Another winter finale final scene fic, this time from Killian's perspective. The original prompt asked for something a little sillier, but I pretty much failed on that front - this is more emotional.
Killian getting nervous before knocking on Emma's door.
.
He's already charmed his way into the building and is halfway up the stairs when it hits him: this is it. In a few moments, he's going to see Emma again. His steps slow as he continues up to the third floor and turns down the hallway towards her apartment; suddenly his limbs feel leaden, heavy with fear.
Killian has spent a year dreaming of this moment, fighting for this moment. He's never been an optimist, and yet in the past year there have been so many times when he seems to have been the only one holding out hope that Emma would ever return. David was his only (unexpected) ally; he too retained faith that Emma would be united with her family once again, even when Regina insisted the curse's cost was irreversible, even when Snow whispered that this might be her happy ending.
Killian refused to believe that.
Perhaps it was foolish sentiment - in fact, there was no perhaps about it, he knew he was letting his heart rule his head, knew he was clinging to unrealistic hopes. But this was Emma Swan, if there was one person he'd always have faith in it was her, if there was one person he'd always fight his way back to – she'd welcomed him, at the end, she'd said "good." And Killian had always been ruled by his heart, that wasn't anything new, and Emma never failed, and she might be happy now with her boy but it was a false happiness, she'd want reality, she'd want her family, she'd want him, she wanted him.
The days had passed in a daze of yearning. After over three hundred years of living, less than four hundred days shouldn't matter so much, but they did. He could taste Emma on every breath, saw her every time he closed his eyes, heard her voice endlessly in his dreams, quiet and so lost, so scared but hopeful, pleased despite herself, she welcomed him loving her, she wanted him: "Good."
Forget days – not an hour went by without her in his thoughts; he replayed their every moment together, imagined thousands more. Knew there would be thousands more to come, he'd find her, it didn't matter how long it took, he'd find a way back to her because she'd said "good", she wanted him too, she –
(he did not dare even think the word, but it thrummed hopefully in his chest, inexplicably growing surer the more time passed)
(this was no mere dalliance for her either, she'd known exactly what she was doing when she said "good", this was it, gods it had to be, the truest of the True)
Yet here he stands, finally, and he's too bloody terrified to knock on her door.
He has no idea what he's so scared of – that she won't remember him? He knows that already, he's come prepared. That she won't be here? He already knows she will. He's here, he's here finally, he's ached for this moment for a year straight but now that it's here he's frozen. Emma is literally right in front of him but Killian can't make himself move an inch and he has no idea why –
(that's a lie, he knows the reason, he knows exactly why, he's afraid he won't be able to make her remember, that he's been wrong all along, and it's utter idiocy because he has the potion with her parent's hairs, bottled True Love, the strongest magic of all, there should be no reason for doubt)
(but what if it doesn't have to be bottled?)
He swallows hard, trying to make himself breathe – and then he hears it, the slightest muffled sound from beyond the door in front of him. It's not her voice; it's music, nothing he's heard before, but that doesn't matter. It's proof that she's there, she's alive and awake and listening to a song, she's mere feet away she's here he's found her, Emma, Emma.
He doesn't realize he's pounding on the door until he drops his hand. There's no answer, and he can feel a shudder work through him, and turns away from the door to pace across the hall. Sudden doubts assail him once more: perhaps his information is wrong. This might not even be Emma's home, what if the potion doesn't work, what if he fails what if he doesn't and he's knocking again, slamming his closed fist into the door so hard the door is shaking, his knuckles must be bruising.
He doesn't care.
Moments later, the music cuts off. Killian drops his hand, shuffles ever closer, holds his breath as the door swings open…
Gods she's beautiful.
Emma Swan stands before him, a slightly confused expression on her face. She's wearing a loose patterned outfit, her hair is tousled about her shoulders, she looks like she's just risen from her bed, gods, she's close enough to touch. He's really done it, it took a year but he's finally found her, he's been drowning for so long but just the sight of her and the air tastes so, so sweet, all his doubts are gone the instant he meets her eyes.
(he can do this, he can make her remember, she wants to remember, she wants him, she doesn't even know who he is and yet she's letting him step closer, doesn't resist when he pulls her in, even without her memories she wants this too and as their lips touch he lets himself think it, for the first time he thinks this will work because he loves her and she loves him too, this is True Love it can break any curse it's going to work)
(-it doesn't work.)
But she's still so beautiful, so fierce and strong and despite the pain curling him round his middle, his heart beating itself bloody against his ribs, it didn't work it didn't work, still he can't stop. There's not even the question of stopping, not even when she slams the door in his face and he slumps to the floor, staring blankly after her.
Because this is Emma Swan, this brilliant broken woman, and he loves her too much. Finding out that he's been wrong all this time doesn't change that, no matter how it aches in his throat – he just let his hopes get too high. She still said "good", she still welcomed his affections… she still deserves to be freed from this lie of a life. Even if her family's safety weren't depending on this, Killian would still do anything to bring Emma back, no matter if she loves him or not, because that's what she would want. An orphan like Emma will always prefer a painful truth to blissful lie; he's known that since she tied him to a tree and set an ogre on him, since she looked at her mother with such broken grateful eyes, since she bested him and stole his heart as a trophy before he ever realized.
Bloody hell, he never expected this to be easy. If she doesn't – if his hopes were unfounded, well, at least he's never spoken of them to anyone. Nothing has changed… nothing but for the terrible first impression he's made; gaining her trust will be much more difficult now. But he'll do it. He'll win her trust and then her heart, he can't ever give up – this is just another challenge, that's all.
And Killian has always loved a challenge.
