Not According to Plan

Chapter Nine: Remembering

"Just what did you say to her?"

Simon turned around, surprised to see Mal standing in the doorway.

"I…what?"

Mal stepped into the kitchen. "You heard me, Doc. What'd you say?" His tone was even but Simon could detect a hint of anger. Or was he being protective?

"No."

They both turned. River had silently made her entrance.

"Enough."

"River?" Simon moved towards her.

She shook her head. "You don't know. Too much. Both of you. Just stop." She left them standing there, wondering what she knew.


"I made them stop."

Siciline looked up. River was watching her.

"Made who stop?" she asked.

"Mal and Simon."

"Oh, them. Right. Thank you."

"Sad."

"What?"

"You're sad. You don't want to be. Want to be happy. Want things to be easy."

Siciline nodded. "Yes, but they never are. Not sure why I thought they would be now."

"You're remembering," River said.

"Yes."

"Looking for an answer."

"Yes."

"Why did you leave him?"

"What?"

"In the morning. Why didn't you stay? You were remembering, but you stopped."

"River, what're you…?" Then she remembered what Mal had said about her being a reader.

"I'm sorry. It never stops. I didn't try to."

"It's okay River. Anyway, I think I left because I was scared. But I'm not sure why."

"He came and found you. Made it better."

Siciline smiled. "Yes, he did."

River nodded. "You were scared later though. Never told him."

Somehow Siciline understood what she meant. "No, I didn't. I don't know how."

"You will."


River was right; Mal had come and found her. Siciline had gone home and showered, standing under the water until it ran cold. She had laid on her bedroll for the rest of the day, just thinking. Her life hadn't turned out the way she wanted. Leaving Osiris hadn't made anything easier. True, she didn't have to answer to anyone, but she hadn't escaped. Now money truly decided her life; without it she would be living on the street.

And she had always thought she would be with Simon. At least she had hoped. Never had it crossed her mind that she'd have a clichéd one-night stand with a renegade Browncoat. Of course, it had never crossed her mind that she'd want to. She didn't know what she wanted anymore.

Siciline had had to leave the safety and seclusion of her apartment for work the next day, but she felt she had recovered. She was stocking the back room and taking inventory when she heard voices saying her name and approaching footsteps. She peered around a shelf as Mal poked his head into the room.

"There you are."

Siciline retreated behind the shelf. "Yes, here I am," she said to herself. "What do you want?"

He followed her. "Just wanted to check on you, make sure you're alright."

"Thank you, I'm fine."

"You're not acting fine. Look half terrified to see me here."

Siciline looked down at her feet. "I was…I…I don't…I'm confused. Yes, I'm confused. I don't know what to think. I don't do…I don't do what we did, that's not how…" She looked up at him. "I'm sorry; I'm not making any sense am I?"

"Not really."

She sighed. "I just wasn't expecting to see you again. Now I don't know what to say."

He reached out a hand. "Come here, you don't have to say anything."

She took his hand and let him draw her to him. "What's this—"

"Shh. No need for talking."

He held her tightly, letting all of her insecurities ebb away.

"It doesn't have to mean anything to you if you don't want it to. I'm not expecting anything if you're concerned. I'll be a friend to you if you want one. Or more. You just seemed awful lonely to me is all."

"Okay, er, yes. Thank you. Why're you…?" Siciline was still confused.

Mal shrugged. "Seemed like you needed protecting. And kindness."

She smiled. "Well, thanks."

"You gonna be okay now?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Serenity's parked here three more days if you need me. I certainly hope our paths cross again, Siciline."

"Maybe I'll stop by again before you leave."

"I'd like that."

As he turned to go she caught his arm and reached up to kiss him.

"Bye."


"You missed him. A lot."

Siciline nodded. It was easy talking to River. It didn't actually involve a lot of talking. She always knew the truth. And she didn't judge.

"He's worried. Talk to him. Help him understand."

"Mal? Mal's worried?"

"Usually worried. Thinks you're special. Very dear. Worth the trouble." River smiled.

"What about Simon? I think Simon's worried too."

River rolled her eyes. "No. Not Simon. Being obsessive. Leave him alone. My problem."

Siciline took a deep breath. "Okay. More talking. Sounds like a plan."

"Remember. Be happy. People who love you. Really love you. Really care. No matter what." She touched Siciline's hand. "Friends."

She smiled. "Thanks for listening River."