I ment to put this as an author's note one chapter 8 but it was really late/early and I wasn't thinking very clearly, thank you so much to those who pointed this stuff out to me:) . 1) Bella blushes because she is a new vampire, she is still very much like a human and the venom has not eliminated all of the blood in her system yet. 2) Bella trips a) because she is naturally clumsy b) vampire speed + Bella tripping, she will trip less and less but on the rare occassion(and I don't mean every other chapter I mean when she isn't paying attention (nervous, embarassed, upset...), every other century, or something) she will trip, but she will eventually gain vampire grace. 3) Bella did not know that Edward had changed her, it was always WE(Carlisle and Edward) saved her, Bella only knew that Edward had had some part in saving her. Also, she presumed that since Carlisle was head of the family/the one to explain everything to her that he was the one to change her. Hope that clears some things up and I'll never have a long A/N again...I hope.
Chapter 9
BPOV
This is where the guilt sets in. I had no clue what to say to Edward when he said that he did not know why he had saved me. Really I had not meant to ask him the question it just sort of, slipped.
Then when he told me that HE was the one to change me, that just really shocked me. He changes me to save me but does not know why he saved me. Wow, and I thought high school was complicated.
I saw Alice and Jasper standing in front of the house waiting for us. Alice looked a bit worried and frustrated, Jasper just looked confused.
"I'll be right back," Alice ran through the front door, leaving Jasper and me standing there awkwardly.
"You should not feel guilty you know," his voice held sympathy and understanding.
"What do you mean?"
"I can believe it would be a bit of a shock to find out something you believed true to be false Bella. You can't keep on thinking that every move you make is wrong. A person can't live like that."
I sighed and walked over to sit on the steps. "Jasper, I don't know what to do. It seems like some days he hates me and regrets ever meeting me but on others I don't know," I buried my face into my cold, pale hands.
He sat down next to me remaining silent; there was nothing to say to my words.
"It is almost like I am missing a piece of a puzzle, or actually a few pieces." He looked at me, waiting for me to continue. "Like why in the world did he change me? Why is it that he loathes himself so much? Is there a reason why he hates me? Did I do something wrong?"
"Bella," Jasper whispered, "he does not hate you. I know that for sure, and you did nothing wrong. An accident happened, there was nothing any of us could do about it. For the other answers, I'm afraid you'll have to get those from Edward."
I nodded and listened to the crickets chirp. The air was cool and still but dark clouds roamed overhead looking towards a nighttime rain.
The door behind us opened and a pixie figure emerged, "Well, since you went hunting today instead of going shopping with me," she pouted, "That just means that we will spend twice as long shopping tomorrow!"
Jasper laughed and patted my back sympathetically, either from our discussion about Edward or because I would be going shopping with Alice and Rosalie tomorrow for twice as long as Alice had planned for today. Silently, I cursed Edward for taking me hunting but at the same time I thanked him. I had fun even though there is still a large gap between us, it seemed to be closing very slowly.
Alice then looked me up and down, "have fun hunting?" she giggled.
I looked down at my clothes, they were soaking wet with snow and blood, both of which had not melted or dried. I sighed and glared at her before heading up to my room.
I took a quick shower and was going down to ask Alice if I could barrow some of that stuff she had used in my hair to make it look shiny one time. As I passed my room I heard music as clear as if it were playing on a pair of headphones. The music included some screaming and lyrics about tears.
I knocked on the door, "Edward?" This was definitely not his usual music! Normally it was some classical or older music. This was VERY modern and I never thought of Edward as someone who would listen to major scream music.
Carefully, I opened the door and saw him lying on the floor, his arms crossed over his eyes. I moved swiftly and sat down next to him. He acted like he did not hear me, I merely looked at him.
Edward had changed his clothes, he had on a pair of loose jeans with a white T shirt on. His bronze hair sat in disarray, something that I was quite sure could not be achieved using gel.
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I did not hear him turn off the music which is pretty surprising considering there was screaming. He sat up and stared at me, almost like he had been expecting me. I stared down at my hands, embarrassed that I had entered his room without permission.
He used his finger to tilt my chin up to look into his eyes. They held the deep topaz of his kind, well, our kind. For a while neither of us moved, neither of us breathed. I was the one to break the silence.
"Edward, can I ask you a few things?" no sense in going around the topic, even though we have eternity.
His eyes darkened with sadness but he nodded his head, "did you, or do you hate me?"
He flinched, probably was not expecting me to be that blunt. "No Bella, I don't hate you. I never have," he sounded like I had just accused him of murdering my dad.
"The why did you act like you did when I walked into Biology?"
He gave me a crooked smile, "I was hoping you had forgotten about that. How do I describe this…ah, you know how everyone is different and how, for lack of a better example, dogs track people using their different scents? Well every person smells differently, you have not experienced this because you have not left the house for the most part. Then there is another part, like everyone has their favorite perfume that they are drawn to, no that's not right, well it is but it makes things complicated."
"You're saying blood smells like perfume?"
"No, what I'm trying to say is you know how there are certain things that people can not resist like a drug addict and heroine, they can't resist it. That was your blood to me."
"So you're saying I'm a brand of heroine?"
"You are exactly my brand of heroine."
"Is everyone like that? I mean, that um irresistible?"
"No, you're the only one that has ever been like that for me," he shifted uncomfortably.f
"Right then, in that room I thought someone must hate me. I must have done something wrong to make my life a Hell on Earth. It took everything I had not to kill you then or convince you to come with me at other parts of the day. I could have and there would have been nothing you could do about it," I looked up at him from the carpeted floor.
Looking at his ungodly beauty, there was no doubt in my mind, if he had told me to jump off of a bridge or follow him away that I would have.
"Is that why you loath yourself so much? Because you knew that if you wanted to you could have dried me at any point in time?" My voice was small, even to my ears.
"I am a monster, there is no other way to put it. People were not meant to kill others for their blood. I should not even be alive, I should have died in that hospital." His eyes became distant like he was trying to recall something. Edward's face seemed pained but I did not know if I should break his trance.
This explained so much, he had not told me it was him that changed me because he was ashamed that he had longed for my blood. "Edward," I whispered. He came back and stared at me. "There is no reason for you to hate yourself or even regret changing me. You were able to change me and not kill me, in all actuality, you should be proud of yourself. I know now at that moment when I thought that you hated me I should have been terrified, I should be terrified or something now but I'm not." As to where those words came from I have no idea.
Right then it looked as if a great weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. I knew I was staring, he was so odd. Hating who he was and saving me even though I could have died. I felt strange as thoughts ran through my head. For everything it was worth, I was glad he could not read my thoughts at that moment.
Inwardly I smiled, he would have already known everything I had just said if he had been able to read my thoughts. It frustrated him to no end that he could not enter my head. Maybe it was for the best.
My hand came out and lightly touched his perfect face. He looked startled but quickly relaxed at my touch.
EPOV
She did not hate me! She does not mind being a vampire! If my heart could beat, it would have jumped out of my chest. I felt like the world had just been lifted off of me as she spoke those words.
I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I did not see her hand. Bella's hand gently touched my face, soft and cautious. As if she was uncertain. I glanced up into her red eyes. She seemed scared or wary, it frustrated me not to be able to read her thoughts.
I felt so, alive, around her. She made me feel human again. What was the reasoning behind this though? Again I pushed away what I knew I wanted to be true and looked at the logical explanation, I felt responsible for her. She was someone I could open up to but that I needed to protect. If any harm, more than has already, were to come to her I do not think that I could live with myself.
I grabbed her hand and pressed it firmly to my cheek before kissing it softly, "thank you." I got up and caught a glance of light rays shining lightly through the clouds, guaranteeing a perfectly cloudy day. Then I walked out to check on my Volvo that Rosalie was currently having fun tweaking.
Two notes sorry: I really could not resist putting the heroine quote in here. It is my fave Twilight quote, I do NOT own it(I'm not 100 sure of what Bella says but I know it is something like that) and I couldn't think of another way to explain it because well, that is the only thing that would come to mind. Thanks for reading and thanks for the reviews and plz, tell me if anyone is OOC.
