Section 9: Impossibility

Journal Entry Continued:

I record this entry with noted mixed feelings. Having the benefit of hindsight, I see much more clearly than I did when these actual events were unfolding. I will endeavor to reconstruct events as they happened; and so too I must recollect my failure. He says I am too harsh on myself and has since tried to absolve my guilty conscience. But I must say this is not one of the more stellar episodes in my life.

I failed him. I had been keeping tabs on my boys for years, though I had only come to KNOW them in these short weeks since they chose me as their protector. It was more than a duty now. I should have been more observant, but I was not and so I failed him, badly. True WuFei isn't the easiest person to get to know. The walls he builds around his heart are both thick and high…I'm sure Duo would add "reinforced with gundanium and topped with electrified barbed wire."

But that is no excuse.

When I first caught sight of the estate my brother called home I saw nothing else. My previous residence had been a miserable hovel. It was cold in winter and hot in the summer; what is more it took much of my energy just to maintain the structural integrity of the roof during the spring rains. His Excellency, Treize Khushrenada, would have found it spectacularly unbearable, but I had learned to accept that it was the best I could afford after the war. I tell you this so you can truly understand how completely awed I was when I first laid eyes on my brother's palace.

The fragmented memories I'd manages to glimpse in Zechs' dreams hardly did justice to the place. Being raised a prince, he took much of this for granted. The 'house' was enormous with a gleaming opalescent marble façade and huge clear windows. The central portion of the building was four stories with the main entrance on the second floor, accessible via marble stairway to gabled portico. Stretching off from the main house at right angles were two wings, two stories each. Each wing terminated a cylindrical tower, crenellated with sharply peeked slate roof. Taken together the building had an imposing, castle-like feel that took my breath away.

The servants stood in a line like troops in review before the palatial manse. Zechs told me their names on the ride over and I tried very hard to recall each Owen, Yates, Vance, Sari, Mei Lan, Jean-Paul, Christophe, Claude, Yuri, Spencer, Tan, Kiri, Victor, Libby, Molly and the aptly named Mr. Butler and Mrs. Cook made up the permanent staff. My brother had always been brilliant when it came to remembering names, I wasn't so lucky, but the servants seemed gratified that I make the attempt.

I was blind to the shock reflected on WuFei's face. I did not notice him riveted to the spot he had taken after leaving the car. I did not notice his bag slip from his nerveless grasp. It was only later the boys told me how strongly he had been affected by one of the maids that I am able to recount what happened now. Quatre felt 05's reaction even before the boy's normally prickly composure was shattered and he stood gaping like a fish. (Duo's description in case you couldn't tell)

"Meiran." WuFei breathed the name in reverent prayer.

"Do I know you?" the girl, who I'd been introduced to as Mei Lan asked.

"I-I-I'm Chang WuFei...of the Long clan." He faltered unsure what else to say to the living image of one he had long believed to be his deceased wife.

"Chang?" she frowned, her obsidian eyes widened slightly. Without preamble she leaned in and tugged the collar of his shirt open. The other boys expected this obvious affront would trigger a violent tirade replete with words like 'dignity' 'justice' and 'honor,' but 05 only trembled slightly as she expose the skin below his collarbone to reveal the spiral horns and the top of the Shenlong dragon's head tattooed on the right side of his chest.

"You were the boy the elders gave for uncle's project. He didn't like me in the lab. I knew you were there, but I never got a good look at you." She ran a hand casually across his smooth cheek, "Not bad." She reflected, smirking at his slack jaw.

I should have known that just like Heero's false memories of the girl with the flower, WuFei's Nataku was likely based on an actual person as well. I should have warned him of the possibility. I suppose I considered the point moot since the detonation of L5 would have destroyed any records along with the rest of the clan. I should have been paying more attention, instead of gawping at the grandiose manor. I did not even notice when Mariemaia, Lady Une, Zechs and Noin slipped off into the house.

I just stood there, gripping the shoulder strap of my tatty Military style duffle like some strange sort of security blanket.

"How is it you are alive? Why are you here?" WuFei gasped fearing to touch her and wake from this dream without the answers he sought.

"I was defeated in honorable combat." she explained. "Master Ran sent me out in Tallgeese to confront the alliance forces. I managed to cripple several Leo's before loosing control and crashing rather spectacularly into the flagship. I was only a few degrees off or I might have taken out the bridge. Master Treize was injured pulling me from the wreckage. That white behemoth was so much scrap I would not have thought to self distruect had I been in any condition to do so. I thought the leo-prototype, as we called it, was too badly damaged to ever be pieced together again. And even if someone did manage the imposible no one would ever be capable of flying it—space knows how I survived even a few minutes. But Marquis is an extraordinary man, as was master Treize. I am proud to have been permitted to serve them.

"I was defeated by Treize also." WuFei whispered softly. "We dueled."

"Then I am sure you acquitted yourself to the best of your ability. Master Treize only accepted excellence in his adversaries...his allies as well, for that matter." she smiled. "I am glad you are staying with us for a while Mr. Chang, it will be…interesting…to get to know you." With that she turned and strode back into the house.

"You too." WuFei echoed back at the retreating figure, but his voice was too quiet to be heard. Quatre caught his upper arm and squeezed it gently. His blue eyes simultaneously inquiring 'are you all right?' and 'what was that all about?'

To both questions WuFei answered with a shiver. "I have no idea."

"Shall I take your bag?" the chamberlain's words jarred me from my thoughts.

"I can handle it." I said unaware of everything that had been going on around me.

"Of course Excellency," the chief of staff bowed then half turned to the boys, "Gentlemen?" They gathered up their carry-on bags but permitted the rest of the staff to remove the remainder of their luggage to their rooms.

That taken care of, the man motioned with the aplomb of a maitre'd in a first class restaurant, "If you will follow me."

I nodded dumbly and the boys came trailing in my wake. The lads had been guests at various Winner Estates and the rebuilt palace at Sanc is said to be very fine so I suppose the grandeur was no surprise to them. Heero and Trowa flanked me like dutiful body-guards. Duo, Quatre and WuFei trailed several steps behind us. Having seen my apartment, I suppose they understood my discomfiture. I know it is no excuse for being so self-absorbed, at the time though, I was just grateful for their presence.

The inside of the place was every bit as splendid as the outside. The entryway alone was as big as my combined living-room and kitchen. The walls were adorned with masterful artwork and a wide serpentine staircase brought my eyes up to the second floor landing and the crystal chandelier high overhead shone with incandescent glory.

"Do you wish me to accompany you to the master suite, Sir?" Owen asked again, drawing my thoughts from my surroundings.

Before I could manage to get my wits together enough to respond someone, spoke in my stead.

"I will do that," Lady Une announced from the arched doorway leading further into the house. "We will summon you if you are needed Owen, Dismissed." The man nodded wordlessly and skillfully receded into the background.

Next she turned her iron glare towards my five boys clearly meaning to send them on their way as well. She addressed O-3 and O-4 when she said, "The suite you used during your previous stay has been prepared to accommodate the five of you." Since Nanashi had taken the name of Mia's uncle, he felt somewhat obligated to look in on the girl from time-to-time since the Barton incident. I wasn't really surprised to learn and had brought Quatre along when he visited.

Une turned to the others and said, "You will be expected to dress for dinner. I suggest you get cleaned up and settled in. I will have one of the maid's summon you when everything is ready in the dining hall." As commander of the Preventers, WuFei was her subordinate and thus accustomed to her sometimes abrupt manner. I suppose he found it a comfort to fall back on simply following orders when his mind was struggling to process what had just happened. I knew Heero used the tactic often enough.

The others were more loosely associated as "consultants" rather than true Preventer agents, but they understood that the lady regarded them as nominally under her authority and expected deference in the same fashion.

Clearly, she wished to speak to me…without them present. They, on the other hand, were pointedly reluctant to abandon me. Quatre squeezed my elbow "See you soon?" he asked, concern visible in his luminous sea-blue eyes.

I forced a smile and nodded that I would be all right so they went to get their things situated.

"Lady I…" I began, but she hastily turned away and whatever I had meant to say was lost as she curtly declared, "This way."

I needed to take several quick steps to catch up with her hastily retreating figure. I followed her up the winding stairs. WuFei had warned me in advance that the Preventer C.O. could be a force of nature if she had a mind to, but I never imagined she would affect me in this fashion. First I found my attention drawn to her surprisingly delicate sandals. With each step the moderate heels left small dimples in the red carpeting of the stair.

Nothing in my education or experience had ever covered female footwear. I mused how she could support herself to balance and move on such a precarious foundation. Let alone succeed with such sureness and grace. It was a wonder she didn't fall and twist her ankles. Though, in contemplating the shapely curve of her calves, they certainly seemed strong enough.

As we climbed the staircase, I felt my attention riveted to the lady going before me. Her hair was flowing free down her back, but that coffee-colored curtain didn't conceal the proudly thrust shoulders, the smallness of her waist, the hand-tooled leather belt clasped low on the curve of her hips. I could see the simple accessory peeking out from beneath the lower hem of her suit jacket as she ascended the stairs. Below it, her knee-length skirt was of fine closely knit material which served only to accentuate what nature had given her. I expect the slight flush on my cheeks had nothing to do with either the weight of my duffle or the exertion from climbing the stairs.

Upon reaching the top floor she pointed out the various features of the house as we passed; library, study, drawing room, lounge, various guest rooms and suites. Mariemaia's rooms were the first inhabited rooms we came to.

The child seemed eager to show me her parlor, playroom, dressing room, and bedchamber. She was well appointed with toys, games, books and gadgets to occupy her quick and analytical mind. In a serious tone she told me about all the nice things Lady Anne and Dotty had gotten for her and how these compared to what she had left behind at grandfather Dekim's estate. I smiled and admired all the items she thought most worthy of my notice, but it was one long exposition. Mia asked no questions and didn't really allow me the opportunity to do more than make approving noises.

Now I must admit that my knowledge pertaining to children is practically non-existent. I did not understand them when I was one. But I had glimpsed the fabric of her mind, and what I saw there bore little relationship to what I saw now. I could only assume her idle chatter was a façade. An attempt to 'act normal' so adults, namely me, would underestimate her. I recalled what I had read in her thoughts. The world was full of sheep, wolves and dogs …It would take some convincing for her to accept that there were shepherds too, capable of domesticating wolves, shearing sheep, and training dogs to attack when they are bidden.

Such is the Makar's destiny. It is a heavy responsibility at times, but not one easily relinquish. I not would I wish to do so even if I could. Attempting to speak of such things, however, was certainly beyond the scope of this one slight visit, to what was essentially her domain. I only hoped that someday, she could come to trust me. I tried to pay attention as she prattled on, but my gaze began to drift to other things.

It was clear these apartments had been the designated 'nursery' long before Mia had come to live here. The shelves contained a veritable treasure-trove that had likely occupied young Khushrenadas for unnumbered generations. In the labs my brother and I had few toys and those were first and foremost educational tools. But I could well imagine how his eyes would have lit up when he realized he had somehow inherited this wonderland.

In my mind's eye I could see my brother as a boy running his hand across the leather saddle of the wooden rocking horse. I could see Treize sprawled out on the sun-faded rug watching the musical carousel spin. I imagined him instructing a much younger Zechs with the blunt edged practice swords still leaning in the corner. I could see the boys playing catch with a young Dotty Catalonia. And after a long afternoon of play I could see my brother curled in the center of that four-poster bed clutching the stuffed rabbit with worn ears sleepily tugging at the ragged silk bow even as he insisted he was far too old to take a nap.

"Enough Marie, I need to get him to the master suite." Lady Une declared, deciding that this 'interview' was over. "Mary should be up soon to help you get washed up and dressed for dinner." She had been watching my interaction with the child like a hawk and from the lift in her arched brow I suppose I didn't actually come off as stellar 'father' material. I silently promised I would try. For Treize's sake I would do my best for the girl, always.

Mia moped at the prospect of dressing up for dinner but Anne was firm. "This is a special day and we will have a special dinner. You are to be presentable and well behaved. Got that?"

"Yes lady." She sighed finally and we took our leave.