Woah! It's been awhile. A LONG while. School's been hectic and exams are coming up so... Anyway, thank you guys so much for all the reviews! 171! OH MY FRICKITY FRACKING GOODNESS. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. Without further ado, here's Chapter 9!
Disclaimer: If I owned Divergent, Tris and Tobias would have had a happily ever after. Yeah.
Oh, and there are a few lines from Maximum Ride in here too.
Chapter 9
Tris's POV
I slowly wrap my small arms around his solid body as I breathe in his scent. It comforts me and fills me with a sense of stability, safety. My breathing slows as I bury my face deeper into his chest, mentally beating myself up for feeling so weak. Then, strong arms were around me, a gentle hand pressing me into a wiry, rock-hard shoulder. Tobias. Soon I felt the other tentative hand, patting my back, stroking my hair, a voice whispering soothing words of comfort. I take one last breathe of Tobias before pulling away from him and looking at my feet, trying to hide my blush. I was embarrassed. This was the second time I had cried a river in front of him. In less than a week.
"Hey," A long finger pries my face upwards and I am entranced by Tobias's eyes – a peculiar color, a deep blue that looks almost black. The blush spreads down my face and I chew my lips as he stares intently at me. He gently pulls it out with his thumb and grazes my lips with it.
"It's just me. You don't have to act strong in front of me, okay?" I look up and see him speaking to me with his eyes, reminding me of the times when he had broken down in front of me in fear he would treat Theo like his father had treated him. When he had been reduced from a man to a small child, seeking comfort in my arms. I had seen things – things nobody else has ever seen, words no one else has ever heard fall from Tobias's mouth when he woke up countless nights thinking he was still trapped in a little closet in Abnegation. I had seen the child that once cowered in fear from his father transform into a man capable of great things.
"Okay."
Tobias's POV
It takes everything in me not to pester Tris about what caused her little breakdown and actually listen to Devina's advice – something that she happened to be good at giving. I shake my head as I recall what she said about me being a good father. She's perceptive, that one. The only one to realize that I handled Theo with extreme caution – aside from Tris. I remember when he was first born and the nurse handed Theo to me. I had never been so terrified in my life, never have been so scared of my father and what I may become until that point. Zeke had even tried coaxing me into having a beer or injecting myself with some peace serum when Tris went into labor, trying to get me to "loosen up." I was glad I had refused, wanting the memory to be crystal clear forever. But that time between when Tris went into the hospital room to when he was born was the most gut wrenching, heart stopping moment of my life. I can't even imagine how Tris might have felt. I glance down at the top of her blonde head and kiss her hair.
Sometimes I forgot how strong she is, how brave – and how fragile.
"Ready to go?" I ask her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She nods and swallows, smoothing out her hair and sniffling as she tries to wipe the redness from her cheeks. I chuckle as the movement only makes them redder.
"Do I look like I've been crying?" Her voice is small, tiny."
"You look Dauntless," I whisper into her ear as I lead her, my hand resting on the small of her back. Before we fully leave the bathroom, I lean down and whisper, "Explain. Later."
She stiffens.
Tris's POV
I go rigid as soon as Tobias reminds me to explain my little freakshow later and nearly trip. Que mental breakdown number two. He looks at me funny as he catches my arms and, only then do I realize Theo is nowhere to be seen. My heart does a flip before I spot Devina bouncing him on her hip, unknowingly receiving menacing stares from half the initiates.
"Thanks Devina," Tobias mutters as I gather Theo's little body in my arms. Tobias brushes his hand over my arm before crossing the room to watch the boys spar. Devina nods and gives me a concerned smile before returning to her punching bag, now the star attraction of the room. Theo looks up at me and I turn to see the same pair of eyes watching me from across the training room. Tobias quickly turns away, a small frown shadowing his features. Gosh, today was going to be yet another one of those unbearably long days.
*********Time Skip*********
As soon as the day had begun, and by that I mean really slowly, it is time for dinner – though my mind was on everything but that. As my head spins over all the facts, all the signs that seem to prove my – uh – situation, I feel like crying again. My feet keep moving and my bottom lip is basically held prisoner by my teeth in an attempt to stay calm. Theo sleeps soundly against my chest as I sit next to the records and watch Tobias dismiss the initiates for dinner. I feel my stomach churn and tighten my jaw as my eyes sting with unshed tears. I am sick of this – this, this constant pain and nonstop crying. An angry tear rolls down my face and I bite my lip even harder, turning my face away from a nearing Tobias.
"Tris," he says in a concerned yet oddly scolding manor. "You're going to bite your lip off, love." His normally blue eyes look black as he searches my eyes in question, and the furrow between his eyebrows that I know so well appears. He gently pries my lip from my teeth and quickly presses his lips to mine.
"Come on," he says softly. "I'm starving."
He grabs Theo and lets out a loud laugh when Theo gives him a toothless grin and kicks his small feet. I smile slightly when Tobias lifts Theo into the air and brings him back down, blowing into his little stomach. Theo squeals as Tobias makes his way to the door. I, however, stay glued to my seat. "Tris," Tobias sighs, turning around as Theo shuffles against his chest, gathering his black shirt in his fist.
"Come on, love."
"I-I – uh – I have to met up with Chris. She had to tell me something. Probably about some new dress or something," I snort. Tobias looks at me strangely, not truly buying my lie, but shakes it off. Damn. I guess the both of us really aren't cut out for Candor.
"Alright." he shrugs. "Make sure you eat something, though."
I nod and watch his back muscles tighten as he leaves the room, Theo's wide eyes peering at me from over his shoulder.
********************************TIME SKIP*******************************
"Christina! Christina!" My knuckles are raw from repeatedly pounding on Christina's wooden door. "Seriously, Christina, open the damn door!"
With my mouth drawn in a tight line, I rest my forehead on the frame. If she has already gone to dinner then I'm positively screwed. Tobias is already weary about believing anything I have said so far and I Chris proves him right.. "Chris, please." My voice comes out strangled, pathetic and weak, as tears form in my eyes yet again. I turn around and sink to the floor, head in my hands, trying to slow my breathing. God, not this again. With my fingernails digging into my hair, I sigh.
"Christina -," I am cut off as the door is yanked open and my back meets the ground. Christina, freshly showered and dressed in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, laughs as she stairs down at me, the water from her hair dripping onto my face.
"Have some patience," she laughs. "God Tris, if I didn't know any better I'd have thought - ,"
Her eyes scrunch up in concern when she looks at my face, fully taking in my appearance. Gosh, did I really look that bad?
"Tris.. What's wrong?" She pulls me into a hug and leads me to the couch. I look away from her and sit down, clenching my jaw as tears spill onto my cheeks.
"Tris, should I get Four?" Christina asks worriedly.
"No!" My face spins to meet hers, a crack rolling down my neck. "No. I-I," I choke, a sob making the words catch in my raw throat. "I – Theo he's so young. I mean he's not even a year old, Chris. And T-Four - ," I suck in a breath. "Did you see how scared he was when he found out that I was pregnant with Theo? He just got used to this and – and."
"Woah, hun, slow down there. Breath, Tris."
I look at her as she squeezes my hand.
"Now." She takes a deep breath. "What in the hell is going on? It sounds like - . Tris?" Christina looks me at me squarely, studying my eyes – my face. She gives me a sympathetic look, her voice coming out softer. "Tris, are you pregnant?"
I look up at Christina as I grimace, more tears spilling down my cheeks.
"I mean, I haven't taken a test or anything, but the throwing up, no period, hell even the mood swings.." I gulp in a deep breath of air and drop my head into my hands. A small hand finds my back and I peer through my fingers to see Christina sitting beside me.
"Well, if you haven't taken a test then maybe it's just a false alarm." I cut her off with a blank expression and she chuckles. "Okay, but just take a test to be sure."
I sigh. "Fine."
And that's how I found myself, once again, on the verge of a panic attack in Christina's arms, the two positive pregnancy tests hidden under the garbage in the trash can.
"Oh God, Oh my gosh, what am I supposed to do? He's only seven months, Chris. And Four? God he's gonna have a heart attack." I stop my rambling when I hear, or rather feel, Christina chuckling.
"Do you guys even breath in your free time? Or just breed?" I wedge my elbow into Christina's stomach as I let out a we laugh, tears making their way onto my cheeks.
"Hey, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! But seriously, Tris. After Theo's unexpected surprise, you didn't even notice the symptoms? I mean, come on, you've had them before."
"I know, gah!" I straighten up from Christina and bring my legs to my chest, sniffling as I lean into the couch. "I – I," I gulp, taking a deep breath. "It's not like I knew that it wouldn't happen again so soon, I – I just didn't expect it to be this soon. Theo's not even a year old."
"I know, sweetie," Chris says soothingly, resting her hands on my arms. "But mother nature doesn't really give a shit about that." I squeeze my eyes shut and fall into Christina's shoulder, my eyes burning.
"Way to be subtle there, pal." I murmur. I just feel tired – physically and mentally. So freaking tired. "He didn't even want kids in the first place. Now he's just gonna feel overwhelmed and - ,"
"Tris," Christina says firmly. "Four will be okay with this. I promise. Look at how he is with Theo. There inseparable. He takes him everywhere with him. And I mean everywhere. The other day I heard Eric complaining about how Four had taken Theo to a Dauntless meeting. A meeting, Tris."
Christina looks at me dead in the eyes and when I refuse to meet her gaze, she practically yanks my face up to meet hers. "God, you and Four really need to work on eye contact." She sighs. "Everything will be fine, Tris. Everything will be perfect." I just let out a whimper and close my eyes, allowing sleep to finally overtake me, and silence to consume me.
*******************TIME SKIP****************************
Tobias's POV
My eyes stay glued to the entrance of the Dining Hall, waiting to catch Christina or Tris walk in. I sigh as yet another group of rowdy teenagers swoop into the room, and watch in disgust as one boy slaps his girlfriend's ass, or I hope it was his girlfriend. Though Dauntless never ceases to amaze me, some aspects of the faction still remain repulsive to me – even after being here for four years. God, where were they? I know Tris had said something about her meeting Christina in her room, but knowing Chris's appetite, Christina would have normally dragged her down here by now.
"Four. Four. Earth to Four. Oi! Hotshot, look at me!" I feel a light sting on my cheek and look up to see Zeke tossing pieces of food at my face. I raise my eyebrows at him, and he pauses in mid-swing before thinking better of it and lowering his hand. He gives me a cheeky smile and turns back to his dinner. By now, I have given up on the idea of Tris and Christina actually coming to dinner and focus on the blubbering baby in my arms. Theo looks up at me and smiles, his eyes sparkling as I bob him up and down on my knee. I pepper his soft face with light kisses and as he nuzzles his head into my neck, I think of how I used to never want children – never wanted to be a father. I rest my chin on Theo's head and kiss his hair, inhaling his scent while chuckling about how Christina had claimed the smell of newborn babies was the best thing in the world. I couldn't agree more.
Whenever I think back to the times of uncertainty, the times of stress and fear before Theo was actually born, my heart clenches in shame. I had not wanted Theo – no – I had not wanted children in general. Ever. So, in some way or another, it had scared me when Tris had confirmed that my worst nightmare was coming true. But it wasn't the thought of a baby that set me on edge. It was the spark of hope – of joy – I had felt when she told me. All my life I had told myself I would never want kids. I had engraved it into my mind that children would turn my into Marcus – a beating, bullying Marcus.
That joy I felt only made me fear myself more than ever, fear for that child and for Tris because being happy to have a baby in some twisted way in my mind, made me think that I was happy to turn into Marcus.
Theo pulls me out of my thoughts as he starts to squirm and I look down to see him fussing with the material of my shirt, trying to turn himself around and see the actions that went along with Zeke's screeching noises. I chuckle and Theo giggles as I adjust him in my grip to face Zeke, who is currently resembling a chipmunk.
"Hey, man. Swallow." I snort, smiling to myself as Theo's laugh chimed like bells.
"Dats wut zhe zaid," Zeke grumbles, food chunks spewing from his mouth. I wedge him in the stomach and laugh as he somehow manages to not choke on his dinner. As Will finds a seat next to Marlene, I glance down at Theo and see him staring at me. My breath catches as I am once again entranced by his eyes – my eyes. I swear, it was like staring into a mirror.
"What?" I ask him quietly, my eyes glued to his. I begin rocking him slightly. "What is it, love? Huh, Theo? My baby boy." I continue to coo at him softly, forgetting about the people surrounding me and the masculine reputation I was permanently bruising at the moment.
"I swear, I never thought I'd see the day Four would actually by cooing to a baby." My cheeks flame as I hear the whisper and look up slightly to see Shauna smiling at me innocently.
"Yeah, yeah. And the day we see Zeke and Uriah actually acting older that 5 we can finally say we've seen it all." I smirk, glancing over at Zeke and Uriah who were currently engaged in a contest of who could eat the most burgers.
"Hey," Will asks, nudging my shoulder. "Aren't those some of your initiates?" I glance around and find Jordyn and her heard walking over to our table. I sigh before tightening my grip on Theo and nodding, rolling my eyes as she sits down.
"What about her?" Marlene asks and I follow her gaze to where Devina was sitting alone. I give a small smile as I watch her – Devina was growing on me, like the younger sister I never had.
"That's Devina. She's the one from Abnegation - ," Before I can even finish my sentence, Zeke starts screaming, not caring about the pieces of burger flying from his mouth. Everyone makes a face of discomfort and even Theo seems to glare at him.
"Devina! Over here!"
Her head spins around as her wide eyes land on Zeke, the idiot currently standing and waving his hands like a class one maniac.
"Come sit."
I give her a sympathetic smile as she nervously makes her way to us, growing smaller as all eyes in the Dining Hall are set on her.
Theo starts squirming in my arms again and I look down to see him reaching towards Devina.
"Looks like someone took a liking to you," I mutter as I gently hand him over.
"You know," Lynn picks up, munching on a carrot stick. "You should feel pretty damn lucky. That little thing is very picky about who holds him."
Devina laughs slightly as Theo gives a smug smile and I watch him silently, Tris never leaving the back of my mind.
**********************************TIME SKIP**************************
With Theo asleep and wrapped firmly in my arms, I follow Will down the dark hallways to his room. I stop short when Theo lets out a small whimper so much like Tris, that I can't help but stare at the tiny baby against my chest. My baby. A small smile escapes my lips as I see a flash of Tris on Theo's face.
"You coming?" Will asks quietly, gently pushing his door open.
"Yeah," I shake my head and look at Will, giving him a questioning look. "What?"
"Shauna was right. I never thought I'd see you with a baby."
I chuckle as I push him through the door, my smile fading instantly as I see Tris's tear stained face.
"Tris?" My voice comes out slightly strangled as I hand Theo to Will and drop to my knees in front of her. Christina is knocked out and, if it weren't for the situation I would have found it oddly amusing how Christina was still somehow managing to talk like nothing else, even in her sleep.
"Love," I whisper as I pull Tris into a tight hug. She wraps her arms around me for a few seconds and then she's gone – gently pushing me away. I frown.
"Uh – I'm fine. It's nothing. L-lets just - ," She walks over to a dumbstruck Will and cradles Theo to her chest. "Let's just go." She sniffles slightly before meeting my eyes and it's only then when I take in her appearance. Her face is red from crying and her eyes look tired. I clear my throat.
"Yeah. Come on." My hand finds the small of Tris's back as I guide her and Theo out. Will gives me a sympathetic smile on the way out and I thank him. Halfway to our apartment I can feel Tris's shoulders trembling and I pull her to me, turning her around.
"That's it Tris. Tell me what's wrong. Now."
Tris's POV
His voice comes out hard, stiff. Like he is my instructor again and only just. He pries my face up to meet his but I look at the floor, the wall, Theo – anything but him.
"Tris." The floor is actually not that dirty, almost glossy actually.
"Tris." And the walls, not so rough.
"Tris, honestly, look at me." My eyes flash to Tobias and I can feel the familiar burn behind my eyes. I can tell he is getting frustrated with me. I know I am.
"What's wrong, love? And don't give me this 'I'm fine' bullshit." His voice, thought softer, still sends chills down my spine. I can't – couldn't – tell him. Not now. Not with the problems with the factions and training initiates. No.
"Nothing, Tobias. Really, I'm fine. Stop pestering me." I snap, and sigh tiredly. "Can we just go home?" Tobias flinches and I realize my voice had come out harsher – much harsher – than I had intended it to.
"Tobias.. I didn't mean - ,"
"No, yeah. Let's go home." He snaps. With that he turns around and marches to our apartment, not waiting to see if I am following.
Hey guys! A long chapter to apologize for being MIA. Anyway, I'll try to update tomorrow or soon, but I am loaded on homework. I know Tris is acting all unlike Tris, not as snarky or strong, but it's just because she's stressed out and scared. And it's a bit slow paced but it will get there, promise. The next to chapters or so are, in my opinion, really exciting, and I can't wait to upload them!
