Hey guys. I know I took longer than usual to get this chapter done, but I hope you didn't give up on me just yet. Next post won't take this long, I believe :) Well, Alex was given to me by my hilarious and awesome (haha) friend, Mila - thank you for all your help, always.
To everyone else reading this: I hope you have a Happy New Year. To the ones who asked me questions in the reviews, I promise to answer later. And anyone can just PM me anytime, and I'll feel very special if you do. hahaha
P.S.: CarolfromBrazil, the Klaine part is on you!
P.S.²: The songs in this chapter are Carry on and All alright, both from Fun. and both really worthy!
Well, enjoy our nineth girl.
XX
9 – Alex, the sentimental soldier
My first thought when I get out of the building is: Fuck! Kurt set me up with a dude! I mean, I know that even for a gay man in show business it is not easy to find nine girls to go on blind dates – although showing them a picture of me usually helps –, but send me on a straight date is a little too extreme.
I'm wrong, though. It's not a dude, it's a girl. But, man, she's tall. She's easily more than five feet tall, her hair is shaved and she's wearing what looks like a cosplay of Ellen Degeneres. To balance all that, and put some irony into it, she has a really girly face.
"Good evening. You must be Miss Santana Lopez."
"I am. Alex Brennan?"
"Yes, that would be me." She smiles and offers me her hand to shake. God, her hand is big. It swallows mine as she compliments me. "Nice to meet you."
"You too."
"Should we go? Our reservation is for nine o'clock."
"Sure. Let's get out of here."
Alex opens the car's door for me, still smiling as I go in. When she takes her place at the driver's sit I take one more look at her. I'm almost sure Kurt told me from where he knows Alex. Something like the sister of a friend. I didn't pay much attention at the time. It's a new life policy for me – I just listen to Lady Hummel when I really can't avoid it. Not only because his chipmunk voice can be damaging if heard in large scale, but also because in the last few weeks he seems to always be probing everything I say, even more when it's about the dates. He's all like "Why is it that you don't get interested in any of them? How so you didn't call Lena again?" Like that girl owns a phone!
Yet, here I am. Kurt marked the day and the time in my cellphone agenda, so I didn't have an excuse to miss it.
"I gotta admit something." Alex says, looking at me by the corners of her blue eyes. "I've never been in a blind date before. I'm not sure what's the protocol."
I laugh and she seems a bit relieved.
"Don't worry. I've been in enough blind dates for both of us and, trust me, there's no protocol."
"I'm sure you are much more than that and by the end of the night I'll have far more interesting things to say about you, but I feel like I should start by saying you are very beautiful."
"I bet you were afraid to trust all those Instagram selfies, right? No worries there, chick. It's all #nofilter stuff."
Alex smiles even more, shaking her head. Ok, I don't usually go for the butch type, but this girl seems nice. And I can certainly use a little nice in my life right now. Even more if that will make Kurt stop nosing around.
"I took the liberty of asking Kurt what you were into, however he was not very helpful. All he could come up with was music, pizza and bitching. His words, not mine."
"I gotta say he's right."
"In that case, I hope you like this place." Alex says, parking the car in front of a restaurant. There's a valet service, but before anyone can even approach, Alex's out of the SUV and opening the door for me.
"Thank you..." I say, accepting the hand she offers me to get up.
That's weird. I'm almost feeling like a lady.
"They have the most amazing pizza here. And some great singers perform acoustically at Saturday's nights. Still, if it all sucks, you can bitch about it all night long."
"You thought about everything, right?"
"I like to have a strategy, yes." Alex answers, pulling a chair for me to sit when we get to a table at the corner of the saloon.
"A strategy, is that right? What territories are you thinking about claiming tonight, soldier?"
"Just the surrendered ones."
Hm, look at that. The butch can flirt.
"You really are a soldier, right? I guess Kurt said something about it."
"Sargent Brennan at your service, miss." Alex says, saluting me. I smile back at her.
"Nice. Just between us, I always wanted my own Jordan O'Neil."
"Sorry, who?"
"Jordan O'Neil, from G.I. Jane." She doesn't seem to get the clue. "Demi Moore's most iconic character?"
"Wouldn't that be in Ghost?"
"Ok, I would forgive the question if you said Striptease, but Ghost? Really?"
"I like Ghost. It's a really beautiful history. A love that lasts more than life..."
I raise an eyebrow when Alex's voice sounds moved at the end of the sentence.
"No, no. G.I. Jane is a classic. Even Rachel agrees Demi Moore's hot as hell kicking all those soldier's asses."
Damn, why am I talking about Rachel? This fucking little dwarf seems glued to my mind. I shake my head and focus on Alex again.
"Well, in that case, I could say I kick some soldier's asses too."
"Please, send me a homemade video of that." I say and Alex blushes, for my surprise. Somehow, I feel good about it. Like I'm getting my game back.
"Do you like wine?" She asks, pointing at the card the waiter gave us moments ago.
"If it's booze, I'm on it."
So Alex orders a bottle for us. As we start drinking, a man steps up on the little stage at the edge of the restaurant. He sits on a stool in front of a microphone, with a guitar in his lap, and starts playing and singing peacefully.
"It doesn't seem like I'll have something to bitch about." I say and Alex smiles.
"I was hoping for that." Her hand touches mine for a moment. "Why don't you tell me a little about yourself?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know. Any hobbies?"
"You mean besides bitching and watching Demi Moore's hot movies?"
"Yeah, besides that."
"Well, I play tennis. I compose a little. I can draw, too. And, of course, photography is a passion of mine."
"Wow, really?"
"No. I watch really old TV series, like I dream of Jeannie and Bewitched, I make karaoke nights with my lame friends and I go on blind dates."
"You know what? I like it all better."
"Me too." I drink a little more wine and look at Alex again. "Now you tell me something."
"Uhn, I do boxing. And I used to do equitation, but I haven't had the time for that in a while now..."
So that's the thing about dating a soldier.
"Ok... That's... cool..."
"Oh, I forgot one."
"What? Shot put?"
"No. Poetry!"
"Do you write poetry?"
"I wish. No... I read poetry."
Maybe a sentimental soldier, then.
"Nice..." I say, uncertain.
Alex looks deeply into my eyes and gets a little closer.
"Sweet love renew thy force, be it not said
Thy edge should blunter be than appetite,
Which but to-day by feeding is allayed,
To-morrow sharpened in his former might.
So love be thou, although to-day thou fill
Thy hungry eyes, even till they wink with fulness,
To-morrow see again, and do not kill
The spirit of love, with a perpetual dulness:
Let this sad interim like the ocean be
Which parts the shore, where two contracted new,
Come daily to the banks, that when they see:
Return of love, more blest may be the view.
Or call it winter, which being full of care,
Makes summer's welcome, thrice more wished, more rare."
"What?"
"It's Shakespeare."
"Right..." I answer. She's still looking at me mindfully. I'm not sure what to say, so I improvise. "I told you once, I told you twice. You can see it in my eyes. I'm all cried out, with nothing to say. You're everything I wanted to be. If you could only see... Your heart belongs to me. I love you so much, I'm yearning for your touch. Come and set me free, forever yours I'll be. Won't you come and take this pain away?"
Now Alex's eyes are glimmering, almost like she got all emotional about my lines. She blinks a few times, breathing in deeply.
"That was beautiful. Is that Virginia Wolf's?
"No. P. Diddy's."
"Oh."
She looks a bit disappointed. Maybe I should have chosen some Jay-Z stuff.
"Are you hungry? Should we order?" Alex asks.
"Sure."
Alex lets me choose the pizza flavor and I ask for the meatiest one. No veggie stuff for me, thank you very much. I'd eat a cow by myself, if I could. I'm done with this vegetarian way of life. It doesn't matter if Rachel actually learned really good recipes so she could convince Kurt and me to joining the green-lovers-animal-pity club. She doesn't even cook for me anymore. Not even if I say I'll do the dishes.
"You ladies wanna buy some candy?"
I blink and come back to reality. A little boy is in front of our table, holding a box full of candy. He's small and skinny, with a messed up black hair. I'm about to say that we are good, when Alex takes her wallet out.
"Sure, champs. How much is it?"
"Ten for a dollar."
"Well, I'll keep them all, alright?" She says in a really soft voice, handing the boy a fifty dollars bill.
I raise an eyebrow, but don't say a thing. Quickly a waiter approaches.
"I told you already you can't come in here." The man says to the boy. "I'm sorry, ladies."
"That's ok. He's not bothering us." Alex defends the kid. "You know what, I think you're selling awesome candies, but it's really late and you should go home. Why don't you take a cab and go rest for the rest of the night?"
Alex's voice is so kind that sounds strange to my ears. She gives the boy another fifty bill and the waiter hurries to take the kid out of the place.
"That was nice of you..." I start to say.
Then I realize Alex's crying.
"Are you ok?"
"Yes... It's just... I can't see a child working. He's so young."
There are tears rolling down her face. Actual tears.
"I know, but... You just helped him for the month..."
"But what about next month? What about the rest of his life?"
"He seems like a smart boy, he'll figure it out..."
I tap Alex's shoulder a few times. She's really close from sobbing.
"Here, get some candy..." I say, pushing the box the boy left in her direction.
"Oh, my God, what am I going to do with all this candy?"
"I don't know..."
"I can't eat them all, and I can't throw food away. It's such a terrible thing to do, throw food away." And now she's crying harder.
Where is the button that makes the waterfall stop? Where is it?!
"I can eat them all."
"No, you can't."
"Believe me, I can. It won't last two days once I get my period."
That makes Alex calm down a little. I wanna ask if she's in her period, but I'm afraid she'll just start crying again. I better say nothing.
Thanks God, that's the time our pizza is served. We just eat for a few moments and all those carbohydrates make their magic to light up Alex's mood. Maybe she was just hungry. She certainly looks starved, eating 80% of the pizza.
"Excuse me. The little girl's room. I'll be right back." I say, getting up.
It was a bad idea using those heels. They're hurting me. On the other hand, if I wasn't in high heels Alex would look like a giant walking alongside a hobbit. I wonder if that's how Rachel feels all the time.
I look at myself in the bathroom's mirror. It's September. We are getting close to the end of the year. I'm not sure how it passed so fast. I almost didn't have time to think. Alex's waiting for me outside, and I don't think I have anything to offer to her. I failed eight dates until now and it's like I have something to prove
When I get back to the table, Alex's drinking wine and listening to the guy who's singing. She gets up to pull the chair for me.
Yes, she's a perfect gentleman. Except that she's not.
I sigh when I see her eyes are teary again.
"What is it?" I ask not very patiently.
"This song..." She says, indicating the singer. "It's very touching."
I pay attention at it for a moment. I know this song. This acoustic version is slower and sweeter, but I know the melody and the lyrics.
"Though I've never been through hell like that I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back. If you're lost and alone, or you're sinking like a stone... Carry on... May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground. Carry on..."
It is a great song, but that's not the reason I drown so much into it. This song just reminds me another time, another place. Seems like ages have passed, but it was just a few weeks ago.
"Yeah, it's all alright. I guess it's all alright. I got nothing left inside of my chest, but it's all alright..."
I'm singing along with the male voice coming out of my earphones while I try to clean up the living room. Rachel and Georgia spent the night watching Mamma Mia on the couch and Georgia's skanky perfume is making me sick. So I guess Kurt wins: I'm cleaning the house.
"And now all my loves that come back to haunt me. My regrets and texts sent to taunt me. I never claimed to be more than a one-night stand..."
"I've given everyone I know a good reason to go. But I came back with the belief that everyone I love is gonna leave me..." Rachel's voice invades the room, like it always does. I turn to the door, where she stands, looking at me. She keeps singing.
"And it's all alright, I guess it's all alright..." We sing together, like we haven't in a while. And I realize I miss Rachel. I miss bitching about her clothes and I miss the way she massages my neck when I get too stressed out at work. "I got nothing last inside of my chest, but it's all alright..." I don't wanna miss someone who lives with me. I don't want this distance between us anymore. I want it to end, like the chorus.
We sing together until the music ends. Then the silence comes and leaves us both breathless.
"Well, it seems like I don't get to have a solo even in my own living room." I say, narrowing my eyes.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude..."
"I'm kidding, Berry!" I shout, hating the fact that she won't bitch back at me like before. We are so serious with each other. I hate it. "I like it when we duet."
"Our voices do mash well together."
"Yes, like we do."
"I'm not so sure about that."
"But I am." I get a little closer, trying to make the words come out. "And maybe I misbehaved a little in the last couple months..."
"That's an understatement."
"Excuse me, I'm trying to apologize."
"Are you?"
"Yes!"
"Then do it."
"What?"
"Apologize."
"Ok... I'm sorry that you couldn't deal with the..."
"Wrong."
"I'm sorry that the Satan side of Santana has came out to play..."
"No."
"I'm sorry Kurt's pushing me to so many situations that..."
"Santana!"
"I'm sorry I was a complete idiot and I really fucking miss the way we were. You and Kurt are my best friends and even when I get all crazy, I love you guys. I'm sorry."
"Here, take this…" Alex says, offering me a white handkerchief. That's when I realize I'm crying as well. "It's really an emotional song."
I shake my head in agreement, getting rid of the tears. That's my only way to justify the crying moment. I'm not even sure why I'm really crying about. Maybe it's because I lost my Fun.'s CD, and I really liked it. The thing is… once I start, I can't really stop.
"Ok… Maybe I could ask the singer to take a break. I see you're very touched by music."
"It's not the goddamn music!"
"What is it then?"
"My shoes!" I improvise. "I hate those heels, they are hurting my feet."
"Oh, I'm so sorry." Alex drags her chair closer to me. "Heels are a torture tool. It's such a big part in women's oppression. I'm so sorry you feel like you have to do this to yourself and hurt your beautiful feet."
So now we're crying together.
"Please, allow me to take them off."
I just bob my head and Alex gets down, taking my shoes off. It's a weird position, really – I'm sitting here and she's almost under the table, in her knees, almost between my legs. And that kinda always was a fantasy of mine, you know, do nasty things in a restaurant, but Alex's just making me uncomfortable. And I feel such a frigid idiot that I cry harder.
"That's so inappropriate." I sob and Alex hurry to take off my heels and sits back at her chair.
"You're hurt." She says, looking at my sore feet.
Yes, the skin around my ankles is all red and injured, but honestly it's not the worst shape I've ever been after a date. It's just something women go through all the time.
"It's not that bad. If I wasn't wearing them, I wouldn't even reach your breasts."
"I'm too tall, am I not? I've always been too tall. I never meant to make you feel small."
I grimace when Alex hides her face in her big hands.
"Here, have it back." I say, waving the handkerchief again.
"Thanks…" It's kinda gross when she blows her nose at it. So I stop crying all at once, because I sure won't accept that handkerchief back.
"And I'm not small, I'm just shorter than you are."
"Oh God! That was such an awful thing for me to say. That was not what I meant."
"Please, take it easy." I say, patting her shoulder again. "Maybe we should take off."
Alex nods, wiping the tears from her face. She calls for the waiter and asks for the bill.
"Let's split it…"
"No, no. Please, let me take care of it."
"There's no need, Alex. Really."
"I insist. Come on."
I shrug and she pays it all.
"Should we go?"
"Yes, I'll just put my shoes on again…"
"Oh, no. No, don't do that." She gets up and approaches me. "Excuse me."
Then she just holds me. Like I don't weight anything.
"Can you carry the candies?"
I nod, amused. It's a funny feeling, being carried away like this. So now I have my heels in one hand, a box of candy in the other, and a really tall woman is holding me in the air and taking me to a SUV. Shut up if it doesn't sound like a weird lesbian fairy tale.
When she parks in front of my building, I don't even have time to say goodbye before she's opening the door for me and taking me in her arms again. The elevator takes forever to come down, but Alex's not even sweating.
"You're making me feel so thin right now." I say and regret it when her eyes get all teary again.
"You have a beautiful body, Santana. All women do. Being thin is just a social built up demand."
"Ok, no need to be sad about it."
"But it is a sad thing." She says as we go in the elevator and I press the button.
"Maybe. Look on the bright side: with all the candy you got me, I certainly won't be thin much longer."
I guess I'm not very funny, cause the tears are still there.
"I don't think I'll be seeing it, am I? I bet this was the worst date you ever were into…"
I laugh at that as Alex puts me down in front of my apartment.
"You really have no clue how this year is going to me… You're pretty much on top 3 best dates, Alex."
I open the door and the music inside covers up Alex's answer. Seems like karaoke night is hitting on in my living room. I raise my eyebrows to the two guys singing Teenage dream.
"Wow! Since when are we shippering Klaine again in this house?" I ask and Blaine smiles at me, adjusting his bow tie.
"For a while. You would know if you listened to me sometimes." Kurt says, rolling his eyes.
"Klaine. This is so cute!" Georgia says, clapping her hands excitedly.
Yes, I was trying not to notice her in the couch. The couch I'll fucking have to clean again tomorrow.
"What shipper would we be?" She asks Rachel. "Georchel? Rachia?"
"They all sound like bakery specialties." I say and Rachel looks at me, narrowing her eyes. Since we made up I promised to be nicer to Georgia, but she makes it so fucking hard!
"Maybe our last names, then. Hudson and Berry... Hudberry?"
"Better." Blaine agrees and I sigh.
"Won't you introduce your friend to us?" Rachel questions, her eyes wondering quickly through the heels in my hands and my crumpled clothes from being carried in Alex's arms.
"Oh, sure. Yeah, guys, this is Alex."
Alex waves her big hand at them. They are all very sympathetic, of course. Soon enough, though, everyone is distracted by the karaoke and this couples arrangement.
"Am I really in the top 3?" Alex asks, smiling.
"Yes, yes…" I say, not paying much attention.
My eyes are on Rachel and Georgia as they go on about their next song. I feel like shutting this whole night off before they pick one. I don't wanna listen to them singing together. Sure enough Georgia can't even sing. Rachel's voice will overpower hers, as it does to anyone's voice, and Georgia will just scream around trying to show something. Georgia doesn't know that the trick to duet with Rachel is being face to face with her personality. Making Rachel believe that, if she gives you space, the song will sound better. That you can work with her, you can back up her talent. Georgia doesn't know that because she barely knows Rachel.
I know Rachel. I've learned how to duet with her, in music and in life. We work together. I just know it. We're shippable. We are… We could be… Pezberry.
"Then can I see you again?" Alex's voice wakes me up.
I look at her for a moment. She's nice, not at all ugly. Definitely a sensitive person, and pretty much a walking sexual fantasy. I mean, I really would like to see her in her uniform! But right now all I think about is when I am going to tell Rachel that I don't have my heels on because they were hurting me. And that my hair and my clothes are not messed up for the reasons she might think. Even though Rachel probably doesn't even care. Even though Rachel has a girlfriend and they have just chosen a Fun.'s song – what pisses me off.
"I'm sorry, Alex…"
I say, shaking my head. I don't know what else to say, because my head is full with something more urgent. Full with this thing that just got so clear that's blurring everything else.
I'm in love with Rachel Berry.
