Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially have rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

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Chapter 9: Like a Glass Tower Crumbling

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The mess hall of the Enterprise was teaming with crew members as they set about having breakfast. Among the many Starfleet personnel was Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy. The ship's Chief Medical Officer turned away from one of the replicators with a freshly ordered meal consisting of two eggs sunny side up, hash-browns, some bacon, and a steaming mug of black coffee. The doctor had his morning scowl firmly in place as he stepped away from the replicators and began scanning the mess hall for a place to sit. As he looked around the crowded hall, Bones began contemplating whether or not he should just find the nearest corner to stand in and eat breakfast by utilizing his skills in balancing objects. Then the doctor's gaze fell on a table that was a bit far off from the rest. Even though there was an empty seat at this particular table, Bones let out a small, unhappy sigh when he saw that a certain pointy-eared individual was occupying the other seat.

Bones's unhappiness was not really due to the fact that if he wanted to sit and have breakfast, he would have to sit across from Spock. No, the doctor was mostly unhappy with the fact that Spock was here in the mess hall having breakfast when he should have been enjoying this morning repast with a certain blond haired, blue eyed individual in their shared quarters. Instead, Spock was sitting there at that secluded table, not really touching any of the food that was before him.

With another sigh and a shake of his head, Bones started walking towards the far off table where Spock sat.

" Mind if I join you?" Asked Bones gruffly once he was standing by the table.

Spock looked up to stare at Bones blankly before he spoke.

" If it is your desire to sit at this table, I have no objections Doctor." He said with a voice devoid of anything.

Bones nodded mutely and took his seat across from Spock.

The Vulcan immediately returned his gaze to the mostly untouched bowl of fruit set before him. Now Bones would by no means call himself and expert on Vulcan behavior, but he could make a fairly certain guess that the Vulcan sitting across from him was absolutely miserable to his very core. He was merely hiding it well behind his cool, Vulcan composure and stoicism. The two men stayed in an awkward silence for several minutes before Bones finally spoke.

" So I take it things still aren't alright between you and Jim." He stated.

Spock immediately looked up to meet Bones's eyes for a few fleeting moments before he dropped his gaze back down to the table top. Spock nodded mutely before he spoke.

" It had been seven complete standard days since Jim confronted me about how my deplorable treatment of him. He had since then only spoken to me when we are on duty. Furthermore, his communications with me in these instances have been brief, and strictly pertaining to the functioning of the ship. All of my attempts to speak with him about anything related to out personal life, including my attempts to communicate though the bond, have been rejected." He said neutrally.

" So you're still in the dog house then." Said Bones knowingly.

Spock quirked one of his slanted eyebrows at the Doctor as he spoke.

" Doctor, I have not been residing in a dwelling designed for a Terran canine animal. After the confrontation pertaining to the Corvinian Sphere, Jim requested that I stay in the quarters I occupied before we were bonded. I have since then been abiding by these wished from my bondmate." He said, the barest flicker of unhappiness passing across his dark brown eyes.

Bones resisted the urge to chuckle at Spock's expense, and he actually would have given in to the urge, until the true meaning of Spock's words hit him. Things really were a mess if Jim had gone so far as to literally lock Spock out. Letting out a small sigh, Bones spoke.

" It was just a figure of speech Spock. What I mean was that Jim's still to hurt a pissed at you right now for you guys to work things out between you."

Spock seemed to deflate minutely before the doctor's eyes. After a brief silence, Spock spoke.

" My mate has ever right to do as he did. What you have said is an accurate description of the situation between Jim and I. I am... unsure as to how I must proceed in rectifying my many grievances towards Jim."

At this, Bones gave a knowing nod before he spoke.

" Well, you already know that it ain't gonna be easy, cause you hurt him bad Spock. From what I understand, Vulcans are known for being a patient bunch. Give him time Spock, once Jim's ready I'm sure you and him are gonna be able to sit down and work things out."

Bones sounded surprisingly encouraging beneath his usual gruffness as he said these words.

" Thank you for your reassurances Dr. McCoy." Said Spock softly, not really meeting Bones's eyes as he did so.

Bones nodded before he focused his attention to his breakfast and finally began to eat. After their conversation, Bones and Spock had breakfast together in relative silence, sharing a few sparse words every now and then.

Meanwhile, in the Captain's quarters...

Jim let out a small groan as he splashed ice cold water onto his freshly shaved face. He screwed his pale blue eyes tightly shut in a futile attempt to lessen the pain that was spiking through his head. The young man blindly reached out and snagged the small towel he had placed on the sink-top. He promptly buried his face into it and let out another small groan.

As he breathed deep, Jim couldn't help but think about how it had already been a full week since he had confronted Spock about what his obsession with the Corvinian Sphere had done to their relationship. Since then Jim had distanced himself from his husband, and the freak headaches he had been experiencing had grown far more frequent and steadily more painful.

On this particular morning, Jim had woken from a dead sleep in the wee hours to a sharp, lancing pain throughout his head. It was as if his skull was cracking itself open in every which direction. But despite the pain, it was like the bond itself was still shielding all of this from Spock out of its own volition.

The last seven days had been among the loneliest, angriest, and just plain saddest days of Jim's life to date. But in addition to all of these feeling, Jim had found himself plagued by this ice-cold terror that would not abate.

Something was horribly wrong.

Jim knew this, but something in him stubbornly kept him from seeking out the one person he knew could soothe the turmoil he and the bond were in. With a shaky breath, Jim turned away from the sink and tossed the towel into the hamper as he walked out of the bathroom.

Jim monotonously got dressed for duty and had a breakfast that consisted of a lightly buttered bagel and black coffee with sugar. Jim had to force himself to chew and swallow, fighting his body's vehement urges to throw it all back up. Besides his peace of mind, Jim's appetite had suffered a great deal these last few days as well.

Both dreading and yearning to be on the bridge and see Spock, Jim stomped down hard on the urge to fall apart. Falling apart was not going to make anything better, and he was a Starfleet captain for God's sake, he had duties to his crew and to his ship. He could not afford to fall apart, even if he felt like whatever he had to hold himself together was beyond threadbare at this point.

Steadying himself, Jim stepped out of his quarters and headed for the main bridge.

Steadying himself, Jim stepped out of his quarters and headed for the main bridge.
As he walked down the brightly lit corridors of the ship, Jim felt this sharp, lancing pain behind his eyeballs. He did his best not to let the pain show on his face as he made his way to the turbo-lift. It was only once he was safely inside the lift that Jim allowed his resolve to crumble a little. He leaned heavily against the wall of the lift and blindly reached out for the button on the panel that could stop the lift. The lift came to a halt mid-descent. Jim let out a shaky breath and reached up to hold his aching head between his pale, lightly trembling hands.

He groaned softly and rode out the acute waves of pain that were mercilessly assaulting him. Jim stayed this way for many moment. Then, he forced himself to straighten up and used all the will he had in him to banish the pain that seemed to be incinerating his very mind to the background.
Taking in a deep rattling breath through his nostrils, Jim reached out and pressed the button to restart the lift.

Even though he was dreading it, Jim stood tall and resolute to look as normal as possible as the turbo-lift quickly came to a smooth halt and the door opened with a soft hiss to reveal the brightly lit main bridge of the USS Enterprise.

Several members of the crew looked up from their stations upon their captain's arrival.

From their place that the helm, Sulu and Chekov exchanged worried looks after they saw that Jim looked a little too pale for their liking as he stepped onto the main bridge.

" Good morning everyone." Said Jim with a smile that looked more painful than anything else as he made his way to the command chair.

From where she sat at her console, Uhura frowned as she noticed the way Jim seemed to barely keep himself from collapsing into the command chair as he took his seat. There was none of the usual comfortableness as he took command of his ship for the day.

These three crew members knew well enough that something was indeed, very, very wrong with their captain, even though he hid it quite well. Uhura, Chekov, and Sulu just knew that something was off with Jim, that something had been off for the past week.

But the three of them wisely chose from voicing their concerns, knowing that it would be like trying to bend a solid brick wall. They couldn't go above his authority when they weren't even sure what the whole story was. Maybe he was just tired after a string of very stressful missions, maybe he was coming down with something. Or maybe, it was a matter of a personal nature, and they had no right to delve into their captain's privacy like that.

Uhura, Chekov, and Sulu turned their attentions back to the work at hand, but their concern for their captain did not abate in the least.

A few short minute later, the main door to the bridge opened and Commander Spock strode in, looking tall and serious-faced, as he usually did.

" Good morning Mr. Spock." Said Jim neutrally, not really looking at his husband as he did so.

Spock paused in getting to his station to gaze at his still estranged bondmate and spoke.

" Good morning to you as well, Captain." He replied, his tone more flat and emotionless.

Jim clenched his jaw minutely and gave Spock a small nod, still without really looking at him before he turned his full attention to the main screen.

Spock knew a dismissal when he saw one, and turned lightly on his heels before resuming in reaching his duty station.

Uhura, Chekov, and Sulu felt their concern escalate a little after seeing this exchange between their commanding officers.

The Captain's face normally lit up whenever he saw Spock. Just now, his pale blue eyes had shutter, and his expression was closed off as he had acknowledged his First Officer. And even though he barely showed it, Spock himself did not look or act like he normally did. At the very least, he would have projected the barest hint of warmth toward Jim, but now, it was like there was some kind of barrier holding him back. He didn't look happy at all, which is saying something considering the commander was a Vulcan and the three crew members could actually tell.

Uhura also had it on good authority from one of the Ensigns from the Science Department that Spock had abruptly stopped his vigorous research of the Corvinian sphere about a week ago, around the same time that she had noticed that there was this unexplained distance between Jim and Spock. The Lieutenant could only guess what happened a week ago, but she had a sinking feeling that there was a correlation between the two aforementioned instances.

But what could she, Chekov, or Sulu do? They were on duty right now, and even throughout the whole week that had past, the captain had commanded his ship in a manner that was still exemplary, even if he himself was not as happy and upbeat as he normally would have been.

Uhura, Chekov, and Sulu realized that what was going on with their Captain was indeed something of a personal nature between himself and commander Spock. Now, as they went back to work, the three of them could only hope that whatever problems Jim and Spock were having, they would manage to work it out like they always did. Those two loved each other way too much to stay angry as each other for very long.

But such thoughts were pushed back to the recesses of concerned minds. They all had their duties in running the ship, and that too precedence right now.

Spock resisted the urge to actually slump in his chair, his feelings of dejection were that strong. Just now, he had felt nothing from Jim, nothing but the massive wall that he had erected between them about a week ago. Jim's mental shields were still up and strong, making it very clear to Spock that he was to keep out, even now.

Spock had tried every chance he had gotten to reach out to Jim, but each attempt had been for naught.

Jim had shut him out that night in there quarters, and he had kept Spock out ever since.

Spock felt the strong tug of his yearning for Jim, even now as he sat and diligently worked at his station. It was all that he could do to keep himself from getting up, making his way to Jim, falling to his knees, and begging his T'hy'la for forgiveness in front of the entire bridge crew. It had gotten to the point where Spock didn't care about the embarrassment of acting in such a way, he just wanted Jim, his Jim back.

Spock would have to call himself a liar if he said that the distance between them did not cause him pain. But Spock knew that he had no one to blame but himself for his misery, after all, he had been the one who had neglected Jim in such a callous manner for nearly a whole month, he had been so obsessed with the Corvinian Sphere. Spock knew that what he was feeling right now was no more than what he deserved. And even then, this was nothing compared to what he had put Jim through.

All that Spock had felt when he and Jim had melded that night, Jim despair, his rage, and his feelings of abandonment still haunted Spock to this very moment. It had robbed him of sleep many times over the past week, and no amount of mediation helped either.

Finally, not able to stand it after a full two hours of being in the same room with his T'hy'la and not feeling a single thing from him, Spock stopped in his rapid typing on his console and discreetly used his mental abilities to reach out to Jim.

" T'hy'la?"

To this, all Spock received was dead-silence. Not one to be so easily deterred, Spock tried again.

" T'hy'la, may we speak? Please?"

Spock hoped that he didn't sound as desperate as he felt inside.

Again, the Vulcan's attempt to communicate with his bondmate was met with a stony silence.

Spock tried for yet a third time.

" Jim, please, speak to me. Please my T'hy'la, I need speak with you."

Spock waited, silently hoping that Jim would relent and communicate with him. Several agonizingly slow moments passed with a cold silence through the bond and then...

" You're being inappropriate Commander, we both agreed that we wouldn't communicate like this when we're on duty unless it was absolutely necessary."

Spock felt an illogical surge of elation at finally hearing from his beloved T'hy'la, but it was short-lived, because the voice that had answered him was not that of his loving bondmate, but the utterly professional, down-right cold tone of his Captain.

" You have not reciprocated any of my other attempts to communicate with you Jim. As you human's put it, desperate times call for desperate measures." Replied Spock.

" What do you want Spock?" Asked Jim bluntly through the link, his gaze all but glued to the main view screen while his hands discreetly gripped the armrest of the command chair to the point where his knuckles were quickly turning white.

" I desire many things Jim, but most of all, I desire your well being. This past week, I have not been able to ascertain your state. I know that you are not well Jim. Please T'hy'la, let down your barriers and let me mend that which I know is broken."

Jim closed his eyes tightly as took in a deep, quiet breath through his nostrils. Spock's words were like a spear to his heart. He wanted nothing more than to let Spock in and actually do as he had just said, fix every jagged and shredded part of his mind and the bond.

But he just... He couldn't.

" Oh, so you're concerned about my well-being now. You know, this concern is coming a little too late Spock, you should've been concerned about my well-being a month ago. I am pissed at you Spock, and if you think that you can just sweet-talk your way back in, then you are sorely mistaken. You'll make your promises that you won't do this again, but I know you Spock, I know that you are a Scientist through and through. I know that even though you've stopped obsessing over the Corvinian sphere, something else will come along and you'll probably do the same thing all over again. I can't do it again Spock, I won't go through what you put me through again. I just won't. Do you hear me sa Telsu!"

Spock stifled the urge to flinch as Jim's mental voice had steadily grown louder and louder in his mind till it had become a powerful yell that echoed through his psyche.

" T'hy'la, please calm yourself. I am aware that you are furious with me, and that you are well within your rights to be. But Jim, blocking the bond is not going to help matters, it will prove only to be detrimental to us both. This separation, not being able to feel what you feel, to not know that you are there, I can hardly stand it, and I know that you can hardly stand it too. Please Jim, please allow me back in, so that I may earn your forgiveness for all that I have done to you, to us."

From where he sat, Jim felt his eyes burn with the fiery sting of tears, but he stubbornly blinked them back and stayed silent. Jim tightened his already vice-like grip on the ends of the command chairs arm rest, his fingernails digging into them. In his mind, his half of the bond, still guarding most of itself from Spock almost screamed in agony. It wanted Spock like a dying man wanted to live, but at the same it seemed too terrified still to let him back in. It left Jim feeling like his skull was slowly caving in, jagged pieces if bone burrowing into his brain at a snails pace.

Knowing that Jim was fast closing himself off to him again, Spock spoke the only words he had left to say and concentrated all that he was feeling at that moment at Jim through the bond.

"Taluhk nash-veh k'dular T'hy'la. I love you Jim. I love you like I have never loved another being in all of my existence. Please, let down your shields T'hy'la, I shall take all care of you. You mean more to me than any sphere filled with energy ever would. Please believe that. I love you, my T'hy'la."

All that once, Jim was bombarded by Spock's powerful emotions. His husband's feeling of sadness, anguish, guilt, remorse, and deep love. The Captain stifled the urge to gasp out loud at the feeling. It was like his agonized mind was suddenly plunged into deep warmth. It was so soothing, it brought tears to Jim's pale blue eyes. Jim tightly closed his eyes again and battled back the tears. All the while, he wanted to sink into Spock's warmth, he yearned for it. Jim was just about ready to lower his shields right then and there, when suddenly, the bond in his mind seemed to howl like a wounded animal.

From where he sat, Spock felt a jolt of shock go through his very mind as he felt Jim's mental walls abruptly close off to him like the steel gates of an impenetrable fortress.

All eyes turned to Jim when he let out a small groan that was amplified by the relative silence the bridge had been in moments earlier.

" Captain, what's wrong?" Asked Sulu as he stared at Jim.

His Captain looked like he was in a world of hurt. His already pale face had bleached to an almost pure white now, he was gripping his forehead with one pale, lightly trembling hand. Jim looked like he was on the verge of being violently ill, for no apparent reason what so ever.

While the rest of the crew was thoroughly alarmed by what they were seeing, Spock himself felt the beginnings of full blown horror swirling around in his gut. With his heart moderately pounding in his side, Spock quickly rose from his station and made his way over to his clearly distressed bondmate.

" Captain? Captain, what is your status?" Asked Spock, doing his best to sound as professional as possible while he silently felt his anxiety spike upon seeing for himself the state of Jim's current appearance.

" I seem to not be feeling particularly well at the moment Commander." Said Jim, swallowing thickly in an attempt to stave off the nausea

For reasons he couldn't quite fathom in his current state of mind, Jim felt like his head was in some kind of pressure cooker now. Everything was starting to feel to tight, to constricted. It was like something was trying to claw its way out of him, and was using everything it had to fight against all of the mental shields and barriers he had erected.

" Shall I comm Sickbay Captain." Asked Spock, all the while using his mental abilities in an effort to reach out to Jim telepathically.

" No, I just have a really bad headache all of a sudden, it'll pass like the others." Said Jim, inadvertently revealing certain aspects of his condition he had long tried to conceal from Spock.

" Others? You have experienced these headaches prior to this moment?" Asked Spock, instantly catching the revelation in Jim's earlier words.

Jim abruptly stood up from his seat in the command chair, and without really looking at Spock he spoke.

" You have the con Mr. Spock, I just need a minute to clear my head." He said with an air of finality before he promptly started walking towards the door that led to the conference room that was joined to the main bridge. Even a blind man would have noticed the way Jim walked so unsteadily on his feet as he left the paused at the threshold of the door to the conference room and spoke without looking back.

" Don't follow me, especially you Commander, that's an order." He said, his voice quiet and very pained.

Spock and the other members of the main bridge crew watched as their captain stepped over the threshold to the conference room, and the door slid shut behind him with a small hiss.

The bridge was silent as all eyes went to Commander Spock. Spock stood tall and silent for several moments before he blinked and looked around.

" The Captain has given his orders, please return to your duties immediately. However, Lt. Sulu, you have the con." Said Spock solemnly.

" A-Aye sir." Said Sulu as he immediately moved to take the con as ordered, while everyone else reluctantly returned back to their duties.

It was clear that neither the Captain or his First Officer was himself today as they watched Commander Spock wordlessly make his way towards the conference room Jim had just entered, disobeying the Captain's clearly stated orders not to be followed.

The members of the crew could only wait with bated breath to see just what would unfold once the conference room door shut behind Spock.

As for the Vulcan in question...

The moment he stepped inside the conference room, Spock's eyes immediately zeroed in on Jim where he stood before one of the conference room windows. Spock could see that Jim was standing with his forehead and pale hands pressed against the glass. With his sensitive Vulcan hearing, Spock caught the sound of each soft, shaky breath Jim inhaled and then exhaled.

Spock carefully stepped further into the room, doing his best to make as little noise as possible as he made his way towards his distressed bondmate. Spock came to a stop a little more than halfway within reach of Jim before he parted his lips and spoke.

" T'hy'la." He said quietly, almost whispering it.

Spock watched as Jim's entire body stiffened upon hearing his voice.

" I thought... I thought I gave you orders not to follow me Mr. Spock." Said Jim without turning to face Spock.

" Yes, and you may reprimand me as you see fit at a later date, but right now you will accompany me to Sickbay Jim." Countered Spock as he took a step toward his bondmate.

" And if I refuse this impromptu visit to Sickbay?" Challenged Jim, exhaustion clearly evident in his voice as he spoke.

" Then I shall have to resort to methods you will not appreciate to ensure that you do go to Sickbay." Said Spock.

" Just leave me alone Spock, you've been pretty good at doing it for the last few weeks, don't start bugging me now. Please, just go." Breathed Jim.

" I do no such thing. T'hy'la, you are not well, please allow me to take you to Sickbay." Said Spock as he reached out a tentative hand toward Jim.

" Don't touch me." Said Jim, somehow sensing Spock's intentions despite how clouded with pain his mind was at the moment.

For a moment, Spock almost let his outstretched hand drop, but he quickly banished the urge. Now was not the time for obedience. Spock continued to reach out until his hand came to gently grip one of Jim's tensed shoulders.

Spock heard the stifled sob Jim let out at the moment of contact. It made his very soul ache to hear such a thing come out of a man as strong as his bondmate. Spock tightened his grip on Jim's shoulder and began to gently pull the distressed human towards him.

Spock felt Jim stiffen further and put up resistance, but the Vulcan did not relent. Tightening his hold on Jim's shoulder, Spock gently forced Jim to turned around and face him.

With agonizing slowness, Spock made Jim turn around, and when he finally had his bondmate facing him, the sight that greeted the Vulcan had his heart stopping cold in his side.

A drop of dark, crimson red liquid dripped onto the front of Jim's gold Starfleet uniform tunic. The drop disappeared into a larger, steadily growing stain that was already there. More drops of deep red liquid dripped off of Jim's pale chin as a steady stream of the liquid seeped out from both of his nostrils.

" J-Jim." Whispered Spock once the ability to speak returned to him.

Jim stared back at him with glassy, unfocused eyes that looked more a dull gray than the brilliant blue they should have been.

His head was swimming, and everything seemed so far away now. The ship, the stars, even Spock who was only a few feet from him seemed so far away as a roaring sound filled his ears. Jim distantly felt the warm liquid that was trailing from his nose, over his lips, and off of his chin. The smell, the mildly salty taste, it was so familiar, but he just couldn't really focus enough to identify it.

The bondmates stood facing each other, seemingly locked in this scene ripped from the very beating heart Hell itself, for what seemed an eternity before Jim broke the silence by speaking.

" Spock, I think... maybe you should take me to Sickbay now. I don't feel so good." He said softly as he blinked owlishly at his husband.

Then, without warning, Jim's knees buckled beneath him.

Spock snapped out of his horrified stupor just in time to catch Jim before he crumbled to the ground in a heap. But Jim did not simply hang limp and loose in Spock arms. Spock watched on in helpless horror as Jim entire body suddenly went into wild convulsions. Spock did his best to restrain his bondmate's wildly flailing arms and legs. The sight of Jim in this state had the Vulcan feeling a terror so profound, it was unlike anything he had ever felt in all of his life.

" JIM, JIM CAN YOU HEAR ME?" Cried Spock loudly.

All Spock received in reply to this was a low, grotesque gurgling sound from Jim.

Knowing that he needed to act fast in order to keep Jim from hurting himself any further, Spock reach out for the junction between Jim's neck and shoulder and administered a Vulcan nerve pinch as gently as he could.

Jim's body instantly went rigid, then with a small gasp he slumped to the floor, unconscious.

Spock was about to yell out a command to the computer when the door to the conference room suddenly opened to reveal a concerned looking Lt. Sulu.

" Sir what's... Oh my God!" Exclaimed Sulu as he gazed upon the scene before him.

" Lieutenant, notify Sickbay immediately, this is an emergency, the Captain needs medical assistance!" Said Spock loudly.

Sulu seemed frozen where he stood, his dark eyes glued to the sight of his Captain's pale and blood stained face.

" NOW SULU!" Barked Spock, effectively snapping the Lieutenant out of his horrified stupor.

Sulu immediately sprang into action. Spock watched from where he knelt on the floor beside his unconscious mate as Sulu ran back onto the main bridge at full speed and used the panel on the command chair to contact Dr. McCoy directly.

Spock tore his gaze away from the shaken Lieutenant and focused his full attention back to his injured mate. With pale fingers, Spock reached out and pressed his fingertips to Jim's neck. Relief filled Spock as he felt Jim's weak, but steady pulse beneath his fingers.

As he gazed at his unconscious T'hy'la's pale and bloodied face, Spock didn't even notice when Uhura and Chekov rushed into the conference room to try and help.

Spock's sole focus was on Jim, and as he knelt beside him, waiting for Dr. McCoy and his emergency medical staff to arrive, the Vulcan felt his terror increase with each passing moment because he knew that this was he could not as of yet comprehend how it had come to this, Spock knew that things had gotten so bad that Jim's very life now hung in the balance and... it was because of him, because of what he had done to the one person he had vowed to cherish above all else.