Disclaimer: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I mostly use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront!
When reading this tale, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale.
A/N: A little back story/bridge chapter here that I hope you will enjoy!
Antivan Translations:
1. Lady Death
2. Butcher's Son
Thank you to my readers, followers and reviewers and to my wonderful betas artemiskat and Snarkoleptic!
Edit posted 9/9/2012.
Happy reading!
-Frayed One
Chapter Nine: Disobeying Orders
In the darkness, there were voices, but this was not unusual. For a Warden there were always voices – the chant of the hive, growing louder with time, becoming harder to ignore – harder to resist.
In her mind there was a single voice that called out above the rest, whispering suggestions she was much more likely to consider when her conscious mind wasn't actively pushing them out.
It spoke of many things. Promises. Advice. Predictions. Both truth and lies – though the line between those grew ever dimmer with time. Tonight it spoke to her of one thing above all else. Danger.
Surely it was wrong. She would sense something lurking there in the back of her mind, weighed down by exhaustion and lubricated with alcohol and sedatives though it was. But then, something stirred...
Elissa struggled to wake, wondering if it hadn't been a mistake to toss back that last vial before she'd surrendered herself to the Fade, as good as the idea might have seemed at the time. In her sleep-addled state, she hovered very close to panic, absolutely sure that her decision to seek lodging in this particularly nondescript corner of Lowtown was going to be the death of her. She should have moved into the posh Hightown estate only a few steps away from Hawke rather than keeping it as a façade to be used when necessary. It was a mistake to value her anonymity above her life.
She took in several shallow breaths, attempting not to alert whomever had invaded her home to her newly awakened state, and the panic passed – for in that moment she gained clarity. The minute creak of leather armor told her that he stood in the shadow near the head of her bed. The slight rustling said he was not yet armed, but was attempting to become so – all of which meant she had precious few seconds to grab the blade from beneath her pillow and strike the first blow.
The leather of his armor chafed against her bare skin as she slammed him into the wall hard enough to knock his blade free, shifting her wrist quickly to press the tip of hers into the soft flesh of his throat. She could feel his pulse increase, though the jolt of desire that suddenly ran the length of her body made it clear it wasn't simply fear that amplified it in such a way.
"And here I thought we'd moved past the picking locks and stealing into one another's quarters under cover of darkness phase of our relationship." Elissa sighed in relief that she would neither kill or be killed this evening, but did not release her hold on the intruder.
"In my defense, I did knock several times before picking the lock and letting myself in." The rumble of Nathaniel's laughter vibrated through him and into her, intensifying the press of his armor into her skin in a way that was not entirely unpleasant to her. "I'm guessing that whatever came out of that vial left you less than aware of your surroundings."
"Do you really think pinned against the wall at the tip of my blade is the best time at which to lecture me about that?" Her brow furrowed. They'd been down this road before, and it never went well.
"Do you really think it's wise to sleep in such a state when you are so thoroughly inebriated that you are not aware of an intruder who knocks at your door before breaking and entering until he is lurking in your bedchamber?" His eyebrow arched before he glanced down the length of her bare body, and he laughed again when she huffed and shoved him away, pacing back toward the foot of the bed to increase the distance between them.
"Perhaps I intended it to serve as a distraction." Elissa settled back against her bed, lounging lazily against an elbow and smirking up at her lover through the sleep tousled curls of her hair. "It worked well enough that I got the drop on you."
"I never had any intention of actually doing you any harm, Elissa, and you know this." The fold of his arms across his chest showed her just how irritated he was with her continued carelessness when it came to her well being, though she could read enough of what he hadn't shut off to know that he was far more turned on than he was angry. "But what motivates your next intruder isn't likely to be as innocent."
"I wouldn't call what's motivating you at the moment exactly innocent." She chuckled, allowing the slight moan he brought out of her to pass her lips when she saw the flash of reaction to her assertion in the grey of his eyes.
"Nor would I," he replied, shaking loose his bow and quiver and placing them carefully against the wall before moving to work on removing his armor.
"Leave the gauntlets on for a bit, if you would." She watched his eyebrow raise again in question, before the curve of his smile told her he would indulge her request if only to see what reactions he could draw from her body.
Nathaniel was as fastidious as usual with the removal and folding of his garments, and Elissa longed for him to simply be done with it already, drawing in a long sigh of relief when he finally made his way to the bed in only his linen pants and the gauntlets she had requested not be removed.
"These… desires… of yours are going to cause permanent scars to one or both of us eventually." He drew the rough leather of his gauntlet down the length of her body, only half stifling a moan out of his own mouth when she arched her breast into the palm of it, encouraging him to squeeze harder than he'd originally intended.
"You cannot lie to me, Nathaniel," she rasped, drawing in a sharp breath of air when his other hand settled on her hip and shifted her pelvis beneath him. "Even if I couldn't feel the length of you pressing against me, I can read your mind well enough to know that you draw just as much pleasure from these dalliances as I do. To know that I walk around scarred as a result of our passions would be some sort of erotic victory in your mind and it is pointless for you to pretend otherwise."
"I do not wish to be that man, Elissa." The pace of his breathing increased as she wrapped a leg around him and pressed him harder against her core, stretching up to her graze his throat with her teeth. "Yet, the harder I work to banish him, the more you push to draw him back out."
"We are who we are, my darling, there is no use in denying it." Elissa laughed at the sharp hiss of pain she drew out of him when she sank her nails into his lower back, rumbling her approval with a purr when he responded by pinning her arms hard against the bed and leaning forward to sink his teeth hard into the flesh of her shoulder.
Suddenly beyond the need for rough foreplay and desiring nothing more than to have him inside her, Elissa struggled harder against Nathaniel's grip than he'd anticipated, forcing him to press the leather and metal studs of his gauntlets into the skin of her wrists with enough pressure to draw blood.
"In a hurry?" His laughter was raspy and broken as he ran his mouth down her neck, kissing and biting at her as he drifted down toward her breasts.
"Now, Nathaniel." It was a command, one she expected to be obeyed and not ignored - which he seemed intent on doing while he continued his assault on her left nipple.
"I thought you wanted to play?" He smiled up at her, releasing her breast long enough to toss a wink then going right back to what he'd been doing before; drawing a long loud moan that forced his body to thrust against her in response.
"We can play later. I doubt you've come all this way simply for an overnight visit." She struggled against him, determined to have her way. "Now stop toying with me and take off your pants!"
"Ah, but then you get your way, and where is the fun in that?" His smile was devious as he shifted his grip to hold her wrists with one hand so that he could drag the other gauntlet slowly up the length of her thigh, teasing at the very edge of her pelvis but refusing to make contact with the parts of her she most wanted to feel his caress.
"What's it going to take?" Elissa panted, biting softly at her bottom lip when he traced the arc of her pelvis with a leather clad finger. "Tell me now before I'm forced to resort to more violent tactics."
"I never thought I'd see the day when Doamna Mortii was willing to negotiate." Nathaniel laughed; cupping his hand over her sex just enough to tease her further but keeping it still no matter how hard she attempted to jar him into motion with her hips. "You must be very desperate."
"There will come a time, Hentes Fia, when the tables are turned and you will find yourself at my mercy. I suggest you think back upon this when facing whatever tortures I might conceive of in those moments." Her words were shaky, and barely more than a whisper but Nathaniel had no doubt that she would live up to every lust tinged threat that had spilled from her lips as soon as she was given opportunity. "Now, tell me what it is you desire so that we might both have our needs seen to."
"Say it." He watched her jaw tense, and felt the thrash of her body as she fought his hold once more in response to his demand.
"And if I refuse?" Her nostrils flared with her irritation, and she fought to suppress the moan that shook through her body when he tapped his fingers lightly against her core.
"Then we see how long I can keep at this before you're left begging me for mercy." He tapped again, and then stilled, feeling the pulse of anger followed immediately by an even stronger pulse of desire that carried over to him through the conduit. "You may as well say it, Elissa. We both know I have a great deal of… stamina."
"I want you…" Her breath was coming in pants now, and he was forced to pin her hips down lightly with his own just to keep her from thrashing so hard against him she hurt them both.
"I am well aware that you want me, sweetheart. That has never been in question – particularly not now when you writhe beneath me like a cat in heat." He smiled, knowing he'd won this round, regardless what she might do to him later. "I want you to say the words. Now do us both a favor and just spit them out rather than continuing to pretend you don't know what it is I want to hear."
"I love you, Nathaniel. I'm likely to kill you later, but I love you regardless," she hissed, sighing gleefully when he released her hands and allowed her to reach down and release him from his pants, shifting her hips in an attempt to guide him inside her – then, just as quickly she stilled, drawing Nathaniel out of his desire fueled fog to find her listening intently to something coming from the other room.
"What is it?" he muttered, tossing a half glance out the door before moving his mouth back down to nuzzle at her neck.
"Shh…" She tucked a hand in between them; covering his mouth enough to silence any further questions and deter his actions long enough to grant the focus she needed to be certain. "There is someone in the other room."
"Blast…" In his distraction, Nathaniel had completely forgotten what brought him here in the first place – and now, anticipating Elissa's less than favorable reaction – he cursed himself for being so easily consumed by his need for her.
"Tell me you haven't had Stroud in the front room listening this entire time!" Elissa hissed, shoving him over and yanking the sheet off of the bed to serve as a drape long enough that she could address the issue. "Honestly, Nathaniel, the man is a righteous prig – but I don't see how overhearing even more of our personal business than he already has is a punishment to anyone other than you and me!"
"Elissa…" Nathaniel tried to deter her movement, reaching out for her arm but failing to grab it before she made it out the doorway – then falling back on the bed with a sigh. "…You don't want to go out there like that."
It was late when I found myself making a long loop by The Hero's Lowtown shack, or early I suppose – depending on how you wanted to look at it. Even as I wound myself through the near-deserted streets, I wondered how it was Hawke had talked me into "dropping by" to visit a woman who wasn't known to welcome uninvited company even when it wasn't showing up directly on the heels of a less than pleasant trip to the coast. Yet, here I was, rounding the corner to her door – only to find that someone had beaten me to it.
I hid myself in the shadows of the nearby alley, watching as one of the men knelt to pick the lock while the other kept watch over the streets nearby. It was only as the watcher stepped a bit further out into the moonlit streets that I recognized his face and released my hold on Bianca, breathing out a quick sigh of relief as I made my way over to speak with them outside The Hero's door.
"She tends to frown upon having her locks picked," I offered, watching both men reach for their weapons as I drifted closer to the door.
"Varric?" Carver released the hilt of his sword, holding a hand out toward the other man to indicate it was safe to do the same. "It's alright, Lieutenant. The dwarf's a bit mouthy, but harmless to us – and I'd assume the Commander. He's one of my brother's friends."
"Oh, you wound me, Junior. Here I thought you and I were bosom buddies." I chuckled, watching the other Warden continue to inspect me with suspicion before he turned back to work on her lock. "And again I say, the lady doesn't tend to favor having her home broken into. Have you tried, oh – I don't know, knocking?"
"Clever dwarf," The Archer snarked, rolling his eyes. "That thought never occurred to me."
"We did knock. Several times in fact, and she didn't answer. So rather than waking the less than desirables in this part of town by continuing to bang on her door, we opted to pick the lock," Carver explained, shrugging down at the other man when he seemed slightly annoyed that even these minor details were being shared with a stranger. "What are you doing here at this hour anyway? This shack isn't exactly on your way back to The Hanged Man."
"Your brother sent me by to request a favor," I offered, unsurprised by the disgusted snort I got in response to my explanation.
"Of course he did." Carver's annoyed grimace faded just as quickly as it had come, expanding out into a smile that I was sure came from nothing good. "I'll assume she continues to remain resistant to my brother's charms if he isn't out here himself."
"They tolerate one another slightly better than our first meeting, on most occasions," I conceded, unable to stop myself from chuckling as I thought on just how many times The Hero had rejected Hawke's numerous offers to keep her company. "But I wouldn't go out in search of wedding gifts anytime soon if that's what you're asking."
"Good. He isn't her type anyway." Carver sniffed, brushing his nose arrogantly before folding his arms back across his chest and continuing to watch the nearby alleyways for any sign of movement.
"I suppose you think her type is you?" I inquired, catching the tension that had knotted his lieutenant's shoulders though Carver remained ignorant of it.
"Done," the other man said, standing up and tucking his lock picks back into his hair then opening the door. "You two can wait out here. I'm sure she'll come out to speak with you if she's so inclined."
"Well that was a bit… brusque," I mused, watching the retreating back of Carver's Lieutenant Commander as he made his way down the short hall to The Hero's room.
"Don't take it personally. The Lieutenant isn't exactly friendly," Carver explained, settling himself into a chair and plucking a few grapes from a fruit bowl on the table. "Doesn't much care for discussing The Commander, or himself, or anything that I've found. Best to just follow orders and ignore the rest."
"Sounds like a stimulating traveling companion." I laughed and took a seat of my own, taking in my surroundings for the first time and noting the stacks of books and papers that lined all of the walls. I'd been in her Hightown Estate, but clearly this hole in the wall was where she actually lived.
"I'm just happy to get out of The Keep, though I was surprised the Lieutenant picked me to accompany him. We don't exactly see eye to eye." Carver sighed, and I suspected that was a bit of an understatement considering the reserved way the older man seemed to carry himself in contrast to the brash, abrasive nature that was typical of Hawke's younger brother. "I expect I'm little more than a diversion seeing as the Commander left specific instructions that he not leave Amaranthine, and yet, here we are. But I don't mind being used as an excuse so long as it means I get to spend more time with the Commander."
"So your affection for your nation's greatest hero has continued even beyond your taint-altered mental state?" I smirked at him, recalling his fevered handful of The Hero's upper chest as our introduction to the woman.
"She's beautiful, brilliant, and knows how to handle a blade. What's not to like?" He tossed me a wink before diverting his eyes in the direction of the short hall when several clattering objects and a loud thud drew our attention. "I'm guessing she's awake now, and not too happy about it."
The sounds that followed in the minutes after could have been taken as that of a struggle, until one distinct moan from The Hero's mouth followed by a request that was most certainly not a threat made it clear that whatever state she'd woken up in – she was not displeased to see her intruder was her lieutenant.
"I'm guessing she's awake now, and quite a bit more than just happy about it," I muttered, watching Carver's jaw tense and face color slightly red as he was forced to face something I had begun to suspect from the moment The Hero was mentioned in conversation outside her front door. "I'm also going to go out on a limb and say any time you spend with your Commander isn't likely to be spent in whatever fashion you were expecting."
"They aren't married. They aren't even public enough about their relationship for me to have known about it so how serious can it be? As long as that is true, I'm just as likely to be spending private time with her as anyone else," Carver insisted, folding his arms across his chest and obviously trying very hard to block out the sounds that continued to echo down the hall and the images that lodged in his mind to accompany them.
A few moments later, all sound stopped abruptly, and I started to feel very sorry for Carver's Lieutenant - until I heard him call out a half-warning followed by her heavy footsteps in the dark hall. I expected a very irritated and possibly half-embarrassed woman charging in my direction. What I didn't expect was one barely clothed skidding to a stop just inside the main room and quickly adjusting the sheet she'd adopted as clothing once she realized who waited for her there.
"Carver? I-I didn't know that…" Her words trailed off, and I watched the upper portion of her chest color when her newest recruit didn't even attempt to hide the appreciative roaming of his eyes over the large expanses of her bare skin. "And Varric! I will kill that man…"
She rubbed at her face with her hands for a moment, clearly fighting to compose herself into a much less emotionally vulnerable state as she could do little to hide her body at the moment.
"What are you doing here?" The words were mumbled between her fingers as she worked to secure her drapery and ensure that as much of her as possible was covered by it.
"Lieutenant Howe asked that I accompany him with the intention of seeing my family while he attended to Warden business with you, I suspect," Carver answered, taking a hesitant step in her direction.
"I suspect otherwise, but that is not up for discussion at the moment." She cleared her throat, tossing a glance in his direction that froze him in place before turning her eyes back to me. "Besides, the inquiry was actually directed to Varric."
"Hawke asked me to stop by with a business proposition." I gave my answer as quickly and succinctly as I possibly could, knowing that her patience was even more lacking than normal under these circumstances.
"What business proposition could possibly warrant a visit at this hour?" Her brow furrowed, but before I had time to ponder whether it was with irritation or confusion, another voice joined the group and drew everyone's attention.
"Nothing that can't wait until a more appropriate hour, I'm sure." The Archer strolled into the room clad only in his linen pants and marked with similar scratches and abrasions to those that I'd noticed on The Hero's bare skin. The look he tossed in Carver's direction was subtle, but unmistakable. Whatever it was Carver believed with regard to his Commander, he was being told in no uncertain terms to back off.
"It can't possibly take that long to explain, Nathaniel." Her words were laced with irritation, and the red flush of her skin extended further when she saw the state of undress he'd joined the discussion in.
"It is late, Elissa. I am tired from travel, and I'm certain that our newest Warden could do with a night's rest himself. Besides, I believe we were in the midst of a rather… emphatic… discussion with regard to a high dragon which I'd like to finish before we turn in ourselves." The man folded his arms casually, and leaned against the door frame, waiting patiently for her to acquiesce.
"A high dra… you have lost your bloody mind." She shook her head, flushing even more profusely before clearing her throat and turning back in our direction. "Varric, please let Hawke know I'll be by to see him in the morning. Carver, I'll assume you can find lodging with your brother."
I watched it dawn on the young warrior that he would be finding a place to sleep alone, while his lieutenant remained here to finish whatever it was he'd started with their commander in the other room. The boy was never good at disguising his emotions, and that much had not changed.
"Yes, Commander." He stood and retrieved his weapon, turning to the door with me, though he looked back one last time to see The Hero being escorted back down the short shadowy hall by her lieutenant.
"Let it go, Junior. You've lost this round," I insisted, flinching when he slammed rather than shut the door and stomped off into the night in the exact opposite direction of his brother's estate.
"I'm attempting to summon up some irritation for this lecture, but at the moment you seem to have fucked it right out of me… though I suspect that was your plan all along." Elissa rolled over, arching an eyebrow down at the man in question and settling her head against the palm of her hand.
She was sated, and semi-smiling, but if Nathaniel had thought for a moment she was going to forget he'd disobeyed any number of orders in following her to the Free Marches, he was sadly mistaken.
"Not originally, but plans were altered when you threw yourself at me naked in the darkness of your boudoir." He laughed and shifted the pillow behind his head to put himself in a more upright position, reaching over to tuck a loose curl of hair behind her ear.
"You make it sound so dirty, when in truth I was simply defending myself from an intruder in the middle of the night." She pursed her lips at him, swatting down his hand when he started to laugh in response.
"Naked… you slammed me up against the wall and pressed a blade to my throat, bare as the day you were born." He trailed a hand down her back, pausing at the pool of blankets that tangled about her waist before ducking beneath them to squeeze appreciatively at her bottom. "Forgive me if I found that to be much more arousing than threatening."
"I'll thank you not to be distracting me again, lieutenant." She reached back and dislodged his hand, tucking the blankets tighter before pulling herself to a sitting position. "Why are you here?"
"I can't have just wanted to see you?"
"I'm fairly certain that is the truth of the matter, however, what excuse are you using for disobeying a direct order and abandoning your post in Amaranthine?" She folded her arms across her chest and watched the man across from her tense slightly at the realization that no matter how jovial their reunion had been – she was still more than a little angry with him. "Other than bringing Carver to see his family and using him as a buffer between yourself and my temper."
"He isn't making friends, Elissa. He isn't even trying. He's managed even to rub Sigrun the wrong way and I'd thought that to be impossible." Regardless how he felt about the young warrior, he knew how hard it was to be plucked out of everything you knew and left to fend for yourself – and a part of him hoped bringing the young man back to his friends and family would help him to find some reason to try harder.
"He's young, and arrogant, and more than a little hard headed." She leaned back on her arms and prodded at his side with her toes. "I'd think the two of you had quite a bit in common there. Well, aside from the young part. Neither of us are children any more."
"If you're expecting me to take him under my wing, you'll be waiting a long time," Nathaniel snorted, reaching over to still her foot before tugging her leg across his lap and stroking at the bare skin of her calf. "There is barely a moment of silence he doesn't fill with talk of his Commander or questions with regard to her."
"He has a crush, Nathaniel. It will pass." She scratched at her nose, waving it off with her hand.
"What he has is an obsession, one that I am intimately familiar with. You cannot expect me to voluntarily spend my free time with someone who is singularly focused on finding his way into your bed."
"Again I must say that jealousy does not suit you, Nathaniel. Especially when you have nothing to be jealous of. I'm fairly certain any desires he may have had in my regard were rather firmly squashed when you decided to prance out into the front room half-dressed after having me crying out like some Pearl madam only a few moments prior." She kicked at him again when he chuckled in response, rolling her eyes when he feigned injury.
"We'll see. I doubt his affections will be so easily dissuaded." He stroked at her leg again, reaching higher up toward her thigh and the areas of her body currently covered with blanket.
"Oh no you don't!" She curled her legs away from him, clearing her throat and focusing herself once again on the question she'd asked several minutes before. "There will be no more of that until you spit out what it is that brought you here. I know you too well, Nathaniel. No matter how paranoid you'd become about what was keeping me so long, you'd never have chanced a trip without a reason beyond Carver's failure to assimilate into the Warden ranks as easily as we'd like for him to."
"While I will admit it was more than slightly disconcerting that you acquired not one but two residences in Kirkwall, you are correct in that it was something beyond my concern for you that brought me here." He stood up and walked over to his pack, smirking to himself when he could feel the pulse of her… appreciation… when he turned to head back to the bed with the items he had retrieved. He settled back down in a comfortable position and tossed them in her direction.
"Post? You've come all this way to bring me mail?" Her brow furrowed in irritation as she shook the paper in his direction.
"Why don't you try reading it before you berate me?"
She picked up the first letter, immediately recognizing the seal as that of her own house in Highever.
"Fergus? He hasn't initiated contact with me since I refused to let him leave with your head nearly a year ago. Why in Thedas would he be writing to me now? " She glared up at the man across from her, knowing her long estranged brother would not have reached out to her unless someone had stirred up further trouble. "What have you done?"
"Why must you assume that it's me that's done anything?" Nathaniel's temper rose as he watched her eyes scanning across the parchment, then her features moving from anger, to surprise.
"He's allotted you a large tract of land in Highever! He's restored your title, Nathaniel." It was his turn to register surprise, sitting up to pull the parchment free from her fingers and read the words for himself. "He's also apparently commissioned a rather large statue of you to be built and placed in front of Highever Castle, and so I ask you… again… what have you done?"
"Bandits… I-I saved your brother from some bandits that had somehow swarmed his hunting party." Nathaniel shook his head incredulously, reading over the words again as though somehow – this time – he'd make more sense of them.
"What were you doing in Highever?"
"I wasn't. Fergus was in Amaranthine."
"Fergus came all the way into Amaranthine to hunt?" Elissa's brow furrowed and her mind began to race through the list of things that would actually bring him out of Highever and within range of her forces.
"Doubtful, though he'd be well within his rights as Teyrn to do so." Nathaniel dropped the parchment into his lap and looked up to meet her eyes. "Look, Elissa. I have no idea what brought him there. I only know that I stumbled across him when I was out training with several of our new archers and managed to get off a lucky shot that stayed the hand of the man who seemed rather intent on claiming his head… and now…"
"And now you're nobility again." Her voice was measured as she inspected the man across from her for a reaction. "You had no idea this was coming?"
"None," he assured her, shaking his head before threading his fingers up into his hair. "Your brother wasn't exactly thrilled to have me of all people coming to his rescue, and he'd been beaten pretty badly so conversation wasn't high on our list. One of his shoulders was dislocated, and there was a nasty gash on his leg that had started to show signs of infection. We took him back to The Keep, treated his injuries and those of his men who had managed to survive, and then he went on his way. I'd never have even mentioned—"
"You mend fences with my brother, my brother who was your dearest friend for years until I came between you, and you had no plans to tell me about it?" There was no irritation in her words; something she could see made him even more uncomfortable with the conversation.
"And this is exactly why…" Nathaniel sighed, shifting over on his side to reach up and touch her face. "It wasn't you who came between us, Elissa. It was my father. It was the blood in my veins. Would it have been easier to have never loved you? Would it have been easier if I had never returned to Ferelden for you? Of course it would have. But given those choices to make again, I would do it the same every time. I have no regrets."
"I doubt that is entirely true." Elissa sighed, and turned her attention back to the other piece of parchment that Nathaniel had carried over from Amaranthine. "An invitation to Duke Prosper de Montfort's annual hunt and celebration? Why would you think this deserved my attention?"
"It isn't the event, per se, but rather a relic that the good Duke acquired following the defeat of the Archdemon." He watched the look of confusion pass across her features and knew exactly what she was thinking even before she voiced the words. "I've been given the impression that in the wrong hands, that particular piece of Blight memorabilia could lead one straight to another of the Old Gods."
"You've spoken to The Architect?" She tried to keep her voice neutral, to hide the utter surprise that the creature would choose to meet with anyone other than her, but she could see that it wasn't working.
"Not directly, no, but I've kept our regular meetings with Gabriel and he delivered word a little over a week ago that they'd traced the artifact to the Duke's vault." Nathaniel pushed at the bounds of their connection, attempting to read whatever it was she was thinking that she was clearly trying very hard to hide – but found nothing, attempting to hide his own visible reaction when he felt her press closed her walls even tighter. "Seems the sort of thing we might wish to liberate from its current facility."
"Why would The Architect request such an object?" Elissa tapped at her lower lip with long fingers, her mind working to find a logical reason he would seek something with this particular ability. "He claims to want nothing to do with the remaining Old Gods, why would he require an item that would give him the ability to seek them out?"
"He wants it destroyed." Nathaniel watched as her head snapped up in his direction, surprise clearly written across her features before she managed to neutralize them once again. "You disagree?"
"No… It isn't that…" She worried with her hair, collecting the pieces of paper and shoving them unceremoniously onto the bedside table before flopping back onto the bed to stare at the ceiling, leaving the thought hanging incomplete in the air.
"Whatever friendship it is you think you have developed with this creature, Elissa, you should remember it is still a darkspawn. His motives are not always going to coincide with your own, and it is unlikely that he tells you everything he is thinking – whether he leads you to believe otherwise or not." He waited for a response, trying again to press the boundaries of her mind for any clue as to what had changed her mood so drastically, but could find nothing.
"I am well aware what you and everyone else thinks of my decisions with regard to this alliance. I simply encourage you to remember that without him I would have been lost to the taint some time ago."
"We can't know that, Elissa. Avernus' draughts were working—"
"Avernus' draughts were suppressing the Warden abilities I required to serve my purpose in order to prolong my life, and even he admits he was reaching the point where he was unable to alter his formulation quickly enough to combat the changes in my blood no matter how many samples I gave him." She pressed up on her elbows again, holding his eyes in the flickering light of the bedside candle.
"You disappear for weeks down in the depths of the earth with this creature, and share the details of what you've been doing there with no one."
"He is teaching me to control my abilities rather than lose myself to them. He is helping me to keep the beast from taking over completely. Without him I—"
"Is he? Is he really? Because from what I've seen the beast is just as alive as ever." He felt a flare of something through the conduit that she could not conceal – anger, suspicion, concern – it was hard for him to label, but impossible to miss. "I believe you would agree that I've seen more than most, but I am not naive enough to believe that I have the slightest idea what it is you are truly capable of at this point. You show us nothing, and tell us less. What I do see comes out when you are angry or threatened or otherwise... stimulated. That doesn't speak to me of control."
"You're afraid of me." It was a statement – not a boast or a question – simply a fact once hidden now exposed in the flickering darkness of her bedroom.
Nathaniel didn't answer, but he didn't need to. He did not hide his thoughts and feelings from her as she so regularly did from him, so everything she wanted to know was there for the taking. A few moments later she rolled over and stared at the wall, willing the darkness to take her back to sleep once more.
