A few letters landed in my breakfast when it arrived this morning because there wasn't a place for my white eagle owl, Boo, to land so he just dropped them and flew away. Like, thanks so much. I'd love to think the rather loud 'hoot' he let out as he left was apologetic, though.

As disgusting as it probably seemed, I licked the remaining bits of food from my mail and set them in my bag to dry.

"That's right, wifey. We don't waste that shit!" Miles shouted oh so attractively as egg yolk dribbled down his chin. I grinned in response.

"I'll meet you in potions, I have to see about something." I picked up one last piece of toast and nibbled on it all the way to the Gryffindor table.

Taking the seat next to my brother, I popped one of his grapes in my mouth and asked, "Anybody find him yet?"

Stevie smirked and shook his head. "Not yet."

A hearty chuckle left my throat. I patted my brother on his back and took his left over half of bagel as I made my way out of the great hall.

To say I was a bit smug this morning was an understatement. I was absolutely proud of what I've done to Oliver and I was curious to see how long him missing would last.

Lessons weren't due to begin for another twenty minutes and no way was I about to be early.

What the hell do I look like? I only know what I know because I had tutors shoving all types of knowledge down my throat every waking minute I wasn't playing or practicing. I have a bit more leverage here. I've never been the studious type, so I may be failing a class or two by time the holidays roll around.

I almost killed myself stepping down the dungeon stairs because of my thoughts until a rough hand gripped my arm.

My head snapped up to see my savior and I cringed. A pissed off Oliver Wood was standing before me with a vise grip on my arms..

"HELP!" I shrieked as he threw me over his shoulder, tightening his massive arms around my thighs

"SOMEONE HELP ME! HE'S GOING TO KILL ME!" My howls kept on as he entered a dimly lit room, closing the door behind us and drawing the shade.

"He's going to kill me." Oliver mimicked in a high pitch

He flung me off of his shoulder and my bum hit the ground. Hard.

I gulped. He licked his lips and let out a short breath, "Did you think that was funny?" He asked, crouching down so we were face to face.

I was about to full on attack the bastard, but froze in my place when his furious eyes burned into mine.

I slowly pushed myself off of the ground and backed into a desk. Of coarse, he followed.

He had my legs pinned between his and the table, and both of his arms were on either side of me, blocking my paths to freedom.

"Did I think what was funny?" I thinned my lips. His frown deepened and he slammed his fists on the table. "Don't fucking play games with me, Jess!" Wincing at his tone, I blew a breath through my lips as I glanced at the ground.

Now i've done it. I've angered the beast! The realization hits me like a ton of bricks and tried to run like my life depends on it, which it does now that i've basically signed my own death warrant, but his stone like arms prevented my escape.

"Heh," I chuckled nervously, shrinking back into the desk. "You're the one who wanted to play with plastic wrap.."

He huffed in frustration and gripped the edge of the desk until the whites in his knuckles shown.

Why the bloody hell is he irritated? Is he the one that got kidnapped? I don't think so!

"We could always call a truce?" I pleaded, hoping that somewhere deep down there was a human being.

"A truce?" Oliver says smiling. Whoa, smiling? No, that's an evil smile.. I should know.

"I don't think so, babe." he says smugly. I should have known. I've seen this behavior before on 'Law & Order'. You can't reason with psychopaths..

Why do I feel like I've put my life on a downward spiral?

Oliver looked away for a brief second so I took the only way out I could think of. I kicked him in his shins and poked his eyes. Hard.

That's for my bum, ! Oh, how the tables have turned!

His hands shot to his eyes and I made a break for the door but one of those damned Weasley twins were blocking it!

I shrieked in surprise and ran for the stairs in the back of the class room, hopeful that a teacher was in their office.

"I'm gonna kill you!" Oliver bellowed, probably regaining his eye sight by now.

I was half way up the stairs when the other Weasley popped out of the office at the top.

"If you get in here, they won't hurt you." I scrunched my face in reply. He's trying to lure me in with his promises of safety, but I know better.

You sit on a throne of lies, .

The other twin was blocking my path back down the stairs.

"Shit." I mumbled. I hopped over the railing and ran for the front only to be cornered by a very angry Keeper.

I let out a small whine as my eyes flickered anxiously searching for an exit.

He was inching toward me and the twins were right beside him.

My eyes widened. "Snape!" I forced a relieved expression and the idiots before me whirled around.

You hear that? That's the sound of fucking improvisation!

I set the closest one off with the jelly legs jinx then ran for my life out of the room and down to the moving stairs, internally thanking Merlin for being on my side today as the steps moved just as Oliver got to them. I breathed a sigh of relief and hustled into the great hall and all but sat on top of Marcus, hugging him for dear life.

Why I didn't think to use my wand before will always haunt me...

Moments later, our favorite Scot joined us, but stopped in his tracks.

A Gryffindor in Slytherin territory was a no-no and thankfully Oliver just nodded and mouthed some nonsense that I couldn't make out.

"What was all that about?" Graham asked. I shrugged and smirked. "Someones a bit touchy that my prank was better than his."

"He's screwing with my food and I'm feeling really betrayed and I have no idea what to trust anymore!"

It's true. Oliver's been messing around with my food all bloody damn day and I'm seriously losing my shit.

Ever since the little run in and practically losing my voice because of that bastard, I thought i'd unwind and relax a bit with a nice big bag of powdered donuts in DADA.

But no, THEY WERE TAMPERED WITH, THEY WERE! How could he have gotten to them when I was right there with them? I have yet to figure out.

Possibly a Weasley doing and let me tell you, baking soda covered donuts are absolutely HORRID.

I all but cried when Graham went to dispose of them in the rubbish bin. How could someone do that to those wonderful rings of tastiness?

Then. Ohh, then- and I have NO IDEA how, once again - he managed to mix up my candy cover chocolates, candy covered peanut butter bites, and candy covered fruit bites.

Imagine my surprise when I poured a handful of those bad boys in my mouth and chewed. At the moment, I didn't think it was him and I flipped the table in muggle studies shouting whoever did that had no soul and how they should be ashamed of themselves. Needless to say, I spent the remainder of that class sorting out my sweets and placing them where they belonged.

I swore he was finished after that. But I thought wrong. Oh, how wrong I was. When I returned to my room after supper, there was a parcel lying on my bed.

There wasn't a return address so that should have been the first red flag, but of coarse, I had to choose that moment in time to be denser than a door knob.

Tearing open the package, I found a small box with my favorite brand of beef jerky's label on the top. I was excited and do you know what was in there when I greedily ripped the top off?

VEGETABLES. Chopped freaking vegetables. I seriously cried after that, exclaiming that Oliver Wood was a monster and should be taken to Azkaban at once. He's been hitting me with low blows all because I saran wrapped him to a bed and forced him to listen to an annoying voice on his alarm clock tell him to wake up for however long he was there..

So, right now I'm venting to Kara and Daphne on the pitch while we watch the boys perfect the recent plays they were given.

"I heard Ravenclaw's having a party tonight." Daphne mused, filing her nails to perfection and completely ignoring my rants.

"Party?" Kara perked up, "Jess, you HAVE to come!"

My sour puss expression held firm as I folded my arms over my chest. "No."

"Pleaseee?" Kara pleaded, hopping into my lap. "I bet the guys are going.."

Was that supposed to change my mind? Because it didn't!

I poked my nose in the air and remained silent as I bounced my knees up and down, attempting to make her fall off. No. Absolutely not. No way was I going.

So far, Miles had Grahams's rat send me - well, technically the minions ripping apart my wardrobe - 34 different messages just so he and I could be on the same page and coordinate for the party.

I know what you're thinking, 'You said you wouldn't go!' Yeah, well when you have Miles on the verge of crying and Cassius threatening to burn your stash of sweets and practice supplies you have priorities to sort.

Kara and Daphne went absolutely mental digging through and tearing apart my closet in search of the perfect outfit. I just watched in astonishment as I ate a bag of crisps, making the occasional comment of how they're going to be cleaning all of that up when they're done.

They only rolled their eyes and squealed when they spotted a flowy sea foam green colored skirt that had navy polka dots and runched at the waist.

"You're wearing this." Daphne stated, tossing the item at my feet. I eyed the article and continued stuffing my face.

"And this," Kara flung a strapless white crop top my way along with a pair of strappy white sandals with a brown sole.

I only raised a brow and polished off my crisps. "My brother will murder me if I go out in that."

Daphne huffed as she stalked over to her wardrobe. "Here," She chucked a sleeveless jean jacket my way.

"Good, now you can write Miles back and tell him what I'm wearing."

I yawned, pulling myself up from my cloud like bed and stretching my arms above my head.

Snatching my quaffle and trainers, I hurried out before she could protest. None of my lovely, and I use that term loosely, friends were in the common room sadly. So, a walk around the castle seemed to fit the bill right about now.

Fifteen minutes of mindless strolling and empty thoughts left me at the quidditch pitch. I shot the quaffle into the air and ran to catch it before it hit the ground. The game proved boring after about thirty catches so I thought it'd be best to head back to the girls.

It's do or die, Cesari.

Multiple offers were given for me to dance, but I always said no and just ate the platter of cauldron cakes in the corner by myself, trying to think of new plays for the Gryffindor game. I just wanted to let the girls have their fun and get out of there as soon as possible.

To be frank, I can't dance. Sure, when the radio's on I bust out the same three moves like nobody's business but I'm sure as hell not doing the whole 'stop the traffic, let em through' with the occassional hip shake here..

"Care to dance?" My eyes flickered up to a dark skinned guy with denim trousers and a black button down. I shook my head as I shoved another cake into my greedy yap.

I don't even think it's the fear of public dancing that's getting to me. I think it's because i'm not sure if these guys really like me or if it's cause they're trying to butter me up to get in my pants. But i'll have them know, that I eat loads, and I mean loads of food. So, my hips and thighs already take up most of my pants. That means, there is definitely not enough room for them, my friends. Definitely not. Sorry. No, not sorry.

"Jessica Cesari!" Daphne shouted over the music, aggressively snatching the platter from my grasp.

"Whaa?" I furrowed my brows, mouth still full.

"Why aren't you dancing?" Where in Merlin's name did Kara come from? I rolled my eyes and reached for my platter, ready to bring back the delicious chocolate treat to my taste buds.

"No! You can't have anymore!" Daphne said. My mouth hung low. "Why not!" I shrieked

"Because! Cedric Diggory has been asking for you!" My eyes widened. Kara smiled and pulled a tin package from her bra. "Here," She passed me a couple mints. "Pop 'em in and let's go!"

"Where is he?" I asked, my face getting hotter by the second. What if he's mad at me for what happened with my brother? What if he tells me he never wants to see me again? I can't take that type of rejection!

"There he is!" Daphne smirked. Damn this all to hell. Why does he have to look so good?

Cedric wore a pale yellow t-shirt and a pair of light washed fitted denim trousers hanging loosely on his waist, you could see the hem of his boxer briefs peeking out as he ran his hand through his hair.

Someone save me. This is not okay. How gorgeous could he get? Oh. My. Sweet. Salazar Slytherin.

"Here she is!" Kara announced, snapping me out of my ogling. Cedric's face brightened up and I smiled back.

"Hey beautiful," He pulled me by my hands and pulled me close.

Oh my lord, why does he have to smell so good?

Luckily, I managed to let out a soft- "Hi,"

"I'm surprised your brother hasn't forced you away from me."

I shook my head, "Never. I thought you'd be mad.."

Letting out a small chuckle he only wrapped an arm around my shoulders and led me to a small nook placed in front of a window.

"Although last night was a bit unfortunate, I couldn't blame you. You're brother was only being a big brother. Merlin knows that's how i'll be when my sister starts finding guys interesting.."

He sat first and motioned for me to squeeze in beside him, but ended up half on his lap.

Honestly, would you have any complaints being almost on top of a incredibly handsome man who smells delicious? No? Alright then.

"You have a sister?" I asked, taking one of his large hands in mine and playing with his fingers.

"Yeah, she's nine." He faced the window and let out a sigh.

"What's her name?" My eyes fell down on our intertwined fingers as I stroked the back of his hand lightly.

"Alison." His face darkened a bit. "I miss her, you know."

Letting a soft smile play on my lips, I scooted closer and laid my head on his shoulder. "Yeah, I know. I have a little sister too.."

Cedric pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around my waist. "What's her name?"

"Olivia." I smiled. Memories of the chubby little five year old filled my mind. Her pigtails flapping about in the wind and her big brown eyes filled with excitement. She wasn't my biological sister, though. She was Oliver's..

"WOOO BABY! CAN I SLYTHERIN YOUR BED TONIGHT?" Howls of laughter filled the room as I watched in horror when Miles ripped his shirt right down the middle and twirled it above his head like a helicopter.

I groaned and slipped out of Cedric's grasp when I noticed nobody willing to stop him. "I have to get him, i'll see you tomorrow?"

Not waiting on his reply I pushed and shoved my way to the middle of the room and glared up at the man-child dancing on an end table.

"MILES BLETCHLEY!" I roared, "Get your arse down here, RIGHT NOW!" He froze mid step, one foot pointed and his hands above his head.

"Now." I ordered. Miles smiled sheepishly as he attempted to climb down, only to kick off and land on his face, knocking the table over in the process.

I rolled my eyes and pried my 'husband' off the ground like a good wife would.

"How much did you drink?" I scolded, throwing one of his arms around my shoulders. I wrapped my hands around his waist to hold the intoxicated fool up.

He let out a big belly laugh. "I don't know!" His face turned serious not even a second later. "Oh my god!"

My eyebrows knitted together, "What?"

"I lost Cassius!" He pouted

"So?"

"I lost my friend.." He sighed, trying to slump down and out of my arms

"Ah, ah, ah.." I tutted, tightening my grip. "No you don't."

"I lost Cassius, wife! He's lost!" If his horrid breath wasn't blowing directly into my face, I probably would have laughed. But I assure you, this was not the case right now.

"What do you want me to do about it?" I pushed, gripping onto one of his belt loops for good measure.

"Help me find him! We need to un-lost Cassius!" He informed, his voice loud and stern. I let out a dry chuckle and pulled him out of the Ravenclaw common room.

I deserve a metal for this. This is no easy feat, half way carrying a six foot tall, two hundred pound inebriated man.

I literally had to walk backward down the spiral stairs, my arms looped under his shoulders while his feet - which were apparently numb - smacked each step as I carefully dragged him down each one.

Pfft, yeah okay. Me and stairs? You already know I managed to slip under the extra weight and sent us both hurling down the stairs. At least we were lucky enough to only hit the walls a few times.

We landed with a 'oomph'. Him on his belly and I face down on his back. He groaned and flipped us over on the cold hard floor.

"Wifee," He mused, staring at my nose. "Why did the nose cross the road?"

He went to poke it, but I swatted his hand away. Pushing him off of me, I asked, "Why?"

He sat on his bum, grinning up at me. "Because he was tired of being picked on!"

I laughed and tucked that joke away in the back of my head of future reference.

"Right, well come on!" Slipping my arms under his shoulders once more, I lifted him.

"You smell.." I noted as we FINALLY got to the main level. If only I can manage one more flight of stairs..

"You're pretty.." He wriggled his eyebrows and sucked his bottom lip.

"And you need a shower." I muttered, crinkling my nose under his stentch

"A shower?" He pouted, stumbling on his feet a bit as we rounded a corner

"Yes, and to brush your teeth." I drawled on, completely giving up and letting him fall down the stairs this time. He wasn't taking me with him for this trip! I have enough bruises.

"My teefs?" He grinned childishly, rubbing his head once I reached the bottom, completely unharmed.

"Yes, your teefs.. But wait, there's more!" I mocked, grinning.

"There's more? Shut the front door!" He looked genuinely surprised as I gripped him up once more.

"You have to put on your pajamas! Oh. My. Gosh!" My sarcastic enthusiasm had him bouncing on his giant drunk feet "Yes!"

We approached the secret entry way of the common room and Miles thought it'd be a great idea to shout "SALAZAR!" in the completely empty hallway.

Like, oh yeah Mi, just get us caught by that angry little caretaker and have the portraits hate us forever.

Once the door opened, I realized that being Hercules was my only option. I led him to the boys stairs and got into a crab walk position with Miles clinging to me on my lap.

Slowly, but surely after a few slips, I managed to get him to his room and onto his bed.

Letting out a deep breath, "You're skipping the shower tonight, husband." No way was I bathing him. He couldn't even hold himself up.

"Give me your foot." Yes, I took the task of undressing him and stripped him down to his boxers. He has a fabulous body. A little too pale for my taste, but fabulous nonetheless.

"I'll be right back," I promised and quickly slipped out of the room. I couldn't leave him on his own tonight, especially when the others weren't even in yet. Who knows what shape they'd return in.

Changing into some shorts and a tee shirt, I dug through my bottom drawer of sweets and pulled out some torilla crisps and cheese dip.

Miles was giggling to himself when I returned to his room. I only raised a brow and retrieved the rubbish bin from the bathroom because, we all know what's about to come next.

Seriously, as soon as I put it by his side, he puked. Luckily, all of it landed in the bin.

I sighed and led back against the foot of his bed, opening the bag and placing the jar of spicy cheese on my belly.

I just shoveled it all in while he threw up his insides. I have a surprisingly strong stomach.

Rubbing his back with my foot, he slowly finished his business and rolled onto his back.

"Open your mouth," I muffled, my mouth still full. I slipped my wand out of my bra and pointed it toward his open mouth.

"Aguamenti." I cast. A sprout of water shot through my wand and into his mouth. He swished the water around and spat it into the bin.

"Feeling better?" I popped another crisp in my mouth as he led back, slapping his pillow over his face. Light snores were heard moments later.

So, being the considerate person I am, I tossed his blanket over him and heaved myself out of his bed.

Somebody has to go get the others... *eye roll*

After tossing the empty jar of cheese into Mi's rubbish bin, I ran to my room and stepped into some slippers.

To avoid being caught, I thought it'd be a good idea to leave my snacks behind so I sneakily tip-toed out of the Slytherin dungeons.

Yeah, not such a good idea. "Who's there?" The little angry caretaker growled

I froze in my spot, heavily weighing the options of running and potentially tripping over something or-

A hand gripped my arm and ripped me into a tiny room, pulling me from my thoughts.

"It's like you're begging for a detention."

I knew that voice anywhere. Oliver Wood.

Narrowing my eyes, I snapped, "It's like you're begging for me to hate you!"

His hand slapped over my mouth as he shushed me, "Shut up before Filch's bloody beast finds us."

I tried biting his hand but he only squeezed my cheeks together. I let out a low growl but quickly shut my mouth when I heard faint 'meows' and scratches from outside the door.

"Shit." Oliver muttered. Shit indeed, Wood.

The door flung open and the ugly old caretaker put on a wicked grin.

This looks so bad. Now, I don't know about you, but when I find myself in awkward situations, I start laughing like a madman..and I did..

"Something funny, girl?" Filch questioned. I only nervously giggled in response. Oh, how much trouble I manage to get myself into will never ceases to astound me..

Filch all but shoved us into Professor McGonagall's office. He was none too pleased with my sudden 'amusement'.

My hand found it's way to my tight lipped mouth, trying to prevent another chuckle from escaping.

" and ?" She looked taken aback when she saw the two of us together.

"What's going on?" She questioned. Filch's chest puffed up and I scowled. "These two were caught in a broom cupboard together!"

My mouth let out a sound resembling a motor boat. This is really bad..

"Is this true?" She pushed, "I wouldn't of suspected you two of doing such a thing."

"It wasn't what he thinks he saw!" I stated. "I was merely having a bit of a stroll around the castle, I usually do when I can't sleep, and to avoid being given a detention by old Dusty over there," I threw my thumb over towards Filch. "Oliver here pulled me into a cupboard and told me to shut up."

McGonagall's face lacked any emotion, while Filch's was resembling a gaping fish. I sent one last glare his way and faced McGonagall once more.

" , name calling will not be tolerated. Ten points from Slytherin." My mouth fell and I was about to protest until she held up her hand, "And ten points from Gryffindor. Detention tomorrow evening after supper in the transfiguration room. Don't make a habit out of this." With one last pointed look, she turned on her heels and glided away.

"Just couldn't keep your mouth shut, huh Jess?" Oliver hissed.

"If you would have minded your own business, we wouldn't even be in this mess!"

"Two days of detention!" McGonagall called from the door above her office.

With a 'Hhmp' I stomped out of the office and back down to the dungeons.

Those bloody boys better be there because I'm not spending anymore time with Oliver sodding Wood than I have to.

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