Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

CHAPTER 9

"Well, I think I am going to head to bed." I stood and stretched.

A round of goodnights sounded out as Edward stood as well.

"Oh, Bella!" Alice piped up. "I laid your clothes out for tomorrow on the bed."

"Thanks. Good night everyone." I tapered off in a yawn.

After getting settled for the night, with me using Edward as a pillow, I ask him about something I've been wondering about.

"Edward, what's up with Alice? Why didn't she hold it against me that I didn't go with them today?"

He sighed. "Jasper told her about the emotions he felt from you this morning. Between that and what she calls 'a feeling she has', I guess she knew you weren't particularly up for anything today."

"A feeling? A feeling about what?"

"I think she senses that something happened around the time you started...harming." He seems reluctant to say anything as if he's afraid I'm going to go off the deep end.

"You can talk about it, I'm not going to freak out," I state.

"I'm sorry love. I just don't want to upset you." He kisses my head.

"I know, and that's exactly why you won't upset me. I know you aren't rubbing it in my face or trying to make me feel bad." I flip over and lean on my elbows so we're face to face. "I love you and I appreciate that you didn't flip out when I told you. I know you weren't expecting me to say anything like that, and you handled it pretty damn well. Thank you for that." I lean forward and kiss his lips.

Laying back down, I finally register what he said before. "So Alice senses something happened? I thought she could only see the future?"

"That's true," he agrees. "But sometimes when it affects someone close to her she sees their past. She hasn't said anything to me about it or thought about it, so I don't think she knows exactly what happened. She just knows it's something you're upset about and that it changed you."

I thought about that. Yeah, it had definitely changed me. Self harming isn't something you just get over, like a pulled tooth. Both the memories and the physical scars stay with you for the rest of your life. And Alice was right; it still upset me that I had turned to that, and the fact that I still think about it constantly didn't sit well with me. Not that I could stop the thoughts and urges; believe me, if I could, I would.

But with all this, I was so fucking glad Alice didn't know what had happened. I knew I didn't have the mental or emotional strength to tell her or anyone else for that matter.

"Well I hope she doesn't pry. I think I'll tell her, I'm just not sure when." I mumble.

"You think you'll tell her?" he questions.

I shrug. "I change my mind constantly whether I'll tell her and the family. One minute I've worked up the nerve to probably say something, and the next all I can think of is that there is no way I'm opening my mouth about it to them. So yeah, I think I'll tell her."

"Well, you know I would rather you let Carlisle know, but in the end it's your decision, Bella. I'll help you through either decision, I hope you know that."

I nodded. I really did know Edward was fighting right along with me, and I knew I could depend on him.

A thought popped in my head. "Emmett knows."

"He does?" Edward seemed surprised; I guess Emmett really did know how to keep Edward out of his head.

"Yeah. The night you all went hunting, stupid me wore shorts to sleep in. We hung out downstairs, I fell asleep and next thing I know he woke me up because he saw the scars."

I still couldn't believe how stupid I was to even think I could wear shorts. At the time I was so upset with myself, but now I kind of wondered if it was a blessing in disguise. It brought Emmett and I closer together, and I was finally able to confess to Edward.

"Hmm, he never told me. Well, I'm glad you had him. Emmett's more than the big kid he portrays; underneath it all he's a sensitive protector. Of course if he hears you say he's sensitive there will be hell to pay." He smirks.

Oh I could only imagine. "Ha, I can see that not going over well." I smile as well.

He pulls me closer as the smile fades from his face, and I can feel the atmosphere shift towards a serious mood. "So," he starts. "I love you, and because of that I'm going to be asking you if you are alright a lot. I don't know where you stand with depression or anxiety, and I want to make sure you're okay. You're well-being is important to me."

I guess I'm okay with this as long as he doesn't smother me. But I should clear up where I am regarding...everything.

"Edward I'm slightly depressed. It only affects me sometimes; the main thing is anxiety. Like last night and this morning, that was all anxiety." I shrug.

"Okay. Well you know I'm always here for you, right? We're in this together, forever."

I kiss his jaw. "Yes, I know. I love you." I had to fight to suppress a yawn.

"I love you too. You should get some sleep, sweetheart. I'll be here when you wake." He really was too sweet for words.

"Good night, Edward." closing my eyes, I drifted off in his arms.


A/N: There ya go! Thanks again to the readers, reviewers, and supporters.

Also a bit thanks to xxxKittyMasenxxx, love ya girlie!