Claire and Desmond had finally stopped the pointless charade of denying their feelings for one another. Since the fateful night nearly two months before when Desmond had been her emotional safety net, they had allowed themselves to enjoy the excitement of a new relationship, something that neither of them ever expected to experience again.
After two weeks of scouting the island, the rescue party returned to camp unharmed but unsuccessful. They had encountered some sort of a supersonic security barrier and given up. Even Sayid with his unmatched technical expertise had never seen anything like it.
It seemed that Charlie's participation in the search had given him a new sense of self motivation. Jin had since taught him to fish and he often accompanied Locke on boar hunts and led the group in sing-a-longs by the campfire. Desmond who was teaching him to swim confided in Claire that Charlie reminded him a lot of his middle brother and that he had come to feel a bit protective of him.
Claire was glad that she and Charlie were able to maintain a friendship. He often shared new songs he had written with her and Claire was astonished to hear that since being on the island, he had written enough new material to fill two albums. Claire didn't say anything for fear of hurting Charlie's feelings, but she secretly hoped he would stick to singing backup and let someone else sing lead on those songs should they ever be recorded.
At first, Claire and Desmond were reluctant to flaunt their relationship in front of Charlie and tried to spend time together when Charlie wasn't nearby and avoid prominent displays of public affection. Charlie came to accept the fact that they were a couple, so Desmond ended up moving into Claire's tent at her request and they became inseparable, sharing all of the day-to-day duties such as tending to Aaron, gathering food and doing laundry. At night, they slept with Aaron between them, a habit Claire had hoped to avoid, but couldn't resist. It was the first time in her life she truly felt like part of a conventional family unit with a father, mother and child.
Desmond was a hopeless romantic and would often prepare picnics for the three of them or surprise Claire with flowers. On one occasion, when Rose offered to keep Aaron for the evening they took a bottle of Dharma chardonnay and went to their secluded "spot" on the beach to enjoy the spectacular sunset alone. Desmond gave Claire a decadent foot rub and painted her toe nails with a bright, glossy red polish that he'd borrowed from Sun. They spent the rest of the evening making out on a blanket like teenagers and then regrettably headed back to camp after the sun made its final descent over the water.
Claire's physical attraction to Desmond was sometimes overwhelming. He had been patient with her apprehension to consummate their relationship right away but after awhile, it became too much and they both gave in to the agonizing urge they had for one another.
The first time they made love, Desmond was slow and gentle with her, restraining his fierce desire. Despite being long out of practice, he was a more experienced lover and took her to heights of pleasure she had never been before. Claire thought she had surely died and gone to heaven as he held her and stroked the side of her face just as he had the day he saved her, his deep brown eyes never leaving hers. Afterward, they lay in each other's arms still trembling from the level of fulfillment they had both just reached.
Claire's eyes were still closed as she snuggled close to him. He stroked her hair and took in the peacefulness of her face. When her eyes finally fluttered open, she looked at him shyly. "Hi."
"Hi." Desmond kissed her gently on the forehead. "Are you okay?"
Claire nodded as she slightly raised her head and placed a kiss on his chest, not moving from his embrace. "That was amazing." She rested her cheek on his chest once again.
"Aye," he said lazily as he kissed the top of her head tenderly, continuing to stroke her hair.
After a few moments of silence and basking in the feel of one another, Claire spoke as she traced light circles across his chest with the tips of her fingers. "Can I ask you something?"
"Anything," he replied.
"Promise you won't get upset?"
Desmond's brow furrowed as he pulled away just enough to lean up on his arm so he could get a better look at her face. "I don't think I could be upset with you if I tried. Let's hear it."
"Okay." She paused for a moment, an unsure expression crossing her face. "What happened to you when you turned the key and how did you know I was drowning?"
Desmond's face relaxed but he spoke with a serious tone. "Right before I turned that key, I prayed, I begged God to make this place, this island all a dream or to just kill me and put me out of my misery. Thinking about Penny every day for three years is the only reason I survived and I didn't want to go on another moment without her."
Claire flinched at his words.
"When I turned the key, parts of my life flashed before my eyes—painful things that I never wanted to remember. You see, I broke Penny's heart and that's what prompted the chain of events that lead me to this island. I spent three years wishing I could make things up to her. When I woke up in the jungle after the hatch imploded, something felt different. At first I didn't know what had happened. I found Penny's photograph lying on the ground a few feet away but when I picked it up, I didn't see her…I saw you. But then I saw you drowning. I'd only just met you the day before and I didn't know when or even if it was going to happen, I just knew that a horrible feeling like nothing I'd ever felt before came over me. Just before I pulled you out of the water, that same distinct, horrifying feeling came over me and I knew I had to get to you. Since then, you haven't left my thoughts. I tried to push you away and tried to remember why I loved Penny but I couldn't. And the day you kissed me…I knew I didn't want to live another moment without you. I know all of this sounds completely insane but I'm in love with you, Claire. It's like…well, I can't explain it and I'm not even sure that it can be explained."
Claire breathed a sigh of relief and smiled sweetly at him. "Well, if you're insane, then so am I."
Desmond looked at her adoringly before taking her in his arms and making love to her once again.
Because entertainment on the island was limited, Claire and Desmond had become much closer than what would be typical for a couple in the real world who'd only known each other for such a short period of time. They spent a lot of time talking and sharing their hopes, dreams and disappointments. Despite their age gap and the fact that they seemed to be from different worlds, they had actually came from generally very similar backgrounds, both having grown up in good homes with limited means and both having had their dreams of a promising future thwarted for one reason or another.
Claire who had completed three years of an art degree when she learned of her pregnancy had given up a scholarship that paid her tuition and her dreams of becoming a graphic designer. Thomas insisted that it was logical for him to finish school first and that she could go back once he was working and making a steady income so she dropped out of school and took a job at the Fish 'N Fry to pay the bills. Needless to say, her plans of going back to school never transpired.
After secondary school, Desmond had struggled to work his way through university in London and had just begun to work on his graduate degree in English Literature at Oxford when word came that his father had passed away. He was forced to move home to Scotland since his mother had no way of supporting his three younger brothers on her own. He took a job as a bellman at a posh golf resort which is where he had met Penny who was in Scotland on a business retreat for Widmore Industries.
Claire tried not to think about how her relationship with Desmond might change when and if they were ever rescued but one thing was always in the back of her mind, Penny. She knew Penny had been the great love of Desmond's life but he avoided discussing their relationship in great detail. Claire tried to expunge the mental image she had of the photograph of them together by a marina looking happy and vibrant. Even though Desmond professed his undying love for Claire on a daily basis, she knew that her relationship with Desmond was probably lackluster compared to his relationship with Penny who was beautiful, wealthy, successful and refined. Claire imagined that Desmond and Penny had traveled, went sailing and done many other worldly things together that she could only dream of.
The further Claire let herself fall, the more scared she became. She knew when the day came that they were rescued, she may have to face her fear that Desmond would want to go back to his life with Penny, but she decided to enjoy herself for the time being and live with the dismal but comforting hope that they might be on the island forever.
One morning when Desmond, Charlie and Hurley took Aaron along for one of Charlie's swimming lessons, Claire decided to pass on the pile of dirty laundry that needed attention and take advantage of this rare bit of alone time. After picking a small bouquet of colorful wildflowers, she made her way to the lovely plateau that overlooked the sea. As she topped the hill, she caught sight of five wooden crosses that triggered in her a deep sadness as well as an indescribable calm. She stopped when she reached the cross bearing a shiny ornamental object and bent down to examine it. She realized it was a necklace with a ballerina charm which seemed to her a very fitting memento for the graceful person who was buried there.
When Claire first met Shannon, she was a bit envious of her. Shannon represented the type of girl Claire knew she would never be with her cute outfits, perfect hair and aloof personality. Claire's opinion of Shannon began to change when Shannon ended up being the only one who had the guts to tell her about Ethan's threat on the camp. Perhaps it was because of that or the fact that Shannon had isolated herself from the other survivors with her bitchy attitude that the two of them gradually formed a friendship. They had several heart-to-heart conversations, mostly about relationships and past heartbreaks. Claire came to realize that she had severely misjudged Shannon and that her polished exterior was just a mask for her pain and insecurities. Claire's only regret was not getting to know her better.
After gently allowing the tiny golden dancer to fall from her fingers back into place, she placed the flowers by the marker and sat down beside the grave that now had small sprigs of green peeking through the soil.
Claire paused for a moment before speaking. "I really wish you were here to be blunt with me about this. See, there's this guy…I just met him but it's like I know he's my soul mate and we're meant to be together." Claire rolled her eyes and laughed to herself, looking around to make sure no one was around. "You know…all that crazy bullshit that doesn't really exist."
When she stopped for a moment to let her mind wander, she felt a presence behind her and turned to see Sayid approaching with a bouquet that was twice the size of hers.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Claire said as she started to stand. "I didn't expect anyone to be here this time of day."
"I can come back," Sayid began to turn around.
"No, stay," Claire insisted. "I could use the company…unless you'd rather just be alone, then I can go."
"If you're sure you don't mind, I'll join you."
"I insist," replied Claire.
Sayid came around to sit next to Claire still clutching the flowers in his hand then looked at Claire solemnly. "It was very nice of you to come here. I'm not sure that many people other than Hurley and I come this way very often."
"Do you come here every day?"
"Not every day, no." Sayid lowered his head. "Today is a very special day though."
Claire crooked her eyebrow in curiosity. "What's that?"
"She would have been twenty-one today."
"Oh, I'm so sorry."
Sayid just nodded.
Twenty-one. Even though Claire knew that Shannon was a couple of years younger than her, Shannon just seemed so much more knowledgeable and sophisticated than her. Until Sayid spoke the words, it had never really registered to her just how young Shannon actually was. The sheer tragedy of Shannon's untimely death suddenly hit Claire like a ton of bricks. She had only just begun to live.
A few moments passed in silence before Claire finally spoke. "How did you know you loved her, Sayid?" She regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth.
Sayid looked her in the eyes and Claire could almost feel his pain when she looked into their deep, dark depths. "I didn't know right away. When we crashed, I was on my way to find a woman that I hurt very badly long ago. My relationship with Shannon was quite unexpected. She was unlike anyone I have ever met. Being with her gave me hope and made me feel alive again, so I gave her my heart. Just before she died we were fighting and she told me she was scared I would leave her once we left the island." Sayid stopped for a moment, his eyes glistening with tears.
Claire felt her heart break for him.
Sayid took a deep breath clearly struggling not to break down in front of her. "I told her I loved her and that I would never leave her. I meant that with all my heart and I thank Allah every single day that I was able to tell her before…"
Claire scooted closer to Sayid and put a comforting hand on his shoulder as he stared at Shannon's grave, a single tear rolling down his cheek. "She loved you too, you know."
"I know." She saw a hint of a reminiscent smile cross his lips. She was just about to tell Sayid about the last conversation she'd had with Shannon when he surprised her with his next words.
"She didn't have to say it. I knew she was scared I would hurt her just as she'd been hurt before. That's why I tried to take things slow with her. I wanted to let her know that I wasn't like the others."
It was as if Sayid had read Claire's mind. About a week prior to Shannon's death, she had confided in Claire that she was falling head over heels for Sayid but was worried that he would just do the same thing that all the guys in her life had done previously.
"What about the other woman? Do you still want to find her?" Claire asked.
Sayid pondered the question for a moment. "I don't know. I know I was never really in love with her, just the idea of her. I'm not saying that I could never love her but it wouldn't change what I felt…what I still feel for Shannon."
After sitting with Sayid in silent reflection for a little while longer, Claire left him alone at the cemetery. Oddly enough, she felt like a cumbersome weight had been lifted from her shoulders. It amazed her that Sayid had known Shannon was scared of being hurt. It made her wonder if Desmond was aware of her insecurities.
Sayid had helped her so much. She only hoped that she had also helped him by offering a compassionate ear and a kind word. He was always so private and emotionally withdrawn but she knew better than anyone that sometimes just opening up and talking about things did a world of good.
Just before she reached the edge of camp, Charlie startled her when he came running out of nowhere at warp speed, smiling from ear to ear. "We're being rescued!" He stopped in front of her, trying to catch his breath. "A rescue boat just docked on the other side of camp! Can you believe it?!"
She felt like the wind had just been knocked out of her. A rescue boat—it was all she had hoped for and all she feared.
