A/N: .n.n. The denial-acceptance line is something I say IRL all the time- it's great fun and an almost surefire silencer on denials- but there's a real 5-point list of grieving that has denial as the first step that leads to acceptance. And… I'm rambling. Weheeee….
And yay for buying things! Though I've never finished the first manga version (you can watch all the anime version on so even my twisting may be different in the manga version. N.n.
Fluff? You say to me fluff? Define thine fluff and we shall see. For now, there's at least one big hurdle before anything to happen.
And I command thee to RETURN oh great subconscious thought process! .c.c.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything that isn't mine to own.
Ch.9
I stabbed the last number for the hundredth time and then listened to the phone ring twice, and then a click, and the voice machine again. "Hello, this is Kasumi's cell. The battery died on me again, so try again tomorrow! Or you can leave a message! Bye!"
Sighing, I hung up, already having left three messages still unanswered. Rolling onto my back, I murmured, "Why won't you let me apologize, Kasumi…?"
'Why should you have to apologize? You're doing just what she said…'
No I'm not. I'm too scared what she thinks of me to do anything anymore.
'Who? Kasumi? Or Izumi?'
Both.
'What happened to that passion from your younger years? Has the thought of marriage already dried you up to a prune?'
I stopped and pulled a pillow over my head. I can't… I can't cheat on Kasumi… I already feel awful at the very thought of it.
'Then go home.'
I… I can't do that either. I feel like I'd be running away.
'Didn't you run away to Holland before?'
…Yes. I don't want to do that again.
'Why not? Don't you remember what made you run away in the first place?'
Izumi… No, I met Kasumi here and we ran away so we could be together.
'You didn't run away so you wouldn't be hurt by Izumi anymore?'
I've… I've already given up on her.
'Then why did you take Kasumi's offer to come back?'
I… wanted to see my old friends again.
'Then why haven't you seen anyone else but Izumi?'
Because… why are you asking me this? You already know…
'Because you know it… but you've lost your ability to admit it to yourself.'
I've only been here a day. That's not long enough…
'Long enough to what? Burn Izumi into your memory?'
To… to see anyone else.
'Why do you set her as a priority? Is it just because she's the reason Kasumi sent you here for?'
No… Izumi is just… Izumi.
'Not Izumi-san?'
I blinked and frowned, wondering when I had stopped adding a suffix to her name. "That doesn't mean anything."
'You rarely even call Kasumi without a suffix. Is Izumi closer to an equal to you than your wife-to-be?'
No! I mean… I love Kasumi… and I do consider her as an equal…
'But you love Izumi more, don't you?'
Maybe… when I was younger. But not now. Not anymore.
'Did you ever fly to the other side of the world to have even the slightest chance with Kasumi?'
No… but that's because we've always been together since we met! We never had to…
'When you were little and dreamed of getting married, did you think of it as always being Siamese Twins, stuck at the hip for all eternity?'
Yes…
'When you were little, you wanted Izumi that badly? She was the first, wasn't she?'
First dibs isn't the same when it comes to love.
'But the first can show you what you want the most. What did you love about Izumi? Back then?'
What did I…? She cared about me, when no one else did.
'No one?'
My parents were fully willing to believe I'd joined the convent, for no reason at all. They didn't need me in their home. Yoshitaka… just saw me as another dress-up doll… another maid for his perverted setup. Mitsuki was nice… but she had no real reason to care for me.
'Didn't Izumi consider you just another girl she had to keep away from Yoshitaka? Was that real caring?'
She had her own way of showing it…
'Ways that Kasumi can't imitate?'
I don't want her to imitate it… she doesn't have to… she's far more open about her feelings…
'Then you love both of them, just for different reasons?'
I sighed, closing my eyes. Is that so wrong?
'No… but you can't get married like this. One way or another, you have to decide.'
How can I decide something like this? I love Kasumi for her stability… the returned affections… it comes so naturally with her… but…
'Izumi?'
I loved… love her because…because… I love her so blindly I don't even know why anymore.
At that moment, the phone rang. Hoping it was Kasumi, I picked it up. "Hello? Kasumi?"
I have to learn to check that Caller ID thing more often.
"Anna-chan… there's something I want to tell you…"
Izumi… "What is it?"
"I… I'm a horrible friend for saying this to you… especially now… and I'm not really expecting anything to come of it afterwards…"
"Izumi?" Why is my heart starting to beat just a little faster? As if… no… it couldn't be… not Izumi…
"I –blip- you, Anna-chan…"
I blinked, looking at my phone screen. 'Call waiting. Kasumi-koi' Of all the times… "Izumi? I'm sorry I didn't hear that…"
"…I love –blip-"
I sighed, biting my lip. It couldn't go on like this. "This is really bad timing… Kasumi is on the other line. Can I…?"
"Oh. No it's okay. I'll just-"
"Stay on the line! Please, I just… hold on, okay?" I quickly flipped the lines and spoke to Kasumi. "Kasumi? Good, you finally answered…"
"I told you I had something else I needed to do, Anna-chan… you didn't have to call me ten billion times…"
"Kasumi, I- I'm really really sorry about what happened this afternoon."
"Why? Did something actually happen? If I know you… you were in the shower, weren't you?"
"How did you…?"
"You're impossibly easy to figure out, Anna-chan. You don't think I noticed that you're more prone to saying reckless statements after you've had your hot shower at the end of a long day?"
"Oh…" Did I have a habit like that? She'd never pointed it out to me before… "Then why did you sound so hurt?"
"You couldn't tell? I miss you, Anna-chan. I was just thinking of how I won't be able to share a shower with you for 12 more days…"
I suddenly felt incredibly stupid. And guilty. "Kasumi… tell me… what did you want to happen… by me coming back here?"
"… Have you come to a decision?"
It's probably not one you'll like… "With the way I feel right now…" I closed my eyes and bit the bullet. "Kasumi… I can't marry you."
The silence stretched for so long, I almost thought she had hung up on me again. "Because you still love her? Or because you'd rather marry her?"
"Kasumi, I-"
"Don't lie, Anna-chan. Not to me, not to yourself."
I sighed. "She just told me she loved me, Kasumi. How can I ignore that?"
"I never said you had to. But can you stand to be hurt again?"
"I… Now that I know I have more than a chance… I think I have enough strength to believe I won't be hurt again. Not the same way at least."
Kasumi sighed. "Anna-chan… I can't keep it in any longer. You have butterfingers."
"What?"
"Check your screen. Izumi-san, you can hear me, can't you."
That startled me more than anything. I looked at my phone. Conference Calling… I cursed.
Izumi coughed. –"Sorry for eavesdropping…"-
Staring into space, I whispered, "You heard all that?"
-"Well… yeah…"-
Kasumi still seemed rather nonplussed by it all. "Saves you time, Anna-chan. Let me just ask one thing first, though. Izumi-san… what do you want from Anna-chan? I'm not talking about your past together- the here and now."
I remained silent, listening for all that I could bear to hear.
-"I… I love Anna. I didn't want to admit it for a long time… but lately… I've been thinking… and now I know it's true. If I had said it before she met you… I'm sure… no… back then, I was too stupid to know what I wanted… but now… Kasumi-san… I don't want to steal your fiancée away from you by any means, but… I'm strong enough to let go of my denial so that Anna doesn't have to deal with the backlash anymore."-
Silence.
"You say you don't want to… but Izumi-san… I think you already have. I always wondered why the person I loved had that soulless look in her eyes every so often… but now I know. Before she left Japan, she entrusted her heart and her soul to you. It only makes sense that now her body has returned to you…" A pause. "Anna-chan."
I jumped to attention. "Yes?"
"I'll handle calling off the wedding. I knew you would go one of two ways when you went to Japan; I had only hoped you wouldn't choose this one. But I prepared myself for it, so don't feel guilty. I just want you to be happy, Anna-chan. Send me a picture of when your body and soul are completely reunited, all right?"
"Kasumi-"
"Izumi-san… consider these next two weeks a trial period. Start on a new slate, and pretend I never existed. If you still feel the same two weeks from now, I'll entrust Anna-chan's happiness completely to you. Well, you both. Just call the day of, won't you?"
I frowned, guiltier than ever. "But Kasumi, our wedding date was set for-"
"I know, Anna-chan. It's fine. I can think of no greater birthday gift than to know that you've finally found your happiness. Even if it's not with me."
-"Kasumi-san…"-
"I sincerely wish you two the best of luck. I should get to work now… It's only my lunch break."
"Kasumi… I'm sorry…"
"Stop apologizing. Just say 'Bye, Kasumi, have fun at work'… like you always do."
… "Bye Kasumi. Have… have fun at work."
"Bye, Anna-chan. Izumi-san."
With that, Kasumi severed the line between herself and the other two girls.
A/N: Ah… so ends chapter nine… is it over? Oh come now, I haven't even gotten to the fun part yet! Still more to go!
