A/N - I think this is wrapping up, at least one more chapter after this, but we'll see. I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 9

Liv was stood in the break area of her office pouring a coffee, she knew it wasn't going to taste anywhere as good as the cart, but it was early and she needed something. They'd had an earlier start than usual with Rafael's apartment being further to Noah's school, that weekend she still hadn't felt comfortable going back home, so they were out of routine too. Noah had loved the change though, feeling like they were on holiday staying in a hotel, and on Saturday Rafael had gone back to her place and collected some things Olivia had forgotten in haste, and as a bonus had picked up some of Noah's toys. Olivia might be his fearless warrior at work, but at home he would protect and care for them if she'd let him.

Despite feeling tired, Olivia was glad to be back at the helm of SVU. The Porter case was going to trial under an ADA Stone, so she was free to rejoin her team and push Sheila to the back of her mind. The events of the last few weeks certainly weren't behind them, but they were far enough away not to weigh her down, and Olivia was able to look to her future a bit more brightly. That weekend they'd casually looked at some houses online, they'd talked about what they liked and didn't like, and agreed that they wanted to keep it modest. A three bedroom so they could have people to stay, space for an office so they could work from home more, and if possible some garden space for Noah, though they realised that last one might be a tough box to check in Manhattan. They'd even asked Noah, who'd asked for a room especially for his lego, they'd laughed when they'd simultaneously considered that at least it would keep the pieces in one place. It hadn't really mattered what they'd landed on though, it had just been so nice to focus on something positive. At times Olivia still couldn't believe that she had the family she'd always longed for, her son, and the love of her life.

Olivia was still musing in her own world when Amanda and Sonny joined her, she hadn't even realised they'd got to the office, making her jump. "I wonder what you could have been day dreaming about?" Amanda playfully nudged Olivia's elbow, "Couldn't possibly imagine" Sonny played along with her. They deposited their lunches in the fridge and scarpered; Olivia might be their friend, but she was also their boss, so they'd chickened out and retreated before they could hear her answer. Not that Olivia was going to give them anything, she and Rafa had already spoken, realising that after everything that had happened with Sheila, they were all going to have figured them out for sure.

Heading back towards her office she bumped into Fin, quietly she addressed him "Hey, I know it's going to trial, but is there anything else I should know about Porter's case?", in hushed tones they moved into her office and closed the door. It wasn't about keeping her team out of the loop, more that it exonerated Rollins and Carisi from any backlash if anyone found out Fin had shared details with her.

Fin sighed, conflicted. He had known Olivia for 18 years, if SVU died a death tomorrow, she'd still be his friend. As her friend, he wanted to tell her everything because he knew how Liv ticked, but as her colleague, he knew he shouldn't, plus there was nothing to gain. "Liv what do you want to know? Do you really think it's going to help?", Olivia appreciated his unspoken reasoning but it didn't satisfy "I can't live my life wondering Fin, I don't want to be blindsided in court, and I need to draw a line under it all, a verdict isn't going to cut it". "I get it Liv". With the door closed and 'off the record' declared between them, Fin shared everything he knew, if anyone asked they'd deny they had ever spoken.

Olivia was sickened to hear the amount of times Sheila had managed to infiltrate Noah's life, and was most shocked to find out that after being shown her picture, Lucy had realised Sheila had approached Noah in the park at playdates on more than one occasion, masquerading as a mother of one of Noah's friends. There hadn't been a reason to alert Lucy to anything untoward at the time, or when they'd seemingly bumped into her again at the grocery store. It made Olivia question every decision she'd ever made to keep Noah safe, but second guessing her inner turmoil Fin had called her out on it, reminding her that none of them could have seen it coming, even Sheila's lawyer and the judge had fully bought into her facade.

Fin had also shared the background information he'd dug up on Sheila, including her being committed to an institution for her mental health, not that it surprised either of them any more. Fin felt guilty that he hadn't been able to share with Olivia sooner, but his digging had been put on hold when the high profile case had kicked in. He'd tried to tell her when he'd found her asleep with Barba in her office, then before he knew it she was in court and he'd been summoned to Noah's school. Olivia was adamant that guilt was something he shouldn't be feeling though, all she felt was gratitude for him being there for Noah, for knowing to send her boy to Rafael at the court house, for attacking the investigation with the same ferociousness that she would have. She was so grateful for him being her friend. "Thanks Fin, I needed that", she closed the file on the desk in front of her, a symbol of finality, "I don't know what you're talking about Liv" he replied knowingly with a rare Fin smile, opening her door for them to rejoin Amanda and Carisi.

Out on the floor, she looked up to see Rafael and a tray of coffee heading towards them. 'That man is a God' she thought, after living with Rafael's love for good coffee, the station coffee had tasted more and more like burnt slop. But before she could address him, she heard Amanda "For us, Rafa?", "Yeah you shouldn't have, Rafa", with the case behind them her team were clearly feeling bold and that it was time for them to cash in their pent up banter. Lucky for them Rafael was in a good mood, "My bad, I thought this was SVU not the Comedy Club", handing Olivia a coffee silently, Amanda broke first "Seriously, guys, we're so happy for you", Carisi in her wake, "Yeah it's about time if I'm honest! Really happy for you".

Olivia watched their conversation as she savoured a few sips of her drink, and then spoke knowing she needed them to be aligned to the defined divide that she and Rafael had drawn a long time ago to protect their work, and if she was honest, their hearts. "Okay, here are the ground rules; in this room, in court, on a case, anywhere work related he's only ever Barba. Don't expect any different from him, no special treatment, he's the ADA we need him to be. Nothing changes. Outside of work, around Noah, well, to be honest you can call him whatever you're brave enough to call him" she side eyed Rafael with a smile who rolled his eyes with a glint. He picked up from where she paused, "Anything, but Rafa" he pointed his hand clutching his coffee cup at each of them. Olivia felt her heart constrict a little in internal happiness, knowing he was protecting their thing. Her team were quick to accept "No we get it, that's Noah's name for you", Olivia and Rafael shared a look "Well actually that's not strictly true.. You're more likely to hear Noah call him Dad". Rafael looked at his feet, he loved that he was Noah's Dad, but he wasn't used to feeling exposed, this was in stark contrast to his reputation as the ADA with a big brass ego.

Her team clearly thought they had pieced the whole puzzle together before they officially outed themselves, so Olivia and Rafael wouldn't lie that it was a tiny bit satisfying to see their surprised faces. Fin was first to congratulate "Barba, that's just great man. Does this mean you're going to make it official?". Olivia choked in surprise "er you've only just found out about us, and you're already packing us off down the aisle!", they all, including Rafael, eyed her, and Fin cleared his throat "I meant adoption Liv", Rafael followed immediately after "But good to know", a smirk plastered on his face. Olivia not knowing what to say, simply called time "Okay I think we're done here. Work. On anything. All of you. Now. You, (Pointing at Rafael) come with me.", he followed laughing into her office and closed the door.

"Raf, hey I'm sorry about.. I didn't mean.. I mean I'd like.. But.. I don't mind if.." Rafael watched her stutter through, she was usually so self assured and he knew it was a little mean not to save her, but it was cute. He cut her off, "Liv, squabbling when we're 85 remember?" He walked over to her and circled his arms around her waist, it was a bold move for her office but this moment was important for them, and her team knew everything anyway. "Just give me a chance to get it right okay, I'll make asking that question worthy of you." Olivia closed her eyes and internally sighed with relief, she'd been embarrassed that she'd taken Fins words the wrong way in front of her team, but she was infinitely more worried that Rafa might have bolted. "Erm, there is one thing Fin had a point about though.." Rafa spoke again, and Olivia fluttered her eyes back open to focus on his face. "I wanted to say something before, but we had so much going on. Look, the court case made me realise there isn't a single legal thing to tie me to Noah, and well, if you'd let me..". Olivia didn't make a habit out of crying, she'd become hardened to most things in her career, but hearing what Rafael was implying out loud had her eyes welling with tears.

Releasing herself from his embrace, and grabbing his hand, she lead him to her desk drawers. Opening the bottom one, she pulled out a familiar beige folder and handed it to him "I know it was a bit presumptuous, but when this stuff with Sheila happened, I got Trevor to draw these up". Olivia suddenly didn't feel nervous at all, it felt right, and watched as Rafael looked down he saw 'Name of Child: Noah Barba-Benson' at the top of Adoption Papers. "Squabbling until we're 85 Rafa".

Rafael was dumfounded, not just because of what he was holding, but because in that moment the frantic pace of their lives paused and he realised the true gravity of how his life had turned out. If Rafa was painfully honest with himself, he'd given up the dream of having a family, sure he had his Mom, but someone to love and share his days with; instead accepting that he would continue to pursue the love of his work for the rest of his life and make that his legacy. Before this moment in Olivia's office, everything had already surpassed his wildest expectations. His heart had been healed from Yelina and allowed him to truly love again, he'd let himself be uncharacteristically vulnerable and it had paid back in dividends, he'd built a bond that had given him a son. He couldn't have asked for more. Except now, with the adoption papers in his hands, he realised he had wanted more without knowing, there was something about seeing Noahs name intertwined with his, and he was overcome. He had a family of his own.

Reaching out to rest his hand low on Olivia's hip, Rafa tentatively asked her "Do you think you can get out of here for a bit with me? Walk with me?", he suddenly needed to get as far away from their work world as he could, and retreat into their bubble. She sensed it too, and simply nodded. Letting each other go, Rafael rubbed his nose and composed himself, she gave him a second and turned to open her door and calling out to her team "I'm heading out, but I'm on my phone if you need me". Whenever Olivia left the precinct it was usually to go to the courthouse or Rafael's office, but he was with her, so she didn't stop to let them answer, they didn't need to know why they were getting some air. It was their thing.

The sun shone in a bright blue sky, it was a perfect day. Heading towards the park, they walked in sync, hand in hand, his thumb drawing small circles on hers. They weren't rushing, Rafael was processing and Olivia was content to just be with him; no drama, no case, no worries, just time together because they could. They had been walking for a while, though she wasn't sure exactly how long, when Rafael next spoke. "I've been trying to work out what to say, and I just can't come up with anything eloquent". She bumped his shoulder in jest, them both knowing it was a rarity for him, but this didn't feel like a time for banter. "I wish I could explain just how much I love you Olivia. How much you've changed my life for the better. You and Noah. I never knew what it felt like, to have all this, to be this happy. I didn't know how much I was letting myself miss out on, until you.". He'd stopped in the middle of the path to look into her eyes, and Olivia's heart constricted. She knew he loved her, they'd said it enough, but this was different. He was exposing all of him, this was him declaring undying love for her and her son, and she'd never experienced a power like it before. "I love you so very much Rafa" suddenly she knew how he felt, not being able to find the words. Leaning in, she kissed him in a way that toed the line of indecency for a public place. He pulled her flush to him and deepened their kiss, it wasn't like them to have PDA, but they were momentarily lost in each other. She tasted of coffee and cinnamon, he of cool mint, and it was intoxicating as their tongues duelled. Pulling away, only for the need of oxygen, he lifted his hand to cup her cheek stroking it. Neither said anything, simply interlocked their fingers back together, and walked on.

"Liv, can I ask you something?", "Anything", "Do you think I can do this, be a good Dad, it sounds ridiculous but.." She cut him off and answered his unfinished sentence, "I believe in you Rafa". She heard him let out a breath she didn't know he'd been holding. "I never thought I'd get the chance to be a Dad, I just want to be best one I can be to Noah, but it's not like I had a good role model". Olivia understood his questions had nothing to do with whether he wanted to adopt Noah or not, and more to do with him not turning into his Father. She knew the internal genetics struggle all too well. "Raf, let me ask you, did your Dad do any of the things with you, that you do with Noah?", "No" he replied quietly, "Doesn't that show you that you can have more confidence in yourself? We've been through so much with Noah in a short space of time that is more testing than most parents would endure in a life time. Yet we're here, on the other side, better for it". He squeezed her hand in reply, not wanting to go deeper, still trying to place his thoughts into something coherent.

They passed through a gate back on the street that lined the edge of the park, and turned to head back roughly the way they came. Rafael lifted her hand and placed his lips against the back of it, stilling for a moment, before letting it drop. His mind was still whirling, but he wanted her to know he was still there with her, still thinking about them.

He was broken from his thoughts, when Olivia stopped suddenly in the path, pulling his arm back. Following her eye line, he looked up to see what she was staring at. A house in the middle of the tree line that looked out over the park they'd just exited; a black double front door and the orange brickwork standing out against the white stone work, a julienne balcony ran across the front of three tall windows that had their original coving on the first floor, and solid black frames full of character outlined the windows on the second and third floors. "Rafa, do you ever feel like you're at home, when you're not?", "Maybe we are mi amor" he very quickly caught up with her train of thought, eyeing the for sale sign. Neither said anything much as they took in the building towering over them for a few minutes, Rafael snapped some pictures and of the for sale sign. Real estate moved fast in Manhattan, and if this place was meant to be, then they would have to as well. Pulling her forward towards the front door, Olivia yelped "What are you doing!", "Going to find out if this is our forever home?" as he purposefully rang the bell. "Que sera sera, if they answer we ask, if not we'll try something else. What do we have to lose?". Considering his day so far, Rafael was feeling particularly buoyant and like luck was on his side today.

They waited a few moments, Olivia already ready to bolt away, when there was a shuffle from behind the door. It swung open and a lady greeted them "Hello?", Rafael took the reigns "Hi, I apologise for the interruption, we were walking by when we saw your for sale sign, could I ask if it's still on the market?", the woman looked at them hesitantly, and Olivia who was better at doorstep intrusions than he was jumped in, "I apologise, this is my fault. My name is Olivia, we have been looking to move, and I just had this overwhelming feeling of being home when I saw your building. We'll follow more appropriate channels, I'm so sorry to disturb your day" steering Rafael away with her back to the safety of the street. The woman spoke again, "It is, would you like to come in?", it was Olivia's turn to be hesitant, and the woman smiled kindly "I think I can trust a police officer" nodding towards the badge on Olivias belt. Olivia smiled looking down, she'd forgotten it was there, lifting her head to look at Rafael for confirmation only to see him look back towards the front door, "Only if you really wouldn't mind?".

Valorie the home owner had been wonderful, briefly touring them around her house. They had fallen dangerously in love with the bright airy spaces, and soft finishes that felt minimal but comforting. It was bigger than they had originally been looking for, with 4 bedrooms, but they reasoned one could be turned into an office or a den giving them both space to work from home. They'd discovered that the current owners were relocating to the west coast with her husband's work taking them to California, they'd begrudgingly decided to uproot their family after receiving an offer they couldn't refuse. The clincher for Rafael and Olivia was when they saw the owners son's room, he was obviously a little older than Noah, but it was so easy to see him the baseball themed room. When they had seen Valorie's daughters room, Olivia had paused in the doorway and leant against the frame taking in the dusty pink space with toy fairies lining the window sill and a dolls house against the back wall. "One step at a time eh mi amor" Rafael had whispered to her with jest in his voice; she let him gently manoeuvre her down the hallway towards the master bedroom, but it wasn't lost on her what he'd just implied. Olivia hadn't asked anything, no words had left her mouth, he hadn't even been able to see her face, and even before then she had never mentioned a sibling for Noah. It wasn't that it hadn't crossed her mind, but she was getting older and Noah and Rafael filled every corner of her heart, so she'd not dwelled for long. But Rafael hadn't said no. He'd opened that possibility back up.

As they returned to the entry way by the front door, they thanked Valorie and apologised again for their intrusion. Rafael gave her his business card, "I think it's fair to say we're a little in love, I understand there are no guarantees, but would you please let us know if you have any interest before we can register ours?", there was a long way before they'd be in escrow. Valorie took his card, polite enough not to mention his strong credentials, simply saying "We have so many memories here, and it would mean a lot to us that another family moved in to make theirs". There was an unspoken understanding between them, it was well known that homes across the city were being converted into more profitable apartments. Her words had given them hope.

Bidding farewell with more thanks, they exited back onto the street, both feeling giddy at what they'd just seen, a peek into their potential future.