Chapter 9

Carlos looked at Kendall's pale face with wide eyes. Kendall was so still. It was really weird not seeing his older friend up and moving like he always was. It was scary and nerve wrecking all at the same time.

The Latino sat quietly in his chair, watching James and Logan talk with each other quietly. They were probably talking about Kendall, and what was wrong with him. Carlos was actually kind of glad they weren't including him in their conversation; Carlos didn't know if he could handle it.

But at the same time, Carlos was a little hurt and a little mad at them for not including him. He was old enough to understand; he was almost 17 years old. Maybe Logan and James were trying to protect him by not scaring him with news about Kendall. Maybe. But Carlos didn't think so. There was a horrible thought in the back of his head. He didn't want to think about it, but it just kept on coming back when he tried to push it away.

What if they thought he was too immature, too troublesome, too… stupid? Tears sprung into Carlos's eyes just thinking about it. After all, he had been the one who… he was the one who dropped the hockey stick. Kendall had tripped over his dropped hockey stick, which caused the bleeding in his brain. And now Kendall was in the hospital and had some horrible sickness.

It was all his fault. As always, it was all his fault. He was always the one who messed up, the one who needed to be constantly scolded for doing something wrong. Kendall, Logan, and James never messed up and disappointed other people as much as he did. They were good at everything he sucked at.

Carlos brought his knees up to his chest. He heard Logan mutter something with the word "stupid" in it. What if James and Logan were talking about him? About how stupid he was for dropping his hockey stick, about how stupid he was all the time.

Carlos bit his lip to bite back the sob that was coming up his throat. His friends wouldn't say that about him. They wouldn't. But Carlos wasn't even sure about that himself.

He didn't even know where all these thoughts were coming from. He'd never thought of himself as stupid, had he? Carlos wasn't even sure. He was the most crazy one out of his three friends, but was he really stupid?

He saw James glance at him worriedly. The pretty boy turned back to Logan and whispered something into his ear. Logan nodded sullenly. Carlos put his face on his knees, his lower lip starting to tremble.

What if James and Logan hated him for getting Kendall hurt? What if they blamed him for everything that had happened to Kendall? Well, Carlos wouldn't blame them if they did. He blamed himself for getting Kendall into the hospital, too. He blamed himself for everything.

He felt a huge lump in his throat. He tried to swallow it down; he couldn't cry in front of his friends. They'd only think he was stupider than he already was. This was his fault; he couldn't cause any more trouble. And him crying was the last thing anyone needed.

"Carlos? Are you okay, buddy?" Carlos looked up when he felt James's hand on his shoulder. The Latino boy looked away when he saw the concern and worry in James's eyes. Concern and worry for him. He didn't deserve that concern. He didn't deserve to be worried about. He had put Kendall in the hospital. He knew it, James knew it, Logan knew it, and soon, if Kendall ever woke up, he'd know it, too. And then they'd all hate him, and there'd be nothing Carlos could do about it.

"Yeah, I-I'm fine." Carlos replied, trying to sound as convincing as he could. James raised an eyebrow, Logan sighed.

"Are you sure, Carlos? Cuz you haven't said anything in, like, a long time." Logan pointed out. Carlos didn't look at them.

"I'm fine." He stated firmly, scratching the top of his head.

James sat down next to Carlos, wrapping his arm around the younger boy. "Carlos, you know you can tell us anything, right?" He asked softly.

Carlos bit his lip. "I know. I'm fine, really," he lied. He hated lying to his friends, he really did, but he didn't want to worry them more than they already were. After all, this was his fault and he had to suffer the consequences right now. What the consequences were, he didn't know for sure. But there were going to be consequences for sure.

"Can you just tell me what wrong with K-Kendall?" Carlos asked meekly. James glanced at Logan.

"Kendall hit his head really hard, Carlos. He hit his head so hard that it's bleeding. Not on the outside, but on the inside. So that's why we couldn't see it. And now he has brain damage because he was bleeding for too long of a time." Logan started explaining. Carlos knew all that, but he still listened carefully anyways. This was all his fault…

"So… wh-what's gonna happen to him when he wakes up?"

"We don't know yet, Carlos. Anything can happen. Who knows, maybe Kendall could be all fine and dandy when we wake up, and then everything'll be alright again." James suggested. But they all knew that wasn't going to happen. Kendall wasn't going to be alright.

Carlos nodded and looked back down at the ground. "I-I'm sorry…" he whispered pathetically. James and Logan turned their heads toward him.

"What was that?"

Carlos shook his head. "Nothing, just thinking to myself."

Logan smiled sadly at Carlos. "I know this is hard, buddy, but if we all stick together we'll get through it fine, okay?" Carlos looked up at James with his big brown eyes and nodded.

James turned around and walked towards Kendall's unmoving form. "When do you think he'll wake up?" He asked, mostly to Logan. Logan was the doctor after all, wasn't he?

Logan stared at Kendall sadly. "I really don't know… it's different for everyone with a concussion. And even when they do wake up…" The smart boys stopped talking, looking away from James and Carlos.

James wrapped his arm around Logan. "Then what?" He asked gently.

Logan shook his head. "People's brains react differently to bleeding. We really have no real clue as to what Kendall's gonna be like when he wakes up. He could be perfectly fine… or not."

No one spoke a word for quite some time. No one knew what to say. There really was nothing anyone could say,

There could be something seriously wrong with Kendall when he woke. He could be different, like really bad different. What if Kendall was never the same again? Who would be their leader, the one who motivated them and loved hockey? No one, that ws who. And none of them thought they could live with that.

Big Time Rush wasn't the same at all without Kendall. Their friendship would never be the same, either. They would never be the same, either.

Life would be pretty much impossible without Kendall. Their foursome had to stay four. Three would never be the same. Five wouldn't be, either. Four was the right number for their group. And no one wanted that to change.

The only thing was, they didn't have any control over that. They couldn't control what happened to Kendall. They could only leave it up to Kendall's body and fate.

That was what sucked the most. The fact that none of them could do anything to help Kendall except be there for him when he woke.

James shook his head quickly. "Guys, we can't think like this. Kendall's gonna wake up, and he's gonna be fine. Even if he's not, he can recover with the help of the doctors. Right, guys?" When no one answered, James repeated himself. "Right?"

Logan sighed. Carlos bit his lip.

"Let's hope so."

A/N- This chapter was so hard to write for some reason… but I got it done. So yay! And for those of you reading my story Vanishing, the last chapter may be up… soon. I wanna make the last chapter the best, ya know? ;)

So please PLEASE review this chapter? I'd love you if you do!

Peace, Love, and Giraffes,

Anonymous Skrtle