Chapter 8
A Halloween Escapade
I stood on the viewing deck of the Astronomy Tower gazing at the array of stars. It was Halloween night and I'd used the entrance of the Ghosts at the feast to slip out undetected. I had a tradition to uphold. I raised my wand and sent up a beam of light. In response a gentle wind rustled my hair. I closed my eyes with a content sigh; it was almost as though they were embracing me, and I took a moment to relish in that feeling.
A moment that was rudely interrupted.
"Loony Miss Moony, staring up at the sky. Loony Miss Moony thought she might cry."
"What are doing here, Peeves?" I asked.
"What I always do."
"Star gazing?"
Peeves responded by sticking out his tongue and blowing a raspberry.
"Very mature, Peeves."
"Loony Miss Moony, nine lives has she. Loony Miss Moony…"
"Hey Peeves!" I cut across him. "Do you have any chewing gum?" I asked, remembering Remus telling me about how Peeves tried to put chewing gum in broom cupboard lock until Remus interrupted him.
I smirked while the poltergeist turned ten shades of red. At least, I imagined he would have turned red. Peeves flew off angrily. It probably wasn't very wise to upset a poltergeist, but oh well. I wanted him gone and it worked. I resumed my star gazing and my silent memorial in peace.
I didn't stay long, with it being so cold and me fresh over the flu. Before leaving I wiped the tears from my eyes and checked to make sure my scars weren't showing. They sometimes liked to in times of distress. Before descending the stairs, I took one last look at the stars above.
"I miss you," I whispered.
Another gentle breeze washed over me.
I knew the feast was likely to be over, so I began patrolling the halls looking for wayward students. As I came upon a nook, I illuminated my wand and revealed two seventh years. The girl blushed shamelessly before hurrying off. I smiled fondly as the boy went in a separate direction. I remembered the days Remus and I would…
"Ashamed, Your Headship, Sir," Peeves said in an oily voice.
I rounded the corner and came upon some commotion outside the Fat Lady portrait. It seemed the whole of Gryffindor house was down the other hall. Dumbledore was there, along with McGonagall, Snape, and Remus. My view of the Fat Lady was obstructed.
"What's going on?" I whispered to Remus as Peeves went on about the Fat Lady.
"The Fat Lady is missing," he whispered back. "Her portrait is shredded."
"What?" I leaned back in shock.
Dumbledore shifted slightly and that's when I saw the portrait for myself. Or, what was left of it at least. I gasped and covered my mouth with my hands.
"Did she say who did it?" Dumbledore asked.
"Oh yes, Professorhead," Peeves replied. "He got very angry when she wouldn't let him in, you see. Nasty temper he's got, that Sirius Black."
A silent hush fell over the crowd, as we took a moment to register his words. I pushed my way to the front.
"Wait, are you saying he was here, Peeves? Sirius was in the castle and he…" I looked towards the painting in disbelief.
"Loony Miss Moony's been star gazing too long, now she's star dazed." Peeves pulled a face and zoomed off with a cackle.
A panic began to spread down the hall. Whispers and murmurs of "Sirius Black" floated around. But I stood frozen in time. Sirius? Here? Why? What was he thinking? What was he after?
Dumbledore called for silence from the students and began issuing orders. McGonagall was to look for Filch to have him search the portraits for the Fat Lady. Snape was to search the dungeons for Sirius.
That's the last place he'd go.
"I'll search the grounds," I said. He wouldn't go to the dungeons, but there is one place he might go.
"I'll help you," Remus said as he stepped up beside me.
"I…"
"That's a great idea," Dumbledore jumped in before I could say I'd be fine alone. I couldn't search for Sirius properly…I couldn't transform if I was with Remus. Surely Dumbledore knew that. Didn't he?
I stared at the Headmaster for a moment, trying to convey my thoughts telepathically. But I was no Legilimens.
"Yeah… Yeah, thanks." I tried to smile at Remus.
The students were ushered into the Great Hall where they would be locked in while the staff searched for Sirius. Remus and I didn't talk as we followed behind the students. I was too preoccupied with trying to figure about what Sirius was thinking. I knew what most people thought he was trying to do, but I didn't for one second think he was going after Harry. It didn't make sense. If only there was some way I could break away from Remus and sniff him out to ask him.
"Mum! Mum!" Jonathan's voice cut through the bustle and stirred me from my thoughts.
I turned towards the Great Hall and quickly caught sight of him pushing his way over to me. I saw something in his eye that I haven't seen in a long while. Fear. Instantly my brain kicked into Protective Mummy Mode.
"Jonathan," I pulled him in for a quick hug; he didn't refuse. "It will be alright. Sirius Black won't hurt you."
"I'm not worried about me, Mum."
"I'll have you know, Mr. Porter, that I am capable of more than simple star gazing, despite what Peeves thinks."
"I know," he smiled faintly. "But still, will you look after her?" He looked over my shoulder at Remus.
"Of course," Remus said as he stepped forward.
"And who's going to look after you?" I asked Remus.
"I guess you'll have to look after each other, best stay close then," Jonathan quipped quickly. Something about the glint in his eyes made me think that perhaps he had planned for this somehow.
"Jonathan Harold Porter, if this is some ploy…"
"It's not. I swear," he said with wide eyes. It was easy to see that the underlying fear was still there.
"I'll come find you when it's over. Will that be all right?"
"Yeah…yeah…that will be all right." I knew he was trying to sound like he didn't care either way, and it felt good knowing that he did. I pulled him in close again and kissed his forehead. This time he didn't protest, or attempt to wipe it away.
"Go in the Hall now, Jonathan. I'll be back before you know it."
Jonathan nodded and slowly stepped back. He locked eyes with Remus for moment, and I had the strange sensation that they were communicating silently. Then Jonathan turned and jogged into the hall. I stayed rooted to my spot long enough for the great oak doors to shut.
"Katherine, we really should begin our search," Remus said gently.
"Merlin that feels good!"
"What?" he asked as I turned around. I could tell he was a bit confused.
"This feeling of being wanted, of being needed. It's nice to know that when things go a little awry he still looks to his Mummy to makes things right."
Remus smiled as we began walking. "A boy always needs his Mum."
I gave him a look that said I thought differently and he chuckled.
"There are a…few years where we like to think otherwise. But then we realize we've just been making right arses of ourselves and we come back to our senses."
I laughed, but my smile was quickly wiped off my face as we stepped outside. I swore under my breath and wrapped my arms around my torso tightly. The temperature had dropped drastically since I was on the tower. Remus chuckled as he tried to pry my arms apart.
"You know, a warming charm can go a long way."
"I know how to perform a warming charm, Remus… but God! They never come out this good!" I placed my gloved hands on my face to spread the warmth. Remus stood with a confident smirk. "You can wipe that smile off your face."
"Most people would say 'thank you' after being helped."
"Most people wouldn't look so smug after helping someone."
He laughed. "All right, fair point. I'll keep that in mind the next time I offer assistance to someone."
I didn't fail to notice that he did nothing to remedy his smugness now.
"So, where did you go?" Remus asked as we began our search for Sirius.
"What do you mean? I'm right here." I could feel Remus roll his eyes.
"I meant during the feast. I saw you slip away as the Ghosts came in."
"You saw me?" I didn't sit in my usual spot next to Remus at the feast. Instead I chose to sit on the other end near a hidden door so I could slip out unnoticed. Apparently, it wasn't as unnoticed as I'd anticipated. That or…
"Were you watching me?" I asked.
"No…I….er…."
Remus fell silent after fumbling for a response. I'd meant the words lightly, but clearly I'd misjudged their meaning. Remus was at a loss for words…and I was too suddenly. What did it mean if he had been watching me? We'd been spending a lot of time together. I couldn't deny that I was attracted to him; he was just as smart, just as funny, and just as physically attractive as he was twenty years ago. I was bound to be attracted to him still. My physical appearance may be different, but my tastes were the same.
What about his though? Was he still attracted to the quiet, bookish girl? (Was I still classified as that type? I felt different.) Or did he prefer something else now? Was he attracted to Katherine? Could he forget Kate so easily?
Wait! What?! Did I really just… What is this feeling? Is it anger? Jealousy? Can you be jealous of yourself?
I decided I didn't want to know if Remus had been watching me. It would only complicate things too much.
"Please, don't answer that," I said.
We continued our search in a semi-awkward silence. I wondered if now might be the time to try and break away from him so I could continue on alone. Just as I was about to suggest that we go in different directions though, some unknown force stopped me. I promptly snapped my mouth shut with a slight popping sound. Remus looked over at me.
"Yes?" he asked.
"Wha—what?"
"Were you about to say something?"
"I…uhmm… Yes…" I paused. Remus waited patiently.
Come on Katherine, this is the perfect opening. Simply say, 'maybe we should split up to cover more ground.'
"How's Jonathan?" What! Even Remus seemed confused as his eyebrows rose.
"In your class…I mean. It's just… when I covered it last month I couldn't help but notice that Wilkes seemed to have it in for him."
"And you want to know if Jonathan has retaliated?" Remus said, nodding his head in understanding. "Wilkes has made several attempts at seeking a rise out of Jonathan, but your son is a very bright boy. Jonathan has yet to take the bait. Coincidentally, Wilkes seems to befall to the most unfortunate of accidents."
I laughed loudly and Remus joined in. "I think you and I both know 'coincidence' has nothing to do with that."
"It does seem unlikely that one person could be so unlucky."
"I am glad to hear that Jonathan not retaliating in class is the norm and not some fluke because I was there."
"You are aware, however, that it is entirely possibly that Wilkes knows his accidents aren't simply accidents."
"Oh I hope so, for his sake. Surely he's not that daft. Unfortunately, Jonathan is far too much like his uncles not to seek retribution in some manner. But he got his smarts from me."
"Uncles? So you have brothers then?"
A deep, penetrating ache rose within me. "No," I whispered. "Had. I had brothers, three of them, but they're….they're all gone now."
"God, Katherine, I am so sorry I swear, I had no idea."
That was kind of the whole point.
"That's…That's alright…"
"They say talking about it helps; just know that my ears are available if you need them."
Talking about it was actually the last thing I wanted to do.
"I don't know what's worse," I said unexpectedly. "Losing them all in a single day, or knowing that Jonathan never got the chance to know them. He was too young to remember them now."
"That is tough. But you know, the ones we love are never really gone. We find them again, or bits of them at least. Sometimes it's obvious, and sometimes it hits us quite unexpectedly."
We'd stopped walking somewhere in the vicinity of the Whomping Willow. There were relatively few clouds out and the moon was still full enough to provide a decent light. I looked up at Remus only to find him looking at me curiously. The lines of his forehead were curved inward in a look I knew well. He was deep in thought. He wasn't simply thinking though. He was thinking about me. But was he thinking about me as Katherine or was he trying to reconcile me with Kate?
Suddenly, a noise that sounded vaguely like snapping twig caught our attention and interrupted Remus' thought. We both turned our head in the direction of the noise.
"Did that sound like it came from…"
"…the Whomping Willow? Yes, it did," he said tightly. There was a new look on his face now: anger.
We both stood rooted to our spot, trying to use our sensitive hearing to listen for any other noise. But we heard nothing but the beating of our own hearts.
"We should investigate that." I held my wand ready in my hand while I began to inch towards the monstrous tree.
"Katherine, wait!" Remus whispered as he grabbed my arm. "Please, be careful. Black, he's a…"
"Mass murder?" I finished lightly. "So they say."
"'So they say?' You don't believe he's guilty?" he asked incredulously.
"Do you?" I shot back. He looked pained for a moment as he considered my question. Then I saw a look I thought I'd never see in him. Defeat. And I was angry.
"I know what he did was…unimaginable, but you don't know Black like I did, or like I thought I did."
"Know him?" I said angrily. Like hell you knew him! If you really knew him like I did, then you'd know there was no way he did everything he was accused of.
"Yes…I knew him in school," Remus continued on, oblivious to my anger. "We were friends."
"And would you so easily turn on your friends like he's said to have done?"
He looked pained again. Maybe because my accusation was so similar to one I'd issued years ago when I'd accused him of walking out on his friends.
"You don't understand, Katherine."
"You don't understand, Kate," The memory of his words echoed.
"I think I understand a little more than you think."
Shut up, Katherine! Do you want him to figure out your secret already?
"I…I understand that there are two sides to every story," I said. "And I think there's more to this story than either of us know."
I turned and began heading towards the Whomping Willow without Remus. I didn't make it more than ten paces before a shadow came around the side of the tree. I shot a stream of light at the figure.
"Crookshanks?"
The ginger cat mewled.
"Do you know that cat?" Remus asked softly, his voice a little strained.
"It's Hermione's," I replied. I chanced a look at him to find his head was bowed. I quickly looked away.
"Crookshanks, come here," I commanded. The cat mewled again before weaving itself through my legs. I picked him up and nestled him to my chest. "What are you doing out here?"
He just mewled in response.
I looked back to the Willow. It had almost looked like Crookshanks had come from the tunnel. I looked back up at Remus to see if he'd noticed anything. His eyes were still trained on the ground.
"I don't think we're going to find Sirius Black out here now," I said.
Remus nodded solemnly "I think you may be right. We can circle back around to the castle."
We did so in a tense silence. It seems our innate attraction to each other wasn't they only think to survive the years. We could still argue fiercely. As we walked it was like a new coldness settled in over us. We made it back to the castle entrance without speaking a word to each other.
"I have to go find Jonathan, and give Hermione her cat."
"Yeah, and I have some work to finish."
We turned and walked away at the same time.
You didn't think it was going to be all honky-dory now, did you? Katherine and Remus are just beginning their roller coaster of emotions.
