Friday 5th October 2007
I haven't updated all week cause there really hasn't been much to say. Things are the same here, just getting to know my new surroundings and the new people in my life.
Stuart hasn't been around much, he's been spending time with the people on his course, his friends from last year. Lexie has been spending a lot of time in her room on her PC, which I guess isn't that surprising since she's studying computing. She does seem to be pretty moody, one minute she's happy as Larry, talking away no problem, and then I see her ten minutes later and she practically bites my head off. If she hadn't been such a great friend to me in my first few days here I'd be tempted to just ignore her and forget about it but I guess I see a bit of myself in her, she seems really confident on the outside, like she doesn't care what anyone thinks about her, but I have a feeling that deep down she just wants to be liked and she's unsure of exactly how to achieve that goal. Stacey has been flouncing around, she doesn't really have much work to do, seems to be a lot more practical in class than theory, either that or she's not doing what she's meant to be doing. She's been out every night, almost all night!
My hope of getting John Paul outta my mind when I started classes didn't work. He's on my mind every day. I dream about him every night, I wake up thinking about him, I wander through the halls thinking about him and I go to bed thinking about him. I manage to get distracted for a little while when I'm in classes but so far that's it. I've spoken to a few people, meeting some tomorrow for a drink but I still just feel really lonely without him here.
I called him today; from a payphone. I just wanted to hear his voice. I hung up almost as soon as he answered but god he sounded good. Lexie said I should speak to him, tell him I'm thinking about him, that I miss him, but I just keep thinking that he walked away from me, why should I be the first to reach out?
Sunday 7th October 2007
Have I mentioned before I hate hangovers?
I had a decent time last night with the guys from my course. No-one there who is going to be a best friend but still, I'm sure we'll be friendly. I did it again though; I was in this club and kept imagining he was the DJ. Then this guy started chatting to me, blond hair, blue eyes, if only he'd been taller I think I might have jumped him. I ended up hooking up with some girl! I was drunk and lonely and she was there. I don't actually remember leaving the club and coming back here, I don't remember sleeping with her but she was here when I woke up. She gave me her number and left about ten minutes ago.
We ran into Lexie as she was leaving. I was kinda surprised to see her up; it's like six in the morning! She apologised if she'd woken us, said she doesn't sleep much and retreated to her room pretty quickly. She was wearing the same clothes I'd seen her in last week when she dropped the hot chocolate, a pair of guy's black boxers and a purple tank top. She hid her arms again as soon as we came out, which made me think she's got scars or something she's trying to hide. I wish I could tell her that I don't care
what happened to her, if she did it herself or not, I just wanna be her friend, but how do I tell her that without making her feel uncomfortable, or making her shut down.
