Somebody loved

'I have been pondering you.'

The angel said it very seriously, pretty much like he said everything. Dean winced. What now? It couldn't be good, because, well, that was just the way things worked. Life sucked. People died. Relationships were destroyed.

'I don't know what that means. Is that good or bad?' Dean asked with dread in his voice. Castiel didn't answer. He looked at Dean. There was not a trace of the usual laser-like focus in his gaze. It was almost dreamy.

'The way you say my name. The way I say your name,' Castiel murmured. He stopped, seemingly momentarily forgetting that Dean was there. He had a faraway look in his eyes. Slowly, he pronounced the hunter's name.

'Dean.'

Dean swallowed, because there was something special about the way Castiel said it. Trying it out, moving his lips into the correct shape as if saying it for the first time. As if the name would break if he wasn't careful. Through his impossibly long eye lashes, Castiel glanced suddenly at Dean.

Blink, idiot! And pretend you didn't notice anything about his lashes, Dean told himself. Say something. Say something quick! Unperturbed by Dean's mounting confusion, Castiel gazed steadily at him.

'Why do I belong to you?' the angel asked, apparently not expecting an answer, because he immediately followed up that doozy of a question with a firm, 'Because I do.'

Castiel nodded. That nod was very familiar to Dean. It came after facts. So, apparently Castiel now belonged to Dean. In a 'I'll do anything for you' kind of way, which wasn't new, but which had up until then remained blissfully unspoken. Say something, Dean urged himself. Anything.

'Cas?' he mumbled. Castiel visibly started to breathe easier upon hearing his name. Too late Dean realized that he had unwittingly confirmed something. Damn it, he thought. Damn it all to hell.

'Yes, like that. Exactly like that,' Castiel said. He was nodding again. Nodding, and approaching Dean. Whereas Castiel was very much at ease, Dean was growing more and more tense and uncomfortable. The angel halted and cocked his head. Dean's heart was racing and it refused to slow down, even when Castiel stepped back.

'These things shouldn't be rushed. I know that. I want to do it right. For the longest time, I waited. But I'm done waiting, Dean.'

The angel paused.

'Dean. Dean. Dean,' Castiel said. He listened to himself repeating the name over and over as if he was conducting some insane experiment and seemed to like what he heard. Then he smiled. If Dean had been the type of person to use the description 'adorable' non-sarcastically, that smile would have qualified.

'Can you hear it?' Castiel asked. This time an answer appeared to be required of Dean, because the angel stared at him expectantly. And yeah, sure, there was something in there. Something special. But Dean wasn't about to try and guess what it was. Better let it stay vague.

'Sounds like the way you have always said it,' Dean casually remarked. His companion was still beaming. It was like looking into the fucking fog lights of a car. Dean wanted to shut his eyes or squint or something, because it was too much.

'Does it? Dean. To me it sounds as if I could live a million lifetimes with you. Dean. I think about you all the time. Dean. I love the thought of you. I can hear that in there, can't you? Dean. Love. Dean, Dean, Dean. Love, love, love.'

It was such a heartfelt speech. Sam's earnestness times a thousand. Dean had absolutely no idea how to handle it. He found that he was gritting his teeth. With considerable effort, he managed to relax his jaw. Castiel was cocking his head all over the place, attempting to gauge the hunter's reaction.

Love. The word was echoing through Dean's mind like so many alarm bells going off. How was it that Castiel could pour this out over him as if it was a gift, when really it was a burden?

Dean didn't even feel like he could give it back. That's probably what he should say. I can't love, he thought. Or I can't love you. But both were stupid and wrong and a lie. Startled, Dean looked up. Castiel's intensity had returned with a vengeance. There was a newfound peace in his blue eyes as he stared at Dean.

He isn't waiting for me to reciprocate, Dean realized; he just wants me to listen and take it all in. It would be hard to believe, except for the fact that this was Castiel. So, no expectations. No nothing. Only 'hey, I totally think you're my soul mate' and that was it.

'I've learned the meaning of what formerly were mere words. Regret. I regret some things I've done. When I ponder you, though, I regret the things that I haven't done. Well, no more. I love you. I love you, Dean. I love you.'

If Dean hadn't hugged Castiel right then and there, he suspected the angel would never have stopped saying it. At first, there was nothing weird about the embrace. Just one guy holding another guy. Castiel was like a block of granite. Unmoving. Cold. Dean was beginning to peel himself away when the shape in his arms changed. Feathers tickled Dean's nose. With Castiel's wings folded safely around him, Dean felt… loved.

The wings crackled with electricity when they broke apart. Dean's hair was standing on end. And just like that, Castiel vanished.

The end.