We now go to the classroom where Ms. Ririko is teaching math. "Right! Now let's take our formula for the area of a circle and use it to derive the surface area for this cone on the board, 'kay?" She asked, pointing to the cone on the board.
"Kay." We all said.
We now focus in on the resident dumbass, Tsukune Aono, who clearly has NO FUCKING IDEA IN HELL what he is doing, his eyeballs strangely pulsing. 'Uh… I can't get it. I don't understand how to do this kind of math at all!' He thought, looking at his paper in fear.
Now, Ms. Ririko decided to call on someone to volunteer to answer the question. "Now, can we get an answer from…? Mr. Aono!" She said.
"Well. Guess I gotta pick up that phone." I said, smirking.
"Huh?" Damion and Saizou asked.
"Because I fucking CALLED IT!" Sai said in a sing-song tone at the end, then looked at Tsukune. "Oh, my god! Oh, my god! This is going to be hilarious. Aaaand RECORD." The fire demon whispered, pulling out his video cam and recording. "Um… Yes, Ma'am?" Tsukune said nervously, standing.
"Tell us how to do it! Solve this problem." She said.
"Get ready to be disappointed." Sai and I said.
"Um… Uh…" He started. "I don't know how." He said, looking down at his desk.
"Dumbass." Damion said.
Saizou was the first to lean back and start laughing, followed by the rest of us except Moka. "What an idiot!" I shouted, and Sai high fiving me. We now get a view right up to Tsukune's face, showing him with giant bug eyes and looking absolutely shocked.
"What, did you expect to sound smart? Keep dreaming, Aono." Sai said. (And the Emmy goes to…) he thought, putting the video cam away.
"Tsukune?" Kurumu and Moka asked.
Suddenly, Ms. Ririko was in front of him with her finger in his face. "Bad boy, Tsukune, you're supposed to listen to your teacher. Zone out again… And I'll give you a spanking." She said, waving her finger.
"What the hell?" Damion said.
"Is EVERY teacher here a goddamn pedo?! Even the women?!" Sai asked me.
"Well it's disappointing when even the females, who are supposed to be more professional, are total pedobears." I said.
"We're getting close to finals, you know. You need to focus on those." She explained to him. But guess what? He wasn't focusing on what she was saying, the whole time she was talking, the screen, which was first person for Tsukune, was sideways but slowly went from her face down to, guess where? Her breasts.
"You've gotta be fucking kidding me." Sai deadpanned.
"He's staring at her tits while she's scolding him in front of the entire class, isn't he?" Damion asked, to which I nodded.
"And he forgot about the finals too didn't he?" I asked, to which the fire demon nodded again.
Finally, the dumbass zoned back to reality, throwing his head back and scratching it vigorously. "Oh, no! Crap, I forgot all about finals! And if this keeps up at the rate I'm going, I'm gonna get an 'F' and flunk out!" He shouted in panic, practically sobbing at the end.
I sigh. "Fucking CALLED IT!" I said in my sing-song tone.
"How do you forget about finals?! That's like make or break stuff!" Damion said.
On the roof...
"So, you want the three of us to tutor you in math on top of always having to save your sorry ass?" Damion asked.
"Fuck that. I never even study on my own, why would I help you?" Sai asked.
"I rather be disemboweled by Aqualad while Green Arrow stood there and explains the 60s." I said.
"Exactly! It's taking all my energy just to get used to the school! And along with that, with all these crazy mix-ups I keep getting dragged into, I've been way too distracted to study!" Tsukune explained.
"Well tough titties. You should be used to this shit by now," I said.
"Honestly, it isn't that hard to get used to. The rest of us are perfectly situated by now. As for the mix-ups, they barely happen. It's not our fault you don't study at all." Damion said.
"Exactly. You need to take responsibility for your own actions." Sai said.
"Come on, guys. Aren't you being a little harsh?" Moka asked.
"Hey, I'll help you study, too!" Kurumu said, Coming from nowhere.
"I doubt you'll be much help in that department, Kurumu." I said.
Then, from nowhere, Kurumu was taken down by a broom with Yukari attached to it. "No! Don't listen to her! If you need a math study-buddy, I know everything, Tsukune! Things like the cylindrical shell method and such as PV equal MRT! The final's coming up soon and you need help in math, so come on, what do you say?" Yukari said, probably eager to brag and show off her knowledge again.
"You DO realize we haven't learned half the stuff you're talking about in class, right?" Sai asked.
Suddenly, the door Kurumu left slung way open closed to reveal everyone's favorite stalker…. Jeez, it sounded really weird to say that. Oh, well, everyone's favorite stalker, Mizore. "Speaking of math…" She said, surprising everyone, Kurumu and Yukari hugging each other tightly in fear and Sai to cling to me until I pushed him off this time. "I'm in the same boat because I missed a lot of school, so is it okay if I study with you guys too?" She asked. We all nodded.
"This is certainly going to be an… Interesting study session." Sai said.
"I find study groups work the best." Damion agreed.
"I agreed with you friendos," I said.
"Yeah, all of us studying together is a great idea!" Moka said happily. "Well, should we get out of here and start hitting the books?" She asked.
"Yeah!" Everyone shouted, fist pumping, except Mizore, show just raised her hand a little and stayed silent. Sai, Damion and I didn't either, but we did nod and say "yeah" as I spin my right index finger.
Later in a room…
Yukari was at the board pointing to a lot of stuff written on the board with some pictures of scales, but I couldn't read the writing as A: it's in Japanese sure I can speak it, but I don't read much of it and B: It's too small. "And this is a derivative: a measure of…" She rambled on, saying things impossible to type down correctly. Meanwhile, Kurumu's eyes were spinning spirals as if she was really dizzy and Mizore was repeatedly writing Damion's name in her notebook Damion was only pretending to listen, Sai painted over his eyelids to make it look like he was awake, but he had actually fallen asleep and I myself was eating Doritos sweet and spicy(my favorite). "It allows us to input a line of plain tangents that function at that point." She continued, from there it sounded like she was choked up on something.
"So, all these tangents and integrals? How are they any different from addition and subtraction?" Mizore asked, shocking Yukari, dropping her pointer.
"That's a very logical question." I said.
Meanwhile, Tsukune was focusing only on Moka's notes. "Wow, you must take the most thorough notes in the world, Moka," He said, looking at it. "It's easy to follow, you're handwriting is great and everything's organized by topic, too." He said.
"You're real suck up you know that? " I said, looking at him as I stuff my face with Doritos.
"Stop, you're embarrassing me." She said, blushing. "If you'd like, I'd be more than happy to copy a set by hand for you." She offered.
"Thanks. That's so incredibly kind of you, Moka. But making a photocopy would be easier. Wait, I forgot, the school probably doesn't have anything useful like that." He said.
"Is it just because it's a monster school you assume they don't have anything like that?" I asked, in a mild irate tone.
"Oh, it's no trouble, you're my friend after all! Anything for you!" She said, smiling.
"Moka…"
"Tsukune…"
"Moka…"
"Tsukune…"
"Mok-ahh!" Tsukune started, but was cut off when I put him in a full nelson hold.
Later, in the student mail room or whatever…
"Man, it's been a long time since I've studied for a test this hard. I'm beat." Tsukune said, stretching.
"No wonder you always fail. We didn't even study that hard." Damion said.
"And how can you be tired from studying for a MATH exam? If it were a gym exam or something, I'd understand, but not a math exam." I said.
"It was worth it if you learned something." Moka said.
"Oh, Mr. Aono. Draco, Sai and Damion, too." Ms. Ririko said, showing up from nowhere.
"Ririko." I said her name in disdain.
"Why do people randomly pop up from nowhere?" Sai asked.
"Why are you here so late? A club or something?" She asked mostly Tsukune.
"Um… No. Moka, the guys and I were just finishing up a study session." He answered.
"Along with Kurumu, Yukari and Mizore." Damion added.
"And don't call us 'the guys'. That's a term of endearment for guys you are friends with and hang out a lot with." Sai said.
"And last I checked, we're not your friends and you just won't leave us alone." I said.
"A study session?" She asked, then got a sly look on her face. "Well, that just won't do, I'm sorry to hear it." She said.
"What 'chu talkin' 'bout, teacher?" The white haired ninja demanded, crossing my arms.
"Well, it is good that you're putting in some effort, but when students get together, they spend more time goofing off than studying the material." She explained.
"Sai Blade does not- Ooh, shiny." Sai began to protest, then went after the shiny object he saw.
Meanwhile I was listening to Slayer. "Wha? Sorry I was listening to music." I said.
"Clearly you don't KNOW Yukari. She was teaching us stuff you haven't even STARTED talking about in class yet." Damion said.
"We didn't goof off." Tsukune said.
"We really studied." Moka agreed.
"I doubt it." Ms. Ririko said arrogantly, pissing me off. "You're just a student, Ms. Akashiya, you're NOT a teacher." She continued.
"Actually, they only looked at each other's notes; Yukari was the one teaching the material. EXCESSIVELY THOROGHLY mind you." I said.
"Well, even if you are all good at schoolwork, teaching is something best left to the professionals." She said.
"You mean someone who DOESN'T dress like a 5 dollar hoe?" I challenged making Sai and Damion laughing their asses off. Seriously how in the blue is threatening to spank students and constantly moving in ways that reveals your body to be professional? "If that's the case, why not have Yukari do your job and she's like what 12?"
She glared at me, but then cupped Tsukune's face and put it between her boobs. "What the hell?!" Sai, Damion and I all said at the same time.
"And that's why, tomorrow after class, you four will meet me in the tutoring room." She said, shocking everyone. "You'll never forget the lessons I teach you. I'm looking forward to them. I. Can't. Wait." She said, tapping her finger on Tsukune's face as she said I can't wait.
"I'll bet you can't." Tsukune said in fear.
"Screw that shit." Sai said, walking off.
"Hell no." Damion said, also walking off.
"We out. Like they said in Canada: peace oot!" I said in my Canadian accent at the end.
The next day…
Tsukune sighed, knowing he'd have to go to be tutored. "Well, I guess I'd better get goin', guys." He said.
"Here's an idea: how about you don't go?" I suggested.
"Yeah, there have been countless times when I've had to go to tutoring, therapy or detention and I didn't." Sai said, shrugging.
"Even so, knowing that she's tutoring, I'm not taking any chances." Damion said.
"To get tutored by Ms. Ririko, huh?" Kurumu asked. "I did talk to some older students who took math from her before. They said that she's so crazy about teaching that she goes overboard with it." She said.
"For some reason, I found it not very surprising." I said, as I'm eating sweet and spicy Doritos again.
"Yeah, bitch is crazy." Damion said, taking some of my chips after I offered.
"Yeah, anything else?" Tsukune asked.
"Well, there are two more problems. They just make so angry." She said, grabbing her boobs. "The boys won't stop staring at her tits!" She shouted, raising a fist into the air.
"R-really?" Moka asked, looking down at hers.
"Aw, are you jealous that your own huge honkers aren't as massive as hers? You're acting like a child, Kurumu." Yukari said, teasingly.
"Oh, Kurumu, I bet you would HATE to be in the world of Queen's Blade. Every girl in that anime has AT LEAST a D cup and there's even one woman who has boobs as big as the blade of a giant battle axe," Sai said, taking some of my chips as well.
"Well, actually, Yukari…" Kurumu said, kneeling down to Yukari's height and patting her non-existent chest. "The only child here is you! And the proof is your flat as a pancake chest!" She said.
Yukari growled, then groped Kurumu. "I'd rather have mine than your big, fat balloons!" She snapped.
"Mine are big, but what makes them really nice is how squeezable they are, unlike yours." Kurumu said, shocking Yukari.
She let go, then pushed on hers. "You're so superficial. Guys prefer mine because they offer quality over quantity and they're all wrapped up in a cute little package." She said confidently.
"Yeah, they're still flat as a board." She said.
Mizore watched this, then looked at her own, blushing. "Yours are perfect, babe. Don't worry." Damion said, giving the snow girl a kiss.
"Awe ain't that sweet?" I said teasing Damion again and he shot me in the chest.
"Have you NOT learn anything from the last chapter?" Sai asked me.
"Yes I have," I said, getting up as my wounds begin to heal. "I've learned that it is fun to mess with Vamps when he's with his girl."
"One of these days, Draco. I'll tear out your flippant tongue." Damion said.
"Hey, Tsukune. I know you're not looking forward to this tutoring, but it's still better than having to take make-up classes." Moka said supportively.
"Oh yes, no one likes to sit in a hot school building in summer when you're supposed to be out having fun." Sai said.
"Yeah, that's the best part of the year. All the freedom and everything." Damion said.
"And to see my babe in bikini!" I said, drooling through my mask and with hearts my eyes.
"Moka's right! If you get a 50 or less in your final exam then you flunk the subject and you have attentive make up classes before they let you out for summer break!" Yukari said.
"Wait!" Tsukune said. Everyone looked at him. "I'd almost forgotten about that." He said, sounding like he was sad, but then he stood up and cheered. "Yeah! It's summer break once finals are done!" He said happily, then had another of his annoying fantasies.
We were all at the beach, Kurumu was laying out, sunbathing. Yukari was on all fours, giggling. I don't know what she was doing, but the fact I noticed was that she was turned so her ass was closest to the camera.
"The hell!? How much of a pedo are you?" Sai asked.
Mizore was under an umbrella out of the sun, looking pissed, ice all around her. Lastly, Moka was back floating in the water, her hair way out.
"Allow me stop you here, Jabroni. Has your dumb ass already forgotten that Moka can't go in the water because she's a vamp? She'd die, baka." I said, smacking him in the back of the head.
"Also, don't get too excited. There's still no guarantee you'll pass your finals and, knowing you…" Damion said, taking a break to inhale, "You won't." He said, smugly.
He got right in Moka's face and fist pumped. "I'm gonna do it, Moka! I'm gonna work hard and pass math! Then we can do something together for summer break, okay?" He said.
"Okay." She said.
"I'm well intrigued he's actually showing any form of determination." I said with a considerate nod.
"Yeah. I wonder how long it'll last, though." Damion said.
Later…
My badass friends and I were hanging out with Moka as she was waiting for Tsukune. He rounded the corner, still reciting the formulas when we stopped him. "Morning, Tsukune!" She said, happily.
We listened for a little bit, thoroughly shocked. "Impressive, Tsukune. You're not gonna catch me in that tutoring session, but that's pretty impressive." Sai said, then noticed something in his eyes. They were totally blank.
"Hey, zombie, can you hear us?" Damion said, waving in his face.
"Zombie? Did somebody say zombie?!" I said freaking out firing my blood bolts everywhere. "Damn you Umbrella!"
Suddenly, Ms. Ririko appeared from behind us out of nowhere. "What are you doing!?" She demanded, then gets blasted by my blood bolts knocking her on her ass. Causing us except Moka and Tsukune laughing. She then got up and looked at us. "As for you three, I thought I told you to come to my tutoring lessons as well." She said.
"Well, guess what? You're wrong bitch." I said.
"Especially if you thought we'd actually show up." Damion said.
"Either you were high or drunk when you said that, because there is absolutely no way in hell, I'd ever be caught in a tutoring session. Much less one of yours." Sai said pissing her off. She then snagged the notebook from Moka and flipped through it.
"And trying to seduce Mr. Aono with this drivel? How dare you!" She said.
I laughed at this "Wow you have got to be the biggest hypocrite I have ever met! And this is coming from a so called 'professional' who threatens a student with a spanking and a cupped Tsukune's face in her breasts." I said.
"I was just helping him study!" Moka said, before Bitchyko threw the notebook in her face and knocked her down.
"What the hell, bitch?!" Damion snapped, glaring at her, helping Moka up while I was trying to keep myself shifting into a dragon.
"You have some nerve. It's obvious to me that Mr. Aono hasn't been able to focus because of you." She said, which shocked and offended Moka."
"To be honest, you're the only thing that's distracting here, running that annoying-ass mouth of yours and talking total shark bitting bullshit!" I snapped. "You're nothing more than an annoying, brutal, disgusting, trash bag hoe!"
She then glared at me and went to smack me in the face, but I easily caught her hand and squeezing it. "Don't try me, bitch or I'll devour your entrails." I said, in a dark tone as I was squeezing her hand with my killer intent leaking out scaring the holy hell out of her.
As I let go of her, she walked away as she is massaging her hand to get rid of the pain.
"Gods,what a bitch. We're gonna have to kick her ass." Sai said.
Tsukune then started to follow after her. "Tsukune, what are you doing, man?! Didn't you see what she just did, don't go with her!" I warned him, but he continued to walk off, leaving me incredibly suspicious.
Sai grabbed my shoulder, "Forget it, Draco. He's under some kind of zombie-like state," he explained.
Few days later...
"Okay, fellas. Bottom line, we need to do something. I don't know what that bitch is doing, but it's obvious it isn't good. We have to find out what it is and put a stop to it if we don't want Moka to constantly be depressed and Tsukune to stop being a math zombie." I said.
"Right." They agreed.
Suddenly, we heard Tsukune scream from a long ways away. "Well, that'll do it," I said.
"Isn't that retardedly convenient?" Sai said as we rushed to where we heard the screams coming from. We rushed their after getting the wrong directions, but then the right ones.
"Sai, make door go boom!" I ordered.
"Right!" He answered as he fired the rock launcher, destroying the door.
"What are you three doing here?!" She demanded. She now had a snake for a lower body with a flower at the end of the tail.
"It's game over, Bitchyko! We're here to put an end this!" I said.
"I am giving him educational guidance! You dare interfere!?" She demanded.
"Yes. We dare." Damion said, challengingly in his Tae Kwon Do stance.
"Yeah. I think it's time we take YOU to school." Sai said, getting in a fighting stance.
"And today's lesson is Pain 101. Your instructors, Draco Bloodgrave..." I said as I drawn my bladed blood claws.
"Damion Castro..."
"And Sai Kunai Blade," the ninja finished
"Then it's time for the three of you to learn a lesson." She said, getting ready to fight.
"What's going on, here?" Mizore asked, popping in from an air vent.
"Mizore!" Damion said in a worried tone.
"What are you doing here?!" Ririko asked as she dropped down.
"Sounds like you've gotten all hot and bothered. Thought I should come here and cool you off." She said, pulling the lollipop out of her mouth and blowing ice cold air at Ririko.
"You truant slacker! I'm going to teach you a lesson you'll never forget!" She shouted, throwing candles at Mizore, trapping her with fire.
Damion shouted in rage and rushed in while Sai and I stayed back, trying to make sense of her form. Her tail was snaked through the various desks, so the end of the tail could come up at any moment, or she could just use enough of her tail to coil us, which we had to be ready for. She raised her tail for a surprise attack and slam Damion into a wall. From there I traced where her tail would be.
"Got it!" I said, rushing in, purposefully slashing her tail each time I passed over it, causing her to scream in pain as she bled until Sai got to her face and decked her.
"How dare you attack me, you little bastards! I am your teacher, I deserve to be treated with the utmost respect!" She said, swinging her tail at us.
I easily grabbed it and pull her towards me for a punch to her face. "Respect THIS!" I shouted as punched her shattering her nose.
"If you want my respect, then you have to EARN it!" I said, landing the kick when I said "earn".
"And frankly, you don't deserve any respect, you nerdy-ass, ugly slut!" Damion said, punching her in the face, knocking her to the ground.
"Aight fellas, stand back. I'mma wrap this up." I said, spreading my arms created a blood storm of ravens punishing Ririko. "Now you think about what did, got it?" I said with my arms folded.
"Yes, sir and I appreciate the guidance that you've given me." She said, weakly.
"This episode's big showdown only took a mere 41 seconds, whee!" Kou said, flying off.
Suddenly, a strong freezing wind blew into the room, blowing out the fire from the candles and freezing Ririko. "What can I say; I just don't seem to know how to hold back." Mizore said, shrugging.
"That was COLD." Sai smirked, then she froze him.
"Ha! She put you on ICE." I laughed till she froze too...
Later…
"On the day of the math finals, Tsukune's stressing out again, whee!" Kou said.
He's right. Tsukune was staring at his paper with another freaked out look on his face. "Crap! I'm toast! All the knowledge Ms. Ririko pumped into me is completely gone now!" He said.
"Sounds like you're majorly boned, Jabroni." I said, writing down the answers.
"That's why you can't rely on the knowledge of anyone but yourself." Sai said, as he's writing down the answers as well.
"Unless they're teaching you the subject, but not if they're injecting it into your head." Damion said.
Later…
"So, how do you think you did on the finals?" Moka asked.
"I try to stay optimistic, but I don't get my hopes up until I see the grade." Sai said.
"Agreed," I said, nodding.
"I really don't care that much." Damion said.
"I'm not sure. I tried my best, but still…" Tsukune said.
"So in other words: Doomed to failure?" Sai said, to which Damion and I broke out laughing.
"Well, regardless to what grade I get, I still have no regrets." He said.
"Except missing Summer break." I said, smirking beneath my mask.
Later, when we got our papers back, to our surprise, the dumbass actually got an 89. "Good job, Tsukune. The problem child finally redeems himself." I said. "Not as much as me, though." I said, holding up my 93.
"Yeah, good job, Tsukune. Not as good as me, though." Damion said, holding up his 95.
"I did better." Sai smirked, holding his 97 in triumph and gets tackled by Damiom and I and we began fighting.
Mizore triumphantly held up her 56 while Kurumu was weeping over her 44. "Aw, crap, now I have to take make-up classes!" She cried.
"Too bad after all that tutoring I gave you." Yukari deadpanned, holding her 100. Mizore popped back up in front, still holding the 56, flashing a peace sign.
