Chapter 9: Television Makes Everything Better
I woke to the sound of babbling.
"It's a new day! And Ashley Teykem of Mattress Town has found out how hard it is to take a middle school test at Kyushu Prep!"
"Ooh!" I heard somebody say.
"Cool!" another cried. The voices sounded annoyingly familiar, but I couldn't for the life of me place them at the moment.
"Thisisthenewseason!" Hmm, somebody new…
There were many things wrong with this picture, as last I remembered I had fainted from being bitten by a snake. But what had happened afterwards? My thoughts were derailed when a deafening headache hit me.
"The fuck?" I groaned.
Immediately there was a great stir around my general area, and I recognized Krick's voice, "Hello, Audino, we weren't sure when you'd wake up."
"Ihelpedout!" an unfamiliar voice giggled.
"Who...is that?" I asked.
"That?"
"I'mMotororsotheycallme! Andyou'reAudino! I'veheardsomuchaboutyou!"
"Ugh, could you slow down a minute?" I asked, lifting myself up.
When I opened my eyes, I saw the exploration group bunched around me, except for Buck and an orange thing- both of them watching the television, which seemed to work for some reason. I realized why when I detected the humming sound from before. It came from that orange thing currently sparking blue electricity while hopping up and down yet floating, which was weird to watch. I hoped I wouldn't get shocked. I couldn't hear a heartbeat either, so maybe it was another ghost. Or a machine. Either one worked.
"You're the one that just talked, right?" I asked, still stupid with fatigue.
"Yep! WannawatchTV? I'vegothenewseasonofNoPoon! It'saboutthis—"
"I know what it's about," I interrupted, holding up a paw. "It's about a girl named Ashley Teykem, who decides to 'take 'em all.'"
"Shegoestodifferentschools. Isn'titexciting?"
"Yeah, exciting," I mumbled. Not really. That anime was one of the stupidest shows I'd watched. At first the novelty of a world without Pokémon had gotten to me, but after a while it seemed kind of...dull. The main character was really stupid, and thought that scantrons were meant to be used with pens instead of pencils. Which of course they weren't.
"How can you understand what it's saying?" Krick asked.
I shook my head, "It's called using your ears, dumbass."
"Shh!" Buck scolded, probably preventing a fight then and there. Or, since Krick was such a weenie, preventing a glare down. "I want to watch this!"
"Ahh, man! That was sooo hard!" the main character, a spiky-haired girl with lightning bolts underneath her cheeks moaned. Her cap was still backwards from taking the test. She always took them wearing it backwards, for some reason.
"Did you take it with a pen again, Ashley?" teased a boy. He had brown hair and blue eyes, and his voice was light and energetic.
"Hey! I'm learning, March!" the girl glared at him.
"Ican'tbelievetheytookoutFoggy!" the orange thing exclaimed. "ButatleasttheyhaveBroxa!"
"But that's how all television shows work," I said, drawn into talking in spite of myself. "Take out the old blood, bring in the new."
"Exactly!" agreed the Pokémon. "ButFoggywasmyfavorite! Hewassototallycool! Hewasaredheadlikeme!"
"Um...you don't exactly have hair..." I deadpanned.
"ButI'mstillred! Don'tyouagree?"
"I guess..."
"Whoa, whoa, bro! You can understand that thing?" Buck asked.
"Why is this such a big deal?" I exclaimed.
"Becausenobodyunderstandsme! Maybeit'sbecauseItalktoofast. Atleastthat'swhatGeng-chansays."
"Geng-chan?" I asked.
"...This is weird, only understanding one side of the conversation..." the Kricketune muttered.
"Yeah," Buck agreed.
"He'stheGengarthatyousaw! Hedoesn'tlikeitwhenIcallhimthat. Healsosaidyouweremean. Butyoudon'tseemsobad! ThenagainhesaysthatI'mtootrusting! Whichistotallywrongright?"
"Um..." that last one got to me. "Too trusting?"
"Yep! AndhenamedmeMotormouth. BecauseItalktoofastaccordingtohim. ButIdon'tthinkso. Youcanunderstandmeright?"
"…Right." Then I remembered what I was going to ask before, "Wait a minute, what happened after...I was knocked out? Did you guys find me?"
"I was wondering when he'd get to that," murmured the Bidoof. I ignored him. Bidoof were annoying anyway.
"We found you passed out, and from the signs, Sabine kidnapped," explained Krick.
I nodded glumly.
"In the end, we had to stay the night here, though I sent out a few troops to follow Caractacus if they could, as I assume that's who took her. And about half an hour ago this...creature came out of that...thing there," he pointed at the television, "and jabbered to no end. We couldn't understand a word it said."
"And then it made something happen with that thing!" Buck cried. "And the thing started making human sounds. Then you woke up."
"Human sounds?" I asked, and then got it. Of course, wild Pokémon that had little to no interaction with humans couldn't understand their language very well. I'd only learned it after being a trained Pokémon for a while. "Wait, then why did you want to watch it?"
The Bidoof blushed, "I liked the pretty pictures..."
I sweatdropped. "Yeah... Wait! We have to get moving! Sabine!"
"You are in no state to move!" scolded the Kricketune. I scowled at his commanding tone. "You stay right here and recover, got it?"
"Pfft, fine..." I replied sullenly. Next opportunity I get, I'm out of here.
"We should wait till dawn anyway, it's too dark to get anywhere," Buck advised.
Yeah right! I could move almost as well in the dark as I could in the day! Not very many Pokémon had better hearing than me, or so I've been told. I could definitely find Caractacus and Sabine!
"No moving!"
But it looked like my guards wouldn't let me. It was just a few scrapes and such! I'd gotten away with worse before.
"Oh, no! I got an F!"
"...What?"
I turned to the television, where it seemed that Ashley had failed the test yet again. Wasn't this the fifth season or something? She had to have been good at taking tests by now. And the fact that she was eternally ten years old was kind of weird.
Something out of the corner of my eye caught my attention, driving all thoughts of weird immortal kids away. An apple. A shiny, juicy, delicious apple of applety goodness...
"Mine..." I drooled, and pounced. Victory!
The others sweatdropped, and pushed a large basket of food my way. I accepted, of course. Even better, the food helped make my headache go away.
"How did you find out so fast?" asked March from the television.
"I asked the teacher, and he told me!" the girl sobbed, "And it was all because I messed up the numbering!"
Sweatdropping, the boy patted her head gently, only to see two wacky people show up.
"Prepare for doom!" a male with extremely long red hair spoke.
"And make it soon!" a female with short blue hair replied.
"To protect the schools from devastation!"
"To unite all students within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of fact and As!"
"To extend our reach past the stars ablaze!"
"Cole!" the redhead exclaimed.
"Younger," the blue-haired lady said, winking at the screen.
"Team Jetpack, take off at the speed of sound!" the male continued.
"Give up now or prepare for a pound!" the female ended.
"Nya, we're renowned!" a random talking cat spoke.
"Team Jetpack!" of course, Ashley had to state the obvious.
"We're here to take your test!" Cole exclaimed.
"But I don't have it!" the spiky-haired protagonist replied.
"But you know your scores!" shouted Younger.
"That's just because I asked the teacher! You should stop this, cheating is wrong!"
"Heh, we're evil villains, and villains always cheat. You should know this, little girl." spoke Younger.
"But she failed," March pointed out. "Why would you want to copy off her anyway?"
"You just don't get it! After she aced that one test..."
"That was a fluke!" Broxa shouted.
"...We realized that this girl is a hidden genius. So we must copy all her tests!"
"You'll never copy off me!" Ashley yelled.
"...Why do they always scream when they talk?" I asked. "And why are we even watching this? It's going to end the same as it always does, with them taking off."
"Shh!"
Sure enough, it did.
"We're taking off again!" both villains cried as they ran away, the cat with them.
"Will Ashley ever get a retake? What happened to Team Jetpack? Well, we'll continue this next time on No Pokémon!" the narrator exclaimed (way too excitedly in my opinion).
"Awwman! Iwanttoseethenextepisodenow!" Motormouth whined.
"Urgh...shut up," I growled, grumpy now that the food basket was empty. Stupid magical basket, playing tricks on me like that...even worse, my headache was back. "Let's switch to a better channel," I clicked a nearby remote a few times, till I hit Vulpix evening. They had good shows sometimes...
"Bliss!"
"Oh no!" I shouted.
"OohIwannnaseethis! RabutaBerryisthebestsingerever!"
"No, she sucks," I replied, switching the channel, "Hmm, what else is on..."
Suddenly, I saw the TV changing channels automatically. "What?"
"I'mswitchingbacktoBliss! Iwannawatchit!"
"No way, twerp!" I retorted, wielding the remote like a sword. "We're definitely not watching that!"
Thus proceeded the Clash of the Couch Potatoes. Eventually Motor won, wresting the remote away from me somehow. Damn. He was even more skilled at couch potatoing than I was.
"Urgh, fine, watch your stupid Bliss," I grumbled.
I settled down for twenty minutes of torture, only to celebrate when the credits came up.
"Nooo!" the Pokémon whined. That reminded me, I still didn't know what he or she was.
So I asked in my usual tactful way. "What the hell are you?"
"Me?" it didn't seem too offended. "ImmaRotom!"
"...A modem?" I asked.
"Nooo! ARotom!"
"Okay, a Rotom." I nodded, and then turned to the others. "What the hell is that?" They shrugged, shaking their heads.
"So your name is Motormouth," I sighed. "But they call you...Motor?" Good, because I'm not calling him or her Motormouth. It's too long to say. Speaking of, I still don't know what gender he or she is. "...What's your gender?"
"Um...genderiswhetheryou'reashouteroracrierright?"
"...What?"
"Yeah! Peoplewithlonghairshout! Andpeoplewithshorthaircry! Thentheyconnecttheirfaces! Andthoseinbackthrowstuff! Ilovewatchingpeopledothat!"
"...Do you watch soap operas?"
"Yep!" it seemed proud of that fact, while I just shook my head. It was hopeless. This Pokémon had no taste in television shows.
"ButIdon'thaveagender! Immame! Butshoutersareloud! I'dratherbeacrier! Ithinktheycalledthemmen. Orsomethinglikethat!"
I said nothing. By now I'd already given up hope on this doomed sap. Then I realized something that had been missing this whole time.
"Did you guys happen to see a Seviper here?" I questioned.
"Nope, there was nothing here," they shook their heads.
Strange...Then again, he probably slithered off…or Caractacus returned here to get him. Damn! I punched the wall, not caring if it hurt. I missed him! Just because I was knocked out... But why didn't they finish me off...?
"...Earth to Audino!" Buck shouted. I looked from beneath my outstretched fist to see the goofy face of a Bidoof. Those stupid territory-stealing Pokémon! I bet they'd already started in on my place!
I growled, prompting the plump mouse's eyes to widen and for him to then cower behind Krick, who sighed.
"What's wrong now?" the prick asked.
"Damn you. I wasn't...strong enough. Maybe I'll never get my territory back either..." I muttered.
"Eh?" Buck asked.
"I wasn't strong enough, okay!" I shouted. "If I'd only been faster, better..."
Suddenly a chill passed through me, and an annoying ghost stood in front of me, frowning. "I knew somebody was making a ruckus up here," he said.
"What do you want?" I grumbled.
The Gengar narrowed its eyes, "Now look here, buddy, stop being so grumpy! You can't help it if you needed rest!"
"Maybe..." I muttered half-heartedly.
"Sure you didn't save the girl in the end, but you still have time. And you have friends to help you out, friends who'll be by your side, right?"
"True..." I murmured.
"Exactly! So chin up, buck up, and straighten out! This is no way to be acting when you have a girl to rescue!"
"...Is this one of those inspirational speeches from television?"
"You caught me?" the ghost grinned, rubbing its head, "Yeah, Motor finally convinced me to watch that thing. It's pretty good."
"Pfft," I chuckled, "So you were drawn in as well?" For me it was my trainer that did it. He was really into shonen anime...
"Whyareyoustaringatthefloor? Isitinteresting?"
Stupid annoying Pokémon. "I'm thinking, leave me be."
Dejected, the Rotom floated away. I ignored it.
Gengar was right. Enough drama, it was time for action.
ooo
The next morning, healthy and refreshed, I got up and ate an applelicious breakfast. Unfortunately, everybody else seemed to prefer leaving to eating, and they finally dragged me away from the dining room table.
"Come back again!" Gengar waved us off. "Oh, and I'm leaving Motor with you."
"What?"
"I'mgoingtojoinyou! Geng-changavemepermission. Anditsoundslikefunfunfun!"
"Oh no…I already feel another headache coming on." I glanced back, seeing the laughing form of our generous donor, and shouted, "You'll get what's coming to you soon, Geng-chan!"
"My name is not Geng-chan! By the legends, I'm getting you for this Motor!" he shouted back. Chuckling, I left the chateau.
Strange, I felt better already.
Thanks to Arceus Arcanus for having the conversation (and suggesting the No Pokémon idea) that inspired me to do this. :)
And a shoutout to Phoenix Vanguard, RuningWitSizorz, and Arceus Arcanus for reviewing! :D
