DOUBLE UPDATE SO READ CHAPTER 8 IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY

a/n and translation notes at the end of the chapter!


When Hitsugaya awoke, it was a hazy, sluggish effort. He was aware first of his own body, utterly drained and spent of energy. His mouth felt as though it had been stuffed with cotton, making it hard to swallow, to breathe. His mind was submerged in a thick, murky fog, and he struggled for a long time to surface from it, to come back to his own head, to he open his eyes.

The ceiling above him was familiar. Hitsugaya stared at it for a good two minutes before the memory jogged itself free: he was back in Urahara's shop. He had been changed, and was lying down with too many blankets over him. Every limb of his body was sweaty. The fan was whirring quietly in the corner near his head. Outside, a tempest was raging, its gales making the walls of the room shake, rain blowing in from all sides.

"Finally awake, are ya?"

Hitsugaya couldn't help it; he flinched slightly inside of his futon. He turned, with great effort, looking to where the voice had come from.

Jinta was sitting cross-legged in a chair across the room, his phone in one hand, the other holding his chin up. "Freaked you out, didn't I?" he said. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna stare at you all night. The old man just wanted someone here for when you woke up. In case you were still 'under the influence', as he calls it."

Hitsugaya tried to swallow. His tongue felt as though it was glued to the roof of his mouth. "What happened?" he said, the words slurred slightly.

"Something, that's for sure." Jinta uncrossed his legs and sat straight in his chair. "You were…having a fit, or something. We heard fighting and felt your Zanpakutō getting riled up, so we came to find you. You had your sword out, and you were yelling and screaming at nothing. Nobody was there. We tried to call you, but it was like you couldn't see us. Like you didn't know we were there."

"Aizen—"

"Wasn't him. The old man checked in with the Commander just in case. He's still chained up and locked away down in Muken or whatever they call it. Whatever you saw, it wasn't him."

That wasn't all of it. Something else was in Jinta's expression, something like reluctance, doubt even.

"What did I do?" Hitsugaya asked.

Jinta's eyes moved, looking at something beside Hitsugaya. He turned his head to look.

Next to him, lying in another futon, was Karin. She was on her side, facing Hitsugaya, deep asleep. Her entire left shoulder, and part of her left arm, was covered in bandages. Her sleeping face showed no indication of pain, but she was pale, much paler than could be considered healthy. A thin sheen of sweat betrayed how much the effort of rest was costing her.

Hitsugaya felt his stomach shoot up to his throat.

"She's going to be fine," Jinta said, before Hitsugaya could speak. "The one on her shoulder was deep, but Tsukabishi patched her up good. Said she'll make a full recovery, if she sits still long enough. And then he beat me for ditching the shop to run off with you, so that's how you know it's not life-threatening. He'd be all quiet and stone-faced otherwise."

Hitsugaya closed his eyes, teeth clenched so hard it was a wonder he didn't break his jaw. Again, he thought. He did it again. He hurt someone he was supposed to be looking out for. It was Hinamori all over again. Nothing's changed, he thought. After all this time…it's the same. I still can't protect anyone.

What the hell have I been doing all these years?

"She's got to be the dumbest person I've ever met," Jinta said, breaking through the silence. "She was awake, when we were healing her. Urahara told her we'd help her home after we were done. You know, her dad being a human doctor and all that. She refused to go. Said she wanted to be here when you woke up. I couldn't believe it. You'd think a person would want some distance from the guy who almost chopped her arm off. But then, what do I know about relationships, I guess."

Hitsugaya's stomach fluttered. "You've got it wrong," he said. "It's not like that."

"Then how come you only let her call you by your first name?"

In spite of everything, Hitsugaya could still feel his neck and ears growing hot. "That's not true. Some of her friends call me Tōshirō too."

"Yeah, but they don't know you're a captain, do they?"

"That's because we're in the world of living right now."

"So? What's that got to do with anything? Does that mean that the old man and your lieutenant can call you Tōshirō too?"

"Enough," Hitsugaya said, too weak to raise his voice, but he could feel a strange emotion ballooning in his chest and it only got worse with every breath Jinta took. "For someone who sounds so certain about someone else's love life, I don't see you getting anywhere with her sister."

Jinta turned beet red. "Fine! See if I care the next time you make goo-goo eyes at her!" he fumed, and stomped out of the room, slamming the sliding door behind him with a subdued clack.

It took Hitsugaya a minute to get over his embarrassment enough to look at Karin again. For all the noise he and Jinta had made, she had barely even stirred. Hitsugaya looked at her, at her bandaged wounds, and the shame clawed its way back up his body like bile. He freed one arm from his futon, and reached out, pulling her blanket back up to her shoulders.

I'm sorry, he tried to say, but when the words tried to move past his lips, his body suddenly tensed up, overcome with guilt. Hitsugaya clenched his eyes shut, and he grieved.

-.-.-.-

"Do not," Yoruichi said, holding one finger up, "let me catch your ass back here for at least another week. You're to stay in your bedroom and meditate instead, do you understand me? No physical exertion, no running around, nothing. For the next four days do not go up or down any stairs without someone accompanying you. If you need to use the bathroom at night, wake your sister and tell her to go with you, because if you collapse and everyone sleeps through it you're done for. And don't even think about—"

"Um, it's getting hot, Yoruichi-sensei," Yuzu said, because Karin looked as though she was ready to start arguing. "I should get Karin-chan home before the sun gets too high."

"Alright, fine. Go," Yoruichi said, waving them off. "I'll check in with you next week."

Karin looked at Hitsugaya. Her left hand was sitting in an arm sling, but it was for precaution's sake. She had healed well under Tsukabishi's care, just as Jinta had said. "Aren't you coming with, Tōshirō?" she asked.

For some reason, Hitsugaya couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye. It had been like this ever since she'd woken up. He would never ignore her outright, but every time he spoke he kept his eyes on the floor, or the wall. He was tempted to do the same thing now.

Instead, Hitsugaya forced himself to look at Yuzu. "Not yet. I've got a few things I need to do first," he said, speaking to both of them. "I'll catch up with you later."

Karin fell silent, while Yuzu said, "Okay, Hitsugaya-kun," and took her sister by the elbow, leading her away from the shop.

Yoruichi stood next to Hitsugaya, arms crossed as they watched the twin's backs move further and further away. "You can't ignore her forever, you know," she said.

"I'm not in the mood to be lectured right now," Hitsugaya said flatly. "What is it that you wanted to tell me?"

Yoruichi waited a little longer, making sure the twins were completely out of sight. "Karin arrived at the scene just before the perpetrator made his escape," she said. "She heard our crook release his Shikai."

"What?" Hitsugaya said, looking at Yoruichi in disbelief. "How? I didn't—"

"Didn't hear him, I know. We don't know why that is yet. But Urahara passed the info along to the Captain-Commander. They're going to go through their archives and see if they can find a match on the Zanpakutō. Should be able to give us a solid lead."

"And the Shikai? What was it?"

"'Dominate, Shirokazaru.'"

"Shirokazaru? Never heard of it before."

"You say that like you remember every Zanpakutō you come across," Yoruichi said. "Well, I guess we'll have to keep each other posted in the meantime. And no offense, but next time you need back-up, maybe don't take the kids along with you."

"I never asked them to—"

"Karin, then?"

Hitsugaya grimaced.

"I'm not trying to throw blame on you," Yoruichi said. "Even if you hadn't asked her to come, she would have followed you there anyway. That's just the kind of person she is. Just remember that, before you tell her about your big plans to raid empty warehouses."

Hitsugaya wasn't prepared to respond to this, so he changed the subject. "How's their progress?" he asked.

Somehow, Yoruichi knew just what he meant. "Normal," she said. "I can't say they vary much from my previous students. But they're weird kids, I'll tell you that." She looked out towards where the twins had disappeared, expression carefully closed. "Yuzu's an all-rounder. Doesn't excel in any particular thing, doesn't suck at anything either. But she's complicated. Every time she wins a duel or perfects a Kidō spell, I can see her heart's not in it. She's a pacifist. And yet, she's never quit, or asked to stop. Something's driving her forward. I just haven't figured it out yet."

"And…her sister?"

Yoruichi glanced at him with a brief look, but didn't push it. "Different. The ambition is there. And she's a good fighter. Don't tell her this, in case it gets to her head, but her hand-to-hand combat is uncanny. But…"

"But?"

"She's not satisfied. To be honest, she's having a lot of trouble connecting with her Zanpakutō. She's good at hiding it, but it bothers her a lot. I think she feels overwhelmed by her Zanpakutō's own abilities. You remember that crazy storm from when Jinta and Ururu brought you guys in?"

Hitsugaya looked at her, stunned. "That was her?"

"She was in pain," Yoruichi said. "And she was worried about you. Her Zanpakutō felt it, too. Take my word for it, kiddo. She'll be a force to be reckoned with someday. But right now, something's troubling her. I'm worried it will only drive her further away from her Zanpakutō instead of bringing them together."

"Don't call me kiddo." This was too much to take in at once. Hitsugaya could hardly process any of it. "The Commander wants updates on their progress."

"Yes, yes," Yoruichi said. "Don't worry. I'm not grooming them for a secret attack on Seireitei. I've got no reason to lie to you."

Says you, Hitsugaya thought. "If that's all, then I'll take my leave. Give Tsukabishi my thanks."

"Sure. Look after those two, Captain. I'm counting on you."

Hitsugaya didn't respond to this. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away.

-.-.-.-

"She's got the flu," Yuzu said, curled up on the couch with the phone to one ear as Hitsugaya entered the house. "Yeah. Yeah, I stayed home to take care of her. What? Oh—yeah, I know. I just prefer to be here is all. Do you think you could send me today's homework? Yeah. Thanks, Airi-chan."

Hitsugaya kept walking, shuffling his feet as he climbed the stairs to the second floor.

The twins' bedroom door was open. Karin was sitting her bed with her back against the headboard, texting someone on her phone, but she looked up when Hitsugaya walked past her room.

"Tōshirō!"

Hitsugaya turned around. Karin scrambled up from her bed and approached until she was standing in the doorway, her undamaged hand holding onto the knob.

"Hey," Karin said. "I was just wondering if you were okay. You've been kind of quiet lately."

Hitsugaya looked at her hand, and saw that she was gripping the doorknob tightly, her knuckles turning white. "You should be resting," he said.

"I know. I just…I figured with what happened—"

"I'm going to be meditating for the next few days," Hitsugaya said, gaze still on her hand. "So I need to be left alone. Don't bother me at all."

"What? What about school?"

"I'll still be there. Just don't come bothering me about useless stuff, alright? Don't ask me to play games or join your soccer team, or any of that. Just leave me alone."

"Tōshirō," Karin tried, but Hitsugaya put a stop to their conversation there and went into his room, closing the door definitively behind him. He listened carefully, and after a few moments, he heard Karin moving back into her room.

Hitsugaya climbed into bed, turning so that he faced the wall. Physically speaking, there was nothing wrong with him. Besides the fact that Jinta had punched him over the side of his head to knock him out, he hadn't sustained any injuries in the warehouse, and he'd had plenty of time to rest. But he felt sick. A dull ache had formed in his chest since a few days ago, and his stomach felt like it was filled with rocks, so he'd lost some of his appetite.

Even if you hadn't asked her to come, she would have followed you there anyway. That's just the kind of person she is.

Hitsugaya closed his eyes. I should never have told her, he thought. I should have just kept my mouth shut. What the hell have I been training for? What was the point of all this, if I'm still the same as I was four years ago?

He clenched his fists.

I really…can't do anything.

-.-.-.-

"Hey," Kei said, looking at Hitsugaya through his safety goggles. "What happened?"

"What do you mean, what happened? I thought we were supposed to put water in it?"

"Not that. I mean what happened with Kurosaki."

Without meaning to, Hitsugaya looked over at Karin. She was at another lab table across the room, bent over and writing in her notebook while talking to Eiji. Right now they were doing "chemistry" for their science class, and for some reason, that required everyone to wear plastic goggles, rubber gloves, and white robe-like things the teacher called "lab coats." This whole class was entirely lost on Hitsugaya, but when he heard that they put this stuff on for safety precautions, he bore it all like his life depended on it. His teacher could make things explode, and that unnerved him.

"You've been avoiding her eye all day," Kei said, when Hitsugaya didn't say anything. "She keeps looking at you when she talks to us, too. Did you guys fight?"

"No," Hitsugaya said, watching as Kei poured a different liquid into the glass tube and stirred it into the sugar. "We didn't fight."

"I don't mean physically, by the way. I know that's the only kind that Heita and Kurosaki ever get into, but that doesn't apply to all of us."

"We didn't fight," Hitsugaya repeated. He glanced at Karin again. "It's nothing important."

Kei noticed. "This isn't about Eiji, is it?"

"What?" Hitsugaya looked at Kei, taken aback.

"Don't tell Heita." Kei put down the glass stir-stick, watching as the sugar turned black inside of its tube. "He's the only one who hasn't figured it out. Well, him and Kurosaki, anyway."

"I don't understand what you're—"

"Eiji's in love with her."

Hitsugaya fell silent.

"You knew, right? Is that what this is about?"

"No," Hitsugaya said quickly. "Furukawa already talked to me about it. I told him that there was nothing going on with—what the hell is that?" he said shrilly, jumping back as the black gunk suddenly began to steam and wriggle up out of the tube, like some kind of sentient worm from hell.

"Pure carbon," Kei said, pulling their worksheets closer and scribbling something on them. "Is this about her hand, then?"

Hitsugaya flinched, and dropped the rest of the sugar all over the floor. "Shit."

"Broom, Hitsugaya," the teacher said, pointing to the corner of the room without looking up from his computer.

"It's fine," Kei said, and went to retrieve it himself. Hitsugaya crouched down, trying to scoop up what he could with his palms and throw it into the trash. Kei returned with the broom and dustpan, and began to sweep the loose grains together.

"I won't ask for details," Kei said. "She said she fell off her bike, so I guess I'll have to leave it at that. But, judging from the look on your face, you seem to have different opinions about what happened. Maybe you should talk to her."

Hitsugaya sat on his heels, uselessly holding the dustpan against the floor as Kei swept the sugar into it. "Yeah," he said noncommittally.

Kei didn't push him after that. He seemed to have said what he needed to, because when he spoke again, it was to say, "Here's the equation you need to write down," and Hitsugaya had to hand it to him for knowing how to take a hint better than most centuries-old Shinigami he knew.

-.-.-.-

His phone started ringing next to his pillow. Hitsugaya threw his wet towel aside and sat down on the bed, before picking up his phone. "Yeah."

"Captain. It's Matsumoto."

"Matsumoto. How are things looking?"

"Quiet, for now," Matsumoto said. "I'm just working my way around now. They've got men from the 12th division guarding every opening. So keeping them under control hasn't been a problem."

"Surprising. I didn't think Kurotsuchi's men were good for anything beside research."

"You and me both." There was a moment of silence from the other end. "Are you alright, Captain?"

Hitsugaya lay down, flopping onto the pillows and staring up at the ceiling. "Yeah, I'm fine. Hanakari packs a punch, but it's nothing I can't handle."

"Oh. Right. But…I mean, how's Karin?"

Hitsugaya paused. "She's fine," he said. "She's healing well. She shouldn't have any problems with her arm in the future."

"Good," Matsumoto said. "That's good." Then, "Captain…if you need anything…"

"Yeah," Hitsugaya closed his eyes. "I know."

"Okay. I'll be here if something comes up. Then, I'll be off."

"Yeah. Thanks."

The line went dead. Hitsugaya threw his phone aside somewhere on the mattress, deep in thought.

"I'm turning in for the night," he heard Karin say from somewhere down the hall, her voice muffled through his door.

Hitsugaya turned over and put the pillow over his head.

-.-.-.-

At night, he slept restlessly. When he closed his eyes, he saw shadows with wide, gaping mouths, circling around his bed, mocking him. When he slept, he dreamed that he was swimming out into the ocean, moving further and further away from the beach. Every time he thought about turning back, seagulls would circle over his head, crying, "Chicken, chicken," so he swam until he couldn't move anymore, and sank to the bottom.

He woke up in a sweat, even though the room was cool.

-.-.-.-

"We got a name."

"What?" Hitsugaya blurted, shooting upright in his bed, his hair a wild mess atop of his head. "You heard back from them?"

"When you finish today, bring the girls here with you," Urahara said. "I'll be giving everybody a full rundown there."

"Understood. Did you find any leads in the warehouse?"

"We're not sure yet. There's a few details we picked up, but it's nothing conclusive. I'd like to hear what everyone else thinks, in any case."

"Don't let the others do anything without me."

"I hear you. See you later, Captain."

Hitsugaya hung up, but just as he was about to get up, there was a knock on his door.

"Hey," Karin said, voice quiet. "Sorry, I know you said not to bother you. Yuzu wanted to let you know breakfast was ready, so…"

"Wait," Hitsugaya called, pushing his blankets off and throwing his feet over the edge of the bed. "You can come in."

The door opened cautiously. Karin hesitated at the doorframe, already dressed in her school uniform. The weather was heating up fast outside; she'd already done away with her blazer. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

For a moment, Hitsugaya thought about just doing away with it all. The awkwardness, the avoidance. It would've taken close to nothing to go back to the way things were, to have Karin as an ally again. She would probably take up arms with him in a heartbeat, and somehow it made him feel so much worse.

Hitsugaya bit his tongue. "Urahara says he's got something," he said finally. "We're to meet him at his shop later this afternoon."

"Oh," Karin said. "Alright then. I'll…see you there, I guess."

"Yeah," Hitsugaya said, looking at his feet, waiting until Karin disappeared from the doorway. He ran one hand over his face.

Having subordinates, he decided, was a lot easier than having friends.


Author's Notes

to anyone who cares about learning more of our ~mystery man's~ powers:

Shikai - assuru (圧する): to pressure, dominate, overwelm

Shirokazaru (白化猿): albino monkey, or literally "whitening" monkey

I decided to upload this chapter immediately after the last one to make up for the fact that I've been gone for 84 years TT I'm sorry I suck