((Authors note: here is next chapter. Sorry for the length, and beware! There is a hint of sexytime. But mostly just adorable Emison fluff.))
Immortality, My Darling
Now my girl you're so young and pretty:
Alison had had two out of her seven chemo treatments, and Emily really started to see just how bad it was. She quickly lost her strength, she was tired and was often feeling nauseous. She lost weight and quickly went from healthy to shockingly skinny. But despite being tired and nauseous, she never lost her good mood. She was always happy and always prepared to crack a joke. Emily was so thankful for that. The whole situation was difficult enough. It would be unbearable if Alison was getting depressed. But Emily was well aware that it was one of the side effect, too. Not a side effect from cancer, but a side effect from wrestling with death.
Still, Alison remained optimistic and of course Emily shared her optimism. The chemo was likely to succeed, and Alison would be alright. They both looked forward to get the fourth treatment done, because after that, Alison could get the chemo in pill form instead. She still needed to go to the hospital after taking the first pill so dr. Adamson could check her every two hours to see, how her body responded to the pill. But after that, she could take the pill at home. Of course she still needed to rest, and she would still feel tired and nauseous, but it was better than to be stuck at the hospital for several hours.
They spend several hours in their hotel room in Texas and watched television, talked, played cards and relaxed. And when Alison felt better they explored the city. Drove to cinemas, went to the beach and ate dinner at different restaurants. Alison insisted upon doing what they normally did, and Emily was more than willing to do what she wanted. Except for one time when a pale and shaking Alison had suggested a trip to the local mall, Emily had put her foot down and said no. She could see that Alison needed to rest. Alison had been terribly frustrated and angry. Mostly on herself, but of course she couldn't explain that, so she had taken her anger out on Emily. But Emily had been patient with her, and hours later, an embarrassed Alison had begged Emily to forgive her. And of course Emily did just so.
It was quite early in the morning. Emily couldn't sleep any longer, so she had crept out of the bedroom and now sat quietly in the living room with her laptop and a cup of coffee. She was writing about how they both looked forwards to the new pills instead of having to go the hospital when she heard a horrible shriek from the bedroom.
Emily slammed the laptop shut and nearly choked on her coffee when she jumped up and rushed into the bedroom.
,,What's wrong? What happened?!" she asked breathless and looked at Alison. ,,Are you hurt?! Do you want me to call the hospital?"
The answer came very quietly: ,,No…"
,,Oh, thank god," said Emily and tried to control her breath. ,,Are you sure you're not in pain?"
,,I'm not in pain, but look Emily…." She pointed to her pillow with a shaking finger.
Emily looked and immediately found the reason to why Alison had screamed. Locks of blonde hair was spread all over the pillow. For a second Emily didn't know what to say, for what could she say? How could she console Alison when she was faced with losing her hair very soon?
,,I'm so sorry, Ali. I really am."
,,So am I," said Ali, and tears glistered in her eyes. ,,Now I'm gonna look like a cancer patient."
Emily didn't know how to respond to that either.
,,You know, I didn't look like one before, so I didn't feel like one either. But now... Without my hair it's gonna feel more real. And I'm frightened, Emily."
,,I know, baby. I know. But you will overcome this. I know you will."
,,And I know it too, deep down. But right now I just feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack, and I can't stop it."
,,Is there anything I can do to help you? Something you need? Somewhere you want to go?"
,,There is one thing I need."
,,Say it and I'll give it to you."
,,Hold me?"
She didn't need to ask twice. Emily instantly wrapped her arms around her and pulled her closer, so she could rest her head on Emily's chest. She could hear how Alison sobbed quietly, and rubbed her back slowly and soothingly.
,,I know it's only hair and I have wigs, but….."
,,You don't have to explain it to me, I get it."
Emily really understood it. Alison had to deal with loss of strength, nausea, the ever present fear of dying, and now hair loss. The blonde locks had always been Alison's trademark, and now she was about to lose it.
She lost count over how long they stood like that, but after a while, Alison's sobs turned into muffled cries, and Emily finally felt how her shoulders relaxed and Alison blew air out through her nose.
Emily put her finger under her girlfriend's chin to look her in the eyes.
,,How are you feeling now?"
,,Better. Thank you. You are the best hugger in the world."
,,It was my pleasure, baby."
Alison rubbed her head carefully. ,,This is just a circumstance I have to live with. It's just hair and it will grow out again."
Emily looked at her in awe and shook her head.
,,What is it?"
,,You are the bravest person in the world."
,,Oh, come on, you don't mean that."
,,Are you kidding me? Of course I mean it."
,,Really?"
,,Absolutely."
Alison leaned in and kissed Emily on the her cheek. ,,Thank you Emily, but actually, that's not true."
,,It isn't?"
,,No. the bravest person in the world is you."
Emily opened her mouth to protest, but Alison put her finger on Emily's lips. ,,Don't argue with me, Em, 'cause there is nothing you can say that will convince me."
,,I forgot all my good and sensible arguments," said Emily and started so intensely at Alison's hand, that she became a bit cross eyed.
,,Oh did you now? Whatever made you forget?" the blonde teased and traced her finger along Emily's bottom lip.
Emily overheard the question and focused on Alison's finger instead. She waited patiently for the right moment, and then, when Alison's finger passed the center of her lips, she caught it- very carefully- between her teeth.
Alison made a tiny squeak of surprise. This wasn't something Emily normally did, and the brunette enjoyed the startled expression on Alison's face.
,,You should do that more often, you know."
,,What?" said Emily innocently and nibbled on Alison's finger. ,,Bite your finger?"
,,Ha ha ha, very funny, Emily."
Emily raised an eyebrow and moved her teeth from Alison's finger, tracing her tongue over Alison's hand before biting down, ever so gently, on the soft spot between Alison's thumb and second finger.
Alison let out a soft moan, and Emily grinned, causing the skin on Alison's hand to rumble.
,,Still think it's funny, Alison?"
,,No," Alison muttered and Emily raised her eyebrow further.
,,Sorry, I didn't quite catch that?" she said non committedly and bit down harder on Alison's hand.
Alison moaned again. This time louder.
,,Still think it's funny?" Emily asked a bit more persistently.
,,No! I mean, yes, but not funny like that... Oh, you make me totally confused, you!"
Emily removed her lips from Alison's hand and bit back a laugh. Alison's expression was absolutely delightful, somewhere between confused and turned on.
,,Maybe you should go and lie down for a while. It can't be good for one in your condition to get over excited," Emily teased, and knew that this was one of the few, appropriate times where it was okay to joke about Alison's illness.
,,To hell with my condition," Alison growled and practically yanked Emily closer. ,,I am nowhere near done with you."
She kissed Emily's neck, and Emily was close to just ignoring anything else, and succumb totally. But sadly, the timing was terrible.
,,As much as I would like to take this further, I'm afraid I can't right now." She said and pushed Alison away, very gently.
,,What? Why not?" said Alison confused.
,,I have to grab a few things from the store…"
,,Seriously? You'd rather go to the store than being with me?"
,,Well, you're the one who craves croissants for breakfast."
Alison opened her mouth to protest, but Emily said:
,,And I have to call dr. Adamson to get some new tablets for your nausea."
Alison breathed out, looking both frustrated and defeated. ,,Okay, that's a bit important. You win."
Emily laughed at her childish expression and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. ,,I won't be long. Why don't you watch a movie or something while I'm gone?"
,,Yeah, okay, I might do that."
As Alison snuggled up on the couch with "Criminal Minds", Emily put on her coat and scarf. She made sure Alison was fine and then she left the hotel room.
God, she was looking forward to when Alison could take tablets instead of going to the hospital. They were both eager to leave Texas, and Alison wanted to go back to Rosewood again. She said she'd missed it more than she realized, and Emily wanted to back there too. They had made an agreement with Spencer and Aria and Hanna to call and say when they would be back in Rosewood. The girls were eager to spend time with them, and both Alison and Emily wanted to catch up some more as well.
She bought croissants (with chocolate) and orange juice while talking to Dr. Adamson at the same time. He promised to have the new pills ready for Alison the next time they came to the hospital.
For some reason the store was always crammed with people when Emily was there. It was an ongoing joke between her and Alison, because the one time where Alison had shopped, the store had been half empty. Alison had laughed loudly and long about it, and Emily had gritted her teeth in mock frustration.
But finally Emily reached the counter, paid for the things and quickly headed for their hotel.
Alison was asleep when she got home, and Emily didn't have the heart to wake her up, so she just put a blanket over her and decided to let her sleep on the couch tonight. Emily then watched the rest of the episode (on mute) before bringing her laptop into the bedroom. She folded her legs, sitting comfortably on the ridiculously large bed, and began to type yet again. The words almost left her mind before she could write them down, and as the sky darkened, she had written 10 full pages.
The street light turned off outside and Emily's vision began to go a little blurry. She decided that this was enough for one night, and saved her documents before closing the laptop.
She changed into her pajamas very, very quietly, and checked on Alison one last time. She was still asleep, looking so peacefully. Emily kissed the top of her head before turning the lights off and going to bed.
She had a terrible time falling asleep these days, all the bad thoughts always came at night, and more than once she had woken up with nightmares, covered in sweat and gasping for breath.
But it seemed like tonight was going to be more peaceful. It had been a good day, Alison hadn't been as nauseous as she used too, and when she got the new pills, she would feel better in no time.
Emily closed her eyes and felt how every single muscle in her body relaxed. She wasn't very sleepy, but it was nice to just lie on the comfortable bed and relax.
After Alison's diagnosis, Emily had suddenly developed super hearing, and now, she heard how Alison groaned and stretched her body before rising from the couch. She heard how she pottered around in the bathroom, the sound of her toothbrush. She heard the water run, and then Alison's footsteps approached the bedroom.
She could hear Alison change into her pajamas, and held back a groan when Alison threw her clothes on the floor instead of hanging it in the closet.
The bed creaked slightly as Alison lied down next to Emily, and Emily closed her eyes. She knew she would be able to sleep now that Alison was lying next to hear.
The bedroom was pitch black dark, and Emily heard Alison's calm breath. She had to admire the blonde's ability to fall asleep right away. No matter what situation, Alison was always able to sleep. Not like Emily, who had always been a light sleeper.
Emily was having a ridiculous conversation with herself about peoples sleep patterns, when something broke the silence:
,,Em? Are you asleep?"
So Alison was awake after all. She was just very good at pretending to be asleep.
,,No," said Emily.
,,Aren't you sleepy?"
,,Not very much, no." Emily waited for whatever Alison had on her mind, but she never got an answer. Instead, the bedroom went completely silent again.
She guessed that Alison either had fallen asleep, or it hadn't been very important.
Suddenly, Emily felt a hand on her knee, and the first thought to cross her mind, was that Alison was upset or anxious about something, so she quickly patted the blonde's hand, and assumed, that would be the end of it.
But it soon became obvious, that Alison wasn't very sleepy either. The hand slowly crawled up, left Emily's knee, and slowly made its way to her thigh.
Emily lied completely still. She was still debating with herself whether this was a good idea or not. Alison had been so tired and worn out lately, and Emily was terrified, that this would make it worse.
But Alison seemed quite determined and definitely not worn out at all. Emily could feel her fingertips trace along her thigh for a while before slowly moving them to her inner thigh instead.
Emily bit her lip. She could feel Alison's hand in places, it wasn't even near. She knew she should probably stop this before it went further, but the sensation of Alison's hand and the feeling of her lower belly clenching was very distracting. She could almost see Alison smirk. She knew that Alison knew what kind of effect she had on Emily, and it seemed to encourage her further, for she hooked her fingers under Emily's waistband and quickly got rid of her pajamas pants.
,,What are you doing to me, Alison?"
,,Isn't it fairly obvious?"
,,Well, yes, and as lovely as it is, are you sure this is a good idea? I mean…."
Her words of sense turned into a yelp when Alison suddenly flipped her over and sat on top of her.
,,We didn't finish what we started earlier. You know how much I loathe unfinished business, Emily."
,,I know, but…"
,,No," said Alison firmly and put her finger over Emily's lips once again. ,,Please, let's just forget about my illness for tonight. Let's pretend we are this dashing young couple, which we already are, who doesn't have a care in the world, we are just in Texas on holiday, okay?"
,,Well, I guess that could be arranged," said Emily and swirled her tongue over Alison's finger before biting down on that sensitive spot on her hand. ,,Who knew you had a sensitive spot on your hand?"
,,Shut up, Em," Alison laughed and locked her hands behind Emily's head, before bringing their lips together in a demanding kiss.
This time Emily had no problem succumbing to Alison. She soon forgot where they were, why they were there, hell, she even forgot the own name. The only name she seemed to remember, was Alison's.
,,It's nice to know I still can make you produce such magnificent noises, Emily. For a moment I feared I forgot how." Alison teased.
,,That's not very likely to happen," said Emily and squirmed under Alison's touch. ,,I doubt it's something people ever forget."
,,Well I certainly don't," said Alison and stressed out her point by doing something that made Emily moan and her head spin.
They didn't talk much the rest of the night. The silence was only broken by loud moans, soft yelps and whispering of each other's names.
When the usual bird outside their window started chirping, Emily woke up immediately. She was still quite breathless from last night. The sheets around them were crumbled rather impressively, and her lower body seemed a bit sore.
When she sat up in the bed she noticed something that wasn't quite as wonderful. Locks of golden hair was spread all over in the bed. Not just the pillow this time.
,,This is getting out of hands."
Emily turned around and spotted Alison. She was sitting in one of the two chairs. Her expression was a mixture between satisfaction and concern.
,,What is? Me or the hair shedding?"
,,Both." Said Alison and waved Emily over to her.
Emily carefully examined the back of Alison's head. There was a huge bald spot, and it would be impossible to cover no matter what hairstyle you made.
,,Is it very….Visible?"
Emily didn't know what to answer.
,,Please just say it. Don't lie about it."
,,Yes it is. I'm very sorry, Alison."
Alison brought her own hand up to the back of her head and felt the bald spot for herself.
,,My my, this is rather impressive. What a night of fun can do to your hair!"
Emily rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt.
,,You don't that it was because…."
,,No!" said Alison firmly. ,,It would have fallen out anyway. It has nothing to with you or what we did, Emily. But it's obvious that I can't walk around like this."
,,What do you want me to do?"
,,I want you to get the hair trimmer. It's time for the big chop chop."
,,What? But Ali, you still have lots of hair," Emily tried to reason.
,,I know, but it will fall out in no time, and that will be too painful to watch. I would much rather have it gone once and for all."
,,Is this what you really want?"
,,Yes it is."
,,Okay." Said Emily and went to the bathroom to fetch the hair trimmer. When she returned, Alison sat in front of the full figure mirror. She ran her hand through her thick, blonde hair again and again, and clumps of hair followed.
,,You see this Emily?"
,,Yes I do."
,,It was only a matter of days before the rest of it would fall out."
,,I think you're right about that."
Alison nodded. ,,Do you have the hair trimmer?"
Emily waved her hand and held the trimmer up. ,,Do you want me to do it, or would you rather do it yourself?"
,,I think I'll start, and then you can finish it, okay?"
,,Okay."
Alison turned the trimmer on, and the buzzing sound filled the hotel room. Emily watched as Alison carefully shaved her head. Golden locks began to pile up on the floor, and Emily thought to herself, how amazing it was that people have so much hair.
Soon after, the front of Alison's head was completely clean shaven, she handed the trimmer to the brunette, and Emily shaved the rest of her head without a word.
When the deed was done, Alison examined her now bald head in the mirror. Emily braced herself for the reaction that was yet to come. She half expected Alison to break down in tears, and was stunned when Alison smiled broadly at her own reflection.
,,What do you think, Emily?"
,,I think you are the most beautiful woman who have ever walked the earth. "
Alison's smile grew wider. ,,It's honestly not as bad as I was expecting, but I don't know, do you think I should put my wig on?"
,,I don't think you need the wig, and you definitely shouldn't do it if you feel comfortable enough without it."
,,I just feel like I should cover it in some way."
,,Well, why don't you try with a scarf to start with?"
,,That's a good idea, Emily. Do you mind finding one?"
,,Of course not," said Emily and rummaged through the little closet, on the hunt for a scarf.
,,How about this one?" she said and held a nice, silky red scarf with white polka dots up.
On their first day in Texas they had been shopping for scarfs several hours, and now Alison was the owner of 20 different scarves.
,,That's very pretty. Do you think you could put it on for me?"
,,Sure thing," said Emily and placed the scarf on Alison's bald head. She frowned slightly as she concentrated on making it look pretty. She let some of the scarf hang loose like a little tail, and tied the rest of it in a pretty bow on top of Alison's head.
,,What do you think?" she asked when Alison looked at herself in the mirror.
,,I think I have found my personal scarf stylist. It's looks very pretty, Emily."
,,I'm glad you like it. It's not too tight, is it?"
,,Not at all."
,,Good."
Alison sighed. ,,But as pretty as it is, it doesn't change the fact that I'm an egghead."
,,Maybe, but you are my egghead."
Alison stared at her, and Emily feared that her blue eyes would pop out of her head. But then Alison threw her head back and laughed. A loud, clear laugher that seemed to come from the pit of her stomach.
Emily laughed too as Alison flung her arms around her neck. She could feel how her entire body was bubbling from laughter.
,,Do you have any idea how much I love being your egghead?"
,,Probably as much as I love the fact that you are my egghead."
To Be Continued…
((Authors note: well, that was pretty cute, wasn't it? I would like to stress out that is is under no circumstances okay to call a cancer patient an egghead unless you are very, VERY close with the person, which Emily and Alison are in this story. Anyway, thank you so much for all your kind reviews, I've read every single one of them and you have no idea how much they mean to me. If you guys want me to continue this story, feel free to leave a little comment.))
