~Authors Note: Salutations people! I'm sorry I haven't updated sooner. It's been a very emotional, pointless and angry week for me. It's been rather suck-ish actually. How was yours? Anyways, please enjoy chapter 9, the song used is my all time favorite song by SlipKnot but also my second favorite song of all time. I have incorporated the meaning into the chapter but if you still don't know, inbox me. Enjoy!

Peace in

Mel Swirls!

Phineas and Ferb: Isn't what it is

Chapter 9: Snuff

Bury all your secrets in my skin.
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins.

I ran outside to my car and got in the back before covering myself with the red blanket I kept at all times in my car.

The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...

I've realized that in most books, this is the part where the girl starts to cry, but no matter how hard I tried (and believe me, I tried) I couldn't, under any circumstances, cry. It just wasn't coming to me today. Maybe that was a good thing, if I went to class, I doubt I wanted red blotches all over my face…fuck, that would be so attractive (and if you haven't guessed yet, that was said sarcastically.)

So if you love me, let me go.
And run away before I know.

I'm such a Mary-Sue. I know a guy for one day, and he goes out with a girl and I go ballistic. This is madness... This is Sparta…I have to stop letting my thoughts wonder. It doesn't do me any good.

My heart is just too dark to care.
I can't destroy what isn't there.

The bell rang and I debated with myself over getting out of the car. Should I go to school and face them? It would be less suspicious, but than again, I don't want to have to put up with them being lovey-dovey. I gagged at that thought before wrapping the blanket around me tighter and grabbing my cell phone. I call the front desk at my school and pretended to be my mother telling them I was going to be sick.

The good thing about pretending to be sick with me; is that I have the exact same voice as my mom, so they can't tell the difference.

Deliver me into my Fate -
If I'm alone I cannot hate

When I thought all the teachers and people were inside, I started my car and drove away. I was so annoyed with myself that I just decided to go home. I didn't even know any kool hang out places, and since Jillian and Brad wont be home, I might as well wonder my ass over there for a bit.

I don't deserve to have you...
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago,
If I can change I hope I never know.

I thought about Ferb and Marissa. They were going to be a cute couple. I was happy for them, but that didn't mean I wasn't insanely jealous. I really liked Ferb, but it was I, and if he and I were together, I'd fuck it up. I always did. The 3 other guys I went out with were slimy, pigs, could Ferb turn out to be the same way? Or would he be insanely nice and than I'd be the one to fuck it up by saying something stupid like I love him.

Shit, I just thought that, didn't I?

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss.

I pulled into my driveway and ran out of my car before jumping into my house and slipping into my room. I fell on my bed and the tears still weren't coming, but the fact still remained. I still loved him.

I couldn't face a life without your light,
But all of that was ripped apart, when you refused to fight.

What the hell was I going to do? I could love him, let him now and probably hurt him and me, or I could just let him move on and not make him fall into my pit of sadness. But he could quite possibly like me back, right? Wait, why would he like me? I'm not pretty and I'm plain and dark. I'm boring and he's brilliant. Why would he like me?

So save your breath, I will not care.
I think I made it very clear.
You couldn't hate enough to love.
Is that supposed to be enough?

I crawled out of my bed and reached for my Ipod. Time to drown thoughts out before I start to let my thoughts hurt me. I put it on shuffle and the song "snuff" by Slipknot comes on and immediately I feel worst. From all the times I've listened to this song, and all the times I got a group of friends over and we googled it's meaning, we always found out it was a song about his ex-wife that he loved so much that he told her to leave him because he was ad druggie and he didn't want to make her life miserable too. It was about leaving what you thought was best for yourself and giving it all up for the one you love. He gave up love for her. Was I giving up love for Ferb?

I only wish you weren't my friend.
Then I could hurt you in the end.

What a crazy thought. I hadn't even considered that possibility, although I guess that's what it could be, but if it was, than why the hell was I debating with myself whether or not I was right? Shouldn't I feel sure I was doing the right thing?

I never claimed to be a Saint...
Ooh, my own was banished long ago,
It took the Death of Hope to let you go

I got out of my bed and snuck downstairs and grabbed myself a frozen ice cream sandwich from the freezer before slipping into the living room. I looked out the window pointlessly. I was just stalling for time now. Sooner or later, I'd get so bored here that I'll force myself to go back to school, and then I'll have to face the truth. The truth being that I had to get over him because he didn't like me, he liked Marissa, and why wouldn't he? She was really awesome. But she wasn't amazing.

So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul.

Ferb Fletcher, now he was amazing. He had everything. Talent, hope, brilliance, looks, smarts. I couldn't help being jealous of Marissa. It was completely normal. But whom am I trying to convince that to? Them or me?

You never needed any help...
You sold me out to save yourself...

I walked back into my room and shut the door before grabbing the book "tweaked" by Katherine Hulubitsky before sitting down on my bed and starting to read.

And I won't listen to your shame.
You ran away, you're all the same.

I knew I could be doing better things, like reading into the next chapter in science or something, but I wasn't in the mood.

Angels lie to keep control...
Ooh, my love was punished long ago,

If anybody ever asks, and hopefully they wont, I never liked Ferb, but I wont lie to myself. The truth is, I love him more then anything else, but I need to make sure he's happy before I can start with my own happiness.

If you still care, don't ever let me know...

I just hope my heart can take it.

If you still care, don't ever let me know...

Authors note: So? Thoughts? Come on people! Review please! Anyways If you don't understand what the song "snuff" is about, inbox me, also, the book
"Tweaked" is actually amazing! Anyways review please!

Peace in!

Mel Swirls!