A/N Thank you! Thank you! We're getting there. We've heard some stories from Daryl and there is more to come this chapter. But first, we pick up right where we left off, with Bethyl laying on the porch.
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The only movement either made was him running his fingers lightly through her hair, along her jawline or up and down her arm. Then he'd pull her closer and her arm would wrap around him tighter. They were quiet. Their minds were consumed with so many thoughts and their hearts full of so many feelings. They had to work those out before they could put them into words. Both understood that and so there was no rush to talk.
He couldn't quite believe all he'd shared with this woman. The only other person he'd ever talked to about these things, and only once, was Merle. Merle tried to be supportive and Daryl appreciated it. But Merle was Merle, he was a 'pick yourself up by the bootstraps, dust yourself off and move on' kind of man. It just wasn't that easy for Daryl. There was a little something else too, his brother didn't have the sweet voice and understanding nature of Beth.
She had the warmth and she had that way about her. He smiled just thinking about it, how she'd be so quick to talk him up and then just as quickly, she'd tell him why his thinking was all wrong. But she did it in the nicest way. He wished he could believe all the things she said. He'd made up his mind to try. He wanted so much to be the man she seemed to think he was, the man she'd want to be with.
Learning of the tragedy and sadness he'd been through made her heart feel so heavy. What was harder to deal with for her was the way he took on all the guilt for things over which he had no control, and for which he wasn't responsible. She wished he could see that. Or more important, she wished he could believe it like she believed it. She hoped she hadn't sounded harsh with him. The last thing she wanted was to add to the burden he was carrying. But she couldn't just stay silent, not when she saw this good man taking on blame that wasn't his.
She felt emotionally exhausted and she knew he had to feel the same. She wanted to hear the final story he had to tell, but she also understood it had to happen in his time. There was still so much to process.
In the meantime, there was something she wanted to say to him. It was in her heart and on her mind and she thought he needed to hear it.
Her voice was barely above a whisper when she told him her feelings, "Caesar's Mom and Dad are so blessed to have you Daryl. The accident had to have been 20 years ago and you're still calling on them. I think that's remarkable. It's beautiful and I've never heard of anything quite like it. The easy thing to do would have been to just tell them how sorry you were and that would be that. But you didn't take the easy way, you made a huge commitment. I can just imagine your friend Caesar smiling down on you, thanking you every day for the love and kindness you've shown his parents."
How was it that she always found the good? The positive? She amazed him and her words touched him. She somehow found goodness in him, she acted like there was something special about him and she focused on that. He knew the truth, it was her who was good and special.
He needed to think for a minute about what she said, he'd never seen calling on Caesar's folks the way she did, as something he should be praised for. For him it was just something he felt he owed them, that he needed to do and so he did. He was sure he would always want to be there for them.
"I…I'm not sure what ta say ta that Beth. Thanks."
"You don't have to say anything Daryl. I just want you to try and believe it."
A few minutes later he leaned in and kissed her hair again, "One thing I know for sure is, I'm gettin' too damn old ta lay around on a wood porch. Let's go inside and sit on the couch, unless ya want me ta take ya home. I will anytime ya say."
"I'm fine right out here with you Daryl, in your little corner of paradise. But I agree, the couch sounds much more comfortable."
They stepped in the tent and he asked her, "Ya need another cider or anythin'?"
"Water sounds good but you do know, you don't need to wait on me."
"Maybe I wanna." There was that little grin, she'd been missing it.
He went to the kitchen while she stood leaning over the coffee table, scanning the titles of the magazines and books stacked there. He set two glasses of water on the table before sitting down in the corner of the sofa. His arm was draped across the back as he smiled up at her, "C'mere." She smiled back and sat close laying her head on his shoulder as his arm wrapped around her.
"Been quite a day so far, ain't it?"
"It has been, but I've been so happy being here with you. Thank you for letting me into your private world Daryl."
He pulled her a little tighter but he snickered, "'My private world' makes me sound like some kinda big deal or sumthin'."
She saw no reason not to lay it out to him, he'd shared so much with her, "Maybe you are a big deal, I know you are to me."
His response came quickly as the edge of his finger skimmed along her jaw line and his lips were on hers. His kisses were warm and tender and then his forehead was pressing on hers and he whispered, "I don't deserve this but it's so damn good and I'm so damn glad you're here. I never wanted this kinda thing in my life and now I'm afraid of losin' it."
Her hand was on his cheek as she quietly told him, "I don't want to put what's happening with us at risk either. We just have to trust each other."
He gave a small nod and slowly pulled away. "I'ma just try and get through this part. I'll tell it and you can ask me all ya want, I'll answer."
He looked so troubled that again her gut reaction was to tell him never mind, he didn't owe her this and she didn't need to hear. But just like when she'd had those thoughts earlier she knew that wouldn't be right. This needed to happen for him far more than for her. She whispered, "Alright," as she took his hand and gently squeezed it.
She turned sideways on the couch so that she was facing him, her legs crossed in front of her and one hand in her lap, while the other rested softly on his hand.
He looked in her eyes while he chewed on his bottom lip, then nodded his head a couple of times and began, "I just turned 24. I told ya when I's startin' out I put in a lotta hours, I worked all the time. I ain't complainin'. I did it cuz that's what I wanted ta do. I had a plan and I had ta have the know how and the money ta make the plan happen. Anyway, so yeah, a guy I knew from high school he called me one Saturday mornin'. He invited me to a thing at his place, a get together. He said there was gonna be some guys there I knew. I ain't one for big parties but I's ready for a night out. I wanted ta drink a few beers and not think too much." She was glad to see him smile a little.
"Anyway, I went ta the party and sure enough I seen quite a few guys I went ta school with. We bullshitted about what we'd been doin' and it was good." He took in a breath that sounded like it went right to his toes before continuing, "Then, damn, this girl I went ta school with, well we weren't kids anymore, I should say this woman. Anyway, I didn't see her at first but when I'd been there a while she come over ta me. We started talkin' about school and what we'd been doin' since graduation. There was drinkin' and ya know how that loosens everyone up. We were laughin' and havin' fun…"
She could see how badly he was struggling with telling her this part of the story, and she suspected she knew why. He was alternating between chewing his lip, fidgeting with his fingers, and running his hand through his hair, pushing it back and off his face. She just waited.
"Well, anyway so I ended up takin' her home, and…well one thing lead to another and all and I didn't get back ta my place til about four in the mornin'." He looked down for a minute, clearly embarrassed, then back at her and said, "Sorry."
She didn't want to think about him being with someone else but she was also enough of a realist to say, "Hey, Daryl, things happen. I didn't exactly think you were a 36 year old virgin."
He smiled but there was tension all around that smile, "Yeah but, well anyway. So that's the part a the story of why it was I's so late gettin' back ta my place. It was unusual." He was getting more nervous by the minute and his movements more agitated. She had no idea what was coming next.
"I seen an old beater truck I didn't recognize parked a couple doors down from the little house I's rentin'. Then I saw what looked like the glow from a flashlight in my garage." Again he took in the deep breath, "I knew then, someone was in there, in there with my guns, my tools, my equipment. Back then I didn't have the safe like now, I had gun cabinets. They were padlocked but shit, anyone that was serious about gettin' the guns could easily break into em."
"I also didn't carry a gun on me back then, but I had one stashed in the house." He shook his head, chewed on the side of his thumb and went on, "I screwed up, I handled things all wrong. I coulda stopped it then if I'da done the right thing. I shoulda split, called the cops and let them handle it, but I just reacted. I slipped in the house, got the gun from my bedroom and headed for the garage." He stopped then, stood and paced around nervously before telling her, "I gotta just go outside for a minute. I gotta breathe. Sorry."
She stayed right where she was. Whatever was coming next she knew it had to be bad and she wasn't going to force the issue. It seemed like forever, but she knew that was because her own anxiety level was maxing out. It was really only five minutes or so before he was back.
"Sorry, it's just that, ah fuck Beth, I don't want ya thinkin' I'm some crazy bastard." He shrugged, "Shit, sometimes I think maybe I am." He sat down again and again she placed her hand on his. He glanced down at their hands, looked back at her with an almost imperceptible grin and said, "Thanks for that."
"So I guess I thought I's a bad ass wild west gunslinger or sumthin. I threw the garage door open and there the guy was. He had one a them big canvas duffle bags fulla guns that were in every stage of production. Done, half done, he had all of em in that bag. He had a buncha other shit in there he thought was valuable too, ammunition and tools and stuff. Lookin' back I wonder how he even thought he was gonna carry it outta there."
"But I know he wasn't thinkin' at all. He was drunk, methed up outta his mind. No doubt runnin' on no food and no sleep, just drugs and booze for God knows how long. I knew him. I knew how he was and the way he lived. It was my Dad."
Just like when he showed her the scars the gasp escaped her before she could catch herself. This time it was her who said, "Sorry."
"Yeah, well ya ain't gotta be. I expected you'd be shocked. Hell I's shocked and I knew the son of a bitch my whole life. I knew what he was capable of, but still, fuck. I's every bit as shocked as you." She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back and they both felt some relief.
"I tried just yellin' at him, reasonin' with him." He let out a humorless laugh while shakin' his head, "I know better, ya can't reason with a drunk and ya damn sure can't reason with someone whose wired. Then outta nowhere he makes his move, jumps me. He was fast, I gotta give him that. I didn't see it comin'. We was rollin' around then, tradin' blows and kicks and bites, it was brutal. Different than when I's younger but still not a fair fight, cuz I wasn't speedin'. A man will tire, a guy speedin' won't."
"He had me down, I's on my back. His forearm was across my throat and he was leanin' in with all his weight, suffocatin' me. He pulled his gun and pointed it in my face. I knew he wouldn't hesitate ta pull the trigger. He wasn't the kinda guy ta just threaten. I felt for my gun, I knew it had ta be laying close by me on the floor. I picked it up, shoved it in his ribs and fired."
This time it was words that escaped, "Oh my God. Daryl. Oh my God."
He looked so dejected as he nodded his head and stood, "Yeah, I get it. I'll give ya that ride home now."
She practically leapt off the couch, "No, no." He was caught by surprise when her arms went around his waist. His reaction was slow, tentative as he put an arm around her shoulders. She didn't look up, her head lay on his chest and her tone was firm when she said, "I'm not going anywhere."
He nodded as they sat back down, resuming their positions. He immediately felt better when her hand again covered his, "Thanks Beth." She didn't have her words yet so she just nodded.
"The neighbor, he always got up early for shift work at the mill so even though it was Sunday he was up by then. He heard the commotion and he heard the gunshot. He called the cops. Meanwhile my Dad was still plenty alive and still plenty ready ta kill me but I had the advantage, I got the gun away from him."
"Thank God for that, then what happened?" She hadn't meant to press him but she was so wrapped up in this story and now she needed to hear how it all played out.
He rubbed a hand over his hair, nodded his head and then wrapped his hand around hers. His story continued, "I got him subdued and I's tryin' ta put some pressure on the wound so he wouldn't bleed out. I didn't think it was a death sentence. I's pretty sure I didn't hit any vital organs. Besides, he was still cussin' me out and tryin' hard ta fight me off. It wasn't but a minute or two after that I heard the sirens. It was then I realized I's probably about ta lose everythin' that I'd been workin' for most of my life. Ain't that sumthin'? I wasn't even worried about my Dad. All I's worried about was how what him and me both did that night was gonna turn out for me. Kind of a selfish asshole, ain't I?"
He was leaning forward, taking a drink from his water glass and she told him, "There is so much I want to say about that, but I'm going to listen to the rest of your story first." When he leaned back she took his hand and lifted it to her lips, giving it a sweet little kiss. He looked at her, a bit confused by the action but appreciative of the affection.
"They hauled my Dad off in the ambulance handcuffed ta the gurney. The cops asked me a couple of questions before they cuffed me and hauled my ass off ta the station." She was fighting so hard not to make a comment. She wanted to hear this story in his words and without interruption. She knew she'd have her chance to ask questions and make comments later.
"After they asked me a couple a more questions I got smart, said I wasn't gonna say nuthin' more without my attorney," And again that small grin was on his lips, "Like I had an attorney on speed dial, shit I did even know a lawyer. I knew what ta do though, I called Merle. That's the thing about my brother, I knew if he didn't know the right guy he knew the guy who knew the right guy." Now she was smiling too.
"The first thing my new lawyer did was make a big deal outta the fact I wasn't given 'prompt medical attention', which I never even thought about or cared about. I's smart enough ta keep my mouth shut though. Turned out I was kinda in a bad way. I guess I's in shock or some damn thing and didn't feel the broken ribs and other shit goin' on. I don't know. So anyway, I didn't have ta spend the night in the can, I spent two nights in the hospital instead." Now they both took a deep breath.
"Anyway, the long and the short of it was we got that part all worked out. The old man was breakin' in and stealin'. I shot in self-defense. I didn't get charged with nuthin' and I didn't have ta defend myself in court. I did go ta court, but at least not for that shit." He shrugged but he still looked so anxious.
She soon found out why as he continued, "It turned out they was in on it with the old man. I coulda told em, if the chance came for the old man ta cut a deal he'd throw em ta the dogs in no time flat." She was confused but she waited. He shook his head side to side, "The asshole that invited me ta the party and the chick I went home with? They was s'posed ta keep me away from my place long enough for my Dad ta do the job. The old man got a late start though cuz he was busy gettin' high. Anyhow, I guess he promised he'd split the money with 'em. Shit, I's barely makin' ends meet and they all thought I had bank. Dumb asses."
She was shocked by all of it. It was all too unbelievable, but she had the one burning question. She swallowed hard and asked, "Your Dad died?"
"Well he's dead. Yeah, I killed my own Dad. He shoulda lived through it but he got sepsis. That's what they said was cause a death. Course he wouldn't a got that if I hadn't shot him."
"What's sepsis?"
"They said it's a infection, like blood poisonin'. Anyway, it don't matter. It was my fault, I done it and it got worse."
She couldn't imagine how a story like this could get much worse but she didn't ask, she waited.
"The story gets a little bit out there." He actually laughed at that, "Well it's already out there, so I guess it gets way out there. The woman? Well it turned out she had a boyfriend. It wasn't the guy from the party either, she was playing around with him too though. And, yeah she took me home, but it was a different guy altogether who was her boyfriend. He was the one keepin' her in some pretty nice digs, footin' all her bills I guess. Anyway, when it all come out, what happened, he knew then. She'd taken him. He played it nice though, actin' like he didn't know, and he got her out on bond. Then he beat her so bad she damn near died, spent two weeks in the hospital. Shit, the whole thing was a disaster from beginnin' ta end and all because I took a woman home from a party."
She couldn't hold it in any longer, "You can't seriously think all of this is your fault Daryl."
"Yeah, I can. I shoulda had things buttoned up back then like I do now. I shoulda been more careful. And I shouldn't a let my little head do the thinkin' for my big head and maybe I wouldn't a got suckered into the whole thing ta begin with."
That's when she almost faltered. Why in the world would she possibly want this man in her life? My gawd he really was dark and dangerous. The things that happened to him and the things that happened around him, who needed that? But then she looked in those eyes, eyes that seemed to look right into his soul, into the man that he was, and she knew. She needed him and she wanted him and all those other things just didn't matter.
Before she commented on anything again she wanted to know, "Is that the whole story then?"
He laughed again but it seemed more like a tension release than humor, "Ain't that enough? Just kiddin'. It is except for havin' ta go ta court and testify, and havin' ta fight ta keep my license ta manufacture, sell and even keep a handgun. I don't mind tellin' ya that was a pretty big deal, yeah, that's it. So now do ya finally see what I am? I'm either a big magnet for trouble, or I'm the cause of the trouble. Shit, maybe it's both."
She looked right at him, all goodness and light, with that beautiful face of hers, and those warm understanding eyes, and in her sweet angelic voice said, "Bullshit."
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A/N Now we know the big story. Next chapter they'll be talking about it a little more, along with some other things ;) The chapter photo is on my tumblr blogs, gneebee and bethylmethbrick please have a look. Thank you so much for reading along and I hope you'll leave a comment / review. I'll see you back here next Wednesday for more of Dark & Dangerous. Until then remember, I love ya large! xo gneebee
