Shadow's First Life

Chapter IX

An Age of Grief


I had gathered twenty nuts from the chestnut trees back in Virginia, and I was eager to show my science teacher at school. My teacher was Mrs. Brooks. She was a kindhearted soul, but she was harsh on rowdy students when discipline was necessary. She was my favorite teacher in the sixth and seventh grade. The return to my abode in the colony was not welcomed in itself. After the exploring and admiration of the forest, the colony was bleak and depressing.

I consider reward to be a piece of chocolate. The chocolate is sweet, but it melts away in moments and leaves a bitter taste in its place after it has expired. But then again, if one had chocolate all of the time, would it then be typical? Would its regularity make it normal, therefore not rewarding and instead taken for granted? I find part of the pleasure in waiting for a new idea to blossom or an event to occur in simply the anticipation for it.

The forest was that chocolate. It did more than leave a deploring taste in my heart, because I also cherished the memory. The color and unadulterated natural essence of that part of Virginia was something entirely new to me. I realized that my sister enjoyed and shared my passion. The only natural things that exist on this colony can be placed on a brief list!

Every Sunday I would go to church. The dosage of nature exhilarated me, causing me to forever find the artistic values in all things natural that God created. Evolution has tried again and again to make me drop the artistic value and accept the claim that people, trees, flowers, birds, butterflies and everything else started from rocks and carbon just on its own. Richard Dawkins himself will not sway me!

The natural world is beautiful. If evolution was simply to function well, why are trees and plants so beautiful, even if they had no flowers to attract pollinators? Evolution with its claim that visual attraction is for mating and survival is too hollow and trivial an explanation to satisfy me.

If that was even half true, trees and other plants would not be pretty as they are without flowers. The sky would not be a calming color of blue, and the grass a soothing shade of green. The four seasons would not each have contrasting colors in blossoms, autumn leaves, and snow. Birds would not sing songs that people often perceive as melodious. 'No, that is ridiculous! Obviously everything is a simple coincidence!' I am rambling on. I apologize.

Mrs. Brooks was pretty. She was a white woman, sporting fiery red hair and bright green eyes. Her curled hair was down to her back, and she had a pleasant face. She wore a dress shirt and a skirt with rather short high heels and had black framed glasses. I walked into her class after the last period ended with my pocket full. She was at her desk grading more assignments. "Ms. Brooks?" I asked as I plopped my backpack into a desk. She looked up at me through her glasses.

"Hi, Shadow. How are you?" She stopped speaking when she noticed my giddy smile. She grinned slyly. "And what are you up to?" She asked as she placed her hands to her hips and stood up. I deliberated on a reply. What should I say? I thought. "Nothing," I replied. "Are you up to no good, Shadow?" She arched an eyebrow. "Hmmm. Maybe," I said back jokingly. She laughed at my response.

I opened my pocket and pulled out my three chestnut seeds and presented her my clenched fuzzy fist. "What do you have, kid?" I opened my hand and revealed the three shiny brown chestnuts. Mrs. Brooks took the little seeds. "What are these? Are these acorns?" "Good guess," I replied. "But they are not acorns. They are cousins, though." She watched me for an answer, or at least for me to say what I thought they were. "The seeds are American chestnuts," I answered. "Chestnuts!? Shadow, they are beautiful! Where did you find them?" "I found these outside of Shenandoah National Park, in Virginia."

She poked at the little tail of one of them. "Aw! They are so cute! They are fuzzy and have little tails!" She cooed. The tail she was poking broke. "Whoops! Sorry, Shadow," she said. "I know the tails are brittle. That is okay, the tail is not needed for the nut to sprout," I noted. I vacillated, deciding to let her keep the nuts. "You can keep them." "Thank you, Shadow! You are so sweet!" I reached behind my ear and scratched it as the back of my neck burned and the heat traveled to my cheeks. "Gee, I have been told that before," I remarked with a blush.

"Because it is true!" She boasted. As if my blush was not enough to endure, she hugged me tight. My cheeks sure were burning then! Alex had come into the room and teased me with a point of his finger and laughter. I glared at him with a smile. He dropped his bag on the floor and walked over to us. "Shadow, what did you do to Mrs. Brooks? She has gone mad! She is hugging you!" The teacher stood back from me, giving me room to breathe. I felt embarrassed!

Mrs. Brooks held her hand out a meter from Alex and teased him as she swayed her head to a rhythm. "I-have-chest-nuts. You-doo-noh-oht," she sang like a mocking child, causing Alex and me to erupt in uproarious laughter. She was so funny! Alex retorted with a smile after he regained his breath.

"Yes I do! I know what kind those are, too! They are Chinese chestnuts..." Alex trailed off as Mrs. Brooks shook her head. "They are Japanese chestnuts." Nope. She shook her head again. "Spanish?" Wrong! "They are hybrids." She gave him a hard look. "Those can't be American! American chestnuts died out years ago! They are plenty of stumps and sprouts, but none of them reproduce." "Very few of them reproduce." I corrected him. Mrs. Brooks sang again like small children. Her eyes closed and she had a smug grin on her lips as she sang. "I-have-chest-nuts. You-doo-noh-oht. Hah-hah, hah-hah-hah!" Alex and I burst out in laughter a second time.

One of the chestnuts I gave her had a hole in it the size of a BB. "Miss Brooks, if a worm comes out of the chestnut, does that mean it is rotten?" "No. Acorns have worms too. They stink when they are rotten. A beetle called a chestnut weevil plants eggs in the acorns." That makes sense, I thought. It must bother chestnut too. "Stupid bug," I cursed the bug. Mrs. Brooks chided me.

"No Shadow, they are good!" "How can killing the chestnut and acorns be good?" I argued. "If one or two worms come out of the chestnut, you will be fine anyway; it will still sprout. The worms are snacks for turkeys and cute little birdies!" The bell was about to ring. Other students wandered into class. Alex was my only close friend in Mrs. Brooks' class, as well as the teacher herself.

It was Christmas break in no time. The sixth grade went by faster than the fifth grade, and each year afterward would go faster still. The wolf I met again on Earth showed up one day when Mom and Dad had to go someplace that night. They were back before midnight, but they wanted someone to feed me. That is where the wolf came in. One day before Thanksgiving, he turned up. I still was suspicious of him, since he associated with the two men who assaulted me and broke my arm. It was one month since I last saw him, and three months after madmen with crowbars had brutally beaten and tortured me.

I still feel the pain they caused me; it is a weight in my heart. It is one weight of many I must bear. And it is the third weight I have received. There were eleven more waiting for me, of which five I would be victim to before most people ever knew I stopped the chaos I helped start...

He helped my parents with things at work, so my father knew him. That is what Dad said, anyway. The wolf was a mechanic. His job explains the tools his workmates carried and used on me. At first he helped me with my homework when dad had overtime assignments and mom was at appointments or parent teacher meetings. The first time he showed up at home is one of the only times I remember.

My room changed very little as I grew up, at least on the colony. A desk was added next to the door for me in school, since the bed is not a good writing surface. Curtains were on the window near my bed so I could block the sun out if I wanted darkness. My room, as you may have guessed, was a light green color that was easy on the eyes.

School had ended once again and I had dropped my backpack on the floor, causing a large thud that caused me to chuckle. I mean, what are the people downstairs thinking right now as their ceiling jolts and makes a loud racket!? I could imagine the confused glances upwards at the platform my backpack landed on as they were eating or something.

I had gotten out my stupid, hateful textbook and placed it on my desk, searching then for a pencil and paper that were buried in the junk I carried all day. I measured my heaviest textbook I had on a scale at school in science class. It weighed just over THREE KILOGRAMS! That is SEVEN POUNDS! I recall it was the book for world history. I did not hate the class, but I hated its textbook. Fortunately, I did not have to carry it every day.

The high-school student's backpack, what a marvel and mystery that science will never prove, but the mothers of teenagers will always know! It eats your stuff. I always would clean it out at the end of every year and find crumbled and ripped papers and crushed note cards that I could not find when I needed them. I have said to the awaiting teacher that wanted my supply check-off sheet that my backpack ate it! My joke was laughed at by my classmates, but not the teacher.

Soon after I had found the chapter among the countless pages in the mass of paper, Dad called me to tell me about the wolf. He told me about the wolf the day before he would show up to babysit me. I was still suspicious about him, but the suspicion waned as I became familiar with him. He walked in on me one day when I was stuck on a language arts assignment. I cannot remember what the stupid problem was, but he got me out of the rough spot. I was startled when he showed up and stood at the frame of my bedroom door.

"What?" I paused as his blue eyes locked on me. "What are you doing here?" "I am here to take care of you, remember?" His eyebrow raised in gesture. I paused to recollect what my father had told me the day before. "Okay?" "Can I help you with that?" His eyes glanced over at my textbook. "Yes. I would like some help." "Um, sir?" I asked. "Yeah, Shadow?" "What is your name?" The visitor's eyes widened. "Oh. My name is Adam." "Okay."

I remember the question now! It was something like "Find the pronounin the following sentence; 'After weeks of practice, Johnny had gotten better with his piano lesson.'" Adam read the command over and asked me, "What is a pronoun, kid?" He had a deep voice. "I do not remember, but it has to do with a noun, doesn't it?" I inquired.

"A pronoun is a word that takes the place of a noun. Like 'his' since 'his' takes place of 'Johnny's,'" He answered. "Okay." I scribbled my answer. He helped me with the rest of my stumping questions, and then he heated up a dinner in a package for me.

I was really hungry, so his quickly prepared meal in a package was good enough to subsist on. The meal had corn and pudding, among green beans, a hot pizza and other things. I was hungry enough to eat all of it. I got to know him over the time of that year. He babysat me more, helped me with school, and took me around the colony for fun.

He got me ice cream at one of the few ice cream places on the colony. Ice cream was three dollars and fifty cents per scoop, and in 1968, which was a lot! That would be five dollars a scoop now, no thanks to inflation. It was ice cream in space, though. It was not the last time I would see him. Unfortunately for me, it also was not the last time I would see the two men I feared as well...

The second time I met the two barbarians, they were not quite as hard on me as they were the first time we met. But it still scared me to death. This second time I met them dug up fears that I was struggling to cope with beforehand. I feared them. I was afraid for my life and safety ever since they broke my arm. I told my friends that when I got back in school. I felt forever threatened by them. I actually was threatened. The second encounter with the two men was not as scary as the first time, but that did not mean it was harmless.

They caught me when I was wandering about the colony, knocking me over after surprising me and leaving many bruises and insults. I cried that night. I had nightmares again, and the terrible dreams were not easy to get over. I was just frolicking around when they both jumped on me and crushed me with their weight. I am filled with appalling fear whenever they enter my mind.

I was standing one moment, only to feel a solid force push me off of my feet and into a solid steel wall. I screamed as my body collided with it. I was in a state of shock when I looked to my side and saw one of the men on top of me. I started to gasp in fear, but I was already down and vulnerable. The other man kicked my face and caused my mouth to bleed and my jaw to clap against the roof of my mouth. I was too stunned to respond, but then they started to beat me. "Project! I thought we took care of it! What is it doing walking around!?" The man that kicked me told his partner that pinned me down.

My heart sank and I sighed in panic as I realized what had happened. "No! Let me go! I did not do anything to you!" I protested. "Shut up!" The man that crushed me squeezed his hands around my neck, forcing me to struggle breathing. My head hurt and my heart pounded within my chest, my eyes widened and my ears folded back in my fear. "No! Please let me go!" I gasped for breath. The man strangling me lifted me up and held me like a doll in the air. Both of them laughed at my struggling to escape. "Do you, see that, Project? You are helpless! You are worthless!"

I choked as my head started to ache in tandem with my chest. I was losing my breath. I needed to escape somehow! The other man slammed his fist into my stomach, causing me to let out a gargled scream. Tears slipped down my eyes. "What is this? Look, Rick. The Project has tears in its eyes. The scientists that wasted their time on it made it look pretty real!" The man choking me dropped me, and I was so weak I collapsed on the floor and bruised my legs. I could feel warm beads of moisture roll down my muzzle as I started to sob.

I got up again to escape, but I was suddenly knocked down by a fist made of rocks. I screamed with what little breath I had left from the stranglehold. Terrible pain surged through my chest, and I realized where they had hit me. I was sobbing uncontrollably as my eyes blurred with a flood of tears. As my heart drowned in fright, a different feeling sparked to life inside of me. The feeling was hot. It burned me. My tears of pain became tears of rage.

My heartbeat slowed to a steady tempo and my breathing deepened. I could feel the fire of my anger burn my entire body, silencing my mind of the pain I felt. The feeling swelled into a blaze, and I stood up and caused the men to be startled. "What are you doing up? Get on the ground, you stupid little beast!" I glared at the man who insulted me. The red haired man was quick to knock me back down. Big mistake. Some instinct enveloped my heart with an energy that I had never felt before. The energy surrounding me was calling. I answered it.

My vision of grey and silver gained a red hue, and I felt energized. My body had strength in it. My heart was burning. I could actually feel it burning. A dark aura started to envelop my tattered form, and I stood up. The air chilled and the two assaulters stared at me in disbelief. My bruised body started to heal itself. My blood-stained fur stopped aching, my mouth stopped bleeding, and my sores stopped hurting. I had controlled Chaos Energy for the first time.

In that instant, the man with brown hair pulled out a jackknife and hid it behind his back poised to defend himself. I could sense its presence somehow. The Chaos Energy told me it was there. With impulse I focused on the knife, and called it towards me. My body darkened and the air around me was chilled, causing my enemies to quake in fear.

The knife ripped itself out of the man's hand and glided to me in midair. I looked at its shiny blade and growled, and it slipped silently into my hand. The men were whimpering then, and I stared at both of them in disgust. "Leave me alone." My young voice was calm, too calm. My speech was weighted with a shade of darkness and anger.

The other man behind me got a wrench from his toolbox and struck at me. In a blazing instant, the seemingly swift moments of his attack slowed to a steady crawl. Time itself slowed down, and I turned to face him. His face was frozen in an expression of frustration and fear. My hands grasped his wrench long before it was about to hit me. Time sped up again.

My attacker stumbled and dropped the wrench into my grip. At first he was stunned, but it left him filled with terror. Do not test me. I lost rational thinking in a blind rage. Attack them! Attack them now! Blast them!! I raised my right hand; the wrench was loosely grasped in my left. I felt a surge of energy gather in my heart and siphon itself into my hand. The light around us dimmed and a bright ball of flame erupted from my hand. The two men sprang out of the way, landing dully on the floor.

The fireball collided with a solid metal door, and it exploded. A white explosion erupted in a sphere and in an instant turned yellow, then orange, then red, and finally a cloud of black smoke. The air jolted my frame and the room with a shockwave that was incredibly loud thunder.

The air burned with a hot metallic smell. Through the cloud of black ashes, the door and the wall around it glowed red. The panel nearby was destroyed, and hot blue sparks leapt out of it in brief pops. Lower the hand. Tell them to leave. I had regained my composure, but I still was enveloped in black flames. I glared into the cowering forms of the two huge men, their confidence reduced to nothing. Their eyes filled with fear and widened to the size of saucers.

"Leave me alone," I repeated. The flames around me waned into nothing. The metal I stood on was frozen solid, as well as the jackknife. I glared at them with pure hatred. Both men got up and screamed, tripping over themselves as they scrambled for an escape. I stepped on the blade of the knife I had dropped, and it splintered into shards like it was a brittle tool made of glass. I saw my face in its broken reflection. My eyes were their normal rich, ruby-red color again, but there, deep within them, was darkness and loathing...