him, I thought, as I gazed into his eyes.
Compassion, sorrow, and love shone in them, as he looked at me.
He pulled back slightly. 'I will stand by you always, Legolas.'
'I'm sorry, Aragorn. I'm sorry I was so stupid,' I whispered as I looked up at him. 'I didn't know to do anymore. I grew a little more distant every day. I didn't want to, but I couldn't stop it.'
Aragorn sighed quietly. 'I just wish I had known, so I could have tried to help you.'
'I wouldn't have let you help me,' I said honestly. 'I didn't want anyone to know, but now everyone does.'
Aragorn removed his hands from my shoulders and winced slightly. I took his hands in mine again and pressed another kiss on each.
'And you are hurt now because of me,' I murmured softly.
Aragorn looked at me seriously. 'Did you truly want to die, Legolas?' he questioned.
I bit my lower lip as I thought about what I had been thinking before I'd slit my wrists. I slowly shook my head.
'No,' I finally admitted.
'Then why did you cut yourself?' he asked hoarsely.
'I'd already done so when I realized that…' I confessed. 'And I couldn't think straight any longer. The pain was too much for me.'
'Couldn't you have asked for help for once, Legolas? Couldn't you have come to me?' Hurt was in his eyes.
I bowed my head.
'I should have,' I told him softly. 'But I did not want to hurt you. You were the reason I held back so long.'
Aragorn took me in his strong arms, as if he were trying to protect me. I gazed directly into his eyes.
'I truly did not want to die. But I do not know how to live anymore,' I whispered.
To be continued
