I hope you all enjoy the title of this chapter.
Thank you The Parallel Universe, MissHaleyBlack, XxAmandaXxRaeXx, julie62, .Write, Black Roses Wilt, julie662, and Akira-san for reviewing, . , MissHaleyBlack, julie62, I Am The Twisted Girl, julie662, . , shisumi12, Jess'n'Forge, nysroxx17, and Akira-san for adding this story to their alerts, MissHaleyBlack, julie62, julie662, I Am The Twisted Girl, and nysroxx17 for favoriting this story and julie62 and julie662 for adding me to their author alerts and favorite authors! You guys are the cat's pajamas! (By that I mean you're amazingly cool).
Dear .Write,
Thank you for reviewing! Sorry this chapter took so long! I hope you didn't spend too much of your life checking for another chapter to pop up(: You like my writing style? I am so touched! Thank you so much! Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long as this one did!
Dear Black Roses Wilt,
Thank you for reviewing also! Guess what? I updated! It only took 50 million years! I may be exaggerating slightly. I tend to do that a lot…
Disclaimer: I was not J.K. Rowling yesterday and sadly I am not today. I also get no money for this. Everything but whatever OCs I threw in there belong to the brilliant J.K. Rowling of which I still am not.
Coming Out
The Gryffindor common room was dark aside from the roaring fire in the fireplace and a few candles leaving ominous, flickering shadows all over the room. It was empty – the room – of all occupants, which I understood being as it was still dinner, but for one person. This person sat facing away from me in an armchair, staring into the fire and tapping their fingers on the arm of the chair. I didn't need to see their face to know who it was though. I knew well enough who they were and why they wanted to talk to me. Only, I was afraid to talk to him.
I shifted my weight nervously. Then, feeling particularly spunky, I decided to take a step towards him. I however did not notice that the untied shoelace of the foot I was using to step was currently residing under my other foot. In English, I tripped and fell flat on my face. This caught his attention however, and he turned to face me. Recognition crossed through his eyes and a small smile played at his lips.
"What's this about Remus?" I said as I rose rather clumsily to my feet. You sure know how to make an entrance Addison.
"The note? I just n-need to talk to you is all," he said trying to be nonchalant but failing miserably. I already knew what he wanted to talk about and he was obviously both excited and nervous about it, but I honestly couldn't fathom why.
"About what?" I asked innocently. Beads of sweat were beginning to form on my brow.
"Sit down first," he said. I crossed over to the couch across from his chair and sat down, fidgeting nervously.
"Well..?" I said, anxiety getting the better of me.
"I-I know. W-what you are," he said quietly.
My heart stopped. I knew that he knew already, why was I getting so scared? I He dragged me someplace on a full moon and he didn't die so of course he knew! I wasn't this nervous before the note but I guess the whole confrontation about it and hearing him say it out loud was solidifying my fear.
"W-which is?" I asked softly.
"It's okay!" he said hastily. He stood up and rushed to sit next to me on the couch.
He peered into my eyes like he was peering into my soul. It was unnerving. Of course I may be exaggerating slightly, but I was scared out of my mind. I self-consciously tugged at my sleeves. Only a thin layer of fabric hid my scars from the world. Only a thin layer of fabric hid my secret. A secret that Remus knew. Remus peered at me still through his warm brown eyes. He looked understanding (though I don't see how he could be) and like he was having a major internal conflict, but still he stared at me. Seventeen years later (well, seventeen seconds in actuality), Remus spoke.
"I'm one too," he whispered.
I was majorly confused now. My brain couldn't even form proper thoughts. My internal monolog became a giant cacophony. Remus just admitted he was a werewolf? No. No! He couldn't be one! No! Yes? No. But Remus just said he was one! Remus. A werewolf. No. Unless he thinks I'm something completely different. No. Who am I kidding? Remus is a genius, of course he knows. But him? No. No! Yes? Yes. No. I refuse to believe it. No. Yes! NO! Gotta own up to it sometime Addison. Deep breaths. Remus. Is. A. Werewolf. No. Gah! Yes.
I had to confirm, of course.
"One what?" I asked. I couldn't quite bring myself to say the word.
Remus closed his eyes. Upon further examination of his face, I realized Remus was just as nervous about this conversation as I was. His face was damp with perspiration that shone from the flickering light of the fire. I was sure I looked the same. He threw back his head, eyes still closed. Then he looked back at me. He gulped.
"A werewolf." The words were barely audible, but I'd have heard them a mile away. Remus definitely was a werewolf. It was a lot to take in. I buried my face in the palms of my hands. He was just like me. I wasn't alone. I guess that was a positive. But I would prefer if he weren't. I wouldn't wish my kind of pain on anyone, not even Mum, to whom – of course – I dislike very much. I looked back up at him.
I opened my mouth to say something and I broke. Tears overflowed from my eyes and left red, stinging trails down my face. "Y-you do-n't deserve i-it R-Remus," I hiccupped. "You d-don't de-s-serve that k-kin-d of pain."
"Addison, neither do you," he said as he wiped a tear off my cheek.
I sniffled. "Yes, I d-do."
"Who gave you that idea?"
"W-who didn't? I'm a monster, R-Remus. A b-bloody m-monster."
He pulled me into his arms. "I'm a monster too, Addison," he said sullenly.
He held me there in his arms for who knows how long. I cried into his shoulder and he just held me. My tears soaked his shoulder making the fabric cling to his skin. He just kept his arms around me and after a while I noticed him gently rubbing small circles on my upper back. Eventually I calmed down enough to speak.
"Thank you," I whispered. He gave me a sad smile.
A few moments of comfortable silence passed.
"I know this might be a personal question but, how were you bitten?" Remus asked.
-Flashback-
A loud crack broke the calm of the woods. Side along apparation was never pleasant, it always made me feel light headed, but Mum never cared. As soon as we landed, she all but threw me to the ground.
"Stay here Addison. I'll come back for you in the morning," Mum said.
"Why? Where are you going?" I asked as I staggered to my feet.
"Because I said so. I am going back home and you are staying here. That's final," she said sharply.
"All night? Alone? But what if-"
"NO BUTS! Do as I say." Mum stalked off angrily.
I watched her figure disappear into thin air as she disapparated away with another loud crack. Feeling abandoned, I sat down on a mossy rock. Then night fell.
There was no beauty in the forest that night. The trees were lush and thriving in the summer weather, but all the leaves held a thick darkness. The stars shown clear and bright, but their light cast looming shadows over the land. The air held an unnatural coldness for the middle of August and it was dead silent. Goosebumps prickled up my arms. Nothing stirred as if it didn't dare to move. The very atmosphere was tense. The moon, high in the sky, entered my vision and I realized why. It was full. The werewolves would be out tonight.
A howl pierced the shrill silence and rolled ominously through the trees. A shiver ran up my spine and my heartbeat increased by tenfold. I couldn't sit still any more. I started pacing but every time I took a step, I flinched at the sound it made so I sat back down on the rock. It had been quiet for too long. Beads of sweat formed on my brow even as I shivered in the cold. I felt like crying.
I can't say how long I sat there. It may have been five minutes or five hours but in the brush next to me, a pair of hungry, yellow eyes were illuminated by the moonlight. The rest of the wolf was hidden in the shadows, but it was close enough that I could hear its breathing. It stayed where it was though, waiting with muscles tense for its prey to make its move. I was scared stiff. Then another pair of eyes appeared.
I panicked. A surge of adrenaline pumped through me and I sprinted as fast as I could. I could hear their footsteps behind me. There were a lot of them. By this time, my legs were about to fall off but I pushed myself to run faster.
I can't say how long I ran either, but eventually, one of the wolves had caught up to me. It pounced on my back, tearing off my shirt and clawing my skin, and sank its jagged teeth into my neck, infecting me with its vile venom. The pain it caused is almost indescribable, but imagine a star. A big, giant, blue star (as blue stars are the hottest stars). Now imagine that star exploding, multiply it fifteen, condense it, place it in the back of your neck, and you're close to the kind of pain I was experiencing.
The rest of the werewolves then caught up. One bit my right forearm. Another bit my right thigh, followed by my hip.
I blacked out around this time, but I woke up an indefinite amount of time later to find two more bites on my left shoulder and my left ankle. It's a miracle I survived that night.
-End Flashback-
"It's funny how I can't remember anything about my life except for that one day," I said solemnly. I looked up at Remus and he looked back at me with a painful understanding. I took a deep, steadying breath. "I was mauled by Fenrir Greyback and his pack of about six. Of course I didn't know who it was at the time, but it's not like it made that much of a difference to the outcome. I was eleven." I paused. How much more should I say? "I was out in the woods… alone… and they got me."
"Greyback bit me too," Remus said lowly. His eyes glazed over. He was probably having a flashback too. A few minutes later he shook himself out of it and looked at me with haunted eyes. "I was five at the time. My father insulted Greyback at a bar one night. He was drunk more often than not. And he never knew what he was getting himself into until he was buried in it. I never found out what he said, but apparently it was bad enough to make Greyback want revenge, so the next full moon he came to my house and bit me."
"How did that make your father feel?" I asked. I had a sudden urge to give him the full truth after hearing his explanation. Never give in to temptation, Addison.
"He felt awful. He tried to clean up his act but then my aunt, his sister, was killed and he reverted back to his old ways. He died four years ago."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. He's better off now," he said.
"So you live with your mum?"
"Yeah, it's just me and her. We don't have much, but we get by," he smiled.
"I live with my mum too," I said.
"Don't sound so excited, Addison," he joked. "What's she like?"
I placed a finger on my chin while I thought. Various adjectives popped through my head. Mean, selfish, bitchy, heartless, cold, vile, scary, self-absorbed, no I couldn't say any of those. "Strict," I said finally. She definitely was strict but that was still pretty far from the truth. "Very strict," I continued. "She barely let me come to Hogwarts. It's not like she's too clingy or anything though. In fact it's quite the opposite. She's completely unconcerned about my wellbeing. As long as I'm getting some sort of punishment for some ridiculous rule of hers, she doesn't really care," I said completing my miniature rant.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I don't deserve your sorries."
"What do you mean you don't deserve it?"
"I'm not worth it."
"Why not?" he asked, offended.
I sat in silence for a moment just watching the fire grow and shrink erratically while it crackled and spat out sparks that floated up the chimney into nothingness.
"Look at the sparks, Remus. How they just disappear after a while. Why do they do that?"
"You're not answering my question."
"But why don't the sparks keep glowing? Why do they stop?"
"Because they ran out of energy, why don't you think you're worth it?" he asked impatiently.
"Don't worry about it. Where do sparks go when they run out of energy? Do they just keep floating or do they fall?" I asked. I was getting really passionate about it.
"Now you're putting way too much thought into this," he said harshly.
"I'd like to think they keep floating. So they can escape this world and be free," I said staring into the flames. "But gravity has this nasty habit of holding things down. At least they get a chance to defy it though." I paused. "Look at the ashes at the bottom, Remus. Nobody ever gives them so much as a thought but they're stuck there, trapped in gravity's clutches with no hope of ever getting to fly away. They don't even get to glow…" I looked up at Remus. His arm wasn't around me anymore but I hadn't noticed how close we were sitting. "The ashes, Remus. Those are me. The sparks are everyone else."
Remus' gaze softened. "But sometimes the wind comes and picks up the ashes," he said.
"Not when you're trapped in the fireplace," I countered. To be honest, I was pretty proud of the metaphor I came up with.
"The wind doesn't always find you Addison. When that happens, you just need to find the wind."
I let his words sink in for a moment before speaking again. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you. Remember in the beginning of the year when we were both in the forest and I was … you know … naked … and you were inside a tree that was attempting to murder me? Yeah... Why did that happen?" I asked.
"Oh," he said. "Sorry, I never got to explain that. Well inside the Whomping Willow, that's the name of the tree, there's a tunnel that leads to a house in Hogsmeade. That's where Dumbledore arranged for me to go on the full moons anyway."
"Lucky, he had me go to the dungeons."
"That doesn't seem so bad."
"It's worse than you'd think," I defended.
He raised an eyebrow. "Really?" he challenged.
"Well, yeah. It's so enclosed and dark. I feel like I'm trapped down there and it's so cold. Plus, half the time I walk down there I get made fun of by some stupid Slytherin."
"Hmm… I will agree that that does not sound pleasant, but is that really worse than being the source of the most haunted building in all of England?"
"What?"
"Yeah. The house I go to every full moon is rumored to be haunted because of all the noise I make. My friends really want to break into it to find out if it's true or not. I always have to talk them out of it. But there's a rumor that's spread across England that everyone's curious about and it isn't even true solely because of me. How would that make you feel?"
"Like hiding under a rock for the rest of my life."
He laughed. "You wouldn't do that!"
"How do you know that?"
At this point, people started to file into the common room and candles started to gradually light themselves. Dinner must have been almost over.
A group of girls situated themselves right by where we were sitting, gossiping among themselves.
"Maybe we shouldn't talk about this anymore," Remus said quietly, eyeing the girls warily.
"I couldn't agree more," I said and stood up to leave.
"Oh and, for what it's worth, I don't think your ashes, Addison," Remus said.
"Thanks Remus," I smiled.
I began to evacuate to my room when James, Sirius, and Peter walked in.
"Remus! Why'd you disappear on us, buddy?" James shouted.
I smiled and climbed up the stairs. Remus was so nice, and his friends cared about him so much. I couldn't hear the rest of their conversation because, well, wherever James and Sirius go so do their pack of fangirls so naturally, it became very loud in the Gryffindor common room.
Remus cared about me just like Lily once did. That in itself was worth more than he could ever guess. My smile only grew.
Lily. It seems like so long ago we were friends…
A/N: ¡Hola muchachos y muchachas! Muchas gracias para… Reading! I'm very bad at Spanish. Lo ciento. (I knew that though!:D)
Sorry this chapter took so long! I know it was mean of me to leave a cliffhanger hanging for so long! I've just been really unmotivated lately (not to mention extremely busy), but fear not! I wrote this chapter didn't I?:D I haven't given up yet and I don't plan to! Thank you to everyone who's stuck with the story so far! If not for you guys this chapter probably wouldn't exist! In all honesty, I never finish anything and I just want to prove to myself that I can finish this story. This is just my "ugh, I don't want to do anything why don't I just quit? NO! You can't quit Jackie!" phase. Bear with me. And please, attack me with messages or notifications or something. The more you remind me of your presence the more I write because I feel like I'm giving up on you guys. I'm not gonna lie, I feel like I have a special bond with all of my readers, you know, just because they read my story.
As always, except when my computer breaks and I lose the chapter I just wrote along with crappy poem and the list of names I always have in the beginning of every chapter, here's your vomit-worthy poem! This one's a haiku!
You are a penguin.
My cat likes to eat pickles.
Refridgerator.
Wasn't that beautiful? Brought tears to my eyes. But in all seriousness, thank you for reading and reviewing, and not letting my terrible poetry scare you off, or my insane alter egos, or my internal ramblings that seem to have worked their way into Addison, or my terrible spanish (but semi decent Spanglish?), or my very inconsistent updates, or my insane lack of self-confidence. Thank you so much for getting through all that and still leaving positive reviews or just coming back to read another chapter! I appreciate every single one of you!
Review if you want to know what happens next! I just so happen to have many plot bunnies up my sleeves!
