Cheez-its are so delicious. I think I've eaten like four boxes this week!
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BPOV
I held my ring up to the light, still trying to wrap my mind around the whole idea of being married. Just as I was about to put the ring back on, Alice burst into the apartment. I froze and so did Alice, her wide eyes focused on the ring I was slipping onto my finger.
"Oh my god!" She screeched. "Are you getting married? Did he ask? Why didn't-" She paused and started sneezing like crazy, like she always did when she was excited. I waited patiently for her to calm down, and my heart was practically pounding out of my chest. Now that Alice knew, we were totally and completely screwed. Alice was my best friend, bless her heart, but she was lousy at keeping secrets. "Bella, come on, tell me everything!" Alice urged, sitting down on a barstool next to me.
"We got drunk in Vegas and got married." I muttered under my breath, jamming the ring on my finger.
Alice narrowed her eyes. "You got married without me?" She asked pathetically, her lower lip sticking out. I rolled my eyes and tousled my hair.
"It wasn't exactly something we were planning on doing." I pointed out, and Alice shrugged her shoulders. "Look, Ali, I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't say anything about this to anyone. Not Jasper, not Emmet, and especially not Edward."
"Not Edward? Why not?" Alice asked.
"He's already freaking out, and he doesn't want to tell anyone at all. Alice, we didn't want to ever get married. Imagine our surprise when we woke up in a Las Vegas hotel room, hungover and married. It was terrible. And Emmet knows. And so does Ed." I admitted.
Her eyes widened again and she grabbed my arm. "Dear god, Bella. Emmet, Ed, and I are the only ones you're going to tell?" She asked, and I nodded my head. "That's crazy. Bella, you're married after being together for nine fucking years. Tell your parents. Tell Edward's parents. And for the love of god, let me tell Jazz!"
I shook my head, taking a deep breath as I did so. "Okay, fine. Tell Jasper, but please don't let him say anything either." I hesitated for a moment, wondering what my parents would say if I told them I had gotten married in Las Vegas. "We're not going to tell Esme and Carlisle or Charlie and Renée until we get some things sorted out, okay? Things are just so fucked up now…"
Alice patted my arm sympathetically, but I could see that her mind was working a mile a minute. "Is this why Edward is acting so pissy?" She asked in a low voice, and my head shot up.
"He is?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly.
"Yeah, he's acting antsy and nervous and not at all like himself." Alice said, and then an apple off of the counter, examined it, and took a big bite. "Don't take it personally, Bella. He's just angst-y and shit, like always."
I nodded again, knowing that my husband could get pissed off pretty damn quickly at the stupidest things. It was one of the only things I didn't love about him. "I know." I hesitated, wondering if I should tell Alice the rest of my troubles. "Alice, look, there's something else I need to tell you." I said in a low voice, taking her small hand in mine and squeezing. "You can't breathe a word of this to anyone, okay? Edward, Emmet, Jasper…no one." I said firmly, and Alice raised her eyebrows at me, obviously interested.
"Um, okay...I promise. Now spill the beans." She said, turning her body so that she was fully facing me.
"I've been trying to get pregnant for over a year." I blurted out, not even hesitated anymore. Alice stared at me for a moment, her hazel eyes bugging out slightly. She waved her hand, gesturing for me to continue. "Edward and I, we want a baby. But I can't get pregnant, Alice." I whispered, tears flooding to my eyes.
"Oh, honey…" Alice immediately became sympathetic, reaching out and rubbing my shoulder gently. "It could still happen, you know that, right? Sometimes these things just take time."
I smiled sadly at her and shrugged. "I know. But I feel like such a failure for not being able to get pregnant. We've been trying so hard, and I thought for sure it would have happened. We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and we're going to try and find out what's going on." I paused for a moment, wiping my eyes. "What if it's me, Alice? What if I can't have children?"
"It won't be the end of the world, Bella. There are other options." Alice said sweetly.
"But I want my own baby. I want it to have my eyes and Edward's hair and I want it to be ours." I whispered pathetically, breaking down in tears.
Alice was trying to comfort me when I heard the door to the apartment open again. I tried to turn my head and dry my tears, but Edward was at my side in an instant. He grabbed my chin and forced me to face him.
"What's wrong?" He asked urgently, glaring at Alice. She rolled her eyes at him, rubbed my knee one more time, and then left the apartment, slamming the door behind her.
"It's nothing." I tried to lie, but Edward obviously didn't by it. He sat down in Alice's abandoned seat, still holding my face in his hands. He silently wiped the tears from my face, looking at me sadly. "I'm scared." I finally admitted, and Edward furrowed his eyebrows at me.
I don't think he understood what I had been going through while I was trying to get pregnant. The pressure- emotional, mental, and even physical, was weighing down on me, and I was trying so damn hard…every negative test felt like a punch to my stomach.
"Of what?" Edward asked uncertainly, and I just shook my head and burst into tears again, feeling like this was my burden to bear, even though it was really one that Edward and I were sharing.
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Hmm…what do you think? I've been really good with updating my stories this weekend, too! I'm very proud of myself…I think I will be updating 'Letting Go' and 'Secret' later today. Please review, my dears!
Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie
