Okay, this chapter is betaed now that's why I'm posting it again .

Sorry, sorry, I know I'm really late. I hope I could make it up with posting the next chapter in two weeks, I really hope.
And a reply to questions in the reviews: Heero is not some sex-addict or something who would take anyone in his bed. He has a reason why he started kissing her and groping her body. He's not a mad or whatsoever. And the reason for doing this could be anything, he might even like her... And to know more about Heero and his intentions you'll just have to read this story and review. Reviews would be really nice and comments are welcome! And sorry for the Trowa fans as he died, but he stays an import character and will be mentioned many times, in flashbacks too.

I want to thanks all the readers for supporting me with their reviews and of coursemy beta from now on: Alice, I hope she'll keep proofreading my story till the finish!
Enjoy reading!


Past Mistakes

Chapter 9 – Make me forget

"I love you, dad."

A sad smile crossed his face as he looked down at her.

"I'm not worth your love, Relena."

Relena stared at the white wall with a blank expression on her face and ignored her question.

"Do you regret something?"

This time her voice sounded firmer though it still patient. Relena looked up at her family doctor. Sally was giving her a piercing look and a small and kind smile floated around her red lips. Relena had never really liked her – but that didn't mean she hated or disliked her. She didn't even know why she didn't like the woman more.

The blonde glanced at Hilde seated in the chair next to hers. She felt her friend nudge her left arm and looked at Hilde, who gestured for her to talk. Relena sighed and rolled her eyes toward Heaven as she hadn't been the one who wanted to come see her family doctor. Hilde had brought her here by force.

"Listen, Relena," Sally spoke softly, placing her hand on Relena's entwined fingers set on the desk. Her hands were soft and warm but oddly Relena felt her hands burn under Sally's fingers.

"I know – we know," she glanced meaningful at Hilde, "what you've been through, and the best way to lighten your heart is to talk. I can help you, Relena. I'm not only your family doctor but a psychiatrist too. And I've known your father for five years."

"Why wouldn't you be worth my love? You're my dad. You love me," she exclaimedwrapping her arms around the man's neck and looking up at him hopefully, wanting him to say that she was right; he was her dad and he loved her.

"I hurt your mother," was Darlian's soft reply.

"It was her own fault," the fifteen-year-old girl softly uttered, not knowing the entire truth.

"If only I'd known better… if only…"

"But you didn't."

Brusquely Relena pulled her hands back. Sally looked mildly surprised but didn't say anything as she retrieved her hand as well. She looked at Relena like she has all the time in the world to wait for her answer. If Sally was growing impatient, she hid it perfectly. But Hilde didn't. Relena felt her nudged her bare arm again, this time harder and more demanding.

"Sally... I..." Relena swallowed.

"If I'd been more aware, your mother wouldn't have committed suicide. She was strong, Relena, only not strong enough anymore to face her problems."

"I know it's not easy to talk about your pain, your nightmares and your past... Tell me something about your father or mother," Relena heard Sally vaguely saying.

She felt Hilde squeeze her shoulder gently. Sally leaned over the white desk towards Relena. Her eyes were full of concern and sympathy.

"Then tell me about your fiancé. Trowa. If it's easier. How was he like? How much did he love you and how did he show his love for you?"

"Trowa..." Relena breathed. His name suddenly sounded strange on her lips.

Relena heard muffled voices coming from the living room. She frowned, wondering who was inside. Was Pagan on the phone? She looked around the hallway and realized that the lights were switched off.

'Weird...'

But she could see the light coming from the living room at the end of the hallway through the crack under the door. She approached the door curiously and even a little fearfully. Who was in the living room?

'Thieves...?'

She laid her ear against the cold door trying to catch what the quiet voices were saying.

"Is she here?"

"Shhh, Hilde, she'll hear us."

'Hell,' Relena thought retreating from the door and frowning, 'What are Hilde and Trowa doing inside in my house during the evening? Not...'

She heard their voices again but this time accompanied by two others. No, three - four voices. Confused, Relena inhaled deeply before pulling the door open.

First she didn't see anything but the glaring light. Suddenly a tall shadow fell covered her.

Trowa.

"Hey, little princess," He leaned forward, looking into her amazed eyes before he uttered softly: "Happy birthday, love."

Even more surprised, Relena stared back at him speechlessly.

"You remembered?" she could only manage to say those two words. Still in disbelief, Relena felt tears start to gather in her eyes.

"No, sweetie, WE remembered!" Hilde said merrily.

Relena's gaze left Trowa's face and saw Hilde standing to his left, smirking mysteriously.

"And look what we've done..." she announced proudly as they stepped aside, unblocking Relena's view for the first time since she stepped into the room.

Relena was stunned and rendered speechless once again by the amazing sight. The room was decorated with festoons and streamers, and the floor was littered with balloons. Blue balloons. Light blue, exactly the colour of her eyes. In the center of the room was a large table, on top of which was a big, white cake; seated around the table were her friends, all grinning at her.

Something ached inside as it struck her that this was her first birthday without her father. She closed her eyes and struggled against the tears. She wouldn't cry. No, especially not today.

She felt Trowa gently grab her hand and bring it up. Her eyes snapped open as she felt Trowa slide something onto her finger. She stared at the diamond ring sparkling on her left hand for a long time before she gazed up at him, not entirely understanding what had just happened. He pulled her close with a smile and kissed her on the lips.

"Happy 18th birthday, princess. From now on you'll be mine alone."

Sally tilted her head upon hearing Relena whisper his name softly and insecurely. The hazy look in her eyes made Sally question further. Inwardly Relena was crying for her to stop talking, stop asking her things she wanted to forget. It was all too hard recalling those things. Those memories she never seemed to forget. And she didn't want to think about 'it'. In fact she has been hiding now for a year. It was unbearable, not telling someone and having it concealed in her heart. She tried hard to not think about, not remember it but her efforts were futile. It kept haunting her; always occupying her mind. Now she knew how her mother must have felt.

Several times Relena had considered telling Hilde or Trowa... but then, how would they think of her mother and moreover, of her? Would they have accepted her? A quiet voice in her mind has always told her they would accept her, but another voice always shouted over quiet voice convincing her that the no one would ever accept it.

"What's a special memory you have of Trowa?" Sally's voice interrupted her thoughts for the umpteenth time in the past half an hour.

'So many,' Relena thought, suddenly feeling guilty for what she had been doing yesterday with a man in her own cubicle, a man she hardly knew. She was shameful of it now. Relena sighed, for a moment unaware of the presence of two other women in the brightly lit room. She noted that at her sigh Sally began to scrawl something in the yellow file lying in front of the doctor. Relena had no idea what she was writing, as Sally's writing was too indistinct for her to read. But whatever it was, it wouldn't help Sally much if Relena wouldn't start talking.

Relena was determined not to tell her a thing, because her voice would fail her and the lump in her throat wouldn't allow her to say anything anyway.

"What did he mean to you?" Relena saw her lips form the words. Relena was surprised when she heard herself answering.

"After Hilde, everything."

Relena saw Sally nod her head at the reply rather slowly, as if she understood the blonde and her answer completely. Like she knew how Relena felt and what she had been through and what was going on now. But Sally didn't know. She couldn't know that Relena felt shameful, hurt, lost and even deceived by all those who had left her behind.

She heard Hilde sigh in relief that she had at least said something back. But Relena wasn't relieved. At that moment, she only wanted to get out of Sally's clinic.

Feeling as if the room was becoming smaller with every passing second, the white walls imprisoning her, Relena felt that she couldn't even breathe properly. Anything could happen and she would never share the burden that so heavily rested on her chest with her family doctor. She had always been uncomfortable when Sally stared at her like she knew everything but only wanted to hear it from her. Like she wanted to see her suffer. Unwittingly Relena shivered.

'No, of course she wouldn't want to see me in pain… she's my family doctor. Besides, what would she achieve?'

But Relena didn't want help. She could sort her problems out by herself, like she had been doing since she had been thirteen. Besides, she had Hilde and…

'Who?'

The name hovered on her lips, making her tense.

"Do you have someone else besides Hilde?" Sally's voice interrupted her train of thoughts again. Relena's head shot up to look at her, her words slowly registering in her head. Maybe she really is a psychiatrist since she knew what Relena was thinking right then. Relena felt tension rise in her spine as Sally watched her, waiting for a response.

'I'm tired.'

Unconsciously her shoulders slumped down, her eyelids half closed. She had to get out of here. Now. Sally opened her mouth again, but before she could speak a word Relena brusquely stood up. Glancing briefly at Hilde, she rushed out of the room with her heart beating wildly.

'I should never have come.'

She heard Hilde call after her, but Relena didn't and couldn't stop. She even heard the dark-haired woman mumble sorry to the doctor and then the tapping sound of heels on the floor following her. Hilde caught up to her when she was outside the large building taking a deep breath of fresh, cool June-morning air. Suddenly she felt Hilde grasp her arm and with a tug she turned Relena around to face her.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" Hilde shouted, glowering at Relena dangerously.

She looked angry. Hilde didn't wait for a reply but continued yelling at her friend in the middle of the street. Right then Relena didn't mind her yelling at all. It had been too long since someone had yelled at her to knock some sense into her.

"You were sitting there like a corpse! For god's sake… You hardly moved and didn't even answer her questions… Okay, you answered one," Hilde resumed, softer now.

A worried look appeared on her face as she softly squeezed Relena's hand in hers.

"Why did you leave so suddenly? Do you have any idea how Sally must have felt? She wants to help you, Relena. If you won't talk about it to me, at least talk to Sally."

A long silence fell between them as Hilde's intense gaze remained on Relena.

"Hilde… I don't need her… nor any other person or psychiatrist. I only need you and Heero."

The name slipped off of her tongue before she'd even realized it. Shocked, she stared at Hilde.

'What have I said just now?'

Relena felt awkward and even ashamed under Hilde's doubtful gaze. Hilde was pondering what she should say but she knew Relena wasn't ready for this talk, just like yesterday.

"What happened, Relena? Tell me."

There was no avoiding it now. Relena took a deep breath and words formed before she could consider what she was going to say.

"Nothing… he – he played with me, my body and I with myself. That's all."

Abruptly she stood up, avoiding Hilde's wide eyes and walked unsteadily over to the door that led to the bathroom. She felt Hilde's eyes on her back the whole way until she closed the door behind her.

"Relena…"

"I need some time, Hilde, please," Relena pleaded, her mind blank, "give me some time to think. I'm just confused."

o0o

'Confused? Yeah, I'm pretty confused.'

"Is that all I have to mail to Binchey Enterprises?"

"Um, yeah." Relena responded thumbing through a file and not glancing up even once.

Hilde sighed silently as she watched her boss trying to keep herself busy.

'Pretty damn muddled all right. Acting like nothing has happened this morning in Sally's clinic or yesterday with that guy.'

She rolled her eyes before closing her notebook in which she had recorded – in big lines – what Relena had been repeating for the past ten minutes: a short message for Binchey.

Hilde had been surprised when they arrived in the office and Relena behaved normally.

'Except for avoiding my eyes the entire time.'

Well, it was her way of coping with her problems and even unwanted feelings. Sometimes Hilde felt guilty for envying Relena for her wealth. But Hilde had parents who always loved her and were still living, while Relena had a horrible childhood, being neglected by her parents and soon losing them both. And now even the man she'd loved so dearly had committed suicide.

It was something very hard to believe. Hilde had never thought Trowa would consider ending his own life, much less do it. He had been too happy and carefree to do something like that. Yet, he had killed himself. The exact reason was unknown to Hilde but she had heard that he suffered a great loss in his business and had too many debts he couldn't repay. How he'd succeeded in keeping his debts a secret was something that Hilde would never be able to figure out.

It hurt to think about him. She'd known him much longer than Relena had and it was difficult for her to think about the moments she had shared with Trowa, especially one that was extremely hard to forget. And to hide it from Relena, who was his fiancée and her closest friend, was even more terrible than recalling those events. But it's all history now, right?

Hilde closed her eyes, drowning again in guilt. It was hard to forget the things you wanted to forget. The more desperately you try to shun them from your mind the more clearly you recollect them.

Hilde stroked her forehead gently. Suddenly she felt someone else's hand covering hers. Her eyes snapped open, knowing at once whose hand it was. She hadn't expected to meet him again so soon.

His face was serious as she looked up at him. His hand slowly retreated to the pocket of his cream trousers. He stared quietly down at the woman sitting behind the large white desk.

"I want to talk to you, Hilde."

"I'm expecting someone else." she said, her throat tight, relieved that she had a good excuse for once.

He seemed to be thinking about something as he looked down at her. She was again amazed by his beautiful, blond hair that shone golden in the bright light. His handsome face and blue eyes were set with determination. Hilde wondered if cheaters were always handsome.

"Is the one you're going to meet more important than me?"

Hilde wondered if he would be jealous if she told him she was going out for lunch with Duo. He probably would.

"Duo?" she said as nonchalantly as possible. She didn't miss the moment when his eyes narrowed upon hearing the name pass from her lips. Jealous, huh? "Yes, he's more important to me than you now." Two years ago she wouldn't even have bothered to look at someone other than Quatre.

"Do you love him?" he asked her hesitantly.

Love? Looking up at Quatre she couldn't deny she still felt something for him. But was it still love?

"No… but I do feel something for him. I don't know if I could call it love." she answered honestly and saw some of the tension leave his face and his shoulders relax slowly.

"Listen Hilde, I know I did wrong - I've hurt you, but please let me explain."

"No," she said bluntly before his words fully registered in her mind.

For the only time since she has known him she saw all patience fade from his face. His lips are a thin line now; she has never seen him angry like this before. Actually she has never seen him get angry. Upset, sad – yes, but furious? No. With two quick steps he circled around her desk. His hand seized her wrist and pulled her forcefully to her feet. She was so utterly surprised by his unexpected actions that she even didn't bother to object when he pulled her out of her cubicle.

But Quatre wasn't doing anything mindlessly, because he took care to pick her bag up from the desk. Hilde's mind was blank as she let him drag her through the office - everyone looked up at them but this time Quatre didn't mind the eyes of the staff - pull her to the elevator at the end of the long corridor. Once in the elevator, Quatre got his breathing back and Hilde her wits. As she looked over at Quatre - who was staring intensely at her - she recalled the last time when they were alone in an elevator. The memory made her shiver.

'No, forget those memories. It's history now. Erase. Erase.'

Her tongue felt too thick and she couldn't ask him where he was taking her. But even if she'd been able to talk she knew she wouldn't have wanted to ask him. After a very long time she felt warm inside as his hand was still holding hers, firmly, securely. How long had it been since he held her hand like this? She glanced up at him; his gaze was focused on the doors in front of them now. What was he thinking?

o0o

"Quatre, where have you brought me?"

After Quatre dragged her into a big mansion - her small house could fit into it at least ten times - Hilde finally found her voice. Quatre remained silent, ignoring her questions. He almost dragged her up a long flight of stairs that seemed to have no end. Strangely, she loved the way he was pulling her by her wrist and ignoring her demands for an answer.

At the landing he hauled her to a door and swung it open. He tugged her inside the room and finally let go when they passed the threshold. Hilde opened her mouth, wanting to yell at him to ask what he hopes to achieve by bringing her here when she noticed that two other people were present in the room.

Warily she looked around the room. Her eyes fell on a large framed picture on the wall to her left. It was a family portrait taken not more than four years ago. Quatre and his brother were standing behind a very expensive mahogany bench on which their parents were sitting. The picture exuded the essence of a peaceful and happy family, not to mention affluent. There was no doubt this was Quatre's house - his parents house.

He had never brought her here before, so why now of all times?

Out of the corner of her eyes she saw him moving towards the two others sitting with their backs to her on white chintz chairs, enjoying the sunlight that flowed into the room through large windows. Quatre knelt down by one, presumably a woman as she had long blonde hair.

"Mother..." she heard Quatre's voice.

Baffled, she stared at the back of the chair. Was this his mother? But then why... why did he want her to meet his parents? He had never introduced her to them; she must have asked him a thousand times, but he always said he was waiting for the right moment. Was this than the right moment? When he was already engaged to another and even the wedding date was set?

Hilde saw him motion for her to come over to him. With a heavy heart, she approached Quatre, her eyes fixed on him.

"Hilde," Quatre looked up at her, his eyes glistening, "can you see now why I couldn't refuse?"

As Hilde looked down at the couple sitting on chintz chairs next to one another she couldn't see why his decision had been to accept the proposal. His parents were looking perfectly normal and staring out the windows, enjoying the view of centre London. They looked slightly older than they had in the picture on the wall but still healthy. So what...

Her breathing stopped for a few seconds when Hilde finally realized they were not completely normal. Vaguely she heard Quatre talk to her while his hands still held onto his mother's hand.

"It happened after an accident... they can't move, can't talk, can't feel anything that touches their skin," he took a deep breath like he was trying to hold back tears. Wordlessly Hilde laid her hand on his shoulder. "But they can hear us, see us. They seem dead, but are actually alive."

He stood up abruptly and took her hand between his hands.

"Do you understand, Hilde? Please... can you comprehend now why I couldn't say no?"

"Why…" Hilde paused, searching for the right words, "they're your parents – you are their youngest son. They love you even more than your older brother Qasim... Why didn't they force him to marry her if they liked her that much?

Quatre snorted but his eyes were holding still a sad look. "Qasim? He went his own way; we even don't know where he is now. He married someone he loved."

"But then-"

"My father gave him nothing from his property. He has no shares in our business, but the woman he married was very rich."

'So why can't you marry me if you love me that much. Even your brother married the one he loved.' Hilde thought scornfully but knew better than to say it to him.

Remembering again why she had been so upset with him, Hilde suddenly slipped her hand away from between his. He looked mildly surprised.

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" she repeated his words. Hilde felt the need to yell at him. Was he really this naive or could he act that damn well? "What do you want from me now, Quatre? I know you won't break your engagement, so why are you telling me this?" She knew she sounded desperate now, but didn't care because all she wanted was for him to come back to her, though she knew it was impossible. Amazed, he stared at Hilde'.

"I want to be with you, Hilde. I love you."

Three simple words. What an effect they have on a person.

"You want me to be your mistress while you're engaged to be married? Do you want me to be the other woman in a relationship?"

"No," Quatre replied softly, taking a step towards her. Before she even knew what was happening he enclosed her in his arms and held her against his chest. For a moment she was too stunned to do or to feel anything. When she felt his hands resting on her back reassuringly and his voice whispering in her ear: "Everything is going to be fine, Hilde... I only want you to be mine," she could do but one thing: cry.

She wanted desperately to believe his words, that everything was going to be fine, but Hilde knew one thing for sure: it was never going to be the same again.

o0o

'I thought you were strong, Trowa.'

Relena stared at Trowa's picture she held in her hand.

'How could you be so mean to leave me here alone again? Didn't you think even once about me, how I would feel? Why did you tell me then to be strong, to bravely face all problems that would cross my path? Why-'

She heard suddenly a knock on her door but before she could answer the door was opened. She was surprised not to see Hilde but someone else step in. Heero. Quickly she hid her former fiancé's picture in a drawer. She had been waiting for his arrival, though she didn't know why. Perhaps because she wanted to ask him about what he did to her yesterday? Had he found her pretty or maybe even sexy or had his initiative been something else? Moreover, she wanted to ask him about her father.

She had a strange feeling that he had known her dad. But the real reason why she'd wanted to see him again was something that went beyond craving and lust. She wanted him tosoothe her, alleviate the ache in her body and her heart and make her forget everything she wanted to forget. Everything.

Was she mad for wishing this?

Her conscience says yes, but her heart says no.

Relena saw him move towards the windows, his attention directed toward a point in the sky.

"Won't you call the guards to throw me out?"

She could hear the mocking tone of his voice. She knew she should be calling the guards, but strangely her body refused to obey.

She had to know why he was doing this and who he was; she would go crazy if she didn't ask him.

"Who are you?"

When he turned around she saw that he was sneering at her for this silly question.

"How could you forget my name so soon, Relena Darlian?"

'Heero Yuy, damn you!'

"Why did you, well... do that to me yesterday?"

'Ugh, that was difficult.'

He raised an eye brow at that.

"Why I did do what?" he scoffed at her.

Relena cast her eyes down, feeling uncomfortable under his stare. Now she wanted him to go to hell because he was making fun of her and she was scared of him now. She once again saw hunger in his eyes she had seen once before. He crossed the distance between the window and her chair. She gulped, feeling her heartbeat increase as he bent over her and placed both hands on the arms of her chair. His face was merely inches from hers. She was suddenly aware of how quickly her blood was rushing through her veins; the butterflies in her stomach were flying around restlessly. She felt his breath on her face.

"You really are a curious girl."

'Oh god.' Relena thought, trying to swallow as she saw his head coming closer and closing the distance between their lips.

"Hey, Relena, where is... hell..."

Their heads jerked around as they saw Duo standing in the doorway looking completely stunned.

"Um, sorry, I..." He turned beet red under Heero's glare.

Annoyed, Heero ran his hand through his hair and stood upright again.

"Uh, Heero, I needed to talk to you."

Heero glanced at Relena who had already averted her gaze from him. She was relieved that Duo had come in at the right moment. But why was she also disappointed?

o0o

"What do you want to discuss?"

"Uh, nothing," Duo said as the door of Relena's room shut behind them. Heero glared at him as they both headed for the exit.

"Thanks for ruining my moment, Duo."

"Huh, I ruined your moment?" Duo scratched the back of his head with his hand. "I thought I just saved a pretty girl from a bad guy."

"... You're saying I'm the villain?"

"In this case, yes, you're."

"What?"

"You ruined my plan, Maxwell." Heero pressed the elevator button for the ground floor.

"Plan? What kind of plan?"

" Forget it."

"No, tell me," Duo insisted.

"Not now. Another time."

"When?" Duo demanded crossing his arms.

"When you grow some brains." Heero stepped out of the elevator when they reached the ground floor.

"Oh, okay... Hey, I already have them!"

Heero unlocked his car while grinning at Duo.

"You've a big empty head, not brains, Duo."