AN: So sorry for the delay! (again) And once again, thank you so much for your reviews!

I really hope this chapter makes it up to you!

Once again, I do not own the Indiana Jones Series!


Chapter 9: Losing my religion

The nearly boiling water was steaming in the dimmed light of the small submarine's cabin as René Belloq carefully slid into the improvised bathtub, first only grazing it's gleaming surface carefully with the tip of his toe and then, in anticipation of at least a night of relaxing solitude, eased himself into the small tub until the water reached the middle of his chest.

As René sat down he simply closed his eyes and let out a loud relieved sigh. The tub was a bit too small for him and he had to twist his feet and lower legs uncomfortably so that his body would fit in completely. Nonetheless a nice warm bath was the most luxurious and relaxing thing on earth after two weeks of taking showers with a bucket next to sweating bad-mannered soldiers in the desert. Ok, René had already gone through far worse conditions during his trips and travels but the Germans had worsened his mood terribly. So this was his way of paying them back, even though it was a bit childish.
After having stolen what looked like the only washing trough available on board he had locked the door and kind of poured the entire water stock into it heated with all electricity needed abroad.

Aww, those blasted Nazi-pigs! René sighed again, in annoyance this time, and ran his wet hands over his face. He would have to spend a night with them in closest and most uncomfortable conditions. There had also been not that much space in the camp at Tanis but a submarine was even more uncomfortable. Well, at least he had his own bunk and cabin, a luxury only granted to few on board.

In spite of all the anger and annoyance the Frenchman also felt a twinge of perverse satisfaction. He couldn't help smirking in triumph. What would the Nazis they say if they could see him right now? Shaking his head he had to chuckle even more. Most likely they would be repulsed, irritated, shocked.
All the Germans were excited about opening the Ark, getting it to Hitler, finally conquering the world and eliminate all Jews and he, the arrogant French snob, had the nerve to run himself in a bath! Most soldiers weren't going to have warm water for showering and washing the next day but he didn't damn about what they thought. They would be dirty and stinking like the pigs they were.

The thought of those evolution brakes enraged and amused him simultaneously. For what felt like the hundredth time René still couldn't understand how an entire nation, the country of poets and thinkers, could let an uneducated fool like Hitler govern them. Nonetheless René had to admit that he had, even if it had happened as a consequence of coercion, also taken advantage of that. But they had made it clear that they only considered him as suitable for the job, threatened to attack France in a few years and paid him very well as he accepted, as if he had considered it an honor. For his work with the Germans René had also been given a German passport with all his personal data. Above all they had also noted down his „Aryan" heritage! Just imagining it; him, being Aryan! What a joke!

René had been blond in his youth and his eyes were blue but except that there weren't many Aryan features visible on him. And his past also wasn't much of an indicator for some kind of pure German heritage.

His family lineage could be traced back to the Middle Ages. At some point his ancestors had been Templar Knights and even back then their main residence had been his beloved home Forteresse Malevil. However, they had lost it after siding along with the wrong claimant to the French throne. The following decades turned into centuries and Forteresse Malevil had been taken by many different unworthy occupants and sadly decayed during the French Revolution in 1789. About fifty years later his great-grandfather and namesake René François Belloq had reclaimed their ancestral family seat and rebuilt it to its former glory. His family origins were very interesting, fortunately well documented and luckily completely free of any German influence. Quite the contrary, his paternal grandmother Malika had been from Algeria, what was the reason behind his usually tanned skin and slightly oriental looks.

Just like… As René closed his eyes she appeared again in front of him, nearly seizable. Raven-black curly hair, lightly tanned skin that reminded him of caramel, sparkling blue eyes that matched his own…

Marion

Out of all sudden he couldn't keep his thoughts off her. Three hours had passed since they had had to part and he already missed her terribly. However, thinking of her was much more pleasant than being upset about the Germans. So René seized the opportunity dispute the question that had been nagging at his mind and heart.

What was it exactly that he was feeling for her?

At first his feelings had been of merely protective nature. Back then, meaning the day before, he had simply seen her as an innocent woman being held captive and threatened constantly so he had decided to question her himself in order to spare her an interrogation with Toth and, well, had taken advantage of the effect he usually had on women to get over with it as quickly as possible. But then they had started drinking together, talked more and more and René couldn't help feeling intrigued by Marion, being drawn to her charisma and attitude. Later the two of them had even started to flirt, telling each other personal matters, had laughed a lot together and Marion had admitted hear fears and worries. René remembered taking her hand and promising to protect her. Then she had kissed him and it had been incredible. There was no other way of describing it. During the interrogation they had managed to distract and deceive Toth but then the Germans had discovered Jones and Co. And René had had to go for broke in order to save them all, that meant all of them.
The chance to get rid of Doctor Jones had been very tempting. Yet René had known that Jones meant a lot to Marion in spite of everything he had done to her in the past and she might have never forgiven him ih he had let her ex-lover die. And it had definitely been worth the troubles. As he and Marion had sat behind that old stonewall, limbs entangled and kissing feverishly, he had felt the urge not to let her go, to keep her with him forever. They had promised to come back for each other and sadly that had been the only thing keeping him sane that moment.
However René knew that now at the end of this exhausting day he had to pose himself the question he had been avoiding all the time. Clenching his white teeth he rested his arms on the tub's edge and laid back.

Did he love her?

First of all, what was love actually? Had he every felt it before in order to compare it with his feelings for the Ravenwood-girl? René knew he loved his brother, family name, profession and mother country. But another female human being? No. René took a deep breath and decided to change his strategy.
So he slowly closed his eyes and tried to imagine Marion Elena Ravenwood standing in a random church, clad in a white dress and veil, marrying another faceless man…

No!

Wow. That was more yielding than expected. Angrily René forced his eyelids open and noted that his hands had balled up in fists, ready to strike any possible rival. Okay, this tactic had been more helpful than comparison but he had to be absolutely sure.
After calming down the Frenchman gradually shut his eyes again and imagined the same scenario as before, the only difference being him in place of that faceless rival. René reckoned that he liked it quite a lot. And that was just the beginning. Now it wasn't only a wedding that flashed up before his inner eye.

He could see everything.

He could see them walking hand in hand along the coast near his residence, laughing happily, like any other normal couple. He could see the two of them again like before, saying their vows and exchanging rings in front of the altar of Notre Dame de la Garde in Marseille.
He could see the small things in the daily routine making married life somehow exciting like having her clothes beside his in the wardrobe, her toothbrush next to his in the bathroom, waking up and seeing her glorious smile every morning… Maybe they even would have children some day.
René's heart swelled in his chest and he was suddenly brimming with glee. Especially that thought enticed him somehow. Just the fantasy of having dozens of black haired girls with blue eyes running around the halls of Forteresse Malevil, eventually all of them named after their stunning mother was very alluring and even had him purring in delight.

Alright, even the cross-check had worked so there was no point in denying it any further. He did love her. And strangely he didn't mind it at all., being in love, feeling vulnerable for another human being. After all it was Marion Ravenwood! Yet René's joy was overshadowed by another question, the question if she felt the same about him at all. Would Marion accept him the way he was? After all she didn't know everything about him yet even though the American girl -no, woman- knew about some of his activities outside of any grey area. But that was only one of his more or less „open secrets".

René knew he hadn't been a saint in the past and certainly not living a Catholic priest's life. In one of their countless confrontations Jones had scorned René for „having fucked half of France". For an instance he had been very close to sloshing the insolent American but had left that task to Jean Daguerre in order to not have Jones thinking he had hurt his feelings. The damn hypocritical bastard himself isn't much more chaste than me… Nonetheless he had to admit it was true.
Up to then René had been happy with his way of living, sticking to his three As; archaeology, affairs and alcohol. But his past adventures and short-time relationships now felt like some kind of tool he had used in order to fill a constant emptiness in his heart he hadn't been conscious of. The thrill of physical love was what he enjoyed of it; but that was all. Kissing Marion, holding her, even talking to her and seeing her laugh had been far better than short lived excitement with someone whose name he'd have forgotten in less than an hour afterwards. And the more René thought of it he knew that if he took any other woman to his bed right now or in the near future he would only be able to see her.

Involuntarily his thoughts were suddenly wandering a completely different path. Last night, he recalled, she had drunkenly admitted that she didn't have much experience in that area. If only they could- The mere thought of being able to teach her, to guide her, have her squirming beneath him was very enticing…

Stop it, you damn débauché!

René clenched his teeth again. The water was cooling down more and more but he didn't care to notice; his previous thoughts had kind of heated up the room. Come on man, stop thinking of that one thing! Equating Marion Ravenwood with his previous acquaintances would be horribly offensive. Distract yourself! Think of her other qualities!

Those were also very appealing. Involuntarily his lips curled up into a smile and he was going into rhapsodies again. She was strikingly beautiful, had guts, courage and spirit and had proven to be very intelligent as well. Marion Ravenwood was no typical quiet housewife who would see it as a life fulfillment to sit home, play with the kids and wait obediently for her husband to return home every single day. Yet he didn't mind because that wasn't what he wanted from the woman he would share his life with.

However René knew he had also seen Marion's other side. Sometimes she could also be shy and wounded; for instance as she had admitted her fear from the Germans. Reveling in memories he recalled how a strong protective instinct had overwhelmed him, how he had been overcome with the the urge to hug her tightly, kiss her fiercely and tell her everything would be alright.

So now, after having admitted his feelings what was he going to do? What was she going to do after all of this mess Jones had gotten her into? Return to the States? Stay with Jones? For his part René knew he would have to return to France in order to settle his business life and supervise the rebuilding of Forteresse Melevil on its home stretch. Would she maybe consider moving to France and supporting him if asked to do so?

It wouldn't be that easy. There was no way René was going to fool himself. Before she could officially move in with him they would have to marry properly, etiquette, society and his position in Marseille as a man of some account were demanding that.

Taking into account the possibility of getting out of this mess alive. What the hell had he been thinking before accepting this job?! Would Jones manage to catch up with them before they opened the Ark?

That wasn't the only discomposure involved. All the Egyptian workers had been very reverential during the past two weeks. René knew the Germans hadn't told most of them what they were digging for. Quite stupid actually because they had told the chief diggers the truth and in a couple of hours it had spread like wildfire. As well as rumors, speculations and anxieties. Some of them thought it was better to leave an artifact so sacred in peace because it was simply too dangerous and mysterious to be handled by humankind.

René had considered that before. Back then, not even three weeks prior, he had had nothing to lose, almost no friends to miss him, no family to mourn him if he didn't make it, no matter whether it was by the Germans' or some supernatural power's doing. Well, no one except his brother Claude but he was doing fine for himself in Switzerland and would be able to get over it sooner or later. So be it he had constantly told himself. Yet the past night and day had changed everything and had the wall René had built for protection from any kind of human feelings and regrets around himself crumbling down. Now there was a incentive, something motivating him not to throw his life away carelessly. No, not something. Someone.

Instantly, his self-confidence was returning. There surely was a possibility of setting this right, of surviving this hara-kiri-journey. And instantly René stopped worrying about what wold be coming afterwards. It couldn't be worse than this, than the Germans, could it?
And after all, what was the risk of rejection compared to the possibility of a lifetime with the woman he already considered as his future wife?

Okay, that was it. The final decision was made at long last.

Determinedly the Frenchman supported himself on the tub's edges and stepped out of the cold water. The cool air it his skin but René didn't care. Not bothering to dry himself he quickly fastened a towel around his waist and quickly took a sip of liquor from his silver pocket flask that he had kept hidden in his jacket. An excellent scenario for making a silent vow.

If we two get out of this alive I will propose on her, no matter the risks!


Oh life, is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spot-light
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough

Every whisper, of every waking hour
I'm choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

Consider this
Consider this, the hint of the century
Consider this the slip
That brought me to my knees, failed
What if all these fantasies come
Flailing around
Now I've said too much


To be continued...

AN: So, what do you think? The next chapter will include the confrontation between Indy and Mariond and an unexpected surprise awaiting them on the idea for the title was brazenly stolen from Grey's Anatomy but I think it fit. The lyrics are (as you can most likely guess ;) ) from the song "Losing my religion" by REM.

I genuinely hope you liked it.

Please review!