Hello out there, I'm sure your kinda upset with how long its taken me to get updates on this story. I'm trying to find time to work on it, its fun in an odd sense, but I have a lot of other ideas in my mind and I've been thinking bout them too.
'Thoughts'
"Spoken"
X-X
A Past To Forget
Chapter – 9
How had things turned out this way, Misato thought as her naked back rubbed against the futon mattress. Sweat glistening on both of their bodies, Misato letting out low toned yet multiple moans in quick succession. She tried to speak but the pleasure from her partner was to much for her to act, each yelp in pleasure an aborted question or command. 'I've missed this so much,' Misato thought as he wrapped his hands around her ankles and slowly drew them further apart.
The dim light in her room giving her only the barest vision of her lover, she hoped she wasn't making to much noise, as she didn't want to be interrupted by anybody else in the apartment. 'Don't stop…don't stop,' was the mantra in her mind as she felt the pace quicken, nearing its end for him, and herself for that matter. Lunging forward, Misato wrapped her arms around his back, crushing her lips against his in a need to find another outlet for her overflow of sensation he did just fine.
'I'm going to…I'm…I'm about…' she tried to say but again only yelps and moans escaped her lips, she could feel her nails crawling against his back, drawing them up in down in an attempt to feel every inch of it at the same time. His hands placed on either side of her head to keep from falling down on her, his own mingled grunts and moans being drowned out by her louder voice. And in one moment, an electric shock of pure emotion and pleasure lanced Misato's mind clearing the fog as she cried out, "Oh God SHINJI!"
Shooting out of her bed, Misato's heart lurched in her heart, her head whipping around the empty room. 'What the fuck was that?' Misato's panicked mind assaulted her. A dream, was it really a dream this time? Her hands felt across the futon for wetness, a body, or anything to help calm her nerves. She found wetness, but it was her own, leaving her body as she dreamt. Long labored breaths left her body as she calmed down, knowing it was just a dream, a very vivid dream. She covered her eyes with her hand and felt for her alarm clock with the other. Clutching the bastard machine, Misato pulled it to her face, "shit, its only three."
Falling back into her bed, Misato let out a sigh. 'This isn't a good sign is it?' She decided that it was definitely not a good sign to have wet dreams about her ward who she knew all it would take was a word and he'd do it, and be scared further. Giving her face a small smack with her hands. 'I do not want to have sex with him, I don't. Its like Ritsuko said, dreams are dreams because we can't control them.' It was probably just one beer to many and that stupid romance movie of Asuka's, yeah, that was it, no real reason for it. Turning on her side, Misato did her best to ignore the burning feeling in her stomach as flashes of the dream entered her mind. 'It was just a dream damn it!'
X-X
"Alright, Asuka and Rei you can go back to school, Shinji can you come up here after you change?" Ritsuko said over the intercom as the early morning sync test came to a close. The pilots all acknowledged the order and engaged the exit protocol and began empting the test plugs. Looking over the results, Ritsuko nodded in satisfaction. "Well I guess you're idea to bring Asuka into the apartment must have been good. Either that or something else good has happened in Shinji's life." Finding Misato lost in thought, Ritsuko resisted the urge to joke. "Misato?"
"Huh, oh yeah, I told you didn't I?" Misato replied after noticing Ritsuko's concerned face. While she was watching the pilots' tests, her mind kept returning to why and how it was possible for her to have such an odd dream that night. 'I can't tell Ritsuko about this now, she would think more into it.' Walking to Ritsuko's station and viewing the results over the blonds shoulder, "Looks like Rei is even starting to make some improvements."
Having noticed that as well, and how Rei had been acting strangely around Shinji ever since the last angel two weeks ago, Ritsuko wondered if the two might have been correlated. 'Well that's why I've asked him up here, a little update on him to make sure he's on the right path,' Ritsuko thought as she sipped her coffee. "What do you think Maya?"
The tech just looked at her superior and shrugged, Maya had slowly started to dislike the two other women. 'They just don't care about anything but themselves,' Maya thought sadly about Misato and Ritsuko. She'd seen it in various ways around Nerv. Ritsuko seemed to jump at the chance to give the Commander good news, while Katsuragi acted all cruel and vindictive around Ryoji but Maya could tell that something was going on between them. 'Selfish women using others pain as means for self improvement.' Putting on her best fake smile, "Maybe he's finally gotten over things and Rei's been helping him?" Maya wondered if Misato would take the bait.
Maya wasn't surprised at Misato's response. "Maybe its Asuka's influence like I thought," her voice a mix of accusation and pride. 'What could Maya know about things, she just butted into this and is no better at understanding this than we are.' And Misato lived with the two teens; surely she'd be best to know if something was affecting one of them. Asuka seemed much happier around the apartment lately, the last two days especially Asuka seemed to dance on air around the apartment. Shinji seemed a little more withdrawn, but everybody has moods on occasion, right? Not seeing Maya's small frown, Misato pushed on, "I was sure Asuka would have a good effect on him."
Maya's rebuttal was cut short as Ritsuko's forced cough brought both women's attention to the opening door they had company. "Shinji-kun, first off this isn't a reprimand or anything so no need to be worried," Ritsuko's smile did little to assist the nervous boy however. The air about him was dower and lax, anticipating some grievous sin he had unknowingly committed. "We just want to ask you a few questions about how things have been lately for you. You're scores are up so if we can, we'd like you to continue whatever it is you've been doing."
Smiling broadly, Misato wrapped an arm around Shinji's neck and pulled him against her chest. "Yeah, Shinji-kun. You're doing great and we just want to make sure things keep going that way." The smell of LCL permeated Misato's senses as the smell emanated from Shinji's hair, which was now right under her nose. 'It fits him almost,' she thought sadly as the coppery smell continued to fill her mind with images of blood. "So spill Shinji have you and Asuka been getting along better than you've let us know?"
Shinji's body reacted normally, he blushed softly, yet his mind was clamoring for an excuse. These women were happy for him, proud of him, and were doing a lot to help him. How could he say that at times he was afraid of Asuka, times he was nervous to be around her, and lately she'd been asking him to do more questionable things. The other problem was he liked her too. She was just like Rei in her sense of self-reliance and strength. He found at times he didn't mind doing her chores, making her lunch, or helping her with her homework. When Asuka was happy or proud of him, her overflowing emotions would make him happy, brighten his day, and make him forget. Could he tell the others that she was doing this?
He couldn't, "She's just been nicer to me since we beat the angel so it's been nicer." Not a total lie, yet a half-truth. His increased happiness came from knowing that somebody actually cared about him, Rei, and although he wasn't happy with her for her affection. If it were real or not Shinji questioned. He drank up the idea that, soiled or not, somebody his age, and he respected so highly, could feel anything but pity for him.
Maya, not to allow Misato to have her way and being a hypocrite, pressed her side. "We see that Pilot Ayanami has also been improving greater than usual since the last angel as well. Something you wanted to add?" Maya's tone left the question hanging in the air. Misato glared at the impertinence of the lower rank tech. How dare she question my theory the glare seemed to say silently. The response was yet another blush, deeper this time, and another stammered reply that he had only spoken to her a little more.
Feeling the atmosphere growing colder as Maya and Misato glared at one another, Ritsuko sighed mentally. 'Children, I'm surrounded by children,' she thought rubbing her temples. Having prior knowledge of Misato's mental routine, Ritsuko knew better than to question her outright or even imply that you didn't agree. Misato was tenacious when she felt threatened. 'Maybe I should have brought Asuka in for questioning as well, she'd have given better answers and caused less…tension.' Noticing how Misato still had Shinji in a small embrace, "Shinji-kun, your dismissed. Sorry this took so long, if you hurry you should be back before lunch ends, ok?"
Seeing how time had raced onward as they bickered over who was more right, Maya saw a chance. "How about I take you back to school Shinji-kun? We can stop for a bite to eat on the way, you did promise me remember?" She'd get him to relax and get some real answers out of him, Maya reasoned. Asking him anything around Misato was surely a scripted reply for her benefit. It wasn't hard for Maya or Ritsuko to miss how Shinji idolized the Captain after this whole affair started. Shinji's face went slack, and Misato's hand unconsciously clenched grabbing at his shirt possessively. Eyeing Misato up, "it would insure he got both a good meal and got back to school."
Pulling her arm away from Shinji and pushing him towards the door, "I guess it's a good idea." A small laugh erupted from her lips, "finally you get a good meal you didn't have to make right?" Misato joked. Shinji thanked Misato and Ritsuko for their concern and again repeated how much better he was feeling, a very solid truth, and he and Maya left the room towards Maya's car. "That bitch," Misato finally said when Maya was out of range to hear her.
It was Ritsuko's turn to laugh, "Why because she had a good idea and it might help him? Lord knows what he eats when it's your turn to cook." Misato's scowl was also comical for Ritsuko. Relaxing back into her chair while Misato huffed and followed suit, Ritsuko pondered why Maya's request had agitated her friend so. "You don't think she'd do anything stupid do you?" she asked; better to just be open with it.
Misato gave the report another tentative glance then set it down, mostly unread. "No, its just I'm worried that I'm not doing the right thing here. None of us are therapists, which he should be seeing might I add, so we're just treading in the dark." Yeah Shinji seemed to be getting better, Asuka to for that matter was seemingly in a better mood. Misato wasn't ignorant of Asuka's past or the young German's fragile mental state at either. But where they doing the right thing for him, her, hell even Rei could stand for some mental assistance.
"We've been over this many times Misato. Yes he should get therapy, but we can't risk the blow back from this. After the angels are dead and gone I'll even foot the bill for it," Ritsuko admitted. Doing her fake review of the report as Misato had done, Ritsuko could feel a cold nub in her questioning if they'd live long enough for him to receive the help he truly needed. With a large breath, "So far they seem to be getting along so I think you did have the right idea. Putting him with people his own age might be the key to getting him back into a 'teenage' mode of thinking."
Rubbing her arms, Misato hoped Ritsuko was right, "I think I'll get something to eat at the galley, want anything?" Ritsuko shook her head 'no' and Misato stood and walked out. So many things could be done differently for better or worse. 'Why was I so upset with Ibuki for asking Shinji out for lunch? It was a kind gesture kid needs more of them. I just felt like she was taking a shot at me. This isn't about me, but why does it feel like she did it to irk me?' Misato would have continued down that way of thinking had Kaji not saw her and smiled his lady killer smile, wrap an arm around her waist and follow her all the way to the galley, they had things to talk about.
X-X
Getting to her desk right as Hikari called for lunch, Asuka pulled the lunch Shinji made for her out of her satchel with a content grin. When Misato had said Asuka had been happier, she hadn't been mistaken. Asuka was given something unexpectedly, something she didn't know she wanted, needed to have. That was power. Developing slowly from since her young childhood, Asuka had strove for acceptance, to be the best. From that need came the unconscious need for power over others. And now, through her timid flat mate, she had complete power, if used in carefully.
"Whatever you're eating Asuka give me some, you look like your about to explode," Hikari chided as she took her seat across from the beaming redhead. Pulling her own lunch out, Hikari smiled at her friend. She liked knowing her friends where happy, and if she could gage the young woman across from her, Hikari believed Asuka was sufficiently happy.
A quick frown and angry look appeared on Asuka's face as she wrapped her arms around the food, "no mine, get your own!" Then she smiled and Hikari and she started laughing full heartedly. Whipping away a stray tear that formed while she chuckled to hard, Asuka started to eat her food. "So what did I miss while I was proving again to be the best pilot?"
Separating the onions from the rice, the added to the overall taste but Hikari couldn't stand eating them Hikari recalled the boring morning. "Touji was sent to hold buckets for coming in late, Kensuke taped it of course. Mai and Koji announced their dating, another note was found in Ayanami's desk this morning too." Hikari pointed at the blue haired girl who was walking away from the trash bin where she placed the unopened and uncared for love letter.
"Honestly who'd send her love letters," Asuka said while shaking her head. The First Child had as much appeal as a clerical exam in Asuka's opinion. Something for the perverts to lust over and fantasize having human emotion while in fact they were just humping a breathing doll. 'I bet it's a pervert too. I bet she wouldn't even make a sound if they fucked her,' Asuka thought sickly. Turning away from the retreating First Child, Asuka turned to better news. "So Mai is finally going to throw away her sense of self and date that pig?"
While Hikari didn't talk to Mai as much as Asuka, the young brown haired girl was still a friend and was very happy her crush accepted her heart. 'Why can't Touji take a hint and ask me?' she wondered sadly and nearing the breaking point. "Asuka if you keep up that attitude you'll never have a boyfriend. But I don't want to get into this…again." Memories of the last time they shared this talk, resulting in her yelling how she 'didn't like Shinji' fresh in her mind.
Making a noncommittal sound, Asuka just averted her eyes. She could have told Hikari that if she wanted a boyfriend all she had to do was tell the lucky bastard. "I don't need one Hikari, I can get all I want without the hassle." Asuka slipped as her mental vision hadn't been to pleasant, clearly something she didn't want Hikari to know of.
Her face a quizzical mask, Hikari wondered what Asuka meant by her cryptic comment. "What's that mean, how can you get and how are you getting it?" A faint blush rose to the surface of her face at how the words sounded leaving her mouth. Putting the lid back on her lunch and sliding it into her bag, she waited for Asuka to reply.
"Just that if I wanted a boyfriend I just have to tell whoever I deem worthy and I'm sure they'd count their blessings," Asuka was quick to say as she too sealed her empty lunch box. The conversation dulled down to television shows, new books, and other pointless classroom gossip. Asuka wasn't even listening to her own voice, her mind was frazzled at her near admission of her latest and most cherished discovery. She tried to calm down, get her heart to stop thumping so hard, and to get ride of the itch growing in her stomach.
It only happened twice since the defeat of the seventh angel, but Asuka could still taste Shinji on her lips. A week to the day of their first kiss, Asuka wondered if it was just a fluke that the boy could kiss so well. When Misato left for her night shift, Asuka stole into Shinji's room as he prepared for bed. She was pissed at how meek and uncertain she sounded when she asked him to kiss her again, he blushed and asked why she wanted that. That pissed her off, here she was the most attractive woman he most likely would ever get to see, offering to kiss him, and what does he do; question her. She then didn't ask, she told him to kiss her. He did, and it was even better than the first time. 'The things he can do with his tongue, Asuka mused and blushed, Hikari luckily didn't notice.
The second time she had told him to kiss her, a thrill and a shiver always accompanied that thought. She 'told' him to do something and he did it, the power in that knowledge, the power she held over him. 'He wants to please me so much he'll do anything I tell him' her mind received that as. The second time had been two days ago, this time Misato had been in the bath while she walked up to him in the kitchen, making supper for them. 'I just looked him in the eyes, said pucker up, and…' how his hand slowly traced her breast and the aroused nipple was something she hadn't counted on, nearly slapped him afterward for being perverted, but it felt to good at the time.
Each time afterward, he'd looked sad, likely upset she made him stop, and she left with no word of thanks, love, or even care. She did though, an odd sort of caring starting to develop in her heart for the boy, which was part of the driving force in her demands for a little shared intimacy. The first kiss was a joke gone wrong, the second a test to see if she could truly ask him anything, the third was out of need for comfort. She'd received a letter from her father and well her family was a touchy subject for her and Shinji had been easily able to chase away the bad feelings. 'I'm sure he likes it anyway so why am I justifying things?'
Across the room from the dazed Asuka and gossiping Hikari, Touji and Kensuke ate store bought meals and joked around. With no Shinji to tease, Touji had to pick on Kensuke, something he hadn't done in awhile. "So who do you think Ayanami's secret admirer is Ken?" Touji's voice hinted at knowledge not spoken of. Touji's question in Kensuke's ears was more 'Why are you trying Ken, she doesn't like you she likes somebody else.'
'Only because she doesn't know me…doesn't give me a chance,' Kensuke responded mentally to the words Touji hadn't spoken, honestly didn't think. Picking at an offensive snot in his nose, Kensuke rolled his eyes. "How should I know that man, maybe somebody from another class, nobodies seen anything," something Kensuke went to great lengths to insure. He'd not be found out before he was ready, and she was as well. 'Why doesn't she read them?' He mentally cursed. All the effort he'd been putting into getting her letters unnoticed, he'd stopped trying at her apartment, as he'd have no idea if she ever saw the envelope amid the mess.
Biting into his sandwich, Touji caught an odd gleam in Kensuke's eyes. Thinking it just lover's remorse, Rei had shot him down really hard so why not think her a bitch. Bites of bread and meat falling from his mouth as he spoke, his breath a rancid combination of ranch dressing and salami, "Think its Shinji?" It could have been, both boys saw how the two reacted to one another, and if it were Shinji Touji doubted it'd be long till they got together.
To that Kensuke laughed, "Shinji, I think he's hitting on the devil over there. She's been acting happier lately and never know…" Kensuke trailed off as the idea caught on in Touji's head. Tossing his empty containers into the trashcan, Kensuke could hope he was right. 'She'd be wasted on somebody like Shinji, somebody who doesn't know what he has and milks his status to gain favor,' Kensuke crushed the can of soda in his hand.
"Hit the arcade with me today?" Touji asked changing the topic as he righted his desk for the return of class. They used to go to the arcade together a lot, but lately Kensuke had been either to busy, or had something else planned and it bothered Touji to a degree. They had been friends for a long time and to be blown off so much was getting on his nerves.
Giving his camera a long glance, Kensuke appeared to be weighting his options. "Maybe a little later, hour or two after? Have to run errands for my dad first." The new digital cassette tape in his pocket said otherwise, but Touji would make a scene out of it had he known the truth. Having not been totally dismissed, Touji patted Kensuke on the back and agreed to meet him later. Nobody noticed how Shinji made it to school that day, Asuka was too occupied with her internal thoughts, Rei noticed but whom would she tell it to that would care, and the others simply thought it Nerv business.
X-X
"So how have you been Katsuragi?" Kaji said as smoothly as he could as he sat hunched over the table, resting his chin on her palm. His eyes stayed locked onto Misato's and he enjoyed the view. Where he loved the woman or not, Kaji didn't know, but she was a warm body and a pleasant conversation when such things mattered. And with a job like his where death was always a possibility it was nice to have a person around you could have fun with. 'Never know when it'd be the last time,' he thought darkly.
Not having much of an appetite surviving the walk from the test facilities to the galley due to Kaji's 'company,' Misato rolled her eyes. "I've been better if you must know," she answered truthfully. Her own insecurities added to the relationship questions Kaji brought with him habitually left her mood very low. 'First I have a wet dream last night and now I have a walking hard on trying to stick his toe…' Slamming her chopsticks on the table, Misato stood up and glared at Kaji, his look of innocence still on his face. "You pig! Look I said you could come with me while I ate, I didn't say you could feel me up!"
Holding his hands up in mock defeat, "Sorry Katsuragi, It's just been so long and I thought we could try again." The smile on Kaji's face was unreadable, and that was what drove Misato crazy. She could never tell when he was serious, joking, or just looking for an excuse. Pulling himself back into a proper-seated position, it was the only way to get Misato to sit back down. "I take it that things at the Katsuragi, Ikari, Souryu residence aren't as you liked mom?"
Huffing loudly and folding her arms across her chest, a sign of closing off and protection, Misato couldn't meet his gaze. "Its complicated there. But it's not bad, far from it in fact." Oh how she wanted to believe that, though the doubts and uncertainties ringing in her mind could have told a different story. A story that would make the grown man across from her sick possibly. Shall she tell him the story how her male ward was the fuck toy of a sick woman, her female ward went from being a bitch to being overly polite, or how about how the last non-solo sexual act she had involved said male ward? None of those stories seemed appropriate.
Kaji's smile still never lost its luster when he answered Misato's internal debate for her. "So I take it your dealings with sexual assault on a minor is going well? I was surprised to learn that little tidbit you might know." His tone was the same had he told Misato he bought a new pair of shoes, a trivial matter.
'How did he know, how long has he known it, has he told anybody else?' Misato's pale face looked outward blankly. She was still trying to find the right time to tell Asuka bout it, worried that she'd overreact, call him a pervert, or say he wanted it to happen. Destroying all the progress they made. When the power to speak, something usually overlooked, returned to her Misato asked in a harsh whisper. "How did you find out about that?"
"Well after your little blow up on the 'Over the Rainbow' I got to thinking of why you'd be so upset, well after a little detective work." Kaji let Misato fill in the rest for herself. Spy work was Kaji's game and it wasn't too hard to follow the life story of a fourteen-year-old boy that didn't get along with others. "My only question was how you found out about it in the first place, I mean it took you a few months until you found out if the calls you make to him are any indication." Kaji was proud of that, he'd gauged Misato's discovery of Shinji's past by the sudden influx of calls to him that occurred.
'You'd really like to know that wouldn't you,' Misato thought sickly and nearly gagged on the emotional feedback that memory had tied to it. "Don't cheapen this Kaji, were trying to help him despite the limited things we can do for him ok?" Her tone was borderline threatening, her facial expression was. By now both of them were leaning far over the table, their faces inches apart, the whispering was too hard to hear otherwise.
Taking the incentive Kaji stole a quick kiss from Misato, leaving her stunned and visually upset. "I'd never think of it. The kid seems all right to me. It's a shame that that woman is being released on bail," Kaji said as he leaned back into his seat. In fact, Kaji did respect the young Ikari. So far only three people in human history had the entirety of the human race's survival on their shoulders. 'Kids doing a great job even though of his shitty old man and the problems of his past.'
She didn't know what stunned her more, the kiss or the tag that went with it. "What do you mean she's being released on bail, she was screwing children for God's sake! People are jailed for years for doing that!" Misato was yelling now, luckily she left out names so she appeared to only be passionate for a cause, though it did merit her a few odd stares. 'That woman should be locked away forever! Be a prison bitch or something, turn about fair play.'
Nervous and slightly embarrassed by the outburst Misato had given and the eyes upon him for it, Kaji shushed the enraged Misato. "Its only an allegation Katsuragi! She 'attempted' to seduce a student, and unless she 'did' the cops can't hold her for long." Now had Shinji's existence been brought to the courts attention the woman would have been jailed. But all the evidence presented in the case was that 'she tried' and hadn't succeeded.
Pushing herself away from the table quickly, Misato rushed to the nearest garbage can and proceeded to fill it with her stomachs contents. 'All those years of abuse and she gets away with it while he's left scared for life? How is that fair God? How can you let that happen?' Her legs weak, Misato left the stunned Kaji at the table and walked to her car and drove home. She was in no state of mind to do anything; the severe cruelty of the situation had robbed her of feelings at the time.
Walking into the empty apartment, Misato heard Asuka's call made shortly before lunch ended that she was going to go out with Hikari and spend the night at her place. 'Sure do whatever you want Asuka, it always is whatever you want anyway,' Misato erased the message and wrote one of her own to Shinji. She planned to get very drunk and go to sleep, so no worries about making supper for her and Asuka.
Misato hadn't needed to write such a note as Shinji didn't return that day, nor did Maya return to work after lunch.
X-X
Author notes
Well another chapter down, sorry if it leaves on a sort of cliff hanger, I hate those! But the next segment will take some time and if I rush it, it won't be as good, hope you understand.
I'm trying to keep Asuka in character, so try not to be to upset if she seems a bit to forward. A reply to a reviewer is this though…if you read the manga, I stole the towel joke Asuka played on Shinji directly from it so such a joke IS in character for her.
Well I'm through with making excuses for my work. Hope you enjoyed it and I hope read more of it when I release it. Oh and watch Mahoraba: Heartfull days. It's a very good show.
Well later people and thank you Zen-chan for pre-reading!
