Chapter Nine: Where From Here?

Londo stood outside the door to G'Kar's quarters, and wondered what in the Maker's name he was doing there. It was late. He'd only been released from the Medlab a few days ago, and Doctor Franklin's lectures on how to take care of himself were still ringing in his ears. None of those lectures had included sending Vir off on a wild goose chase and wandering down here, to G'Kar's quarters, at this hour of the night. He didn't even know if the man was still awake, much less if the Narn would let him in.

Standing in the corridor wasn't going to answer any of his questions. Worse, the longer he stood here, the more likely it was that someone would come by and see him there. At best, they would probably assume he was here to start a disturbance. At worst, they would be curious, and he had no answers he wanted to give them. He sighed, then moved forward and pressed the button beside the door. Maybe G'kar would be asleep.

"Come." The low voice that answered was definitely the Narn's. The door slid aside, to reveal G'Kar in the middle of his room. The Narn blinked. "Mollari."

"Yes. I know." He shifted uncomfortably. "And now that you know, do you still intend to permit me to enter, or should I run before your door attempts to slice me in half?" He tried to put the old sarcasm back in his tone, but it was half-hearted. He wasn't even sure if he wanted G'Kar to invite him in, or tell him to leave.

"Oh, you might as well come in. This is far too interesting to let you walk away." The Narn gestured impatiently. "But you'd better hurry, or someone will see you there. Doubtless, they'll assume you're here to assassinate me or some such nonsense."

The words were unnervingly close to his own thoughts. They were also true. Londo stepped across the threshold, trying not to flinch as the door hissed closed behind him. He turned to the room, trying to find some distraction in it.

The room was darker than he was used to, set to Narn normal lighting, which G'Kar naturally preferred. The furniture was all dark and heavy, including what looked like a solid stone table. There was an altar to one side of the room, not at all surprising, given what a religious man G'Kar was. But the couch looked comfortable, if not exactly to his tastes, and the chairs appeared relatively well padded.

"You may as well have a seat. Personally, I'd take the couch if I were you. I keep it for my non-Narn guests." G'Kar waved. "I assume you will eventually get around to telling me what led to this unexpected visit, yes?" He cocked his head, fixing Mollari with his gaze. "In the meantime, perhaps you'll excuse me if I find some attire more suited to having visitors."

With a start, Londo realized that he'd caught G'Kar in a rare state of relaxation. The armor was gone, and the heavy, floor-length jacket the Narn usually wore. A loose shirt, open to mid-chest, and a dark pair of trousers were all that covered the man's frame. Even his hands were bare. A quick glance at the desk revealed an open manuscript, so he'd probably been writing.

G'Kar started to turn away, but Londo held up his hand. "There is no need to trouble yourself on my account. In fact, if you do not object..." He shifted, loosening the cravat at his throat. The temperature in G'Kar's quarters was higher than he was used to. "I would not object to getting rid of a few of these myself. It is so very hot in here, you know? At least, for a man of my culture."

"Hmmm, yes. And I wouldn't want to get Centuari sweat all over the furniture. It would take forever to clean." G'Kar grinned, no real heat in the barb. "By all means, Mollari, make yourself comfortable." There was a touch of sarcasm in the tone, a match for the ironic half-gesture he made.

Londo nodded. "Of course." After a moment of thought, he unsnapped the cuff links on his wrists, and removed his jacket. A second later, his waistcoat followed it, leaving him in pants and shirt, much as the Narn was. Without the heavy layers of fabric, the room seemed much cooler. Or perhaps it was only the way his hearts had ceased to race, realizing the Narn wasn't going to throw him out, or put a knife in him. G'Kar was many things, but courteous to an intended target of his rage wasn't one of them, normally.

G'Kar disappeared into his dining area, to reappear a moment later with two cups and a bottle. "Drink? It's not brivari I'm afraid, but it isn't Narn either." He shrugged. "The people of earth do make such interesting beverages. Of course, that's if Doctor Franklin has released you." He smirked.

"You know very well he has not. But, as you also know, what he does not discover cannot possibly trouble him." Londo snorted. "We have already both made a habit of defying his rules. I see no reason to discontinue such a fine tradition, no?"

"Ah, yes. In that, Mollari, you may be correct." G'Kar shrugged, and edged his chair over toward the table, setting both glasses down and pouring a measure of the liquid into each. As he moved, the light caught on his hands, rough with marks of old battles. The edge of his sleeve slipped back from his wrist, to reveal the scars left by manacles.

The sight sent a cold chill through Londo's gut. He didn't want to think about how the scars had gotten there, rubbed into the other man's arms. He jerked his gaze up, to G'Kar's face. The Narn held out a drink, and as he looked up, one red eye and one blue flashed at Mollari.

Londo took the glass and took a quick sip, trying to regain his mental balance. And yet, the wounds were a part of what lay between them, and he knew it. As much as he didn't wish to speak of it, a part of him knew they would have to address the issue at some point. He took another drink, wondering if there was any way he could get drunk enough to open the discussion without killing himself.

"Something troubles you." G'kar spoke quietly from his own seat. Surprisingly, there was nothing in the tone but observation. He might have been commenting on a view of the stars. He leaned forward, and topped off Londo's glass. "Something tells me, it is not the temperature of my quarters."

"No, it is not." Londo took another swallow, then took a breath. His gaze fixed on G'Kar's artificial eye. It was safe enough. Probably hundreds of people had commented on it. "You know, that eye doesn't suit you. It makes you look altogether too human. Have you spoken to Doctor Franklin about that?"

"I have. He assures me that it is quite easy to get...what was the word? Ah, yes. To get contact lenses that will change the color without inhibiting my vision. He has promised to order me some, as soon as it is possible to do so." G'kar settled back, taking another drink from his own glass. "Did you come all this way, just to ask about that? You could have waited. Or even joined the crowds of people making the same comment, all over the station."

"I know. But then...I would not dare to ask..." He took another drink, looking for courage in the fire burning it's way down his throat. "In a different place, I would not ask if it still pains you. If your other injuries still pain you."

"Is that what you are asking?" G'Kar's voice was still quiet, neutral, but there was a hint of tension in it.

"Yes. I am asking you. I am asking if you are still in pain, from what Cartagia did to you. If the price that was demanded of you from our bargain is still being paid." Londo wanted to take another drink, wanted it very badly. But, in this moment of truth, he didn't quite dare. He wanted to hear G'Kar's answer and he wanted to do so without resorting to the defense of alcohol.

"Why? Do you wish to salve your conscience? Or is it simple curiosity? Would you like to know that I still suffer? Or that I do not?" G'Kar's tone was challenging this time, but curiously lacking in anger.

"I would like to believe that the wounds have healed, though I know...what Cartagia did...no doubt it is not that simple." Londo sighed. "As to why...why indeed? I do not know either. I wish I did. Perhaps...perhaps it is only because I should have asked, then. When Cartagia..." He stopped, not wanting to say the word, uncertain of the memories it would bring to the other man's mind.

"Say it, Mollari. Acknowledge it." G'Kar's demand cut through the stillness like a knife. "You know what was done."

"Yes. I do. Cartagia tortured you, mutilated you. He...humiliated you." That word slipped hard past his throat. Londo swallowed and looked away. "I said I would watch, but the truth is, I could not, any more than I can look you in the eye right now." Londo swallowed again, feeling as though the wine had turned to rocks in his gut. "I tried my best to see as little as possible of what you suffered. And what I did see, I wish that I had not." He turned the glass in his hands, the words coming forth unexpectedly. "Vir asked me, once, how I could witness such torture and remain uncaring. How I could see what they were doing to you, and remain silent. I told him it had to be that way. But...you may not believe me, but I did care. I wished at the time that I had not."

"You remained silent." G'Kar's voice gave nothing away. Londo looked up, but the angular face was still, relaxed. In the dreams, he had been emotional, and Londo had seen the pain and the anger. But now he was still, calm. Waiting.

"Yes. I remained silent. Because I was afraid, and I did not know anything I could say. And I did not look, except there at the end, because I could not conceive of facing you." Londo sighed. "Would it surprise you to know that, aside from cowardice, I was trying to spare you? I thought that perhaps you would not want me to see it. That perhaps you would feel your torture was easier to endure without me there. I don't know. Perhaps, it would have been easier, if you had felt you had an ally there, among your tormenters. If I misjudged, then I am sorry. But then, I suppose that is part of the reason that I am here now."

There was silence in the room for several moments. Londo stared at his drink, waiting for G'Kar's words. He had said all he knew how to say, and there was nothing he could do, not until he knew what the Narn was thinking.

"You did not misjudge." G'Kar's voice was soft. Londo looked up, and the Narn favored him with a tight, pained smile. "I did not want you to see what was done. And I too wish you had not been there that night. But then...perhaps...I would not have screamed, if you had not reminded me of the price. We will never know."

"And your back...?" Londo stopped, unable to get the words past his throat.

The tight smile disappeared. "It aches. It will always ache, Mollari. That cannot be prevented now. But it is less than it might have been. I can bear it."

"Yes. I suspect we will both have to bear our memories." Londo finally found the strength to take another swallow of his drink.

There was silence between them for several minutes. Both of them nursed their drinks, their thoughts lost in the memories shared between them. Londo drank slowly, strangely unwilling to seek the solace of the bottle just then. The coward part of his mind said he was merely afraid to face another near-death experience. Another part of his mind wanted to believe it was because he did not want to be drunk with this man, this man he had shared so much with, both in suffering and salvation.

The silence was becoming uncomfortable, too heavy with memory. Londo looked up, met the gaze of the man seated across from him. "So then...you claim to have found enlightenment, these days. So tell me, G'Kar...where do we go from here, eh?" He sighed. "We have seen the worst of each other, and perhaps...a small smidgen of the good as well. Someday, you are destined to kill me. And yet...we are no longer enemies. Instead, we have a truce, almost an alliance between us. So then...where do we go from here?"

"We move forward." G'kar shrugged. "I have no wish to fall back into the darkness, Mollari. Do you?" Londo shook his head, and the Narn nodded. "Then we will move forward. Perhaps, one day, I will fulfill your dream, and come to claim your life. But not today, and not tomorrow. As for what happens in between, who can say? We will continue to have this strange alliance between us, and what is to become of it will be for both of us to decide. Outside this door, we will wear our masks, to hide our secrets from others. But perhaps, sometimes, we will meet like this, and the masks will come off, and we will look each other in the eyes again." He shrugged again. "That really is up to both of us, isn't it?"

"It is. But...would you want to continue this?" Londo swallowed.

"Perhaps. At the very least, it is interesting. And it does prevent boredom from setting in, does it not?" G'Kar smiled. "Besides...if the strangest path should occur, and we became something like friends...well, think of the scandal it would cause."

"Yes, that would be amusing. Though no doubt, it would give Sheridan some peace of mind, no? And Delenn, and the station security." Londo felt himself relax enough to return the other man's smile. "Yes, you are right. It is certainly an entertaining possibility to consider." He raised his nearly empty glass in toast. "To an interesting future, eh?"

"To the future." G'Kar returned the salute, and tossed back his own drink. "Now, if you don't mind, I have a bed to seek, and I believe you have one as well, unless you were planning on sleeping on my couch."

"Maker forbid." Londo rose hastily. Truce might have been established, but he wasn't going to go that far. He gathered his clothing. "Very well. I wish you a good evening." He turned.

G'Kar stepped in front of him, stopping him as the door hissed open. The Narn stuck his head into the corridor, glanced in all directions, then pulled back. "It's safe. There are no witnesses, Mollari." He smirked.

"Good. Then I shall wish you good night, and be on my way." Londo stepped out. "I will see you tomorrow, in Council, yes?"

"Of course. Perhaps we'll even have a chance to speak again." G'Kar favored him with a final smirk, and then reached over to touch his door control. "Good night, Mollari." The door whisked closed, to leave Londo standing in the corridor.

Londo stared at the door a moment, then turned away. He felt tired, but strangely relaxed. G'kar was right. They would go forward. Perhaps the strange alliance would deepen. Perhaps new circumstances would force them to animosity once more. But...the memories they shared, good and bad, lingered between them. And somehow, they formed a bond that could not be shaken, an understanding that, in a way, was more relaxing than any friendship he had ever had before. For the first time, he was almost unafraid of the future. He sighed, then continued to his quarters, to undress and sink into his bed. G'kar was right. The future was certainly going to be...interesting.