Really sorry for the lack of updates, guys! Beta read by Jesus.Lives :)


Losing My Religion

"Miley, Jackson." Dad addressed us as he had called us downstairs for a 'family meeting'. "I got some bad news. Mamaw isn't doing well, so I'll be visiting her for three days to help her around the house, and stuff. I'll be leaving tomorrow morning. Roxie will be babysitting, so I expect -"

"Babysitting?" Jackson and I said at the same time.

"Well, yeah. I'm not leaving you two here alone for three days. I may not have a house when I come back." He took a deep breath and gave us a warning look not to argue, "Now, I expect you to listen to Roxie and behave yourselves, no matter how ridiculous she may be. No girls can come over," he said to Jackson. Jackson grumbled something in response. He looked at me and needlessly said, "And no boys."

"So Oliver can come over?" I asked. It was a known fact Oliver wasn't a boy per se. Sure, he had the anatomy of any other male, but he wasn't the kind of boy my dad worried about me being around.

Dad nodded, "Oliver and Lilly can come over."

Of course, I didn't invite them over, but that didn't stop Lilly. Only hours after my Dad left, Lilly came barging into the house screaming at the top of her lungs. "Guess what, guess what, guess what?!"

Jackson and Roxie watched her with wide eyes. I looked up at her with a dull expression, "What?"

"I just won tickets to the Justin Timberlake concert!" Lilly squealed, as she ran up to me. She clasped my wrists and started jumping up and down. "Aren't you excited?" she asked, when she noticed I wasn't happy dancing with her.

"Yeah. Cool for you."

"I got two tickets! You're coming with me!"

"Lilly, I can't. My dad's out of town...I'm not allowed to go anywhere."

"Now, now, Miley. I can come with you," Roxie interrupted, "I'd really like to see that Justin. He's a hunk!."

"See! You can come!" Lilly smiled at me, an eager look in her eyes.

"People still say 'hunk'?" I muttered under my breath, and then gave the fakest smile I could muster up. "Awesome!"

I know I should have been jumping up and down, dancing, and screaming, but at the moment things like Justin Timberlake seemed so trivial. Mamaw was sick, and it wasn't good. If Dad had to help her around the house, I knew something was wrong. What if she's dying? I tried not to think about it, but it was there. Each moment it was tearing a hole into my heart. I'd get distracted for moment, focusing on life, but it'd be back; a voice inside my head saying 'Mamaw's sick. She might be dying'. I hated it. I wanted to get drunk... I wanted the whiskey to numb the pain.

With my Hannah connections we got Roxie a ticket to the concert which was scheduled for tomorrow night at the Staples Stadium. She was beyond thrilled, and it was kind of creepy. Who know Roxie was a huge fan of an ex-boy bander? I swear, she was behaving just the same as Lilly; like a teenager.

I don't think I'm a teenager anymore. At that moment, I was getting older. I remember feeling so high above Lilly and Roxie. I was at a different level of maturity, and a place much higher than their own.

To be fully honest, I don't remember all that much about the concert. I remember Lilly screaming her love for Justin, and Roxie too. I remember Roxie rockin' out to "Sexyback. The whole time I had been detached from the moment, thinking about Mamaw. I wanted to go see her. Why didn't dad take us with him? Would it be so terrible if we missed a few days of school? Or is there something he didn't want us to see?

The next night we got a call from Dad. Jackson put him on speakerphone.

"Guys, I won't be coming back as planned. I'm going to be staying with my mom for a few more days." his voice cracked, "I...I'm worried about her. She's not doing well at all."

"Dad, tell me what's wrong?" I cried. I wish I could see him... and that way he could hold me. I need to be held so badly right now.

"Mamaw didn't want me to tell you guys this, but I think it's time you knew. She was diagnosed with breast cancer a week ago. Mamaw's been in and out of the hospital for various reasons and symptoms these past few months... and last week she discovered a lump on her... she's really sick, Miles. The doctors have her doing chemo."

Roxie was in the corner of the room with her eyes averted, trying to avoid this private moment. Jackson was frozen.

"Is she going to die?" I asked, my voice quavering.

"I don't know. It's not looking good."

I woke up at 2 AM that night, or rather morning. I was sweating and shivering. This wasn't right. Mamaw shouldn't be sick. I stared at my ceiling the rest of the night, waiting for the sun to shine through my curtains. My stomach was flipping and my eyes burning from crying; at some point I ran out of tears.

At 7 AM I got dressed and ready for school, but instead I ended up at church. It was Monday, and it was for the most part empty. I sat on the pew and started crying, "Why? Why God? Are you really so selfish and cruel you want to take her away from me? I hate you!"

I felt eyes on me, but only one person approached me. He was a youth pastor here. "Miley? Is that you?"

"Piss off." I said. I collected my book bag and stood up. I looked him right in the eye and laughed. I saw him the same way I saw Cory, Jake, and every other male. His conservative mannerism didn't make him any different. He was a man-whore like the rest... he had no right to look at me like that. No right to approach me, because of my cries against God.

But despite all those thoughts, as I walked away, I wanted this familiar stranger to grab my arm and hold me, while I cry.