Disclamer: I do not own Naruto.
Chapter 9: Welcome back
"You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing, no one to blame." –Erica Jong
It was early in the morning when Sasuke was taking his normal walk by the river. One of the things that would follow him to his grave would be his inability to sleep when everyone else was lost in their dream.
He didn't mind, though. He came to accept and embrace it as he did with many other ghosts from his past. As he passed by the bridge that was now squad fifteen's meeting place, he remembered the brunette sleeping naked in his bed due to their previous activities.
After much nagging from Naruto and Kakashi, he decided to give Niko the time of the day and the woman rose to the occasion. She was a good lover and perhaps could make a good wife. Sasuke kept telling himself that he hadn't asked her yet because they were still young.
It wasn't long until he discarded her completely from his mind and simply enjoyed the fresh, cold morning air.
The past few months were peaceful. Ever since that virus thing, everyone kept their guard up and things went smoothly. They hadn't caught the bastard yet, but there was really not much one could do. It was frustrating actually. No matter how hard they tried, there was just no trace of the bastard.
The elders were furious and demanded that someone pay. Tsunade had no choice but to step down and let someone else rule. Since Naruto had not completed his training, Kakashi had to take the position temporary, so they didn't see him much these days.
Continuing his stroll Sasuke felt something familiar approaching Konoha, but at the same time, unknown. It was unsettling. He decided that it was never possible to be too cautious so he left to welcome the newcomer himself.
With the incredible speed that he was famous for, he darted through the gates leaving the guard to look after him in awe. Soon, he stood in front of a dark, petite figure. Even though she had her hood over her face, Sasuke knew who the mysterious person was. It was hard to miss her chakra especially when she didn't mask it.
Wasn't she afraid that someone would attack her? She was an important person to Konoha, after all.
"Sakura."
"Hello, Sasuke. Came to greet me?"
She was making small talk like they were old friends who kept in contact and knew everything about each other. Leave it to Sakura to forget that he tried to kill her and hurt her more times that he'd like to count. What could he say back? That he missed her?
Did he? Miss her? He briefly thought about her once or twice since she left the second time. He wondered if she was well and if she found whatever it was that she was looking her, but no. He can't say he missed her. The woman in front of him was merely a stranger even if he would like it to be otherwise.
"Welcome back."
His voice was strange. He felt it as he forced out some polite words and couldn't help but wonder if she understood the position in which he found himself. There he was, standing before the woman who swore eternal love to him, whom he almost tried to kill, who then risked her life for him only to try and kill him afterwards. In the end, she was the one who helped him and Konoha defeat a formidable foe hidden in the shadows.
After the incident in the hospital room, Sasuke understood one thing about Sakura, though. She did not want to kill him.
That was the one thing he knew about her and it was really the only thing he needed to know. She wasn't his enemy and it was a surprise after all they've been through.
When she smiled the perfect smile of a goddess coated with politeness and fake fondness at him, he knew that Haruno Sakura was not his enemy, but she wasn't his friend either.
The question running through Sasuke's mind as they walked in silence toward the Hokage tower was if he even wanted to be more than a stranger to her.
Sakura knew from the moment she saw Sasuke that they had come a long way from the enemies that they once were but still not as far as the girl who loved him with all her heart would have wanted.
She told herself that it was a good thing that girl was no more. Dead and buried somewhere in the battlefield lay Sakura Haruno, loyal chunnin of Konoha and Sasuke Uchiha's biggest admirer and annoyance. It was no wonder he had hated her back then. At least, now she was a changed person and he seemed to acknowledge that and respect her for it.
Now she was Haruno Sakura and that was enough. She didn't need to be Tsunade's apprentice or a jounin of Konoha or Sasuke Uchiha's lover. She didn't need any of that to survive. No, she had made it by herself and she was proud of herself.
When she entered Tsunade's office, she expected to see her old mentor drinking some sake and ready to jump and give her the hug she didn't so desperately need. Instead she saw Kakashi leaning over the desk and then regarding her with a surprised look.
Panic started to creep at Sakura's neck and she could feel herself breathing faster. Also a drop of sweat started forming at the top of her forehead and then trailing slowly, torturously down on the side of her face.
Thud-thud
"Sakura. It's good to see you again. What brings you here?"
She merely heard Kakashi speak as the room started turning and the nausea she tried to keep at bay got the best of her. A strong grip was placed on her upper arm and she knew Sasuke was right beside her.
Against her better judgment she started jumping to conclusions. What had happened to her mentor? Did Kakashi hate her? Why was Sasuke holding her arm like that? Was he deceiving her all this time? Maybe they found out of her PTSD and wanted to lock her up. Maybe they found out about Sakazaki.
The fight or flight response kicked in and she found herself lunging for Sasuke, but he was too fast and immobilized her in a second.
"What the fuck, Sakura?" The dark haired man growled as he kept his firm grip on her. That's when she realized that his hold was firm but not harsh. It possessed power but it lacked the desire to hurt.
"I'm sorry. You grabbed me like that and…"
She couldn't say any more for she was already embarrassed by her savage reaction. She was acting like a caged animal. In a way she understood why she couldn't fit anywhere, why Kakashi had said that she wasn't part of their team. She was simply not made for that kind of life.
Sasuke seemed to understand that she meant no harm for he let her go.
"You were growing pale and I was checking to see if you are ok." He said not showing any emotion. His words had an indifferent tone and Sakura found herself needing him to feel something for she had just attacked him and he just didn't care. Was she that insignificant?
Kakashi chose to speak in that moment and end Sakura's embarrassment. It was a wonder she was so self conscious after all she'd been through. You'd think she should just thank god for being able to breathe.
"Well, that was… surprising. Although given your and Sasuke's past it's …understandable."
They thought she was scared of Sasuke but they were wrong. She was scared of everything and everyone and most of all she was scared of herself. Suddenly all the progress she and Sasuke had made was but a pleasant memory.
"I bet you're surprised to see me here. I took Tsunade's place after she stepped down. Only until Naruto completes his training."
"Why did she retire? Where is she?" The young woman asked unable to hide her worry any longer. She didn't care if Kakashi took it the wrong way. The only thing that mattered was for Tsunade to be ok.
"She's here, in Konoha. She's alright, but after the bad guys who caused the virus problem weren't caught, the elders wanted to find someone to blame. Tsunade was the one who had to go."
The man's words brought comfort to her heart. At least the blonde woman was alive and well. Her relief was short lived, though for she was immediately angry at the lack of justice which seemed to rule Konoha even after all they've had to suffer because of it.
They would never learn, would they?
She noticed Kakashi look at her with curious eyes and she remembered his initial question.
"I would like to stay here for a while, if that's ok with you."
"Of course. Konoha is your home, after all. How soon do you want to start work?"
"Work?" Her voice echoed in the room and it seemed dull to her ears. Did she want to get back to work? To fight and die for some people who cared only for themselves?
She hadn't given much thought to what she would do once she would return to Konoha, but being forced to make this kind of decision made Sakura realize that in order to make a better life for herself she should just let go of pride and power and allow herself to live. At least for a while, she would concentrate on no one but herself.
"Yes. At the hospital and as a kunoichi." Kakashi said smiling and reaching out for some files like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"I don't think I want to come back as a kunoichi or as a med-nin. I just want to…be here." Whispered an unsure voice. Was it the right thing to do?
If Kakashi was surprised, he didn't let it show. He regarded her with the same indifference as he did when she was a child in need of his wisdom.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah…" Actually, she wasn't but he didn't need to know that.
"Ok, then. Well, if you need anything or if you change your mind, don't hesitate to tell me."
He finished with one of those reassuring, meaningless smiles of his and she knew it was a sign for her to leave.
The two ex teammates walked out of the tower and into the streets. Words of anger and apologies hung in the air around them, but they were much too sharp to say out loud, so they settled for a polite smile and a nod before they parted ways.
Ignoring the feeling of burning acid in her stomach, Sakura concentrated and tried locating her former mentor's chakra. It wasn't a hard task and she was certain she was right, giving the fact that it pointed toward a crappy bar from the outskirts of the village.
She sighed and lost no time in getting there. She was in need of help and hoped to get it from Tsunade, but right now, she didn't know who needed whose help more. How could two broken woman survive and help each other? That was something Sakura was afraid to find out.
When she came face to face with Tsunade the blonde started laughing at herself for seeing hallucinations. It was a pitiful sight and Sakura simply hated the man behind the bar who found amusement and profit in the former Hokage's misery as she was drowning herself in alcohol.
"Come on, Tsunade. It's time to go home."
"My god." It can't be… Sakura, is that really you? Are you really in front of me?"
"Yes, yes I am. Now, come on. Let's go." The sad, wavering voice answered as she took the older woman's arm to support her.
"Ok."
And with that, the two women left the tavern and went toward Tsunade's house to get some rest and do some soul searching in a pitiful attempt to chase the emptiness away.
By midnight Tsunade was sober and Sakura had taken a shower and got in some comfy clothes. They were sitting on Tsunade's worn out couch and drinking some hot tea.
If someone told Sakura that the Godaime would live in such a crappy apartment at the far ends of the village she would have thought them crazy. It was worse than Naruto's first apartment.
"Nice place you have here." The former student said in a teasing tone, trying to make fun of their current predicament.
"Shut your tramp, you homeless woman or you're sleeping outside tonight."
The pinkette chuckled at the older woman's empty threat.
"What happened?" It was the much feared but needed question.
What had happened, indeed? Why was this woman wasting her time in shady bars with no one to look after her? Where was the strong Hokage and what was this pathetic being doing in her place?
"Oh, you know just the usual. Things go bad and suddenly I'm the worst Hokage ever and everyone just wants to forget I'm alive. You know... politics and human nature go hand in hand. Once you lack political support, the people start closing their eyes to what's really happening in hopes of keeping their lives as they are."
"That's horrible. Is Kakashi in this with the elders? For the power?"
"Kakashi's only fault is that he doesn't care. He cares for himself and for his people, but his people are very few."
"Tell me about it." The young woman said in a bitter tone, trying her best to keep at bay memories of her teacher's negligence but in a weird way, they always found a way to rise in her head at the most annoying times.
"I know. You experienced it firsthand, didn't you?" She hated the look of pity that flashed in her master's eyes.
"You could say that…What can I say? People suck?"
"You know, that's something that you can actually say since it's true. Have you been to see your parents?"
"No. I don't trust myself to look them in the eye right now." Yet another subject she hoped to avoid for it brought too much pain.
"I see." And then there was silence.
"I need help, Tsunade." It was hard to say it. It was hard to admit it even to herself but what choice did she have?
"I know." And yet the blonde seemed unfazed by her sudden confession.
"I need your help." She pushed, trying to coax something out of the older woman. A reassuring word or a small smile. She just needed something.
"No can do." And with that, it seemed that she had none to give.
It was true that Tsunade herself was in a pretty bad shape, but was that a reason to hide in that watering hole and let life simply pass by? Couldn't she see that it could benefit the two of them? A new beginning was due.
"Oh for the love of… So what are you going to do? Just live the rest of your life being miserable?"
"Not quite. I'm going to be happy somewhere far away from here." The answer caught Sakura by surprise. She had not expected that.
"You can't just leave me here." She was now desperate. She had spent the last years far away from her so called home and even if she found temporary happiness, the underlying problem was still there.
If she could fight her demons maybe she would be able to sleep peaceful at night. She had no choice but to stop running.
"I'd take you with me but it would be no use for you. Look. When I say that I can't help you, it means exactly that. I can't help you no matter how much I want to."
"I don't understand."
"I'm a mess. I have to pull myself together and you have to do the same. It's up to you."
"I don't think I can." Said the young woman, narrowing her eyes at the small cup in her hands.
"Yes, you can. You're young, beautiful, smart and strong and even if you refuse to see it, you still have people who care about you. You're different from me because you still have a chance at happiness. I wasted that chance in bars with sake and bets."
That confession was heartbreaking for Sakura. How could life be so cruel as to bring down this woman who had suffered so much in her life? Was she seeing at her future self when she looked at Tsunade?
"It's time for you to blossom yet again, Sakura. This time, it will be only your doing. You will decide when and what you will do and trust me, it's the best for you. Tomorrow, I'll be leaving. I don't know where I'm going so don't ask. I'm going to let life decide for me. You can stay here as long as you want, but take my advice and find a nice place for yourself to stay real soon. This place is depressing."
With that the old doctor went to her bedroom to steal a couple of hours of sleep before the sun would signal the beginning of her new journey and also leaving the younger one to muse over her words.
It was then that Sakura decided that it was time to let go of everything and just be herself and live for herself for once. She wasn't sure what she would do and how she would do it, but it was the only way she could live.
The moon was somewhere high in the sky, sometimes being hidden by sparse clouds and other times shining bright and powerful.
Earlier Sasuke had felt like a monster. It was a while since he was reminded of that part of his past, but somehow, someway Sakura had managed to bring it back. He couldn't really blame her for it since she had every reason in the world to fear him, but that didn't mean that he liked it.
He didn't like it one bit and he found himself wishing Sakura would just leave because she was ruining the life he made for himself. He wasn't happy but he was ok and that was more than anyone who went through what he did could ever ask for.
He knew his thoughts were selfish and so he berated himself for thinking them. He was not a monster so he would just avoid the pinkette the best he could.
Live and let live.
A/N: I really hope you like this. Please leave a review and tell me what you think.
Marie Blubert
